The Forgotten One
by izzy288
Summary: Kate is looking for a second chance when she moves in down the street from Sidney Crosby.
1. Chapter 1

The movers not-so-carefully put down the last load of boxes and handed me the clipboard. "Sign here, here, and there." He half-points to the small boxes that cleared them of any liability for missing or broken items. Usually you unpack and then sign these things, or at least take a quick inventory. I guess he can tell I just want them out of my hair.

"Thanks." I hand over the paperwork and watch the crew make their way out of my house. _My house_. That sounds weird. I thought it was going to be _our_ house, but here I am. Alone.

This house definitely is not a home, not yet anyway. Every room is cluttered with impersonal brown boxes containing God only knows what. Immediately I regret the rushed pack job. I don't even have a box-cutter or scissors, looks like my keys will have to do until I find something more appropriate.

Priorities. The kitchen is the most logical place to start. The clock on the oven flashes 12:00 over and over again. My cell phone tells me that it is actually 3:57 pm. I fiddle with a few buttons and soon the time is set. First task complete! Not exactly a pressing need, but still, it would have to be done eventually, right? I think that deserves a reward of some kind.

The fridge is empty, I don't have to open it to know that much. Okay, I have a house full of boxes, zero food, and most importantly absolutely nothing to drink. I grab my purse, toss my cell phone and keys inside, and make my way out the door. It's a short walk to the main street, and lucky for me there's a little deli within a block of the wine and beer store.

The streets aren't exactly crowded, but there's a few people milling about. It's a cute little town. More than cute, it's picturesque. That's what the realtor said anyway, and that's what sold us on the area. A nice place to raise a family. My heart could burst just thinking about it.

The two bottles of white chime against each other as I cross the street. I pull my scarf from my neck and wrap it around one bottle to silence the evidence of what the evening holds for me. In my state of distraction I fail to notice that I'm walking straight into someone. _Great_. I look up and put on my best _sorry-I'm-new-here_ smile.

"Sorry," he beats me to the apology, "I wasn't watching where I was going."

"I was going to say the exact same thing." We both give a polite laugh and he turns to let me pass. Wow, he's gorgeous. I feel my cheeks redden and quickly move past him muttering a quiet, "Thank you."

Once I'm inside the safety of the quaint little deli I realize I've been holding my breath. Why am I so flustered? It's not like I haven't noticed attractive men before. I close my eyes for a second and collect myself. It's been a long day, and a longer few weeks. I look around the shop and pick out some snacks to tide me over until I can visit a proper grocery, mentally promising to go shopping tomorrow.

Sandwiches, snack food, and wine. Pretty successful for my first trip into town. It's a quick walk, but it feels good to be out, to be moving. It's a bright afternoon, a little chilly for spring, but nothing I can't handle. I consider un-scarfing my wine bottle, but I'm almost home.

As I make my way down my new street I get the feeling that I'm being followed. I quickly glance behind me, and there is someone behind me, but I can't really tell how sinister they are without making it _really_ obvious that I'm looking. Is this one of those times where politeness can get me in trouble? I start by looking across the street casually and then take a quick glance over my shoulder. It's a man, definitely, and he's closer now.

"I'm not following you, I promise." I nearly jump out of my skin.

I stop and slowly turn around. _FML_. "Oh, I didn't think you were." I try to sound casual, failing miserably. "Just taking it all in." I look around and wish the ground would swallow me whole.

He glances around and furrows his brow. "Uh, yeah." A grin slowly spreads over his mouth and I know I'm busted.

"It's just that I'm new to the area and well, you know, maybe I'm a little paranoid, but a woman can never be too careful." _Stop_ _talking_, I plead with myself.

"I agree." He's shy. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and looks past me. Okay, I get it. We're done here. I turn and keep walking, very aware that he is only a few feet behind me. Our footsteps fall into synch and I am feeling very self-conscious. _Oh just go for it!_

"Now this is just weird," I say with a smile. He blushes slightly and lets out a timid giggle.

"Yeah it kind of is." He smiles back at me. "I live nearby, I'm really not following you."

"Well then we're practically neighbors."

"Are you in the blue house on Pine?" His question takes me aback. His expression changes and I feel my heart start to race. _How does he know where I live?_ "I noticed the SOLD sign a few days ago," he explains. I feel myself relax slightly and I'm sure my cheeks give away my embarrassment.

"That's me."

"I'm just around the corner from you then. I'm Sid." He offers his hand.

"Kate." His hand warms mine as we shake briefly.

"Nice to meet you," he quickly stuffs his hands back into his pockets.

We start walking down the street, side by side this time. I'm suddenly very relieved that I've silenced the wine bottles in my tote bag. _Why do I care what he thinks?_ I'm not sure.

"Are you from around here?" Neither of us are great at small talk.

"No, I moved here for work. I'm from a small city in Canada that no one has ever heard of."

He laughs. I'm not sure why, I wasn't making a joke. "Try me, " he challenges.

"Saskatoon."

"Oh you're from Saskatchewan," he beams.

"You know it?" This is unexpected.

"I haven't been, but I've heard of it, yes."

"Well, color me impressed."

I stand in front of my house, unsure of what to say. Do I invite him for a drink? The house is a disaster, but somehow I don't think he would mind. He speaks first. "Well, welcome to the neighborhood." He smiles shyly.

"Maybe when I'm a little more settled you can stop in for a drink?" The invitation is out of my mouth before I can even consider my options.

"I'd love to."

He turns and walks away. I start toward the front door and steal a quick glance back in his direction. He's looking back at me and gives me a quick wave.

For the first time in almost a year, my heart flutters.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun is setting, I'm exhausted and looking around, it appears I've accomplished very little. Piles of crumpled newspaper clutters the kitchen floor, and the faint sound of the dishwasher is somehow comforting. I walk into the mudroom and pull the freshly laundered towels from the dryer. Does anything feel better than warm towels? I push the damp sheets and pillowcases into the dryer and press start. The house feels like it's humming with activity now, and I don't feel quite so alone.

Cable and internet will be installed tomorrow so it looks like it's just music for me tonight. I dig through a few boxes to find my iPod cradle, and soon the empty living room fills with familiar songs. I slump into the over-sized armchair and make quick work of folding the clean laundry.

_Unpack and then you can invite him over. _Where did that come from? Maybe I am a little short on motivation right now, but it's not like he was seriously going to come for drinks. _Was he?_ He did say he would love to. _Didn't he?_ Yeah, he actually used the word love. That's a commitment. He is going to come for drinks.

Suddenly, an energy courses through my veins, and I am a woman obsessed. I grab my keys and start breaking down all the empty boxes. That alone makes a huge difference. I unload the dishwasher and load it up again with more newspaper stained plates and glasses. This is good. Moving in is good. I might have a new friend, and work starts next week and then I'll be so busy I won't notice how lonely I am. _Keep moving._

Sam Cooke starts crooning about spending all of his life waiting for..._ not this song_. My heart tightens and tears threaten to spill over. I escape to the front porch and start moving the wicker furniture into a comfortable seating arrangement. The final cushion fluffed and in place, it looks nice. Warm and inviting. I curl up on the loveseat and look out at my new street. It's bathed in the deep blues and purples of evening. I close my eyes and breathe, deep calming breaths. The buzzer from the dryer startles me and I remember the task at hand.

Fresh sheets stretched over the king sized mattress is so inviting. I check my phone and it's already 11:14pm. It's been a long day. I have another long day in front of me tomorrow. _Give into it_. And with that blessing, I fall swiftly into a dreamless sleep.

Waking up in a new place for the first time is disorienting. I look around the master bedroom and it's a sea of brown cardboard. Ugh. Well, no time like the present. I tug open the nearest box. Office supplies. Great. I push the box into the hall into the empty room that will hopefully become my workspace. I haven't quite decided on what to do with all the rooms. I open a second box. Bingo! Hairdryer, hair straightener, and dozens of bottles of product. I start unpacking these precious items into the master en suite. Habit has me reserving half the space for _him_. _He doesn't live here_, I remind myself. I read somewhere that you can trick yourself into being happy by smiling. Smile through the suffering. With a phony grin plastered to my face I keep unpacking, filling the space with my things. _This is my space now._

An indulgently long shower is exactly what I needed. I pull some jeans from my suitcase and grab a black button down, rolling up the sleeves as I give myself a once-over in the closet mirror. I've looked worse. Okay, priorities! The cable guy is coming around 1, that give me four hours.

I grab my purse and keys and head out to the market. Starbucks catches my eye first and I quickly find an open spot out front. _Do not hit the Range Rover_. I'm not the best at parking...or driving for that matter. Success!

Wow, it's busy for a Wednesday morning. Shouldn't people be at work? _You're not at work_. Well, that's different. My job is more flexible. I look around and it's mostly women. _Stay at home moms and housewives_. I don't know why, but I feel guilty for thinking that. Nearly everyone is clustered around a table in the back, leaving the counter empty. I give the menu board a quick glance, I'm not sure why, I get the same thing every time.

The two baristas are distracted, busy watching the excitement at the back of the coffee shop. I clear my throat and smile. The male employee notices me first. "Sorry about that, celebrity encounter." He points the small cluster of customers. "What can I get you?"

Celebrity? We don't start filming for weeks, but it's possible...

"Can I get a tall soy mocha, no whip?" I keep myself firmly turned from all the commotion. I really don't feel like playing friendly with anyone from work today. I hand over a few bills and toss the change I've given into the tip jar. It's tempting, but I manage not to look behind me.

A trio of women walk past me, their enthusiasm practically radiates off their skin. "I can't believe how handsome he is!" They all swoon and giggle as they leave the shop. _Under no circumstances are you to turn around_. I need to get out of here. For some reason I thought the actors would be staying at apartments in the city. Isn't that what we discussed? Either way, I don't technically start working until next week and I need every second of that time to get my life straightened out. _My new life_, I remind myself.

Coffee in hand, I'm out the door and jump into my car. _Do not hit the Range Rover. _A few tense parking maneuvers later and I'm back on the road. Not even a scratch!


	3. Chapter 3

Things are definitely starting to come together. The kitchen is unpacked, stocked and actually looks kind of cute. I've never been big on nicknacks, but I did manage to find a few special pieces that add a personal touch. My grandmother's teapot now holds fresh flowers, and it's quite charming if I do say so myself. My modest collection of cookbooks still needs to be put away, but other than that, I'm quite happy.

Slicing tomato, cucumber and avocado, I make myself a sandwich. I consider eating at the breakfast bar, but the sun streaming through the windows is just too tempting so I settle into the loveseat on the front porch instead. There's not much traffic, the occasional car passes by, but for the first time in a long time, I don't mind the quiet. The sunshine warms my face and the singing birds keep me company. Only one thing can make this better - pretzels.

I set my plate on the glass-top wicker table and walk barefoot through my house. _My house_. Starting to feel a little more normal. The sunlight has warmed the hardwood and it feels good under my feet. I rummage through the cupboard until I find the bag of gourmet pretzels I bought last night at the deli. Maybe I've gone a bit overboard with my grocery shopping, but if I'm honest with myself, I know that in a few weeks I'll be glad I did the shopping when I had the time.

I pour myself a glass of iced tea, grab the paper bag and make my way back to the sandwich waiting for me. I push the screen door open with my foot and delicately turn to close it without spilling my drink or letting the door slam.

I shriek and drop everything I'm holding. Glass shatters and he is on his feet in an instant.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you." He quickly picks up the bag of pretzels before my drink can soak into the paper bag._ This is so humiliating_.

"Sorry, you just caught me by surprise." My cheeks are burning and I'm sure the deer-in-headlights look hasn't quite left my face. I drop to pick up the broken glass and feel his hand on my wrist.

"Let me get that," he starts gathering the larger pieces, "it was my fault."

"Oh I don't know about that. I'm pretty clumsy."

"Really?" He looks up briefly.

"Well, no. Not really." I wink at him. _Why are you winking?_

He laughs, a big throaty laugh. This time I've caught him off guard. "Yeah, you don't strike me as a klutz." I make a move to stand up and he puts his hand on my knee. "Just wait, you're not wearing shoes and there's glass everywhere. Do you have a broom?" In a second he's standing and is heading into the house.

"Uh, yeah. There's a broom in the mudroom off the back of the kitchen." I suddenly feel very self-conscious.

"Paper towels?" He calls from inside.

"Under the kitchen sink."

He's back in an instant. He hands me the roll of paper towels and I start sopping up the spilled drink while he begins sweeping up the fine shards of glass. _Not exactly the most conventional start to a friendship, but a start is a start!_ I smile to myself. We make short work of cleaning the mess and he offers his hand, pulling me to my feet.

"There, you're safe now." His words send my heart sinking for a moment. _Smile through the suffering_.

"Would you like to join me for lunch? Nothing fancy."

"I don't want to put you out, I just saw you in passing and thought I'd see how you were settling in." The tips of his ears redden slightly. _Oh, he's a little embarrassed_!

"You're not putting me out. Come on, I'll make you a sandwich." I don't wait for him to answer. Instead I lead him into the kitchen and start pulling food out of the fridge. "What will you have?"

"Whatever you're making."

"Do you like hummus?" I'm skeptical, but you never know.

His nose crinkles and he mouth twists. _Okay, not a hummus fan_. "Honestly? I don't know that I've tried it." _Not a hummus fan...yet!_

"Well then you haven't really lived."

He laughs, spontaneously and loudly. _He's laughing at me_! I join him, but am a little more reserved.

"Bungee jumping, swimming with sharks and hummus, eh?" _He's teasing me now_.

"Hey!" I mock threaten him with a butter knife. "Reserve judgment for when you've actually tried it."

I load his sandwich with a generous amount of veggies and cut it diagonally. "Iced tea suit you, Sid?" He nods and I pour us each a glass. He quickly picks up both and starts walking toward the porch.

"I'd better take these for you," he calls back in jest.

He takes a seat across from mine and I place his lunch in front of him and hand him a napkin. He eyes the sandwich cautiously. "Not a big meat eater?"

"Nope."

"You don't like cheese either?" He's smiling now, and I get a little burst of butterflies. _I remember this feeling_.

"Uh uh."

"So what do you eat?" He pulls the top piece of bread from the sandwich and examines the contents.

"Just try it," I coax him. "If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."

He eyes me nervously and then takes a bite. No reaction. Maybe that's a good thing. My eyes are glued to his, and he's giving nothing away. After what seems like hours, he swallows and then flashes me a grin.

"Not bad."

"You're welcome," I tease. He giggles and keeps eating.

"So Kate, you're here for work?" I nod. "What do you do?"

"I work in film and television." This is my stock answer when anyone asks what I do. It's interesting without being pretentious and they usually dive into telling me about an idea they have for a movie. It's usually a successful diversion tactic. _Usually_.

"Doing what exactly? Are you an actress?" _Is he serious? _He's not laughing, so I have to assume he is.

"No, I'm not an actress."

"You could be, you're pretty enough." I blush furiously at his comment and he is clearly embarrassed by it too.

"I'm a writer." _Topic change! Topic change! _"What about you?"

"I'm not a writer or an actress." I laugh at his joke. Seems like I'm not the only one trying diversions.

"You could be, you're pretty enough." I fire his words back at him. We both laugh, and any tension dissolves immediately.

Just as I'm about to press him for more information, a white van pulls into the driveway interrupting my train of thought. _Cable guy_. Ever since seeing a Lifetime movie about the television repairman kidnapping a college co-ed, I've been uncomfortable being alone with service people in my house. _You're being silly_. I know I'm paranoid, but this isn't Saskatchewan anymore.

"Hey, I don't know what your afternoon looks like, but if you're not busy at the moment do you mind hanging around while the Comcast guy does his thing?" I ask innocently, or try to anyway.

"Sure, you can give me a tour of your place." He grins and tears into the bag of pretzels.

I walk to the edge of the porch to greet the cable guy. He's a short, stocky man wearing a tight khaki pants that are about an inch too short and a red jacked embroidered with the company logo. He closes the van door and reaches into the window to swap his Pirates baseball cap with the Comcast uniform issue hat. That one motion tells me he is harmless.

"Kate Davidson?" he grins as he makes his way toward me.

"That's me."

"Hi, I'm Ernie. I'll be your installer today."

"Great." Wedding band on his left hand and buttons of young boys in baseball uniforms on his chest. _He's a grandpa_. I smile and feel much more at ease. Looks like I didn't need to rope Sid into staying with me after all. "What do you need from me?"

"Not a thing. This house is wired for both cable and television, so it won't take me long." I lead him into the house and he glances toward Sid. Sid drops his head and suddenly becomes really interested in a thread on the cuff of his jeans. _Weird_.

"Is that...?" Ernie questions excitedly. I have no idea what he means and he reads the confusion on my face. "Never mind."

When I walk back onto the front porch I see that Sid has finished his lunch. "So, how was it?" I ask hopefully.

"Actually, I liked it." I'm rewarded with a warm smile that I return. "So let's see this place!"

"Shouldn't you be at work?" I question playfully. "It's the middle of the day."

"My job is flexible." He's not going to bite.

"Okay, you're playing coy. I get it. Can I ask you something personal?"

He blanches and I worry I might have overstepped. "Maybe, depends what you want to know." His mouth twists like he's uncomfortable.

"What kind of name is Sid? I thought only Italian mob bosses and auto mechanics were named Sid."

He pauses and then bursts out laughing. He puts his hand to his stomach, like it's actually hurting him to laugh this hard, but can't seem to compose himself. _I am so embarrassing_. He takes a deep breath and the hysterical laughter is now just an ear-to-ear grin.

"It's short for Sidney."

"I didn't mean to offend..." I play with my hands nervously.

"You didn't." He stands and rubs his hand on my shoulder. "Come on, I want the tour!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Things are still kind of a mess," I warn him. "I'm still trying to figure out what to do with all this space." We walk up the stairs to the second level.

"It's a big house for one person."

"Well originally I was going to be living here with..." _Why did I go there?_ "someone." I turn to see his reaction, but his face is neutral. "Plans changed."

"But you're going to stay?" Is it my imagination or does he sound hopeful?

"I think so. I mean, it's big, but I like it." I flash him a bright smile, and he grins back at me.

I guide him toward the two empty guest rooms, and he just nods his approval. There's really not much to show yet. "I was thinking about using this room as my office. I like that the windows face the street. The office downstairs is too dark and drab, I wouldn't get anything done." He's quiet, and it's making me nervous. "This is my room." I point to the master, but don't take him inside.

"I don't get to see it?"

"It's not ready for guests." _Wow, that came out wrong_. "I mean, I haven't unpacked and it's full of boxes and..."

"It's okay, I was just giving you a hard time." I blush, he smiles, it's becoming a familiar pattern.

"All done down here!" Ernie's voice rings out bringing an end to the most awkward house tour I've ever given.

Downstairs Ernie gives me a few details and I thank him for getting me all set up. Ernie is paying the minimum amount of attention to me, but seems very focused on Sid. _Sidney?_ I wonder which he prefers.

"I'd never forgive myself if I didn't ask for an autograph." Ernie stammers sheepishly. Wow, this hardly ever happens. I mean, sometimes at a conference or lecture, but for the most part people don't really recognize me. I run through a mental checklist of any swag or promotional material I might have upstairs that I can sign for him. There's a few posters somewhere, but Lord only knows what condition they're in. Maybe some handbills?

"No problem," Sid smiles and looks around for something to sign. Okay, this is confusing. He tears a corner off a cardboard box and takes Ernie's pen from his hand. "Anyone in particular?"

"My grandson's name is Tim. He's a huge fan."

"I hope this will do." Sid hands Ernie the autograph with a smile.

"Wow. Thanks Sid. I'm going to get Grandpa-of-the-Year for this one!" And with that Ernie shakes Sid's hand and walks out the front door.

Sid turns to me, his face shy and nervous. "So, are you going to fill me in?" I ask.

"I, erm, play for the local hockey team." _Local hockey team! Downplay of the century._ I might be new to the area, but I know the local hockey team is the Pittsburgh Penguins.

"Impressive. Are you any good?" I start racking my brain for anything I know about hockey. It's limited.

"Yeah, I'm not bad." He's uncomfortable. I really hope we can be friends so I'm not sure pressing the issue is the best approach.

_Throw the poor guy a bone_. "Do you want to see the rest of the house?"

"Yes." His relief is palpable.

Outside we walk side by side through the sprawling backyard. "You could do a lot back here," he suggests. I laugh immediately. "No?"

"I'm sure someone could do a lot back here, but that person is not me." I look around and the sheer amount of work is overwhelming. "Unfortunately I don't have a green thumb." He continues to look around, considering the possibilities of the space. My cell phone rings, startling us both. I glance at the caller ID. "Sorry, I have to take this." He nods in understanding and steps away to examine the fence. _So polite_.

"Hey Carter." I watch Sidney move through the neglected yard, and I feel slightly embarrassed. "Yeah, I still have some unpacking, but it's getting there. When do you get in?" I can tell he's paying attention to my conversation. _Butterflies_. "You can absolutely stay here." Sid freezes. "I need to buy some furniture, but you can help me with that." His hand slowly moves across the top of the gate. "Okay, I'll see you in a few days."

I turn my ringer off and look up to Sidney, who is doing a terrible job pretending he's distracted. "Sorry about that. My assistant gets into town this week and he's a little bit neurotic."

"I get that." He giggles.

"You have a neurotic assistant too?"

He shakes his head and smiles, "No. I'm a bit neurotic." He gives me a sideways glance and adds, "Just a bit."

We walk around to the front of the house and Sid tells me about the various improvements I could make to the exterior of the property, "You know, to make it really special," he says. I frown when I consider how little I know about maintaining a house. _You're in over your head_. "Hey, I know a guy. He's really good and he owes me a favor. Let me give you his number." Sid holds out his hand and it takes me a second to clue in that he wants me to hand over my cell phone.

"Here, I'll just unlock it first." I press in the four-digit code and pass the little gadget to him. He opens my contact page and whistles.

"You've got some big names in here Kate." _I hope he doesn't think I'm a fame-seeker_. "I'm going to put him under Johnny Landscape."

"I can remember that." He taps away at my phone and I can't help but feel self-conscious. Yeah, I might have a phone full of big names, but right now my life feels very empty. The thing about most of those _big names_ is that they're colleagues, not friends, and even the ones I do consider friends aren't great in a crisis.

"So listen, I've got to run, but we should do this again sometime." He hands me back my phone. _GUSH!_

"I'd like that."

"I mean, if you're not too busy with the Hollywood heavyweights," he laughs and nods toward my phone.

"I'll make time for you," I play along. He doesn't need to know that I know absolutely no one here.

"I'm headed out of town for a few days, but I have Sunday and Monday off. If you want to hang out, give me a call."

"Cool." _Cool? Come on Kate!_ "I don't have your number though."

"It's in there." He smiles and turns to leave. "And Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"Call me."

I smile and nod, holding my phone like it's more precious than the Ark of the Covenant.

Once he's safely down the block I furiously scroll through my contacts and come across three simple letters that hold so much promise. _Sid_.


	5. Chapter 5

The drive to the airport is...confusing. This is why I have an assistant. I'm terrible with directions and somehow even worse with GPS. _He loved to tease you about that_. I smile remembering happier days. Sometimes when I'm super focused on something, like when I'm going for a run or driving more than a few minutes, my mind slips and I let myself wander back there. Even though it hurts worse in the long run, I let myself pretend nothing has changed, just for a moment everything is right with the world.

I take a deep breath and plaster on a fake ear-splitting grin. _Smile through the suffering_. Is it working? It's hard to tell. I stop at a red light and glance down at my phone. _Don't do it Kate. _It only makes it harder to stop. I scroll through my recent outgoing calls and do it anyway. I can hear the faint sound of the phone ringing and hit the speaker button. The ringing fills the car and I wait.

_Ring...that's one...ring...two...ring...three...ring...and..._

"Hi, you've reached Benny, sorry I missed your call. Leave your name, number and a quick message and I'll get back to you. Bye!" Tears stream down my cheeks, but I can't wipe the smile his voice brings from my face. I hurriedly turn off my phone before the beep. There's a difference between wanting to hear his voice and leaving a message. It would be crazy to start leaving Benny messages, and I'm not crazy. _I don't think_.

I follow the sign for passenger pickups. This is a little weird. Usually Carter is the one collecting me, and here I am, practically giving myself an ulcer trying to navigate this parking lot. _Don't hit anything_. I slam on the brakes when I notice I'm about to cruise through a pedestrian crossing. _Don't hit anything or anyone_. I can't find Carter fast enough.

Moments later I spot him. Carter is usually quite the fashion-plate, but something about travel really brings it out of him. He's young, only turning 20 a few weeks ago, with beautiful caramel skin and rich black hair that he has styled in a perfect pompadour. His navy gingham shirt and tailored red shorts make him look every bit the GQ model. I have never been happier to see him in my life!

I pull over into the first available spot and practically dive out of the car. Carter walks toward me with open arms. "Awe, look at you! Driving!" I collapse into him and feel my shoulders slowly release the tension I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"Carter, it's official, I can barely function without you."

"I'll make a note for you in my employee file. My quarterly review is coming up in two weeks." I laugh. The quarterly reviews were Carter's idea, not mine, and he is absolutely committed to them. Personally, I think he just likes the commendation, although he does encourage me to be brutally honest. During the last review he wouldn't let me leave until I gave him some constructive criticism.

I climb into the passenger seat and Carter takes over the driving duties. "So boss, where would you like to go?"

"Are you hungry? I was reading about this Indian restaurant that is supposed to be fantastic."

"I'm not terribly hungry, and you I don't care for Indian food," he replies quickly. "However, if you would like to try it I will happily join you."

"But your family is Indian, how can you not like Indian food?" _Am I being offensive? _

"Kate, come for a feast at my parent's house and then tell me if you can go back to cheap imitations."

We drive through the city, Carter confidently behind the wheel, and me, enjoying the scenery. I have a few errands to run, and am so grateful Carter is here to help me make decisions. I have almost no furniture, and frankly I'm getting tired of treating my bedroom like my media room/home office/sleeping quarters.

"So, meet anyone interesting yet?" _How does he know? _I decide to play dumb.

"Not really, I haven't been out much."

"Yeah? No one stands out? Someone with an unusual name perhaps?" He's enjoying this slow torture a little too much.

"Okay, out with it."

"Who is Johnny Landscape?"

I burst out laughing. "How do you know about that?" He is creepily good at his job sometimes.

"I synched our phones, so when you add a new contact it's added in my phone too," he replied matter of factly.

"Is that why my iTunes library is full of music I don't remember buying?" _OMG, does he read my texts too?_

"It is, and you're welcome." He turns into the parking lot of a large furniture warehouse. "Don't worry, I can't see your texts, photos, emails or fitness apps." _Mortifying_. "Oh yes, I know all about your weight loss apps, and it's ridiculous because you don't need to lose an ounce." He puts the car in park and collects his messenger bag from the back seat. "Now, I've made a list of the furniture I think can be statement pieces and items that are simply functional."

"I trust you completely."

"So back to Johnny Landscape, please tell me he's not your personal waxer." Oh Carter, you never fail to make me giggle.

"No, he's not that type of landscaper. My yard needs a lot of work and I'm not really handy..."

"At all," he cuts in.

"At all," I agree, the next part I have to craft more carefully, "so a neighbor recommended calling Johnny." _My completely crush-worthy neighbor_.

"I'll add it to my list of to dos." We enter the enormous store and I'm surprised there's no showroom, just thousands of pieces of furniture cluttering the space. I'm gobsmacked and can't hide my reaction. I look at Carter, expecting to find him completely overwhelmed, but instead he looks delighted. _Go figure_.

"Where do we start?"

"Why don't you take a seat over there?" Carter points to a horribly out-of-date sofa in front of the window. "You can read my airport magazines and enjoy a little snack while I work. Okay?" He hands me a stack of tabloids, a bottle of water and a package of almonds. I can't believe he's sidelining me! Looking up at him, I see how excited he is and I don't have the heart to hold him back.

"Sounds good. You have fun." I take my little care package and settle into the sofa. I'm a few minutes into an article about celebrity beach bodies when my phone buzzes. It's Carter texting me pictures of bedframes. I text back my opinion and he fires back a thumbs up. Maybe this is the best way to shop.

A few minutes later my phone buzzes again, and I'm surprised when it's not more options from Carter.

"_NYC soft-pretzel. Jealous?_" and attached is a photo of Sid holding up his half-eaten snack.

I'm smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. I quickly type back a response.

"_No, because I have tabloids and almonds! :) "_ I send a snap of my stack of celebrity magazines and unopened nuts.

"_New couch?_"

I laugh aloud, how could anyone think of this sofa as new?

_"You like it?"_ He'll be too polite to admit he doesn't.

"_It's looks well-loved_."

_"Well, it's not been well-loved by me. I'm furniture shopping with Carter."_

_"You know some places sell NEW furniture, right?"_

_"Rumor has it, but Carter has brought me here and promptly shoved me in the corner with snacks and magazines."_

_"Lucky girl. Send me one of you._" My heart skips a beat. He wants me to send him my photo. I slap on some lip gloss, pinch my cheeks and hope for the best. It's not exactly the cover of Vogue, but it's kind of cute, and if I don't think I look like hell then I probably look half-way decent.

I hit send and hold my breath. Watching the little send-bar is torture. It moves fairly quickly, then stalls. Ugh! Now he's going to think I'm obsessing about what pic to...oh there it goes. Sent.

No response. What does that mean? _Maybe he didn't mean send him your picture you self-obsessed psycho!_ What else could he have meant? No, he definitely wanted me to send him a pic. Maybe it wasn't sexy enough. Seriously though, I barely know the guy, he can't expect me to send him naughty pictures after spending exactly one awkward walk home and a forty-minute lunch together, can he? He is a professional athlete. They move pretty fast. Right? I mean, actors move really fast, well most anyway.

My phone buzzes and my heart soars.

"_Gorgeous_."

What do you say to something like that? Before I can consider it too much, my phone buzzes again.

"_Don't forget to call me_."

"_I won't."_ How could I forget after he practically makes my heart leap out of my chest?

Then it hits me, I'm flirting. One minute I'm in tears over Benny and the next I'm sending flirty texts back and forth with a stranger. _What is wrong with me?_ I briefly consider deleting our conversation, but a pang of guilt hits me when I know it's something I'll only regret. _I like him_. Is that so wrong? I mean, it's not like Benny is coming for me anytime soon. It's been a year.

_You're allowed to be happy. _Those are my former therapists words and they've become a sort of mantra. Wherever he is, Benny is happy, I know it. He always found a way to be happy. Maybe I can find a way too?


	6. Chapter 6

Shopping with Carter is exhausting and I didn't even do anything. How he has this much energy, I'll never know. That said, I'm grateful for it. We've bought a gorgeous desk and set of book shelves for my office. There's that word again. _Gorgeous_. Focus, focus. Now I just need to get busy setting up my space so I can dive into my work. I busy myself unpacking books while Carter works to meticulously hang the series of black and white photos I love so much. The first photo is one of me on set with the director of the first script I ever sold. The film is terrible, but the moment was so important for me. The second photo is a candid shot of me writing at my desk. It's a stolen moment that reminds me hard work does pay off. The third photo is one of me with my parents at a proper Hollywood premiere. I don't know if they've ever been prouder. The fourth photo...

"Don't hang the last one, okay Carter?" I can't bear to look at it everyday.

"You got it boss." He carefully leans the white wooden frame against the wall, facing the photograph inward. He adjusts the arrangement to accommodate the omission, and satisfied, starts hammering nails into the freshly painted wall.

The wall opposite features an over-sized cork board that nearly runs the length of the room. It's empty now, which makes me uneasy for some reason. In a month it will be stuffed with note cards, headshots, schedules, and budget top sheets.

"Getting nervous?" Carter asks innocently.

"A little bit. I've been trying not to think about it too much."

"HBO. The big leagues." He flashes me a brilliant smile. I know this job is a stepping stone for him too. He wants to be in the writer's room badly, and if I can get him a few days in there, I will.

"Carter, if I didn't say it, thank you for coming to Pittsburgh with me. I'm really happy you're here." I really hit the jackpot with him.

"Are you kidding? Nothing wrong with Pittsburgh."

"I know, but it's not L.A. and that's where you really want to be." Sometimes I think about going back too.

"Kate, you dragged me to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan for eight months. Pittsburgh is like a Parisian vacation compared to that." He laughs and I join him.

"Hey, Saskatoon isn't so bad."

"Not if your idea of fashion is American Apparel and fine dining means sitting in a restaurant designed to look like something out of The Flintstones."

"Okay, The Cave is an institution!" I didn't think he'd last a week and he stayed with me for eight months. And they weren't easy months either. "If this works out, we could be here for a while."

"Fingers crossed." He steps back to admire his handy work. "There, it looks better as three anyway." With that he begins carefully wrapping the fourth frame in packing paper and places it back into a box.

"Let's order in tonight," I suggest. "I don't feel like cooking."

"Sounds good. Let's finish the bookcases, then order, and while we wait we can set up your computer and then your office will be done!"

"Why don't we order now and then do all that stuff later?" I'm so tired! How can he possibly want to keep working?

"Because I know you," I arch my eyebrow and he reconsiders. "I know _us_ and if _we_ don't get this finished now, _we _won't get back to it tonight. And, I know you and you'll want to start working tomorrow morning."

I let out a defeated sigh, he's right. I keep unpacking the books I'll probably never read again anyway and let my mind wander to this afternoon. The texts were sweet. Definitely sweet, and a little bit flirty. The last two were more than a little bit flirty. Unless he meant gorgeous in a sarcastic way. _Oh my God, what if he thinks I'm hideous but I'm not in on the joke?_ My heart sinks.

I wasn't one of those fortunate few who are born pretty. Not even close. Growing up I was a fat kid. Not chubby, not curvy, but fat. There's really no nice way to put it. I stayed fat for most of my life. It really wasn't until a few years ago that I finally got a handle on things and lost weight. Growing up not being able to wear the clothes you want to wear, or have boys look at you as more than a tomboy pal can be tough. Sometimes it can be downright shitty. When I couldn't find a dress to wear to a dance my mother dragged me to every ladies' shop in the city. Eventually we ended up in a boutique that specialized in plus-sized resort clothing. The dress we decided on wasn't horrible, but when I saw the school librarian wearing the pant suit version the following Monday during independent study, I knew there was no way I could go to the dance.

It was genius really. I knew that if I faked sick the day of the dance my mother would know I was just trying to get out of it. Instead I started slowly. Sniffles the first night, nothing too over-the-top, but enough that my father commented. The second night I announced I was going to go to bed early, I was just bone tired. That earned me gentle, "take care of yourself Katie, it sounds like you're getting sick". Perfect. The third day, the day before the dance, I phoned my mother from school and told her I'd been sick and would she pick me up. On the way home I gleefully listened to her tell me that I was too sick to go out to the dance the following night, that she's warned me I was getting ill and that I should listen to her and zip up my jacket when I'm outside. I just nodded and pretended to feel faint.

So that was the gist of my high school career. Avoidance. I would sit in my room for hours snacking, watching movies and writing short stories. If I'd have been born pretty, maybe I wouldn't be as accomplished as I am today. Who knows?

I met Benny when I was just out of high school and at my heaviest. He was thin and gorgeous. He ran track at his school and played lacross twice a week. We started hanging out as more of a gang than one-on-one. For the longest time I thought he had a crush on my friend Nicole, and it made me so envious of her I wasn't sure our friendship could survive. Nicole was the born-beautiful type. She'd had a steady stream of boyfriends and couldn't understand my reluctance to be alone with a boy. I knew that boys had one thing on their minds, and I also knew that I didn't have a body meant for touching.

We met at the cheap theatre across town. Nicole's parents had bought her a new car as a graduation present and suddenly the only form of exercise I'd ever had, walking to the movies, wasn't necessary any more. Benny was the matinee usher and would let me sneak in for free most afternoons depending on which manager was working. Nicole would flirt shamelessly with the kid behind the concession counter until he offered her a medium popcorn for the same price as a small. It was a forty-cent discount, but the way she acted you'd have thought he'd gifted her the whole bloody theatre. I never told her about Benny sneaking me in. It felt like the only win I'd ever get against Nicole and I didn't want her to take it away from me.

Years later, I asked Benny why he let me sneak in and not Nicole. "I thought you were cute," he said. If Benny thought I was cute then, when I was at my absolute worst, maybe it's possible Sidney could find me pretty. _He said gorgeous_. I can't help but smile.

"What are you thinking about?" Carter brings me back to the present. He's sort of a guy, a good seven years younger than me, and an employee, but still, a guy. _Don't you dare!_ I warn myself, but in that moment, I just don't care.

"Carter? Am I ugly?" Better to ask if I'm ugly than if I'm gorgeous.

He nearly chokes on his coffee.

"You okay?" I ask, genuinely concerned for his well-being.

"Fine," he wheezes, "just went down the wrong way."

I wait for him to recover his composure and stare at him expectantly.

"Kate, you're my boss, so this is super awkward to say, but you are far from ugly."

"How far?"

"Pluto."

I blush slightly. Carter is many things, but a liar isn't one of them.

"Where is this coming from?" I might be insecure, but I don't really dwell on it. He knows something is up.

"I kind of maybe, met someone." Carter drops the box of computer cables and races to my side.

"Every detail. Spill it."

"Well, there's not much to tell really." _Is there?_

"Yes there is." Carter answers my unspoken question, so I decide to humour him and dive into the few, but kind of sweet details of how I came to know Sidney.

I tell him about literally walking into Sid on the street and then him not-following-but-following me home. He laughs when I tell him I thought Sid was a serial killer for knowing where I lived. I tell Carter about our impromptu lunch and how a spilled iced tea might have set me on a path toward something, well, I don't really know what this is yet.

"So have you called him?" Carter is over the moon about this latest development. I know he's wanted this for me for a long time.

"Not yet, but we texted back and forth today." He swiftly grabs my phone, unlocks the screen and opens my messages.

"Kate, do you know who this is?" Carter opens the pic of Sid with the pretzel.

"Yep."

"No, like do you_ know_ know who this is?"

"What?" Carter stares at the screen perplexed. "Carter! What? Is he actually a serial killer? Oh my God, the Comcast guy asked for his autograph and then he told me he was a hockey player, but remember that movie about the kidnapping cable guy? Maybe he's some kind of serial killer superstar who preys..."

"Stop!" He grabs my face in both his hands. "He's not a serial killer, he is a hockey player. He's Sidney Crosby, super famous hockey star."

"Oh my God Carter, don't do that to me!" I'm shaking slightly.

"Do what? Your brain goes to crazy faster than I can keep up with." He keeps reading through the messages. "Oh Kate, that's the picture you sent him? You're not even showing a little bit of cleave!"

"Well I barely know the guy!" I knew I should have sexed it up a bit.

Carter smiles reading the last exchange and I relax a bit. He stands and grabs his laptop. "Okay, let's google the shit out of him!"

"No way! Absolutely not!" I wave my hands in protest and cover my eyes from, well nothing at the moment, but it's symbolic. "I want to get to know him, not the PR version of who people think he should be."

"Fine, just image search then."

It's tempting, but I have to stay strong.

"Show me your top three and then we never search again." That's about as strong as I can be at the moment.


	7. Chapter 7

My phone is glued to my hand. It's pathetic really. Every time it rings or a text comes in, I can't help but hope it will be from him. _Who am I kidding? _He's in New York City on a Saturday night. He's probably enjoying the nightlife with some gorgeous woman on his arm_. There's that word again_. I doubt he's sitting alone in his hotel room thinking of something cute to text me.

But if he were...

He might say something like, "_Wish you were here." _Well, maybe that's a stretch. He might ask what I'm up to though. That's not so far out of the realm of possibilities. What would I tell him? _Sitting here hoping you'd pay attention to me_. That won't do. What _am_ I doing? It's my first week in a new city and I'm laying in bed waiting for the phone to ring? Get it together Kate!

It's not even 9:00pm and I was considering getting into my pajamas. _Kate, you're 27 not 87._ Right!

I slide off the bed and head toward the walk in closet just off the en suite. Carter has been busy. Everything is so organized and accessible.

"Hey Carter?" I call out. Can he hear me from up here?

"What's up?" comes the faint response.

"Let's go out." Part of me hopes he wants to stay in, no one could blame me for not going out alone.

"Give me five minutes to get ready." _Damn._

I decide to retire my uniform of late and wear something other than jeans for a change. I pull a denim skirt from the hanger and toss it on the bed. Wait, I just decided - no jeans. Okay, I have a little black mini that goes with almost everything. It toss it beside the denim skirt and move on to choose a top. I don't really own anything terribly sexy, but I guess who said I had to dress sleazy to look nice? Rummaging through my closet is hell. It's decided, I hate all my clothes. Why do I own a hot pink tube top? Seriously, how did that get in here? I toss it on the bed, not because it's an option, but because it has no place among my other garments.

"Uh, no." Carter startles me.

"I'm not wearing it, I'm getting rid of it!"

"Here, let me." He steps into my closet and quickly pulls a folded grey sweater from the shelf and a pair of kelly green flats. He moves to the drawers and pulls out a lacy black bra, _maybe we're too close_, and hands me the pile of clothes. "These with the black skirt." And with that, Carter leaves me to it.

I pull on the skirt, it's a little shorter than I remember, but I run everyday, so frankly, my legs look pretty good. Next I put on the fancy bra. Something about wearing nice underwear just makes you feel pretty. Even if no one is going to see it. _Especially if no one is going to see it_. It's like keeping a little secret to yourself. _And your assistant_. Yes, I suppose it's not much of a secret. I pull on the grey sweater, slip on the flats and take a look in the mirror.

Okay, he should dress me everyday. Why don't I wear this more often? _Because you didn't know how to put it together?_. Right.

We drive down the main strip looking for a parking spot. It's springtime, so the evening is cool, but not cold. We really could have walked here, but Carter is kind of a wimp about weather. He never lets me forget what I put him through with the Canadian winter. I decide to shut up and let him lead the way.

After what seems like months of circling the block, Carter's wish is granted and a spot opens up. "Finally," he sighs. I couldn't agree more.

We walk into Sharp Edge Bistro and it's a sea of black and gold jerseys. "Way too busy, let's go somewhere else," I plead with Carter, but he's either ignoring me or can't hear me above the noise. A hostess greets us and she and Carter lean toward each other, obviously discussing if there is space for two more. _I hope not!_ She grabs two menus and motions for us to follow her. The crowd is a mix of people glued to the TVs, cheering loudly, booing occasionally, and drinking profusely, and small clusters of people socializing at tables throughout the restaurant.

We're seated at a table near the back next to a group of four men who are casually monitoring the television while nursing their beers. I would put them all in their early 30's, well-dressed, two of them with wedding bands, two without. Of the two unattached men, one is happily chatting with his friends while the other glances around the bar checking out anything in a skirt. _You're in a skirt_. Shit.

The hostess gives us a minute to look over the menu. There's not a lot of food listed, actually the menu reads more like a beer catalog. When in Rome I guess. I settle on the Bavik Pilsner. I'm not much of a beer drinker, but somehow ordering wine just feels wrong. Carter is the adventurous type and decides he's going to order the "Mystery Brew".

"So this is why you wanted to go out, hey?" Carter nudges me playfully and glances at the television. I turn look over and see a mousey-haired man in a suit screaming at bench of hockey players in blue helmets. _Of course, he's out of town for a game!_

"I swear I had no idea." This is embarrassing. Everyone in the bar is here to watch the hockey game and I was sitting at home waiting for him to text me. "Do you see him?" I try to sound casual, but Carter knows me too well.

"First off, that's the other team." He laughs loudly and my cheeks burn. I have a lot to learn.

The waitress returns to take our order. Carter hasn't stopped laughing yet, so I order for us both. I hope the "Mystery Brew" is toilet water.

"That's him." I look up and he's right. There he is, looking hyper-focused, sweaty, and somehow handsome all at once. He makes skating look easy, but I've tried and know it's not. He kicks the puck forward with his feet and takes off down the ice. _Is that allowed?_ I guess so because everyone is cheering. He doesn't shoot like I expect him to, he passes and the other player shoots. And scores.

The place erupts in cheers, high-fives, even hugging. I'm trying to disguise the look of delight on my face, but it's impossible. _Not bad, he says. Ha!_ For the first time I notice how many people are wearing his jersey. I feel my phone buzz in my purse and for a fleeting second I wonder..._uh, Earth to Kate. You're watching him RIGHT NOW!_ It's a text from my sister asking if I'm settled in yet. I type a quick reply and put my phone away. I should really call her, and my parents. It's just that every time I talk to them they make me feel so...fragile. I'm tired of feeling like I'll break at the first sign of trouble.

Our drinks are place in front of us, and Carter looks me over. "Invite her to come visit for a weekend." He knows how strained my relationships are right now.

"But then I'd have to spend a weekend with her," I try to make it sound like a joke, but it comes out harsher than I intended. "She'd never take me up on it anyway."

"She might. I think they just worry about you," he offers gently. "You should let them see you like this Kate. You're back writing, you're about to start filming a new series, you might be sort-of-kind-of-maybe dating," he lowers his voice for dramatic effect, "the Captain of the Penguins."

_Captain?_ News to me.

"Spilled iced tea and a few texts is hardly dating," I counter. _If only it were that easy! _

"I'm just saying, you're back on track."

"Back on track to do what?" We're both taken aback by the brashness of the man now standing at our table, clearly waiting for an invitation to join us. There's an awkward pause and he takes it upon himself to sit beside me.

"Fantasy hockey pool," Carter chimes in quickly. _What the hell?_

"I like a woman who knows her sports!" The stranger helps himself to a few of Carter's nachos and I can barely contain myself when I see the look of absolute horror on my poor assistant's face. "So are you two, what, like brother and sister?" He stuffs his gob and stares at us.

Carter slowly pushes the plate of nachos toward him with disgust.

"Are you serious?" I ask genuinely. How can he possibly think we're related?

"Well I know you're not dating." _We have a real genius on our hand here folks_.

"We work together," I reply curtly hoping he'll get the hint and leave.

"Oh yeah? Where d'you two work?" He pulls the food closer to himself and barely looks as he digs into the free meal.

Carter rolls his eyes and takes a long swig of his beer. "We're teachers," he offers lamely. Yeah, people would believe that. Just when I think the sleazeball is going to put his arm around I look up to see another stranger stepping toward our table. He's one of the four men sitting at the table next to ours.

"Looks like you guys ordered without me." He sits next to me and hugs me into him. _What the hell is with guys from Pittsburgh?_ "Sorry, I didn't catch your name?" He's talking to the weirdo on my other side.

"It's Jeff. Hey man, I didn't know she was here with anyone, she didn't say." Jeff stands to leave, and I'm relieved. I guess Jeff wasn't as inconspicuous as he thought.

"Thanks, you didn't need to do that, but I'm glad you did." I should at least offer to buy him a beer.

"Not a problem. I saw him making the rounds earlier. Seems harmless enough, though you might not want to finish those." He points at Carter's destroyed plate of food.

"Yeah, don't worry about that," Carter chimes in. "I'm Carter, this is Kate."

He nods in each of our directions. "Ray. So nice to meet you both, I'll let you enjoy the rest of your evening."

And with that Ray heads back to his table.

"When it rains it pours, hey Katie?"

Huh? I'm sure I look as confused as I feel.

"He was hitting on you!" Carter smiles widely and carefully scopes out Ray's table.

"He was being nice."

"Okay. If you say so."

We both turn back to the hockey game only to find that it has ended in our absence. Hmm, I should probably at least watch his games if I'm going to..._to what?_ I still don't really know what this is. Is it anything? _No, not yet_. I've never been good with surprises. I've never been patient. I over think everything. _Everything_. That's always been my downfall. Not being able to let go and enjoy the ride.

The server is back with a fresh round of drinks and a new plate of nachos for Carter. "These are from the four men at the next table."

I look up and Ray offers a polite wave. I smile back and tip my drink in gratitude.

A few beers later, we've pushed together our tables and have joined Ray and his buddies. They're all thoroughly enjoying giving Carter a hard time about his hair, and I'm loving every minute of it.

"So Ray, what do you do for a living?" I practically have to shout across the table.

"I'm an architect." He takes a swig of his beer and flashes me a goofy grin.

"Are you really or is that something you just say to impress people?" _Stop drinking Kate! _I sound like a total jerk! He takes it well and laughs it off.

"No, I really am an architect. What about you?" He passes me his business card as evidence.

"I don't have a business card." I tease, but he just nods his head. Did he not hear me? "I said, I don't have a business card."

He laughs and nods. "I heard you, I just didn't want to press it in case that was code for unemployed."

"How considerate of you." I focus back to my drink, not noticing Carter trying to fight off two men who desperately want to touch his hair.

"Well it's been fun, but Kate and I have to get going." Carter grabs my wrist and pulls me to my feet. _Hey!_

"Looks like we're leaving," I say lamely to Ray.

"Well you know where to find me," he points to his card.

"Take is easy guys." Carter pushes me toward the bar to settle the bill.

I hand the bartender my Visa and point toward the table we just vacated. Sure they sent over the drinks, but I can afford to pay the tab. While I wait I spot a huge jar filled with business cards. Apparently you an win free lunch for a week. Without thinking I reach into my pocket and drop Ray's business card in with the others. Who knows, maybe I'll bring him good luck?


	8. Chapter 8

I'm like a kid on Christmas morning. It's Sunday. The day I'm supposed to call, but it's only 6:37 am. Too early. _Way too early!_ I consider trying to go back to sleep, but I'm wide awake and that's never going to happen. Looking outside, it's a clear, bright morning. Perfect conditions for a run. I slip on my shorts, grab a t-shirt and pull my hair back.

The air is crisp and refreshing. This is exactly what I need to get my mind off things. _Well, one thing_. I start down the street and pop in my earbuds. We may not share the same taste in music, but some of Carter's songs are perfect for a workout mix. I haven't really explored the neighborhood too much. The houses aren't exactly modest, but the mammoth house two blocks away dwarfs every surrounding property. _It's really more of a compound_. As much as I would love to try and catch a glimpse of what lies beyond the brick barrier, the sound of the privacy gate opening keeps my butt moving. _Don't want the neighbors thinking you're a stalker_! I quicken my pace and turn the corner.

I've been around my fair share of mansions, but even that was a little extreme. I wonder which house is Sidney's? He doesn't strike me as flashy, but you never know. I've known A-listers who rent crappy little apartments, and D-listers who buy houses that end up bankrupting them. Some people don't handle financial windfalls well, other people just aren't changed by money. I hope I'm in the second category. I've been really fortunate and made a good living, but creating and show-running a series for HBO means big paychecks. _Why does that make me so uncomfortable_?

Just thinking about work makes me nervous. The closer I get to the first day of prep, the more anxious I become. It really is all on me to make this work. I know the scripts are good. It's the best work I've ever done and I was really discerning with any feedback I received. It's been amazing to work with the other writers. Sometimes it's scary to be reminded of how much you still have left to learn, but it was really rewarding to rise to the challenge. Now I just have to get what's on the page onto the screen.

Directors make me nervous. _That's what's bothering you_. Temperamental, ego-driven, and demanding. I shake my head and dismiss the thought. Think happier thoughts! Like, what should I say when I call Sid? I never did find out if he prefers Sid or Sidney. I like them both._ I like him_. That makes me smile. For all I know I could be running past his house right now. _Weird_. I could tell him about watching the game. Although I didn't really watch it, more like accidentally caught the last two minutes. Okay, maybe don't lead with that. Should I ask him how his trip was? That might just lead to talking about the game and what if he's disappointed I didn't watch it? It's not like he told me about it. Frankly, he was pretty quiet about the whole hockey thing.

I wonder why that is? In my experience guys really like talking about sports. _Benny couldn't shut up about lacross! _Maybe he'd show me around a little bit. I could play the I'm-new-here card and get a better sense of the city. That could be fun. Although, it's his day off, he might want to do something low-key. _Whoa, you're getting ahead of yourself_. He said to call him, he didn't say it was a date.

I check my watch and it's nearly 7:30am. By the time I get home and shower it will be 8:00am. Still too early. Damn.

The water feels good on my skin and because I have nowhere to be and no calls to make for at least an hour, I let myself enjoy the hot stream. When I can't stand it any longer, I step out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel. My toenails could use a little TLC. The paint is chipping and with warm weather just around the corner, I'll be wearing flip flops soon. I dig through the bathroom vanity and decide on a neon pink. I have no idea why I bought this color, but it might be cute. If not, that's what socks are for!

I walk back into my bedroom and flop down on the unmade bed. I search for the TV remote and flip on the Food Network. Even though I try to eat as healthy as possible, there's something about watching Paula Deen that just comforts me. Maybe it's the southern accent. I wipe off the old polish and start carefully applying the first coat. It's bright, but cute. Paula starts icing a strawberry cake and I suddenly realize just how hungry I am. I finish the first coat and decide it's time for breakfast. I grab the denim skirt from the floor, slip on the lacy bra from last night and toss on a long-sleeved black t-shirt. I check the clock on the cable box, and it's only 8:23. Time is moving _sooo slowly_. I'm dying to pick up my phone, but I don't trust my self-control at the moment. Especially on an empty stomach.

In the kitchen I toast a couple pieces of bread and slice up some fruit. I'd kill for a smoothie, but Carter is still sleeping, and well, let's just say he's not a morning person. He'll be moving into his apartment soon. I wonder if he'd prefer to stay here? I could ask him, but he might feel pressured to agree, and maybe he's rather have his own space. We're in Pittsburgh for at least the next seven months. He should have his own place, and I should get used to living alone. _That's a depressing thought_.

I slather peanut butter on my toast, grab my bowl of fruit and head for the front porch. _Wishful thinking?_ You never know, it's happened once before. As if trying to recreate a magic formula, I spin and close the door with my foot trying to balance my plate and bowl. Turning toward the sofa, it's empty. It's empty and I'm crazy. Okay, so that little dance doesn't summon him to my house. Good to know.

It's weird, when I bought this house I thought I'd be spending Sunday mornings out here with Benny, eating his weekend waffles and reading romance novels while he played on his iPad. I pull my knees to my chest and rub the scar that runs across my left leg. The scar itself isn't very noticeable, which is hard to believe considering how much that accident stole from me. I remember the doctor telling me how lucky I was to be walking away with only a scratch. The thing he didn't realize was that I was walking away _with only a scratch_. I never should have been driving. Benny was the better driver, more alert, better reflexes. _You can't go back_.

My toast has gone cold, but I know that eating will help shake this mood. My therapist says to either move around or eat something when I feel anxious. I've already worked out, so hopefully food will do the trick. Okay, so I'm not going to be living here with Benny, that's not possible, but I can still make this house my home. I can still build a life here. _Just different_.

I spot a figure walking down the street toward me. Tall, dark hair, baseball cap...but too thin to be Sid. Shame. I shrink back in my chair and start to work on the fruit. Maybe I should get a dog? _Yeah, because production hours are so flexible_. Not going to happen. Although, I've worked on a lot of films where the producers bring their dogs to the production office. Plus I have an assistant. If push really comes to shove I could always ask Carter to walk him. _Or her_. This idea doesn't seem so crazy after all.

Breakfast finished, I clear the dishes and decide to finish painting my toenails. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and burst out laughing. _Thank God it wasn't Sidney! _Some women can let their hair air-dry, I am not one of them. I look like I stuck my finger in a light socket. I walk into the bathroom and plug in my straightener and spray my hair with heat-protecting product. While I wait for it to heat up, I slap a second coat of paint on my toes and wiggle them to dry. _I should get up early every morning!_ I'm definitely getting a few things done, but killing time is killing me and I'm itching to call him.

9:03am. Still too early. Anything before 10:00am could be considered a wake-up call. Plus I don't want to come off as desperate. _Do not act desperate!_ He probably has plenty of desperate women trying to catch his eye. I hadn't really thought of that before. He probably has women chasing him wherever he goes. He could be a total player, a scumbag with a woman in every city. Situations like this make me wish I were more experienced._ You're plenty experienced_. Yeah, with one guy. That doesn't exactly make me an expert at spotting a jerk.

I start trying to tame my hair, my enthusiasm to call Sid dampened slightly. I'm being silly. I'm ten steps a head of myself. Over-thinking. A few days ago I was happy just thinking we could be friends, now I practically having an anxiety-attack worrying he won't be faithful. What changed? _One word_.

Gorgeous. He could have typed anything, even just a smiley face, but somehow that one word made me melt. _I'm in trouble_.

Satisfied with my hair, I put on a little light makeup and tidy up the clutter. I make my bed, fold my pajamas and tuck them under my pillow. I even put away my clothes from last night. My cell phone stares at me from across the room, begging for some attention. I could just fire off a text telling him to call me when he wakes up. Honestly, I'm a little nervous on the phone. What if I can't think of anything to say? Or worse, what if he asks why I'm calling?

_He asked you to call him_. Twice. Calm the fuck down Kate.

It's past 9:30am now, he's probably up. I mean, he's a grown man. Grown men don't sleep past 9:00am. He was traveling though. Carter can sleep until noon sometimes. I pick up my phone and turn it over in my hand a few times before finally giving in and opening the home screen.

_Oh my God_. He sent me a text!

"_Did I see you jogging past my place this morning?"_

He sent it over an hour ago! I've been making myself crazy and he's been up and thinking about me!

"_It's possible, but I have no idea which house is yours." _Play it cool Kate.

"_It couldn't have been you. She was pretty fast. It wouldn't take her an hour to answer a text."_ Cheeky bastard!

"_Can't a girl take a shower?"_ Give him something to think about.

"_You're killing me!" _Success!

"_Want to do something with me today?"_ I hold my breath.

"_Sorry, I can't." _I wasn't expecting that. Do I reply, or just leave it at that? This could get embarrassing really fast. My phone vibrates, and I look down to see another text from him.

_"I'm waiting for a really important phone call. Wink wink!"_ I could faint. Right here, right now I could just pass out. He's so damn good at this. _Too good?_ I don't even care right now.

"_Well I hope you don't have to wait too long."_

_"Me neither :) "_

I decide to make him sweat, just for a little bit. Let's be honest, the wait is probably harder on me.


	9. Chapter 9

This is so inappropriate and beyond inconsiderate, but also completely necessary.

"Carter?" I knock once. No response. I slowly open the door and move across the darkened room. Only Carter would put up black out blinds in a temporary guest room. I sit on the edge of the bed and gently shake his shoulder. "Carter wake up. It's an emergency."

"Just unplug the cable box, wait twenty seconds, plug it in and try again."

"No Carter, a real emergency!"

He pulls the covers over his head and moans. "Kaaaaaaaate! I'm sleeping!"

"I need your help! Sidney is waiting for me to call him and I want to have a date idea in my back pocket just in case. What's a good Sunday afternoon date?" I try tugging the comforter down, but his iron grip keeps it firmly in place.

"How do you now he's waiting for you to call?" He's grumpy. _Do not kill my buzz Carter!_

"He texted." I've got his attention now. Carter sits up and holds his hand out expectantly. I hand over my phone and watch him scroll through our latest conversation.

"If you two weren't so fucking cute I'd punch you for waking me up." He hands back the phone and climbs out of bed. "Meet me in the kitchen in five. I need a bagel and coffee."

"I can do toast and orange juice," I offer.

"Fine."

I tap my foot impatiently on the hardwood. I've set a place for Carter at the breakfast bar, my humble offering waiting for him. I know what I _don't_ want to do with Sidney, but I'm not sure what I _want_ to do instead. Normally, going to the movies makes a good first date, but I want to actually talk to him so that's out. I'm not the easiest person to eat out with. Although he knows I'm not big on meat, so maybe we could find someplace we'd both enjoy. That said, eating in front of a crush can be...awkward. _You did it before_. That was sandwiches and I didn't know I liked him then.

Carter appears looking...rough.

"What time did you get to bed?" I try not to scold, but he looks like death warmed over.

"I was working on my script and the night got away on me."

"I'd love to read something if you're ready to show me?" I already know his answer.

"No! It's not ready." So defensive!

"Okay, whenever you want me to look it over, I'd be more than happy." I'm beginning to wonder if this mythical script actually exists. He's been my assistant for two years and I've never seen a single page.

"Afternoon dates are tricky. You can friendzone pretty quickly if you're not careful. You need to find ways to casually touch him and get him to touch you." Should I be writing this down?

"How do you know this?"

"I watch a lot of Millionaire Matchmaker," he replies. This does not surprise me. "Don't be too flashy, he probably has more money than you and won't be impressed. Instead, show him how easygoing you are."

"Me? Easygoing?" I laugh at the thought.

"You are in some ways Kate. You're not taking him to work with you."

We both freeze.

"Actually..." I begin.

"That's not a bad idea. Take him to see the sets. The studio will be empty. I was there yesterday and they're really impressive."

"When did you find time to visit the soundstage?" Seriously? How does he do it?

"I had to pick up our security tags."

"Carter, I could kiss you!"

"Save it for Sidney." _Butterflies!_

My phone suddenly seems so intimidating. I pace across my bedroom floor and decide to call him from the office instead. That room has good energy. _You're torturing yourself_. Of course I am. Enough of this. _Be brave!_

I press CALL and hold the phone to my ear. My heart is racing. He'll be able to hear how nervous I am in my voice, I know it.

It rings once. No answer.

What if it goes to voice mail? Do I leave a message?

"Hey, I was about to give up on you." I can hear his smile through the phone.

"I hope I didn't keep you waiting," I tease.

"You know you did. So Kate, are you going to let me spend the day with you or what?" _Melting._

"What do you have in mind?" Maybe he has some grand plans.

"What if I pick you up and we just see where the day takes us?" He sounds giddy. Maybe I'm imagining things.

"Sounds good to me," I reply brightly.

"Can you be ready in ten?"

"Absolutely."

"You sure? I know women can be pretty high maintenance sometimes," he giggles into the phone. _Is he speaking from experience?_

"Not me."

"Okay, if you say so!"

I have eight minutes left, and no idea what we're going to be doing, which means I have no idea how to dress. Obviously it's not fancy, but how casual is too casual.

"Kate, what you're wearing is perfect." Carter actually thinks a jean skirt and black shirt is date-worthy! I run over to the floor length mirror to check every angle. "Where's your purse?"

I point to the chair in the corner. He walks over and dumps the contents onto my bed.

"Hey!"

"Kate, your purse is like a portable pharmacy. We've got to downsize, just for today." He pulls a few priority items and places them in a smaller bag. He takes the bag into the bathroom and I watch him stuff some lip balm, mascara and solid perfume into the side pocket. "Don't use the perfume unless it's an absolute emergency."

"What is a perfume emergency?" _Oh my God, is this something I should be worried about?_

"You'll know it if it happens which it won't so stop freaking."

Four minutes to go. He might be early. I race to my office and glance out the window. No car in sight. I don't even know what he drives. Maybe I should wait outside?

"Okay, you're all set. Just relax and have fun." Carter squeezes my shoulders and gives me a once over, nodding in approval. "You know how much I love details, so keep your brain on and remember everything."

"Thank you," I say sincerely. "What would I do without you?"

I hear a car pull up the drive. _Here we go!_


	10. Chapter 10

I step outside and am surprised when I see the familiar Range Rover parked in my driveway. _Didn't I almost hit that thing?_ Sid steps out of the truck and walks over to open the passenger door for me.

"Hey you," he flashes me a mega-watt smile.

"Hey," oh God, I sound breathless. _Say something!_ "You know, I think I almost hit your car the other day."

He crinkles his nose and looks at me like I'm crazy. "I don't remember _almost_ getting hit." He mocks my tone playfully.

"Were you parked outside Starbucks?" I feel my heart rate steady slightly as I step inside and he carefully closes the door behind me. I glance around quickly, he keeps a very clean vehicle.

Sidney climbs in the driver's side and eyes me suspiciously. "I was. Do you have trouble avoiding parked cars?" He giggles at his own joke.

"Sometimes," I smile sheepishly. _Honesty is the best policy_. "I'm kind of a nervous driver."

For a second I think he's going to pat me on the knee, but his hand jerks up and he fiddles with the temperature controls. I give him a sideways glance and the tips of his ears redden slightly. _How cute is he?_

"So where are you taking me?" I wonder if he's the kind of guy who really splashes out to impress women.

"There's this place I like to go sometimes, it's pretty dead," he laughs a little, "I mean, there's not a lot of people. Well, you'll see what I mean. It's kind of weird, so be warned, but I hope you like it."

"What is it?" _Why is he being so coy?_

"Umm, I'd rather show you if that's okay. It's a bit of a drive, but it's nice." He pulls out of the driveway and I look up to see Carter peeking through the blinds. _No pressure_. "Let's grab a drinks to go first, eh?"

"Whatever you say Sid. I'm in your hands." He focuses on the road, but I see the corners of his mouth turn up in a little smile.

We pull up to a very small corner store, and he quickly hops out and hurries around to my side to open the door for me. _A gentleman_.

"Thank you," I tell him shyly. It's been a longtime since any man opened doors for me.

We walk side by side into the little shop and Sid leads us directly to the back of the store to the refrigerated cases. He grabs a few bags of packaged apple slices and looks at me for my reaction.

"No thanks," I can't hide the surprise in my voice.

"They're not for us," he assures me. _Oh?_ Now he's got me curious. "What would you like to drink?"

"I'm good with water." He grabs two bottles and motions for me to follow him.

"Snacks?" He almost says it like a challenge. _He's probably never seen a woman eat_. He picks up a sleeve of peanut butter cups and raises his eyebrows in question.

"I'll eat anything covered in chocolate," I try for flirty, but I think it comes out more like I just escaped from a fat farm. He doesn't seem to notice and grabs a few more things.

At the register it occurs to me that I should offer to pay, but then I remember what Carter said about not trying to impress him with money. _Yeah, because $8.73_ _is really throwing your money around Kate_. It's a non-issue as Sid throws down a $10 and thanks the cashier.

Back in the truck I'm remembering all the stupid little dating tips I've heard. _Touch him and get him to touch you_. That's going to be tricky. _Be interesting and act interested_. I am interested, I just don't know how to ask him things without it seeming like it's a job interview. We've been quiet for a while now, one of us should say something.

"How was New York?" _Oh Kate, you weren't supposed to bring that up!_ I should have watched the game highlights, then I might be able to fake my way through what is now sure to be an awkward conversation.

"It was okay. New York is a little big for my taste. Have you been?" He's watching the road, but looks my way every so often.

"Oh yeah, I'm there a lot for work. I know what you mean about it being too big. I grew up in a city where you're ten minutes from anything, you know?" I hesitate to even call Saskatoon a city, but he's Canadian, he'll understand.

"I hear ya. Do you travel a lot with your job?" he seems genuinely interested. _Be interesting! _

"Sometimes, it varies. We're starting production in a three weeks, so I'll probably be sticking pretty close to home for the next few months, but I'll have some back and forth between here and L.A. and the odd trip to New York."

"Tell me about your show." He passes me a bottle of water. "Can you open that for me?" He turns back to the road, carefully navigating traffic.

I uncap the bottle and hold it out for him. He takes a nip and hands it back to me. _Quite the domestic scene there_.

"It's a new series for HBO about two competing defense supply firms during the second world war. It's kind of their answer to Mad Men with a little bit of Band of Brothers thrown in. It's inspired by real events, but the characters are all fictional." It sounds incredibly dull as I say it. I can pitch it to a network, but I can't explain it to a guy. Go figure.

"So you're interested in military history?" He sounds hopeful. I hate to burst his bubble...

"Um, I'm interested in people and relationships. The military aspect is kind of just the setting." There's a pause. I've lost him.

"I can't wait to see it," he gives me a brilliant smile. _I've impressed him_. That was unexpected. "What else have you written?"

Now I have to walk the delicate line between bragging, pitching myself and downplaying. I decide to go with downplaying. "A few things, features mostly, although I did write for a preschool show about singing crayons for a while."

He laughs, and I can hear that it's genuine.

"If you like I can get you a copy," I offer sweetly. He reaches over and squeezes my knee and I feel my cheeks glow red. His hand lingers for a second and I try to memorize the feeling. His skin is warm and his touch gentle, but more confident than I expected, and before I know it, it's over.

"Yes please," he winks at me. "Sounds like it's right up my alley."

The scenery has changed quickly. We're driving beside a river and the traffic has picked up quite a bit. "This is pretty," I sigh.

"Yeah, it's really something in the fall when all the leaves are changing."

"So, you're not going to tell me where we're going?" I ask smoothly.

"Nope, you'll just have to wait." He's quite pleased with himself.

"Tell me about hockey then." He stiffens slightly.

"What would you like to know?" His playful tone is gone, and he seems a little nervous even.

"You said you weren't bad, but that's not true is it?" He grilled me about my job! He should be able to handle a little prodding in return.

"I don't think I'm a bad player," his tone is measured.

"I mean, you're good aren't you?" I try for a gentle approach, hoping he'll open up a little bit.

He takes a deep breath and sighs. "Yeah."

"One of the best?" I'm nervous now. _Let's just get it out there! _

"One of," comes his clipped reply. I've hit a nerve. Do I dare attempt casual touching? He might jump out of his skin and send us flying into the Ohio river!

I turn toward him slightly, trying to gauge his response.

"I know what that's like," I tell him calmly. Maybe I don't know what it's like to be a superstar hockey player, but I know what it's like to be considered one of the best at what you do. To get a lot of attention for one part of your life and never know if people are around you for the right reasons. "I promise."

"Yeah?" he relaxes noticeably.

"Someday we can compare trophy cases," I offer. He laughs and just as I'd hoped any tension dissolves immediately. He smiles at me and gives my hand a quick squeeze. _Casual touching - check!_ I slouch slightly into the seat and enjoy the feeling of the sunshine on my face. I didn't know I could feel this relaxed on a date. Clearly this is a date. _Right? _

He turns off onto a quieter road and we follow the tree-lined route toward what appears to be an old church up ahead. As we get closer I notice the sloping grounds, shaded by trees and dotted with wild spring flowers. We move up the hill and suddenly it's very clear what this place is and his joke from earlier suddenly makes sense.

_It's pretty dead_. He's brought me to a cemetery.

"Seriously?" the words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.

He laughs and flashes me a comforting grin. "Trust me, you'll love it."

He parks the car and again hustles around to my side. I grab the bottles of water and toss them in my bag. He opens my door and leans his left arm across my legs as he reaches past me, picking up the apple slices. He shoves them in his jacket pocket and offers me his hand. I take it and he guides me out of the truck.

It really is gorgeous. There's a few people walking around, but it's quiet and peaceful. He takes my hand in his and leads me up to the path at the top of the hill. My heart flutters feeling his skin against mine. "Let me know if you get cold." He squeezes my hand and I squeeze back.

We walk a fair distance through the grounds, and I have to admit that while it's not what I would have pictured for a first date, it's breathtaking. We arrive at a large pond and there's not another person in sight. Sidney takes a seat on the grass and taps the space beside him. I sit down and he leans back on his elbows and lets out a deep sigh.

"Now we wait," he grins and pulls the apples from his pocket and throws a few slices toward a wooded area nearby. _Strange_.

"And what exactly are we waiting for?" I press.

"Oh Kate, a little patience never killed anyone," he teases. I love hearing him say my name.

"Do you prefer Sid or Sidney?"

"Either," he replies casually.

"If you were forced to choose?"

"Are you forcing me Kate?" He looks up at me expectantly.

"Yes!" I laugh and he pulls me to lay beside him. For a second I consider resting my head on his shoulder, but that seems a little overly-familiar, no matter how much I'd love to touch more of him. His hand finds mine and our fingers lace together. This is nice.

"Gun to my head, I guess Sid."

"Mob boss/auto-mechanic."

He lets out a quick chuckle and then turns to face me, holding onto my hand tighter than ever. "What is Kate short for?"

"Nothing, just plain old Kate." I stare up at him, willing him to kiss me, but he doesn't. Instead he lays back and stares up at the sky. It's a clear day with a slow-moving clouds speckling the sky. "What do you see, Sid?"

I can hear his smile in his response, "An elephant with three legs." I try to find it among the changing shapes. Yeah, I can see that. "What do you see, Kate?"

"A camel with two humps." _I can't believe I said the word 'humps'_.

"Argh, that was going to be my next one."

"You've got to get up pretty early to beat me," I giggle.

"Deer." He slowly sits up and releases my hand. _Is our game over?_ I search frantically, but there's not too many clouds to choose from.

"I don't see it."

He laughs quietly, "No, deer. Over there." He points to the wooded area and I look over to see two deer eating the apple pieces he brought for them. He grabs a few more slices and tosses them halfway between the deer and us. "Let's see if we can get them a little closer."

I look over at him and he is so very pleased with himself. I can't help it, I'm beaming too. We watch them nuzzle the grass in search of the little treat he's brought them. They're not quite tame, but they don't seem terrified of people either. Deer living in a cemetery, who would have thought?

It's incredible, a little patch of heaven in the middle of the city. "This is amazing. Thank you." I think about throwing my arms around him, but he hands me some apple, so I guess he has other plans.

I toss it a little closer to us and hope they won't be too timid to approach. I'm mesmerized and can't take my eyes off the deer. Am I crazy or is it watching me? "Don't break eye contact," Sid coaches. "She spooks easily." _Does he do this often?_ He must. I hear Sidney rustling for more fruit and he tosses it past me. He digs into his pocket, but we must be out because he doesn't throw anything more.

After almost a minute the deer looks away and I am finally free to turn and face Sidney. He's holding his keys and phone, to keep them from making any noise no doubt. "So, how did I do?" The smirk on his face tells me he knows exactly how well he did.

"I love it," I tell him truthfully.

"Good." He pulls me toward him and I lean into his chest. "Next time we'll bring lunch." _Next time!_

"Are you hungry?" We're not far from the studio. Maybe I can impress him a little bit.

"Always." He stands up and offers me his hand, pulling me to my feet.

"Good, let's grab some lunch on the way." I wink at him and start walking toward the car.

He pauses a second and then jogs to join me. "On the way to what?"

"Oh Sid, a little patience never killed anyone." I feed his words back to me and he smirks.

"Looks like I'm in your hands Kate."


	11. Chapter 11

I punch the address into his truck's GPS and glance up at him. He's a little skeptical, but willing. It will be hard to top the cemetery, _never thought I'd say that_, but I think he'll get a kick out of this. "Can I look yet?" he asks impatiently.

"I didn't say you couldn't!" I remind him.

"Pretty sure you did," he tells me.

"Pretty sure I didn't," I laugh.

He chuckles and puts the car in drive. "So lunch before? After? Anywhere in particular you want to go?" He bombards me with questions.

"Let's eat soon, I'm starving." I'm already digging into the peanut butter cups he bought. Sidney looks at me and breaks into a fit of giggles. "What?" He doesn't stop. "Why are you laughing?" _Please don't let me be covered in chocolate!_

"Enjoying my snack?" _Oh God, he bought this for himself, not for me. _

"I am, thank you," I reply matter-of-factly. "Would you like some?"

He shakes his head no, but says "Yes."

"Which is it?"

"Huh?" he's confused.

"Well you shook 'no', but said 'yes'," I explain. Seriously, if he wants in on this he'd better let me know soon.

"I was shaking my head at you! And yes, I want one."

I know I'm blushing, but I don't care anymore. _I really like this guy_. I take the last peanut butter cup from the sleeve and hold it to his mouth. He grins and takes it all in one bite. His lips brush against my fingertips and my heart skips a beat. _That's almost a kiss_. Well, kind of.

"Thank you for sharing," he teases with his mouth full.

"Anytime."

"So, lunch. Where do you want to go?" He stretches his arm round my headrest. I love when a man does that.

"I don't know, I haven't really been to Pittsburgh before." Okay, I should tell him how fussy I am. There's no way he'll remember and it will just make him feel badly.

"Someplace that isn't big on meat or cheese," he grins at me. _I've underestimated him_. "There's a little dim-sum place, and it's mostly vegetarian. I haven't been, but I've heard good things."

"Sounds good." There's a pause in the conversation and I consider my next question. He seems relaxed, and I don't want to spoil that, but... "Do you get swarmed wherever you go?" _Fair question, especially if we're going to be spending time together_.

His mouth twists like he's thinking really hard. "It depends," he starts. Good, he's not annoyed. "Certain places are kind of, well, it's almost like they're off-limits to me. It would be hard to hit a bar that doesn't have a VIP section. Certain restaurants are really good about giving private tables, others announce you're there to kind of pump their business."

"Movies?" That could be a deal-breaker.

"Tough, but not impossible. It depends on the city too. Pittsburgh is tough, and it's hard to be anonymous in Canada, especially since the Olympics, but you get used to it and figure out what works."

_Olympics? _I should have taken Carter's suggestion and googled him.

"Wow, you were in the Olympics? That's amazing." I must be the most ego-deflating woman he's ever met. He doesn't seem to mind though.

"Yeah, it was a great experience." Now that's PR coaching if I've ever heard it.

"Yeah, and that was a great stock answer," I tease.

He blushes and takes a deep breath. "It's hard to turn it off sometimes," he explains.

"So how did you do?" I don't need to play dumb, I'm actually really stupid about these things. _Great_.

"At the Olympics?" he looks at me with surprise all over his face. I nod twice and wait. A slow smile creeps across his face, "We won."

"Oh." I'm stunned. "Congratulations." _I should just stop talking all together. _

"Thanks, you're a few years late, but thanks" he chuckles. "Okay, you got one out of me, now tell me one of yours."

"One of my what?"

"Big moments. If I looked you up, what would I find out?" He pokes my shoulder as he says the last part. _More casual touching!_

"Oh don't make me answer that, it's so embarrassing!"

"No way," he pulls my hands away from my face, "I gave you one, so you owe me!"

"Well you can probably guess." _I hate talking about this kind of thing_.

"How big are we talking?" He looks delighted. He loves that I'm uncomfortable.

"It's up there." _Don't make me say it_.

"Yeah? Like Emmy? Grammy?" I burst out laughing. "What?"

"Grammys are for music." He laughs too.

"Right. So what are the big ones for screenwriters? Golden Globes?"

"That's pretty big, yeah." _If I jump out of the car, what are my chances of survival_?

"Hmm, but that's not it, is it?"

"That was pretty big for me! Are you kidding?" I hope this satisfies him.

A sneaky grin spreads across his face. "You're an Oscar-winner, aren't you?" I sit dead-silent. "Oh, I've figured you out. Come on, I'm right aren't I?"

He looks at me and I can't help but smirk when I see the gleeful look on his face. "Maybe."

"Say it!"

"You're right." Okay, can we let this torture end?

"No, say the whole thing. Say, 'I Kate, am an Oscar-winning writer.'"

"Absolutely not!" _Oh, he's teasing_.

Sid rubs my knee, almost like it's his way of asking me to forgive him for putting me through that. He give me a gentle squeeze and then leaves his hand there. _Melting! _"I thought you were kidding about the trophy case," he says quietly.

We stay like that for a few minutes until we pull into the restaurant parking lot. The place looks like a total dive.

"Uh, you sure about this?" Kind of don't want to get food-poisoning on a date.

"They say it's the best." He puts the truck in park and undoes his seat-belt. "We can go somewhere else if you..."

"Nope, if_ they_ say it's the best, it must be true." I climb out of the truck and slip my purse over my shoulder.

The restaurant is packed. That's a good sign. I look around and I wonder if we'll even get a table. Then it occurs me, he can probably get a table anywhere in the city. He makes his way to the hostess station and leans down to talk to the very petite Cantonese woman. She motions to the dining room and then points to her watch. _Poor guy, she has no idea_ _who he is_. He steps back toward me and shrugs.

"Well apparently Sunday is a big day for dim sum and we're in for a wait. Where do you want to go?" He looks disappointed.

I sit down on the well-worn bench at the entrance and pick up the Sunday paper. "We can wait." I flip to the crossword and pull a pen from my purse. Relief floods his face and he takes a seat beside me. We start working through the Across clues, neither of us terribly skilled, which is especially embarrassing for me, a professional wordsmith, but somehow we're having fun.

We must have been there for at least fifteen minutes when the tiny woman walks up to us and pushes a menu into Sid's hands. "You order." She hands me a slip of paper and walks away.

"I guess we're ordering," he whispers playfully.

With neither of us knowing what's going to be good, we over-order. It's shameful really. When the woman returns to pick up the slip her eyes widen and she holds up two fingers and looks puzzled. Sid assures her it's just the two of us and she walks away shaking her head. Her disapproval has made us both a little bit giddy. A group of four is paying their bill, so we're waved into the dining room.

A few people look up, but no one seems to pay much attention to us. Maybe hockey isn't big in Cantonese culture? We've only been seated for a few minutes when a young guy comes to our table pushing a cart of food. _Okay, I get her point_. If people weren't paying attention to us before, they will be now.

"You up for this?" It's not a question as much as a challenge.

"Bring it on Sid."

Over an hour and countless dishes later, we're finally ready to throw in the towel. We gave it our best, but we just couldn't beat dim sum. Too much food for two people. Although Sid has quite the capacity to eat. About ten minutes in I gave up any pretense of being a lady, and just joined him in stuffing my face.

"Well we tried," he says, covering his plate with a napkin.

"I could go for a nap." Who knew eating could be so exhausting?

"Later, first I want to visit the mystery location." _Later? Does he mean together?_ My heart starts racing. No, he couldn't have, I dismiss the though. The woman brings us the bill, shaking her head at us again. Before I can slap down my credit card, Sid tucks a few bills into the folder and hands it back to her. "You're gonna have to be faster than that Kate."

We make it to the studio in under ten minutes. That restaurant is dangerously close to work. Sid pulls up to the gate and rolls down his window. I hand him my security pass and he swipes the card. The gate swings open and we pull inside. I haven't been here yet, I've only seen photos of the sets.

Inside, it smells of sawdust, paint and glue. My nerves kick in for a second, but I'm more excited than anything. I turn on the overhead lights and the lead Sidney through the maze of hallways until we reach the actual stages. I search for a minute and find the lights and suddenly everything comes into view.

We're in the strategy room. "Whoa, this is amazing." He walks past me and starts examining the furniture and props that fill the set. He stops in front of the enormous map of Europe that stretches across the back wall. "You can tell this map is from 1941 because this is all Italy-controlled land." He points to territory that is all filled in blue. _How does he know that_?

"Okay, if you say so."

He grins back at me briefly, but quickly moves his attention back to the props.

"You can touch everything, just don't break anything," I encourage him. He's enjoying this way more than I expected.

"Seriously?" He looks at me incredulously.

"Go for it." That's all he needs to hear. He starts playing with switches, pressing buttons, turning dials. Nothing works of course, but he doesn't seem to mind. He picks up the time-period stationary and office supplies, examining the replicas carefully, admiring everything he touches. "There's more." He looks up, almost like he forgot he wasn't alone. He gives me a mega-watt smile.

"I want to see all of it." _He's so cute!_

We spend the better part of an hour walking through the sets and looking through the props and wardrobe departments. Most people would get a charge out of a set visit, but it's like a whole other level with him. He really appreciates this.

"Want to come to set one day? When we're actually filming, I mean." I ask and his eyes widen.

"Of course!"

It will look so much better filled with actors and actresses. _Actresses_. A pang of insecurity and jealousy strikes me. Some of the stars are very pretty, and I mean, they're celebrities. It's hard to compete. _You don't have to compete_.

"Ready?" I ask him quietly. I have a feeling he'd stay here all day if he could.

He nods and walks toward me and before I have a chance to react, he pulls me toward him and hugs me tight against his chest. "Thanks."

"Thank _you_." I emphasize. He really made this day great.

"I loved today." He kisses the top of my head (_swoon!)_ and releases me, although I'm not really ready to go. "Let's get you home for that nap."

We're quiet on the drive home, but it's not uncomfortable. Sidney points out the occasional landmark, I tell him a little bit more about the storyline of the series. It's not until we're nearing closer to home that I get a little nervous.

It's late afternoon, so it's not like he'll need to walk me to my door. Do I lean over and kiss him as a thank-you?_ Just go with it_. That's easier said than done for me.

He pulls into my driveway and puts the Range Rover in park. He climbs out and walks around to open my door. _Such a gentleman_. I take his hand and step out. He doesn't let go of my hand and I don't pull away.

"I'm so glad you phoned," he tells me.

I smile shyly. "You didn't give me much choice," I tease.

"No, I guess not. I had a great time today."

"Me too." _Kiss me!_

"I want to see you again. Soon." He squeezes my hand.

"You know where to find me." _Kiss me! _

"Have a good night Kate." I can't stand it. I lean in and press my lips against his. He takes a sharp breath and quickly reacts wrapping his free arm around my waist. He feels _so so so _good. Just when I think I'm about to faint, I pull back and flash him a wicked grin.

"Good night Sid." _Oh, well done Kate!_

I turn away and walk toward my house. I can hear he hasn't moved yet, maybe he hasn't quite recovered? I open the front door and turn to give him a little wave.

He has a huge smile on his face and is just starting back to his truck. He nods in my direction and I close the door, collapsing against it.

_That was one hell of a first date!_


	12. Chapter 12

Somehow I'm able to overcome my excitement and actually fall asleep. Maybe the nap wasn't in the cards, but after an evening of telling, re-telling and, at some points, straight-out reenacting the date for Carter, I'm exhausted. I'm out like a light when my head hits the pillow. Not surprisingly, I dream of deer, dim sum and warm hands running across my back.

I wake up early and consider going for a jog, but it's Monday morning and I haven't checked my email in over twenty-four hours. Work is the last thing on my mind this morning. I grab my phone and can't help but feel a twinge of disappointment when there's not even a text from him. _I wonder if he's thinking about me?_ The hot water wakes me up and our date is all I can think about. _What am I getting myself into?_ One date is not a relationship. Slow down.

Didn't he say he had Sunday _and_ Monday off? I shake my head. Even if he did, _you don't have today off!_ I have a meeting downtown in two hours with the Pittsburgh Film Commission, so I'll need to leave in just over an hour. No time for excessive showers today! I can hear Carter moving around downstairs as I towel-dry my hair.

I'm so grateful to find a plate of toast waiting for me in the kitchen. Carter left a note saying he was heading to Starbucks and will be back in ten. I'm pretty much ready to go, so I stare out the window, munch my breakfast and let my mind wander. _He was awake pretty early yesterday_. I could just send a cute text thanking him for yesterday. _That kind of defeats the purpose of the steamy kiss_. That kiss! Yeah, let him chase you a bit. I stare at my phone, willing him to call. He doesn't. Sigh.

Traffic is hell, but Carter handles it well. "Don't forget you have a conference call with the story editor this afternoon and dinner with equity partners tomorrow evening. I've handled the reservation and ordered your meal in advance so you don't have to get into a big song and dance about not eating animals," he rolls his eyes at the last part.

"Gee, thanks Carter," I bite back sarcastically. "Are you coming for dinner?"

"Am I invited?" He sounds hopeful.

"If you like." Why he would want to come is beyond me, these things are so dull.

"Then yes. I'll change the reservation this afternoon."

He's sickeningly efficient. We arrive at the Film Office with a few minutes to spare. Inside we're treated like royalty. Obviously a film or series is good profile for any city, but they're really rolling out the red carpet for us. The staff all introduce themselves and we're led into their conference room. They've laid out location guides profiling spaces around the city that we might find useful.

I nearly choke on my coffee when I turn the page and see Sidney staring back at me. This hasn't gone unnoticed by Carter who quickly covers for me.

"The Consol Energy Center?" He questions the locations scout.

"It's an indoor arena about a mile from here. It's been used in a few features, but during the Penguins' season you'll have to work around their schedule." The scout is intimidated, and with good reason, we're asking completely irrelevant questions.

"I can't imagine we'd have use for that space," I cut in. "Let's focus on the exterior locations you've found for us."

An hour and a half later, we're back in the car and looking for a good spot for lunch.

"I nearly shit twice and died when you started choking." Carter laughs hysterically at me.

"Oh God, that's disgusting. Where do you come up with this stuff? Anyway, I was just caught off guard, no big deal."

"Well, hold onto your hat because there he is again!" Carter points to a huge banner ad showing two hockey players on ice. One is clearly Sid, the other is, _I haven't got a clue_. It's weird seeing him like this, I almost feel like I'm trespassing, or stealing, or doing something naughty. He made it pretty clear that he doesn't want me to think of him as just a hockey player.

"I guess I'll have to get used to that." I remind myself aloud.

"Yeah, staring at his ugly mug will sure take getting used to," Carter's reply comes laced in sarcasm. "Seriously, he's like looking at porn."

I check my phone and there's nearly a dozen messages, but none are from him. Ugh, I hope he's not one of those wait-three-days-before-you-call guys.

"Still nothing?" Carter chimes in. Honestly, he's brilliant at his job, but sometimes we're too close for comfort.

"Nope."

"So, is this a good time or a bad time to talk about the call I got from Benny's parents?" _Oh, this is news._

"As good a time as any. What did they want?" I haven't heard from them in months.

"There's some kind of disagreement between them and your lawyer about the sale of the condo and how much money is fair." He glosses over details, but I can read between the lines.

"Call the lawyer and tell him to just pay what they're asking." _Whatever it takes to get them off my back_.

"Are you sure?" Carter finds them beyond annoying, but I feel like it's the least I can do. After all, _I was driving._ If money makes them feel better, let them have it.

"It's fine." It so isn't fine, but it's one of those things.

"Okay, you're the boss."

"And it pays to be the ex-in-laws of the boss sometimes." We laugh at our little made-up joke. We've gotten some mileage out of that one.

We finally settle on a restaurant when my phone rings.

"It's him!" I show Carter my phone and beam at him in delight.

"Well...answer it!"

I let it ring once more. "Hello?" Best to pretend I haven't been obsessively checking my phone.

"Hey Kate, how's it going?" He sounds as beautiful as I remember.

Carter motions frantically and mouths the word "speaker" over and over again. I wave him off and focus on Sidney.

"Fine thanks, who is this?" I try to sound as professional as possible, but my smile gives me away.

"You know damn well who this is," I can hear him grinning through the phone. "What are you up to?"

"Carter and I just got out of a meeting and how we're grabbing lunch in the city." _Do I invite him?_

"Hey, listen. I know it's short notice, but I have a few tickets to the game tomorrow night and I thought you and your assistant might want to come check it out."

"Oh, that sounds really great, but I already have plans tomorrow evening." _Fucking investors dinner_!

"Well another time then," he replies, and if I'm not mistaken he sounds disappointed.

"I would love that," I say sweetly, trying to take off some of the sting of rejection. "I have this dinner that I can't get out of, otherwise I would totally be there."

"I can handle the dinner," Carter offers. I look at him like he's crazy.

"You can't babe, sorry." They would eat him alive.

"I'm sorry?" I've confused Sid.

"Sorry, not you, I was talking to Carter."

"I won't keep you then, I know you're a busy woman."

"Yeah, this week is a little crazy." _You're making it sound like you have no time for him!_

"Well maybe I'll see you around," he says lamely.

"I hope so."

"Yeah?"

I wish Carter weren't here right now! "Yeah, I had a really good time with you yesterday."

"Me too," his good humor has returned. "Enjoy your lunch, I have to be on the ice for practice soon anyway."

"Have fun!" _Have fun?_

"You too," he laughs, hopefully not at my expense.

I put the phone down and look expectantly at Carter.

"Well, you've been better on the phone," he tells me honestly.

"He invited us to a game," I grin at Carter.

"But we have the investors dinner, I caught that. You know, games don't start until after seven, you would probably only miss the first period."

"Really?" I wonder. He nods at me and motions to my phone. "I can't call him back and say yes, it's too desperate."

Carter looks deflated.

"But you could buy us tickets," I suggest cheekily.

"That a girl!"

Carter loves a scheme, and for some reason, this feels a little bit like shenanigans. Even though the call could have gone better, hearing from his has settle my nerves and I can now focus on the rest of my day. _I hope he doesn't become too much of a distraction_. I'd hate to have to break things off before they really start.


	13. Chapter 13

Traffic on the way to the Consol is lighter than I expected. _Earth to Kate, the game started an hour ago! _Poor Carter spent the better part of his afternoon trying to get the best seats possible on StubHub, trying to decide whether it was more important to be in the double attack zone_, uh...what?_, or behind the bench. Finally I made the executive decision to grab the cheapest tickets possible, and we're sitting in the rafters.

We're trudging up another flight of stairs and I can't believe how loud it is in here. It's an ocean of Crosby jerseys, well maybe a few other players mixed it, but he definitely has the market cornered. We take our seats and I look down at the ice. "I won't even be able to tell which one he is from up here," I moan to Carter.

He has no patience for me, "This is exactly what I said would happen."

Turns out you don't need to see him to know when he's on the ice. The whole place goes berserk. It's hard not to get swept up in the excitement, but for the most part, I'm not entirely sure what's happening. A fight breaks out on the ice and I actually fear for my life. The group of middle-aged men behind me are screaming words that would make a sailor blush and their beers are sloshing around dangerously close to my jacket.

I look over at Carter, half-expecting to see him as horrified as I am, but to my surprise he's screaming along with everyone else. I guess some people pick these things up faster than others.

Between periods we grab a drink and wander around a little bit. You can't go very far without seeing Sid's face somewhere. They're showing highlights of him on the jumbotron and I'm not the only one glued to the screen. Even though the game is_...paused?_...people still cheer for him like they're watching it live. _Wow, he really is one of the best_.

They fall behind during the third period, and somehow the arena gets even more deafening. There are a few good chances, but Sid and his team aren't able to come back and lose the game. Probably not the best introduction to the sport he loves so much.

I fall asleep on the drive home, which is common practice for me. Carter wakes me when we arrive back at the house and announces he's going to bed early. _Early? _It's after eleven!

Upstairs I turn on the TV and flip around for something to watch while I get ready for bed. I'm not really tired though, maybe my cat nap has given me a second wind. Instead of boring myself to sleep I decide to get a little work done. My office is dark and I can see clearly out onto the street, but as soon as I flip on the light the windows just become one big reflection. Maybe it's not a bad thing, less distractions.

My schedule is pretty light tomorrow. Carter has set aside time in the morning for me to review the story editor's notes, but I'm in meetings all afternoon. At least I don't have to wake up at the crack of dawn. Although those days are fast approaching. Maybe I can get a head start on the notes now and sleep in a little bit.

An hour later, I'm in the thick of things. I probably couldn't fall asleep if I tried, my mind is racing with ideas. I pause to consider some plot suggestions when I hear my cell phone vibrate against my nightstand in the other room. _Who could be phoning at this hour_? I dash to catch it and see it was only a text. _A text from Sid!_

_"What are you still doing up?"_ I feel a familiar smile spread across my face.

_"Stalker! How do you know I'm awake?"_

_"I'm headed home and saw your light on. You should invest in some blinds!"_

_"Obviously!" _Although, this is proving to have its advantages. "_Do you want to come in?"_

I wait for his reply, but it doesn't come. Maybe that was too forward? I'm mentally berating myself when a hear a gentle tap at the front door. My heart soars and I fly down the stairs to greet him.

Opening the door, I'm surprised to see him dressed in a suit. "You didn't have to dress up," I tease him. He leans down and give me a quick peck on the cheek.

"Don't flatter yourself, I'm just following orders." He looks impossibly handsome and I debate telling him so.

"Let's go upstairs, Carter's already gone to bed." _That sounds like an invitation to join me in mine_. "This way we won't wake him." _Pretty sure that didn't clear things up_.

"Lead the way," he rests his hand on the small of my back and it takes every ounce of self-restraint not to lean back into him.

Inside my office he respectfully snoops through the more personal items I have out on display. He takes his time examining the photographs hanging on the wall opposite me, and I suddenly feel very self-conscious. "These are great," he assures me with a smile.

"Thanks," I don't really know what to say. I hope he doesn't feel as awkward as I do. "Can I get you a drink?"

He shakes his head, "No, I'm good." He leans in to read a few titles on my bookcases. He's almost made his way around the room when he turns to me with a puzzled look. "Where's your trophy case?"

I chuckle, "Oh, I haven't unpacked those yet. I usually don't know what to do with them anyway."

He nods, "Yeah, I get that." He joins me on the small couch and puts his arm around me. _Gush!_ "Well you picked a good game to miss."

_Do I tell him?_

"We completely imploded in the third," he continues, "I'm actually glad you weren't there to see it." He kisses my shoulder and I feel my heart beat faster.

"Confession?"

"Okay..." he says cautiously.

"I was there. We missed the first bit, but came right after our dinner ended." I turn to read his reaction and I can't quite figure out what it is. "It was really fun."

"You should have let me know," he says quickly. Is he angry? "I would have tried harder to score."

"Really?" I reply hopefully.

He laughs, probably at how desperate I sound. "No, I usually leave it all out there. Especially if we're behind."

We watch each other for a moment and I see his eyes drift to my blouse. He slowly lifts his fingers to the top button and undoes it, his eyes never leaving mine. If we're playing chicken, I don't plan on losing. He pulls the fabric open a little bit, but I'm still quite covered. He leans toward me and plants little kisses down my neck toward the newly exposed skin. I close my eyes and bite my lip, _haven't done this is a while!_

His fingers play with the next button, and I'm sure my deep breaths aren't making his task any easier on him. The button finally pops open and he runs his fingers along the inside of my shirt across the tops of my breasts. "Is this okay?" he whispers.

"Yes," I'm breathless, but I think he likes it, as I feel his cheeks turn up in a smile against my neck.

_Don't just lay there like a dead fish!_ I have to do something!

I run my hands through his hair and pull his head closer to my chest. He takes a deep breath and starts kissing just above my bra. I mentally congratulate myself on putting on the sheer navy bra that clasps in the front. _Kind of a little preview before the main event_. He nips at the delicate fabric and slips his tongue underneath and inside, quickly finding his goal.

I let out a little moan, and feel his mouth turn up against my sensitive skin.

"Fuck, you're sexy," he sounds like he's just run a marathon. He straightens and looks me up and down with approval. I take the opportunity to pull his jacket off his shoulders and he quickly shrugs it to the ground. His eyes find mine and we both laugh nervously. I start tugging at his tie, but his hands take over and he tosses it on his jacket in one swift movement.

Sid starts undoing his dress shirt, but I feel like that's my privilege and push his hands away. "I want to do that," I whisper. He sits back and watches me undress him, his breath quickening as I get nearer and nearer to the last button. When I'm finally finished, I pull his shirt slowly down his shoulders and pepper kisses along his collarbone.

I pull away to gauge his response, but he just says, "More." So I give him more. His chest is completely exposed now and I kiss and lick down his ribcage, running my fingers along the inside of his waistband.

He leans back and props me up on top of him, and I take the opportunity to slip off my open blouse. I'm straddling him, wearing only a bra and jeans and praying to all that is Holy that he will stay the night.

"I love this," he says reaching for the little gold clasp nestled between my breasts. He uses both hands to open it and then pushes off the bra leaving me topless. "Wow." He seems genuinely excited by the latest development, and it makes me a little bit shy.

I lean into him, our naked chests pressed up against each other, and take his mouth in mine. I feel his hands run the length of my back and his touch warms me. He giggles a little bit, which sets me off too. _This is fun_. He pushes a strand of hair out of my eyes and stares at me. "You're gorgeous." _My favorite word!_

"You're still wearing too much clothing," I giggle and reach for his belt. His hands capture mine and I look at him, puzzled. _Isn't this what we're doing? _

"Kate, before we go any further I should ask you something," he starts nervously.

"I'm clean and I have protection," I try to shake his hands off mine, but he holds them firmly.

"Good to know, but I just want to make sure you're okay with..." he pauses. I shake my head in question and he takes a deep breath, and adds "okay with us not being exclusive."

_Oh. _I don't think I can hide my shocked expression. I don't know why I assumed we would be. We've only been on one date, but it felt like...well, more.

"Okay, that's enough for tonight." He kisses me firmly and then starts putting on his recently removed garments. "I can see you weren't expecting that."

I suddenly feel very exposed and move to grab my shirt from the floor.

"Honestly? No, I wasn't." I try not to sound angry, because I'm not sure I have the right to be mad. I mean, he's telling me before we sleep together. That's pretty decent of him.

"Is it going to be a problem?" He seems genuinely concerned.

"I don't know. I have to think about it." I've only ever been with one man and he only had eyes for me.

"I still really want to spend time with you and get to know you," he looks at me hopefully. "It's just that, I'm not really ready for anything permanent right now, and I don't want to be tied down."

"How many women do you..." what's the word I'm looking for? "_see _at one time?"

He smiles a little, trying to lighten the mood, but I keep a straight face which quickly sobers his expression. "Just a few. It's just dating, they all know I'm not..."

"Exclusive." I finish his sentence for him.

"Yeah." He takes my hand in his, and even though I want to pull away and tell him to get out, I don't. "I really like you. Just, until I meet the right person, I don't want to limit my options."

_So I'm an option?_

"Well thanks for coming over, and for...whatever this was." I don't know why I'm so angry, he's telling me the truth, before anything happens! _It's not like you have time for a serious relationship_. That's true. I hadn't considered that.

"Don't be mad at me. I just don't want there to be any confusion. I really like you Kate."

"Just not enough to be with me...exclusively?" I could burst into tears.

"Maybe. I hope to find out, if you'll let me." He kisses my cheek and gives me a smile.

I stand frozen on my feet as I watch him walk out of the room. I don't know how long I stay standing there, stunned by recent events. I hear his truck pull out of the driveway, and I suddenly feel very aware that I'm in a state of semi-nudity in a room without blinds. I turn off the light just in time to see his taillights fade down the street.

Walking back to my room, I feel so deflated. Our date was as close to perfect as I could have imagined, and now it just feels cheap. I crawl into bed and throw the covers over my head. A few moments later my little cocoon glows blue as my cell phone flashes a text from him.

"_Please don't be angry. I REALLY REALLY like you."_

I stare at his words until my eyelids fall and sleep overtakes me.


	14. Chapter 14

I'm swamped with work and it's a welcome distraction. It's been two days since the talk with Sid, and my stomach has been in knots. Even though we haven't spoken, he texts me. Frequently.

_"How are you feeling about things?"_

_"Still not speaking to me?"_

_"Kate..."_

_"Let's at least talk about this."_

The last one has my head swimming. In some ways, it's kind of a perfect arrangement. He's busy. _With other women_. I'm busy. _With work_. It's not a good time for me to get sucked into something super serious anyway. And if I'm being completely honest with myself, I don't know if I'm ready for anything beyond fun right now. _You haven't even been single a year_.

_"Okay, let's talk." _I fire back a text to him. I've been ignoring him for days, so it doesn't surprise me one bit when I see his almost instant reply.

_"When? Where?"_

_"You choose." _After all, he is kind of steering this ship at the moment. That needs to change though, and I think I can force his hand a little bit.

_"Where are you?"_

_"Home."_

I know that's all he needs to hear. I really don't want to resume our discussion in my office. I can't look at the couch without fantasizing a different result from the other night. _It's best you didn't sleep with him!_ This way, whatever I decide, I'm going in with my eyes open. _There's a lot about you that he doesn't know,_ I remind myself. Things he might have a hard time accepting.

I step out onto the front porch and settle into the loveseat. He might try and sit beside me though, and close proximity isn't what I'm looking for today. I slump back into a chair facing toward the street and see the familiar figure walking toward me. Dressed in jeans and a simple black tee, he's still quite a vision.

"Hey you," he steps toward me with a nervous look on his face. "It's nice to see you."

"Yeah, good to see you too Sidney." I sound so forced, but all the comfortableness I felt around him is gone at the moment.

"Can I sit?" he points to the chair opposite mine.

"Of course, you're here to talk, aren't you?" He nods and takes a seat.

"So."

"So," I feed it back to him. I don't want this to be difficult, but I'm not sure how easy going I should be about this kind of...relationship? Arrangement?

"Have you had a chance to think things over." He sounds so neutral about the whole thing. _What would he think if you said no_? It's a question worth answering.

"Yeah, I have. I'm not sure this is going to work for me," I say slowly, watching for any change in his expression. He lets out a deep sigh and every muscle in his face falls, his gaze now firmly on the ground beneath his feet. "But, I can try."

Some of his energy returns and his head snaps up. "Really?"

"I think so. I mean, it's an exciting time for me at work and that has to be my priority." He nods his head in understanding. He would get that. "Plus, you're right. Why limit our options?"

He wasn't expecting that. "You're going to see other guys?" I can't believe he has the nerve to ask me that, but I keep my calm and nod my head.

"Maybe. At first I was pretty taken with you, I'll admit, but then I started thinking about what you said the other night, and it made a lot of sense. If I'm not looking to settle down, why wouldn't I play the field a little bit? See what's out there?"

"But, I want us to spend time together too Kate. There's something here worth exploring, don't you think?" Part of me feels badly for making him feel this...well, he sounds insecure I guess...but, then I think back to the other night and remember that fair is fair. If he is going to date other women, there's no way I'm not dating other men. I'm sure he's used to having things exactly how he wants them, but not this time.

"Oh, I think so too. I meant what I said the other night. I had a really great time with you."

He smiles at the last bit, so I continue. "So let's just have fun and see where this goes."

His mouth twists slightly, as if considering my proposal. _As if it's my proposal! This is your idea Sid!_ "Okay, well good. We're good then?"

"I hope so. There's just one thing and I hope it's not a big deal," I say carefully, holding his gaze with mine, "I don't think I can sleep with someone who isn't faithful to me. It's just not who I am."

He looks like someone punched him in the stomach. "Oh."

"We can do other things, a lot of things, but I can't be in a sexual relationship with more than one person. I hope you understand."

"Can we kiss?" He sounds so young as the words leave his mouth.

"Of course," I say brightly.

"Can we..." he can't find the words.

"Everything we did the other night is fine, and even more is fine, but if we're ever going to _be together_ I want us to actually _be together_."

He stands up and walks toward me, offering me his hand. I cautiously accept and he pulls me to my feet, wraps his arms around me and holds me close to him. "I'm not crazy about you dating other guys."

"Well, I'm not crazy about you having a woman tucked away in every city." I snap back. He squeezes me tighter and laughs a bit.

"I'm not quite that bad," he whispers.

"How bad are you?" _Do I really want to know?_

"There's just two other women."

"But you're open to more?"

"Well, I'm not actively looking if that's what you mean," he replies easily. I can feel jealousy bubbling inside me.

"Who are they?" I can't seem to help myself.

"Two women who I've known for a long time, and they know about each other, and now you." He told them about me?! The thought makes me simultaneously furious and oddly elated. _That means he's spoken to them since your date_. I feel all air leave my lungs. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, taking in his scent, being reminded of the way he felt on top of me the other night. Suddenly, I want to fight for him.

"So if you've known them for a long time, but aren't interested in being exclusive with either of them, why are you still seeing them?"

"This is going to be hard for you, isn't it?" He pulls away from me and stares at me intently.

"Probably, at first anyway." I'm not the most easy going person. "Did you take either of them to the cemetery?" Immediately I wish I could take it back. If he says yes, I'll be crushed.

"No, that was just for you." I suddenly love the feeling of his arms around me. "Kate, I don't want anything serious right now. That's the truth, but our date was...amazing, and I don't want to lose you."

"So do you go on dates with them or is it just sex?" _Where do I fit into all this?_

"Somewhere in the middle."

"And what do you want from me?"

"I want you to let me get to know you." _Oh Sid, there are things you do not want to know_.

"And what if I want more from you?"

"Then you'll tell me and we'll figure it out. If my feelings change, I'll tell you and we'll figure it out. I might be coming off as kind of a player right now, but at the end of the day, I'm just trying to be honest with you. No games."

"I can't help but feel like I'm competing for you."

He laughs and I feel his chest press against mine. "Oh Kate, try not to look at it that way. Let's just have fun. I need to focus on hockey, you need to focus on your job, let's not hold each other back with relationship drama." He tilts my chin up to meet his face and plants a scorching kiss against my lips. "And if you change your mind about the sex thing, even better." He winks at me and I roll my eyes. "I'm just teasing, it actually makes me like you more."

My heart skips a little bit. _He does like me._

"Do you want to stay for supper?" I ask sweetly.

"Yes, if you'll have me," he says playfully.

"Well if I won't, we know there's two other women waiting in the wings." I turn and walk toward the front door.

"Oooh! She's the jealous-type!" He pokes my ribs playfully, and starts chasing me into the house. "I like that."

I can't help it, even though I'm feeling so insecure, so jealous, so uncertain, I'm also sucked into his playful mood and I'm happy he's here. If I can just learn to relax, maybe I'll actually enjoy this. No pressure, no sex, just have fun getting to now him.

What's the harm in that?


	15. Chapter 15

"There's no way you're okay with this," Carter knows me really well, but I want to prove him wrong this time.

"You know, I would have agreed with you, but I was thinking about it and the timing couldn't be better. I need a little romantic distraction, but I don't really have room in my life for anything more than a friendly-fumble now and then." _Who am I trying to convince?_

"You're not built this way Katie."

"Don't worry about me, we have enough to worry about right now. This is supposed to be fun, so I'm not going to over think. I'm just going with it." We're almost at the studios and I feel my stomach tighten. First day jitters.

I feel the familiar buzz of my cell phone and pull it out to see a text from Sid.

"_Knock 'em dead!"_

_"Aww, you remembered! Call me when you get back to town."_ His four-day road trip has thankfully coincided with the start of principal photography, allowing me to direct all my focus on making this a great first week.

_"Of course I remembered, I've been nervous all morning thinking about it!"_ He's nervous for me!

_"I'm nervous enough for both of us! Good luck at the game tonight."_

_"I'll score one for you."_

_"Try to keep it at one :) "_ Too far? I hope he'll be able to tell I'm teasing.

_"You're making it hard to keep this casual."_ Is he being flirty or is he mad?

I decide not to reply just in case I mistake his tone_. _A few minutes later he texts again.

_"Can you keep Sunday free for us?"_

_"Definitely."_

_"Call me tonight. I want to hear all about your first day."_

_"Now who's making it hard to keep this casual?"_

_"Still you babe."_

Babe? That's new.

"Here we go," Carter brings me back into the present as we pull into the sound stage parking lot. Time to put Sid out of my mind and focus on the day ahead.

I'm exhausted, and it's only 8:30pm. We're just a few blocks from home when it occurs to me that I haven't eaten all day. The day flew by and I guess some things just slipped my mind. Eating for one, and I haven't thought about Sid, well, nearly as much as I thought I would. So far so good.

"Hey Carter, mind if we stop to pick up something? I'm starving."

"You should have parked in front of the craft services table like the security guard." We both laugh. The craft table is like a mini 7-11, any kind of junk you could want with the occasional piece of fruit thrown into the mix. They pretty much spell disaster for anyone watching their figure. "Where do you want to stop?"

"Anywhere that will do take-out. No drive-thru though."

He pulls up in front of the little bistro where I first ran into Sid. It's closing in twenty minutes, so we waste no time in getting inside. So much has happened since that first afternoon, and at the same time, not much has changed. He's not my boyfriend, which has helped keep any guilty feelings about Benny at bay, for the time being anyway. We're not sleeping together, but that department has been shut down in my life for quite some time now. I still get butterflies when he texts or calls, and sometimes that feeling can fade pretty quick. So far, the casual, or non-exclusive approach is kind of working. On the flip side, I'm so tempted to find out who these other two women are to see where I stack up. _If you even come close_.

I grab a few bags of my new favorite pretzels, order a sandwich and peruse the drink case. I'm about to reach for a San Pellegrino when a hand darts in front of mine and grabs one first. I look up to see a familiar face smiling at me.

"Thought that was you," he hands me the bottle with the brightest smile I've seen all day, "how's it going?"

"Hey, fancy seeing you here." I'm trying to remember his name when Carter joins us.

"Ray, how's it going man?"

_Ray!_ The guy from the bar. Wow, my brain is fried.

"Things are good. I was ducking in for some snacks on my way home. Long day on the job site." He gives us a weary look that I'm sure I return effortlessly. "What about you two?"

"Pretty much the same as you," I say looking at Carter who corroborates my story. "We missed lunch and then the day just kind of got away on us."

"Speaking of lunch," a sly grin spreads across his face, "_somehow_, and I'm not accusing anyone in particular, but _somehow_ I won lunch for a week at Sharp Edge. Apparently they pulled my business card, which is strange because I don't remember putting it in there."

My cheeks redden and I know I'm busted. "Hey, I thought you looked like you could use a free lunch!" I tell him playfully.

"How would you feel about joining me?" He raises his eyebrows, waiting for my response.

My immediate reaction is to decline, but then I remember the promise I made to myself. _If he's going to date other women, I'm going to date other men!_

"Sure, I'd love to." Carter gives me a covert thumbs up.

"Great, do you work nearby?" Ray asks. Sneaking away from set isn't an option.

"Weekdays are tough for me, what about Saturday?" I offer. _Saturday lunch date with Ray, Sunday date with Sidney. _

"Works for me, meet you there around noon?" he suggests.

"I have plans Saturday, so it looks like it will just be the two of you," Carter chimes in sarcastically. I shoot him the dirtiest look I can muster without coming off like a complete shrew in front of Ray.

"That's too bad," Ray tells Carter, but his eyes never leave mine. I never really noticed how handsome he was before. He's tall, well over six feet, lean, but his t-shirt reveals some impressive muscle definition. His blonde hair and blue eyes give him a kind of California-surfer vibe that makes him seem relaxed and approachable. "Another time then Carter. Kate, I'll see you Saturday."

He winks at me and flashes a quick grin. I can't help but smile back.

"I'll be there."

Carter and I sit at the kitchen table, recapping the day over our sandwiches. Obviously people are going to treat me with kid-gloves, after all, I'm kind of the boss, but Carter really gets a feel for what people are really like. He tells me about being mistreated by a makeup assistant and one of the lead actors telling him he had 'a great look'. Carter definitely has a vain streak, so I stroke his ego and agree enthusiastically with the assessment.

After our late supper I decide what I really need isn't a phone call to Sid, but a nice hot bath. I pour myself a glass of wine and retreat to the bedroom. Well this is an interesting turn of events! Sidney wants us to _not be exclusive_, and here an opportunity to _not be exclusive_ has fallen into my lap! And Ray's no slouch either. He's a handsome architect. Like, really handsome. This is me getting ahead of myself again. _That didn't really work out for you last time_.

I sink into the tub and let the day dissolve away. It's after ten and I have an early morning tomorrow. It should really be lights out after this, but that nagging butterfly in my stomach tells me to call him. I sit up and carefully handle my phone, the last thing I need is to drop it into the bathtub. I scroll through my contacts and find those three little letters that don't quite hold as much promise, but still make me giddy, and dial Sid. I hit speaker and lay back.

"Hello?" he sounds sleepy.

"Hey, did I wake you?"

"No, not at all. It's nice to hear your voice." _That! That right there!_ That is what I struggle with, how can he make mefeel so special, and then turn around and tell me I'm one of many?

"Tell me about your day, where are you?"

"I'm in Florida for the next two days." He doesn't sound terribly excited.

"Florida? For hockey?" That doesn't make sense, _does it? _He starts laughing, so I guess it just doesn't make sense to me.

"Yes, Florida has hockey."

"Are they any good?"

"We were better," he's beaming.

"How much better?" I like the little back and forth we have with each other. He gets so playful on the phone.

"We won 4-0."

"How many of those four belong to you?"

"Just one." _Yipee!_ "I'm a man of my word."

"I recorded the game, so I'll watch it and see if that's true!"

"Enough about that, what about you? What are you doing? How did you day go?" His questions come rapid-fire when he's excited.

"Right now I'm relaxing in the bath, sipping some wine and talking to you." I hear him groan on the other end. That makes me laugh a little bit. "Still with me?"

"Hanging on your every word babe," he laughs. _There's that word again_.

"What's that all about?" I prod.

"What's what?" he's confused.

"Calling me babe. Where did that come from?"

"Don't you like it?" he sounds a little embarrassed.

"Depends."

"On what?"

"Well, is that something you're going to start calling me to avoid the potential fall out of accidentally calling me the wrong name?" I can't get the other two women out of my head.

He laughs loudly. "No, it wasn't, but thanks for the tip." He keeps laughing,_ ugh backfire! _

"Are you alone?"

"Of course." Given our recent conversation it seemed like a fair question. "And you Kate? Are you alone?"

"Obviously. I told you, I'm soaking in the tub."

"I've been thinking about your amazing breasts all day," he whispers and I nearly dissolve into the water.

"Yeah? They're right here, want me to pass along a message?" I tease.

"You'd be willing to do that for me?" he giggles.

"If there's something pressing you'd like to convey."

He giggles again, and a slow silence spreads between us.

"Touch them," he whispers. I can hear that his breathing has changed. A flutter of arousal moves through me.

"Okay," I whisper back.

"Little circles around your nipples," he sighs into the phone. "Are you doing it?"

"I am." I feel intensely shy, but safe at the same time. "What are you doing?"

"Exactly what you think I am." _Mmmmmm_.

"Tell me what else you'd like me to do," I tease him.

"Lower one hand and touch yourself," he groans softly. _Are we doing this, for real? _"Tell me when you're doing it."

"Okay," that little butterfly seems to have multiplied in my stomach.

"You're doing it?" he presses. His voice has an urgency now that wasn't there a minute ago.

"Almost," I can't believe I'm about to tell him when I start..._that_.

"Come on Kate, don't make me do this alone," he pleads.

"You're not doing it alone," I whisper. Geez this is embarrassing! _But so exciting_.

"That a girl," he sounds almost proud of me. "Fuuuck. I wish you were here right now," he moans quietly.

"Yeah? What would you do to me?" I challenge.

"Oh Kate, the things I would do to you. I'd ask you to strip for me. Would you do that?"

"For you, I would."

"I would kiss every inch of your gorgeous breasts and suck on them until they were nice and hard," his breathing is almost frantic. "Then I would slip my hand between your legs and play with you softly, slowly."

"Like I'm doing now?" I ask innocently.

He groans loudly, "Behave, I don't want to cum yet."

"What else?" I pant softly.

"Would you let me cum in your mouth?" he's practically begging.

"I might." _If I were your girlfriend_.

"Would you let me make you cum with my mouth?" I can hear how excited he's getting.

"Yes." _Definitely_.

"I'm close," he's panting frantically.

"Me too, wait for me." I quicken my fingers hoping to catch him in time.

"Okay," and I can hear him, he's really working himself over and the thought nearly sends me over.

"I'm ready," I'm right on the edge when I hear him let out a low growl.

"Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate," the sound of him calling out to me is all I need. I'm gone.

"Ahhhhhh," even in my frenzied state I try to sound sexy. I let my breathing steady a bit and add, "That was great."

"You. Are. So. Sexy." Sidney is still coming down from his high.

"Back at ya," I giggle. He joins me and it's clear a little shyness has set in after we got so carried away. "You need to sleep, and so do I."

Inspiration strikes and I pick up my phone and take a quick snap of me smiling in the tub, showing just enough skin to tease him. I send it off quickly wait for his reaction.

"You're going to get me going all over again!" he tells me seconds later.

"I hope so." _Really_. "Goodnight Sid."

"Goodnight babe."


	16. Chapter 16

"You seem perky this morning," Carter barks at me.

"I guess I worked out all the my first-day nerves," and _how_ I did that is none of his business. "You ready?"

I move through the day and I feel unshakeable. Last night has proved to be confidence booster I needed. It's been a while, _over a year_, since I've been with a man, and that orgasm was long overdue. I wonder if that kind of goes against my 'no sex' policy? That's in place for my protection, physical and emotional. Physically, no danger there. Emotionally, I feel really good about it so far. If we'd had sex the other night, I'm sure I'd be torturing myself trying to figure out what it all means. There's no mistaking what last night was - release.

Weirdly, I don't feel the same pressure to stay connected with Sid throughout the day. Last night has freed me of some of my insecurities and I'm not checking my phone every twenty minutes to see if he's called or texted. In fact, I completely forget to send him a little note prior to the game. It was so cute that he remembered my big day and I wanted to return the favor. I guess that's the relationship drama he doesn't want us to feel distracted by. _He's right_.

Work felt really good today, like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. If I'd have spent the day clock watching and agonizing over what to say to him, I would have cheated myself out of this feeling. This feeling of accomplishment. The show is really happening, and I'm part of making it happen. I watch the crew leave, some heading home, most headed to a nearby pub. I still have a few hours to put in at home, but I can tell Carter isn't ready to call it a day yet.

"Why don't you go with them?" I offer.

"How will you get home?" he frowns. It's not like I can't drive, I just don't like doing it. _And your track record isn't the greatest_.

"I can drive myself, or I can take a cab."

"Good luck finding a cab that will take you to the 'burbs. No, it's fine. I'll drive you." I can hear the disappointment thick in his voice.

"Go, I'll drive myself. If you can find a ride back, great, if not I know your apartment has been ready for days." I start packing my things.

"You'll be okay on your own?"

"Yes! Go!" I physically start pushing him out the door.

"I'll arrange a car service for you tomorrow," he starts rambling.

"Will you get out of here? Go have some fun." Frankly, I could use a night to myself.

I make it home without incident, but my nerves are shot. _Wine_. I grab a bottle of white from the fridge and settle myself in the living room. I haven't really spent much time in here. There's seating enough for at least twelve people, but I can't imagine who they would be. I should really be making more of an effort to build friendships here. _You're going to be here for a while_.

I flip on the TV and scan through the guide. Carter has set the Penguins game to tape, but I don't know if I feel like watching it. I hit play and give it a few minutes. He's only on the ice every few minutes and then it's only for like, thirty seconds. I start fast-forwarding, trying to catch all his best bits. He looks so determined, and it's sexy as hell. So far he hasn't been on the ice when the scoreboard changes. That can't be a good thing.

There's a long break between periods, so I breeze through that quickly. _People watch this live?_ I don't know if I could stay awake. Being at the game is one thing, but watching it on TV is another. Maybe I just don't understand it enough. A wave of guilt and hurt feelings overtakes me. I sound like my mother. This is exactly what she would do, and I hate myself for it. Early in my career I wrote a few episodes for a mid-budget sci-fi series. I didn't want to make a big deal about it, but it was pretty exciting for me. When I called to ask what she thought, those were her exact words, "Maybe I didn't understand it." It was like a slap across the face.

_Well I'm not like her!_ I start the game over from the beginning and pay close attention this time. I surprise myself when I actually cheer out loud when they score. _Okay, you're getting there_. My phone vibrates and I see a text from Carter.

_"Are you alive?"_ Holy drama queen.

_"Yes! Stop worrying! I'll see you tomorrow."_

_"Car service will be there at 7:15, they have your coffee order_." What would I do without him?

_"You're the best. Remember that for your quarterly review!"_

I turn my attention back to the game and see Sid in a little shoving match with another player. _Is he going to fight?_ Thankfully it doesn't go that far, but I have to say, he looks good angry.

My phone vibrates again and I roll my eyes. Carter probably reminding me to brush my teeth and say my prayers. To my surprise, it's from Sid.

_"Hey, haven't heard from you in a while. Hope you're good."_

_"I'm great. Just got home, watching some TV. You?"_

_"Headed out with some of the guys." _Headed out where? Dinner? Clubbing? Strip-clubbing? I shake the thought away.

_"Have fun!" _

_"I always do!"_ Yeah, that's what worries me.

As much as I would like to devote myself completely to the game, I still have some work to do. I pour over budgets and spreadsheets, listening to the play-by-play, glancing up whenever I hear his name. They're talking about his point-streak and superstitious nature. _I know someone like that_. Or I guess, I _knew_ someone like that.

Benny wasn't OCD exactly, but he liked to have little rituals. Some of them were sweet, like pointing out where we first kissed every time we drove past, others were a little odd, like blowing into a mug before using it. Shortly after we were married I noticed that I started picking up some of his habits too. I would tap my feet twice against the side of the house before going in, he said it was to shake off the snow, but he would keep it up in the summer too. I thought it was cute, so I started doing it too, for good luck I would say.

I click a folder on my desktop and open a clip.

I'm sitting nervously in the driver's seat and Benny is filming me. He's laughing a little bit, which makes me smile and giggle along with him.

_"Here's Katie, learning to drive standard,"_ his voice is muffled, but it still sounds like him.

We're in the middle of a parking lot and I look terrified.

_"You can do it babe."_

I slam the computer closed. I had forgotten he'd called me that. When you're with someone, really with someone, you work your way through a lot of pet names until you find one that sticks. "Babe" hadn't stuck, but hearing him say it makes me feel like I'm cheating on him. _You're not married anymore_. This just proves it. I'm not ready for anything serious.

I feel a little homesick, but seeing as I can't exactly call up Benny, I decide to give in and call my parents. It might turn into a lecture, but they might also be happy to hear from me. I check the time, and they're two hours behind. It's not too late.

The phone rings once and she answers.

"Hello?" I can't tell what mood I've caught her in.

"Hey Mom, it's Kate."

"Well hello stranger!" thankfully she's in good spirits.

"Yeah, I've been swamped, but I wanted to call and tell you all about Pittsburgh."

"Before you do, let me tell you about the new tile I picked out for the downstairs bath..."

We never do get around to me telling her about Pittsburgh. She tells me all about the renovation and pretty much exhausts herself going into every detail. I'm not disappointed, it's actually kind of nice to just zone out and listen to her voice. She tells me to have Carter send her my travel itinerary, and I momentarily forget that I promised to come home for my niece's birthday next month. _What do you buy a two-year-old?_ Of course, it doesn't occur to her that this trip might be difficult for me, in more ways than one. It's not worth the fight though.

We say our goodbyes and she promises to say hello to my dad for me. We hang up and I suddenly feel very much alone.

I open my laptop and quickly close the video of Benny and me. _Why torture yourself?_ I pick up the game where I left off and get back to work, but even the sound of 18,000 hockey fans doesn't help fill the empty house. Is this what it's going to be like every night when Carter officially moves out? That's it. Enough of this feeling sorry for myself. Yes, I'm a stranger in a new city, but I'm going to be here for a months, maybe even years if the show doesn't bomb. _Pun not intended_.

I've never been much of a joiner, but that has to change. I need to make some friends. Not work friends. Not boyfriends. Plain old friends.


	17. Chapter 17

Saturday morning and I'm a bundle of nerves. I can't tell if I'm nervous about my lunch date with Ray, or if I'm nervous about making a fool of myself at the pilates studio, which is pretty much a guarantee. Maybe I'm nervous about both. _Probably_.

After a little soul-searching and research I signed up for a pilates class at The Studio. Pilates is like a religion in L.A., but I never really got into it, well I never even tried it. I started running to lose weight and then I kept it up because I liked how it made me feel. This is less about the workout though, and more about meeting some women my age.

It's a quick walk to The Studio and the town is starting to wake up. I'm pretty impressed that I was able to drag my ass out of bed on a Saturday morning. Usually Saturdays are my recovery from the grueling work week. I see a break in traffic and dash across the street. The Studio in sight, I'm going to be a little earlier than I'd like and slow my pace. There's a few cute shops on this block, and I make a mental note to come back when I have time to do more than window shop.

I look up and see the familiar Range Rover parked on the next block, and there he is, balancing a smoothie and bagel in one hand and his keys, wallet and phone in the other.

"Hey Sid!" _Maybe I shouldn't have announced to the world that he's right there_.

He looks panic stricken but relaxes when he sees it's just me. _Just me_. "Look at you! Where are you headed?"

I remember that I'm in skin tight cropped running pants and a sweatshirt. "Pilates," I try to sound casual, like it's not my first time and I have no idea what I'm in for.

"Good for you. We still on for tomorrow?"

"Absolutely," I purr. Well, I try to purr.

"Great. I have a skate this afternoon, but if you want to grab lunch after your class I'm around."

_Here we go._

"Actually, I already have lunch plans. Sorry."

"Bring Carter with you," he says quickly.

"Um, it's not with Carter," I hesitate. It takes him a second, but he finally clues in. The look on his face is priceless. "But I'm really looking forward to spending the day with you tomorrow." I try to soften the blow, _but not too much_.

"Right," he's trying so hard to recover. "Yeah..."

"Well I should go, don't want to be late for class," I nod in the direction of the pilates studio and start walking away.

"What time should I pick you up?" he sounds so desperate, it's adorable!

"Whenever works for you," I call back. "I'm yours all day."

He smiles and shakes his head. I turn away and head to class. That really couldn't have gone better. Although, trying to make him jealous kind of defeats the purpose of just having fun. Although, it was fun making him jealous, so maybe it's okay.

I walk into the studio, a grin plastered across my face, and take a deep breath. Normally, I would be a shrinking violet and hide in the corner, but I'm going to make a concerted effort to introduce myself to at least a few people. It's not what I expected, I guess I thought it would be more like yoga, but there's a row of machines that kind of remind me of torture devices from the middle-ages.

"First time?" I look up and see a petite brunette looking back at me. She gives me a friendly smile and raises her eyebrows expectantly.

"Yeah," I breathe a deep sigh of relief. I hope the rest of the class is as friendly as she is.

"Don't worry, they won't start you on the machine today. I'm Andrea," she holds out her hand and I gratefully accept.

"Kate."

"Here, come sit with us." Andrea leads me over to a group of three women who are busied in conversation. "This is Mel, Dana and Kristy. Ladies this is Kate."

A quick round of hellos and they graciously let me join their little gang. I ask them how they know each other and they tell me how they met at a baby-and-me swim class two years ago and have stayed in touch through various fitness classes.

"We keep hoping to find one we like enough to stick with, but no such luck," Dana whispers conspiratorially.

"Oh, so you're not pilates experts?" This is a huge relief.

"Oh God no, there's only one or two hardcores in this class, and you'll spot them from a mile away," Kristy adds with a laugh.

"Then there's Marie." The four women break into a fit of giggles.

"Who's Marie?" I grin, their laughter is contagious.

"Marie is about a thousand years old, more flexible than Gumby and smells like she took a swim at a parfumerie," Dana lowers her voice for effect, "and she's also the instructor." She nods toward the door and I practically burst out laughing.

"Aww, she looks like she was stuck in the dryer for an hour too long," I whisper, desperately hoping my joke will initiate me into their group. Marie helps my case when she gets her arm caught in her over-long necklace.

The women howl with laughter. _I'm in._

Class didn't seem terribly hard, but they all assure me that I'll be feeling it tomorrow. I didn't tell them that I'm pretty committed to my fitness regime, I mean, how bad can it be?

"Listen, I'm throwing a small party next Saturday afternoon. My little guy is turning two," the women all gush about time flying by. "I'd love for you to come. You can meet a few more people from the area, no presents! And I mean that you guys, no presents!" Andrea looks at me expectantly.

"Sure, that sounds great." I say a little prayer of gratitude. _Friends!_

"Wonderful! I'll give you the details next week, that way you have to come back to class!"

I stare at the outfits I've laid out on my bed and review my options. It's lunch, at a sports bar, so nothing fancy required. That's a relief. The denim skirt is a must, it's short without showing everybody the path to Jerusalem, and my legs are my best feature. It's what to wear on top that has me puzzled. I consider a plain white tee, but decide I look too much like a waitress and opt for a fitted red-plaid button down. Definitely casual, but the fit is nice on me, so it looks put together.

I glance around the restaurant and spot Ray at a table facing the windows. He half stands to wave me over. _I love when men do that_. When I'm a few feet away he stands and opens his arms to hug me. I wasn't expecting this kind of greeting and my cheeks flush.

"Hey, glad you could make it," he feels so warm and smells of fabric softener, it's an intoxicating combination.

"Free lunch? Nowhere else I'd rather be!" I joke.

He pulls my chair out for me, his formal gesture quite out of place in the relaxed setting, but somehow it just makes it all the more charming.

"I should warn you, we're on our own for alcohol and apparently there's a $40 cap on lunch," he tells me soberly, "so let's try to stay within that."

He can't be serious, but he's not smiling. No one is that cheap, are they? He looks up and catches my eyes with his and a sneaky grin spreads across his face.

"And we're definitely not tipping," I add to his joke.

"Definitely not," he concurs.

"You know, maybe we can split something and ask for them to pay out the difference?" I suggest coyly.

"Won't do it, I already asked."

I burst out laughing and he joins me.

"I assume dessert it out of the question?" I flip through the menu, exaggerating my interest.

"Oh no. Don't tell me you're one of those women who actually eats on a date?" He winks. _It's a date_.

"Until I'm unbuttoning my pants." My little joke goes over very well with Ray, and my nerves start to settle.

We make pleasant conversation, Ray telling me that he's originally from Kansas but moved to Pennsylvania a few years ago to be closer to family. I tell him about Saskatchewan, and I put to rest some of the misconceptions he has about Canada. When our food arrives Ray digs right in, but I work assembling my veggie burger just so, then cut it in half.

"That's not how you eat a burger, my dear," he shakes his head is disgust.

"I have little hands!" I show him and he chuckles. "If I don't want it to end up all over me, I have to cut it in half."

"Tell me what brought you to Pittsburgh," he asks between bites. "Because there's no way you and Carter are teachers."

"What gave us away?" I forgot about our little white lie the other night.

"You paying our tab. We got a little carried away watching the game, and I don't know many teachers who can drop a few hundred dollars on beers for strangers."

"Good point." I laugh remembering how the lie was started. "To be fair, we only said it because that creepy guy was trying to sit with us."

"He was sitting with you!" He reminds me.

"Until you came over and rescued us!"

"You're avoiding the question." I hadn't really meant to, but he's right, I haven't answered him.

"I'm working on a TV series that's filming nearby."

"Very cool. How long are you in town for?" I'm surprised he kind of understands the nature of the business.

"A few months, maybe longer."

"Good."

_Blushing!_

"Yeah?" I challenge him to elaborate.

"Yeah. I'd hate for you to leave before you could return the favor." He points to the plates of food in front of us and he has me laughing again.

The rest of our meal is spent in comfortable conversation. Ray shares some details about his job, I tell him that I had him pegged as a California surfer upon first glance. He laughs and confesses that he doesn't even swim. Something about that little share is endearing.

The waitress brings by the bill and Ray assesses the damage.

"We're $14.47 over, so divided by two, that's..." he teases. He tosses a few bills on the table and motions for me to join him. "Come on, let's get out of here."

_Oh, the date isn't over._

We walk down the street which has become quite busy with Saturday shoppers. He points toward a little bakery across the street. "Dessert?"

"Absolutely." This is nice. He's easy to be around, we can do normal things, he doesn't have to hide in a cemetery. _That was wonderful_. Yeah, it really was, but this is nice too. _Nice, not wonderful_.

"I hope this isn't too presumptuous, but a client of mine gave me four tickets to the Pens game Monday night. Amazing seats, right behind the bench. One of my buddies can't make it, so if you're not doing anything?"

_Oh my God_. Instantly I realize there's no way in hell I can take him up on it. That would just be cruel. It would be pretty epic though.

"You know, we're in production so the hours are totally crazy," I start.

"Hey, another time." He's so easy going. I could learn a thing or two from him. "Normally I would let you choose whatever you like, but you can't come to the Ultimate Pastry Shop without trying the butterfinger cookies."

Ray holds the door open for me and the smell of butter and sugar overpower my senses. We poke around the little shop for a few minutes, choosing different cookies to make up a dozen. Ray has his favorites, but he lets me choose half, even though I have no idea what's good.

Back outside we window shop down the strip, Ray handing me chunks of cookie, insisting each is better than the last.

"You said that about the last cookie," I scold.

"No, but this one really is better." He hands me half and watches my reaction as I try it.

"Okay, this one is the best so far."

"Butterfinger cookies. I'm telling ya, they're awesome." He's quite pleased with himself.

Ray holds his arm out and I wrap mine through it. He's nice. He's a nice, sweet, smart, funny guy. _So why am I thinking about someone else?_ Sidney might be front and center in my thoughts lately, but I haven't really given Ray a shot. I mean, so far I like everything I know about him. Who knows where this could lead?

"Are you going to ask for my number?" the words escaping me before I have a chance to consider what it is I'm saying.

"I was going to. Are you going to give it to me?" He grins at me. _So handsome!_

"Only if you'll use it," I aim for flirty.

"Oh, I'll use it."

He pulls me closer to him and we keep walking down the street, arm in arm. _This is better than nice_.


	18. Chapter 18

I wake up the next morning, very much aware that Sid could call anytime, and realize that I can barely move. I start slowly, wiggling my fingers and toes, but anything beyond that and blinking is out of the question. _Fucking pilates!_ With every ounce of energy I can muster, I lift my arm and reach for my cell phone. It's just after 8:00am. Carter should be here by 9:00am to grab the rest of his stuff, finally moving into his apartment "officially". Can I wait that long? I debate calling him to come over sooner, but then I'm not sure what difference it will make. It's sore muscles, not much he can help with there. Although, knowing Carter, he would certainly give it a try.

Everything hurts and I wince as I manage to sit up. This is good. Motion is good. I feel the cool hardwood beneath my feet and, deciding there's no time like the present, I force myself to stand. Well hunch is probably a better descriptor. _Fucking pilates! _It takes me a good minute to waddle the fifteen feet to the bathroom and I get a look at myself. Not cute. I look like a ninety-year-old woman, all bent over and twisted. As much as it pains me, and it literally pains me, I'm going to have to cancel on Sid. No man should be exposed to this, save a certain assistant on my payroll.

I debate having a bath, but I just can't imagine being able to climb out, so I settle for brushing my teeth and washing my face. I've made the mistake of trying to get dressed, but after ditching my pajama pants I realize my jeans are neatly folded on a shelf just out of reach. The medicine cabinet has very little in the way of pain relievers, but I pop two Midol and hope for the best. I retreat to my bed and let my aching muscles consume me.

If pilates wasn't potentially helping me make friends at the moment, I would swear off it permanently. That said, they did warn me. Obviously I should have listened.

I'm calling it, there's no way I can go out today. How do I phrase this without it sounding like I'm blowing him off?

_"Rain check? I'm not feeling great today." _There, it's clear I want to see him without going into too much detail of the many ways my body is failing me today.

He doesn't respond immediately, which is kind of surprising, but maybe it's for the best. I'm starting to feel really drowsy from the medication and who knows what I might type in this altered state.

"Kate?" someone is tapping me. "Hey Kate? Wake up."

I didn't even realize I'd fallen back asleep. It's Carter. Well, that means I couldn't have been sleeping too long.

"Oh hey Carter, I didn't hear you come in."

"You look...rough," sugar-coating is not part of his skill set.

"Pilates. It's no joke." I pull the blanket over my face and pray for sleep to overtake me again.

"Oh Kate! Everyone knows that," he says exasperatedly.

"Well I didn't get the memo," I pause, "or it wasn't strongly worded."

"Rest up, you'll feel better tomorrow, I promise." He points to my nightstand. "There's food and a drink for you if you want it. If you need anything more substantial, call me. For real. Call."

"I'll be fine. Don't let me keep you from getting your stuff."

"I'm all moved out!" he announces proudly.

"What? What time is it?" I sit up painfully.

"Just after 1:00pm."

I grab my cell phone and read the flurry of texts I've missed from Sid.

_"Oh no, what's wrong?"_

_"Can I bring you anything?"_

_"Reply so I know you're alive."_

_"Kate!"_

Wow, he's almost as bad as Carter.

"Carter, I'm fine. Enjoy the rest of your day off."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely. I'll see you bright and early tomorrow."

With that, Carter takes his leave. I start texting Sid, but decide a phone call is probably easier at this point. He answers almost immediately.

"Hey, not feeling so hot today?" he sounds concerned.

"Not really, sorry for the late notice."

"Don't worry about it. What are the symptoms? Headache, tummy troubles, feel a cold coming on?"

I laugh which makes everything hurt, and I wince and groan in pain.

"Kate?" he's worried now.

"No, no. Nothing that sinister. I think I just overdid it at pilates." As embarrassing a confession as that is, it's better than him wondering if I have _tummy troubles_! Geez.

"Muscle pain," he's trying not to laugh.

"Yep."

"Well, I know a thing or two about that. Let me take a look?" Oh God he wants to come over!

"You know, I think I just need to rest."

"I wasn't going to put you through the wringer Kate, but hey, if you don't want to feel better, that's up to you." He's mocking me.

"Honestly Sid, I won't be any fun today, I'm completely wrecked." There's a long pause on the other end. "Sid?"

"I'm just looking for your Hide-a-Key."

_What?! He's here?!_

"How did you get here so fast?"

"Relax, I was on my way when you didn't answer my last text. So tell me, where's the hidden key?"

"I don't have one." Thank God for that!

I hear the front door swing open.

"Actually, you do." The phone goes dead and I listen to him climb the steps to my room two at a time. I drag the covers over my head and groan loudly.

"What are you doing? I told you, I'm a disaster today." He walks into my bedroom and sits on the corner of my bed.

"So this is the super-secret off-limits master bedroom." I feel him tug at the corner of the blankets and I tighten my grip.

"Emphasis on off-limits," I pout.

"Come on Kate, let's have a look." He gently tugs the blankets, encouraging me to let go. _Not happening!_

"Look at what? Everything hurts!"

I hear him laughing now. He stretches out beside me and rubs my shoulder through the covers.

"Did you take anything?" His touch stretches down my arm, and admittedly, it feels really good.

"Yes."

"What?" He tugs at the corner and I finally give in. He gives me a sweet smile and sympathetic pout. "Hey there."

"Hi," I whisper.

"What did you take?"

"Midol." He looks at me like I'm from another planet.

"Is that prescription?" He asks patiently.

"It's for menstrual cramps," I blush furiously and he looks at me curiously. "It's all I had in the house."

He snorts and pulls the covers away from me. I'm now very aware how little clothing I'm wearing. Panties and a tank top. Not exactly the lingerie I'd imagined seducing him with.

"Oh, I like this," he giggles. "Come on, roll over."

I do as he says, only because I know exactly what is coming next. His hands start massaging my shoulders and I feel the tension slowly leave my body.

"How does that feel?" his touch is firm, but his voice is gentle.

"Like heaven," I murmur.

"So I can stay?"

"As long as you don't stop, you can stay." I could fall asleep under his expert touch.

He must sense this because he tells me, "It's okay if you want to nap. I won't stop."

"I don't want to sleep," I tell him quietly.

"What do you want babe?"

"Tell me a story."

He laughs a little and his hands move further down my back and in toward my ribcage.

"A story about what?"

"You."

"Me? What do you want to know?" He's a little nervous about this, but I can also hear a little playful edge in his voice.

"I want you to tell me a story about you. Whatever you want to share."

I feel his hands move up the inside of my shirt. "Is this okay?" He continues working out the kinks. "It's hard to get your sides through the shirt."

"Mmmhmm. That feels great," this might be the most relaxed I've felt with him.

"So, a story about me? Let's see," he pauses momentarily, considering his options I guess. "I'll tell you about my first kiss if you tell me about yours?"

"Let's hear it."

"Her name was Alyssa, I was in the sixth grade..."

"No," I stop him, "tell it like a story."

He giggles a little bit and starts over. "Okay, here's _the story_," he emphasizes, "of my first kiss. I was in the sixth grade and most of my friends had already kissed a few girls, and some claimed to have done more, but that's questionable. I was nervous around girls, and had kind of avoided them as much as possible."

His hands move from my lower back to my thighs and I tense up a little bit. This feels a little more intimate than I had expected.

"You're okay," he assures me. "Anyway, I kind of wanted to just get it over with. I was tired of being the odd man out. So I asked a girl in my class..."

"Alyssa," I interject.

"Right," he laughs, "I asked Alyssa to meet me in the playground after school one day. She sat on a swing and I walked up and kissed her. I didn't even say hello."

"Bold," I tease.

"Yeah, it kind of backfired. She started crying and told me she hadn't wanted me to be her first kiss."

I start laughing, it's a little giggle at first, but the more I think about it the funnier it gets.

"Thanks Kate, laugh it up." And I do. I can't stop. I'm almost crying I'm laughing so hard. "Glad you find this so funny."

"I'm sorry, it's just..." I struggle to catch my breath, "so sad!"

"She probably doesn't even remember that," he says quietly.

"Oh, I'm sure she does. I'm sure it's her favorite story to tell at parties."

"What happened here?" I feel his hand graze the scar on my left leg. _Shit_.

"I'll tell you how I got the scar, or about my first kiss. Your pick," _Please. please, please pick kiss_.

"First kiss. Go." He pinches my leg.

"Ow!"

"Just making sure there's no nerve damage," he teases.

"I was in elementary school," I start, "and a boy in my class asked if I would walk home with him."

"Who?"

"You don't know him," I laugh.

"What's his name?" he presses.

"Matt. He lived a few blocks away from me and we had walked home a few times together, just by chance mostly."

"I bet you were the cutest girl in your class," he caresses my thigh.

"Not even close. I was chubby and insecure. So Matt was telling me about his crush on Nicole, who actually was the cutest girl in our class, and how much he wanted to kiss her, but how he was too nervous. I didn't really know what to say, because I kind of liked him and hearing he was into another girl stung." _Gee, that sounds familiar!_ "But then he just came right out and asked if he could practice on me, and I said yes. So that was my first kiss."

"Mine was worse."

"Are you kidding? Mine wasn't even a real kiss, it was a surrogate kiss intended for someone else!"

"Kate, mine ended in tears," he reminds me.

"Well, you've certainly bounced back nicely."

He chuckles and gives my legs one last squeeze. "So have you."

I turn over and smile at him. "Thank you, that felt great."

"How was it?" his face wrinkled in concern.

"It felt great, I really needed that." I smile at him.

"No, your date yesterday. How was it?" the tips of his ears redden and I know he's embarrassed to be asking.

"It was okay." _This is awkward_.

"Just okay?"

"Yeah, it was good. I don't know. What do you want to know?" How much should I tell him?

"Who is he? Where did you meet him? Where did he take you? Are you seeing him again?" His trademark rapid-fire line of questioning starts.

I have to laugh, "Where is this coming from?"

"I'm just curious," he whispers. He sounds like a boy.

"Oh Sid," I sit up, much easier than before, and run my fingers along his face. "Don't be jealous. It doesn't become you at all."

"I'm not jealous," he looks away embarrassed. "I'm just curious."

"Not so easy to keep it casual when you like someone, is it?"

"I guess not."

"I like you too. That hasn't changed."

"So who is he?" this is really eating him up.

"You first_." Do I really want to know?_

"Fair enough." He pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me. "So what do you want to do now?"

_Oh, I guess we're not going there. _

"Want to order in and watch movies?"

"Or we could order in and watch the Caps/Flyers game."

"Yeah, we could..." I don't sound enthused.

"Or we could watch movies," he concedes.

My bed becomes our little island for the afternoon. I give in to Sid's begging, and we watch the last period of the game. He explains the ins and outs of the game to me, and I do my best to follow along. We eat Chinese food, challenging each other to use chopsticks, which we both do...poorly. When the game ends, he insists we watch one of "my movies" he calls them. It's a little embarrassing, but he's adamant.

He pokes my ribs when my title card appears on screen. "Hey, I know her!" he teases.

I'm surprised how attentive he is, and seems to be enjoying the film. When the credits finally roll, he turns to me and smile. "You wrote that?"

I laugh and nod. "I did."

He says nothing, but instead presses his lips to mine. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me. He trails light kisses down my chin, neck and starts moving across my collar bone.

He pushes my arms above my head and I cry out in pain.

"Sorry, I forgot." He looks at me alarmed.

I smile, "It's okay. Don't stop."

"If we're going to follow your rule, I'd better stop now."

"We barely started," I don't get it.

"I'm just, well..." he hesitates, "I'm just really into you right now and I don't trust myself."

"You're a good guy Sid," I murmur.

"I'm trying to be," he chuckles. The quiet stretches between us, and he suddenly lights up, remembering something important. "Do you want to come to the game tomorrow night? I can get you great seats."

I want to, badly, but what if I ran into Ray? "You know, tomorrow doesn't work for me, but I really, really want to see you play again."

"Wednesday then. Promise me."

"You got it."

He leans over and kisses the tip of my nose, and it makes me smile shyly.

"I'd better let you get some rest."

"Thanks for, well everything I guess." I flash him a bright smile.

"What are neighbors for?" he jokes. "I'll lock up, you go to bed."

I listen to him leave and start drifting to sleep when my phone buzzes.

_"Sweet dreams babe."_

If my stomach ever stops doing back flips and my heart stops skipping, I will try to do just that.


	19. Chapter 19

I don't know if it was the Midol or the massage, but it's Monday morning and I'm not suffering too badly. _It wasn't the Midol! _Yesterday has put a permanent smile on my face, well Sid has put a permanent smile on my face.

_"Feeling SO much better today and it's all because of you." _I throw him a text.

Carter walks into the office sporting a jacket and tie. That can only mean one thing. _Quarterly review_. Ugh. What should really be a fifteen minute conversation always seems to turn into a marathon discussion. "Good morning Miss Davidson," oh geez, this is ridiculous.

"Hello Carter, please take a seat," I play along. "If you have a moment, I'd like to do a quick performance evaluation." He can barely contain his enthusiasm. "Your performance has exceeded my every expectation, your willingness to go above and beyond hasn't gone unnoticed, and your attention to detail is without equal. I'm prepared to offer you a four percent raise." I'll go as high as eight, but I know he loves the negotiation.

Carter blanches slightly, "I've prepared a document detailing my professional accomplishments over the past three months. Perhaps you would like to review it prior to discussing compensation?" This is just ridiculous.

"Okay, let's just cut to the chase - six percent?" I don't need to review a document to know he's done a good job.

"Eight," he counters.

"Done," I extend my hand and we shake. He looks pleased with himself and I'm happy he feels like he pulled one over me.

"You're looking much better today. Maybe pilates agrees with you," he removes his tie and jacket, resuming his casual, but pulled-together style.

"I don't think it was the pilates. Sidney came over and kind of nursed me back to health," I can't help but giggle remembering his touch.

"Hmmm," he doesn't sound pleased.

"What's that about?" I ask. He doesn't reply, but just kind of waves his hands as if to dismiss the question. "Seriously Carter, what's up?"

"Kate, I have been your assistant for two years now, and in that time I feel we have grown very close. Perhaps even blurred the lines between professional and social," I nod in agreement. Clearly this is true, he's helped me pick out underwear. "The privilege that closeness has afforded me is that I feel I am able to anticipate how you will respond to certain situations."

"Enough Carter. What is it?" I can only take so much of this.

"I think you're being unfair to both Ray and Sidney, and in the end the person you'll hurt most is yourself" he says coolly.

I'm stunned. "What makes you say that?"

"The only reason you agreed to go out with Ray was because you didn't want to devote yourself to someone who wasn't devoted to you. At first, I'll admit, it was exciting and I thought you should go for it. However, I think you're taking too much pleasure in letting Sidney know he's not the only guy in your life, and I think that you will continue seeing Ray just so you can keep making him feel that way. He hurt you, and part of you wants to hurt him back."

"Well, you've certainly given this a lot of thought." _More thought than I have_.

"Are you angry with me?" he's worried.

"I'll never be angry with you for telling me the truth."

"I'm sorry if it stings a little," he furrows his brow in concern.

I take a minute to consider what he's just said. Carter only has my best interest at heart, and it probably wasn't easy to say that. Especially right after a performance evaluation, although he's probably feeling emboldened by his raise. I smile at the thought. He is right though. If Sidney hadn't dropped the "not exclusive" bomb, I wouldn't have gone out with Ray.

But he _did_ say it. We're not exclusive, and I kind of like Ray. If I had met Ray first, would I feel as strongly about him as I do about Sid?

"You're obsessing." Carter brings me back to the present.

"I am," I admit. "Carter? If I had met Ray first, what do you think would have happened?"

"I think if you had met Ray first, you would be casually dating him, and only him." He sits back and considers something. "That said, you didn't meet him first, and you didn't pour over the details of your date the same way you did with Sid. I think you're trying really hard to be carefree about this, but the fact that you're putting in so much energy means it's not carefree."

"Energy I should be putting toward work," I sigh guiltily.

"Stop that. You're doing a great job, everyone thinks so." He pulls an envelope from a stack of mail. "In fact, you're invited to the HBO summer launch party. A sure sign that people are aware who's running the show."

I smile. He's right. "I just don't know how to have fun with this, you know? I keep wanting to throw it in his face that he's not the only one with options."

"Does he do that to you?" Ugh, I hate when he's right.

"No," I mope.

"So..."

"I have to stop doing that."

"You've only ever been in serious relationships, you don't really know how to do casual, but that doesn't mean you can't learn." He unpacks his laptop and starts setting up for the day, meaning, much to my relief, this conversation is almost over.

"So I should keep seeing them both?" I ask, stupidly.

"Yep, just take the pressure off. Be honest about your intentions with both of them, don't kiss-and-tell, and go out! It's not going to feel casual if you keep playing house with Sid," he tells me firmly.

"Oh my God, you're right."

"I usually am."

"Okay, casual Kate. I can do that. I think," my confidence fading. "Is going to the game Wednesday casual?"

"Yes, and if you're not sure, I can always join you to make sure it stays casual," he suggests hopefully. Oh Carter, you're so transparent sometimes.

"Maybe that's for the best," I flash him a knowing grin. "If you don't mind, I mean."

"All part of the job," and super-serious worker-bee Carter has returned. I glance at the clock and he's right, the morning is getting away on us. Time to focus.

The best part about having a car service is the drive home. I don't have to think about anything or talk to anyone. I can just stare out the window and watch the city pass by, or play on my iPad or phone, of take off my shoes and have a little backseat picnic with whatever I'm able to grab off the craft services table on the way out. Tonight I'm content just to close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of the cool window pane on my cheek.

My mind starts to wander and it occurs to me that I never heard back from Sid. Not that he's under obligation to return my every text, but he usually does. I grab my phone and see that I've missed a whole day's worth of activity, and not just from Sid. My mother has called twice, asking me to pick up some Petunia Pickle something-or-other from "the big city" for a baby shower she's going to. I realize I've forgotten to go through my travel plans with Carter.

I haven't been home since the mediation sessions with Benny's family over division of property. _That was a bust_. They ended up taking things to court and now the lawyers are battling it out. I _really_ hope I don't run into any of his family when I'm in Saskatoon. Just thinking about it makes me nauseous.

I scroll through a few more messages, until I get to the one from Sid. _Three from Sid!_

_"Happy to hear you're feeling good. I think I might have enjoyed it more than you :) "_

He's also sent me a picture. It's of little train cars going up an incredibly steep incline. _"Will you do this with me?"_

Heights. Not my strong suit. He sent that just after lunch, and he'll be at work now. I chuckle a little, it doesn't seem right to call his job "work", but that's what it is. It's a good thing I spent most of the day on set with my phone turned off. Texting him is addictive and distracting.

_"Headed to the arena, wish me luck!"_

As if he needs it. I decide to send him a reply now, who knows how late he'll be "working" and I have an early start tomorrow.

_"You didn't, I will and I do!" _I send him an all-in-one response.

I flip through the few texts, one from my sister sending me a picture of my niece eating lemon for the first time. Tears prick my eyes as I stare at her gorgeous face. Pittsburgh was supposed to be the city where Benny and I would raise a family, but here I am, alone and "playing the field". You can only plan to be surprised I guess.

_"She's getting so big! Can't wait to see you guys in a few weeks. XOXO"_

I'm surprised to see a text from Ray. We haven't touched base since our lunch Saturday, but I guess that was just two days ago. Maybe he's the wait-two-days kind of guy?

_"Check out the seats you passed up!" _and attached is a picture of the back of four helmets overlooking the ice. My stomach does a flip when I see a small 87 on the back of one of them.

The car ride I look forward to all day long can't end soon enough. When I'm finally home I race into the living room and turn on the Penguins game. It seems to take forever, but they finally show the Penguins bench, and true to his word, there is Ray sitting right behind the players. There's a shift change and Sidney sits just off to the left of Ray.

They are complete opposites of each other at the moment. Sidney - sweaty, determined, focused. And then there's Ray - handsome in his easygoing way, laughing and enjoying a night out with friends. They're both so masculine in such different ways. Ray can move anonymously through the world, take in any experience without giving it a second thought. Sidney's life is much more measured by the sound of things, although I haven't noticed.

_Probably because you haven't really gone out in public together_.

_"You're on TV!"_ I text Ray.

I immediately turn off the game. Those waters are too treacherous to navigate. No one needs to see their love interests side by side on national television. It was so much easier when I could dedicate all my energy toward one person and I knew that he felt the same way. Dating is hard, dating two guys at once is proving even harder and it makes me feel confused and immature.

In a moment of weakness I dial a familiar number. I wait for his voice, my heart racing in anticipation of hearing what he sounded like, but it doesn't come.

"The number you have dialed is out of service or has been disconnected," comes the robotic recording.

"How is that possible?" I say aloud to no one.

I dash into the room that has become storage for all my unpacked things and start rummaging through boxes. I remember Carter had a box of cables and electronic accessories when we were setting up my office, it's probably in with that. I rip open box after box, but none of them are what I'm looking for. I frantically dial Carter.

"Kate?" He never fails to answer.

"Carter! Thank God!" I'm panting and on the verge of a complete melt down.

"What is it?" he's panicked now.

"Remember that box of cables from my office? Was there an old cell phone in there?" _Please say yes, please say yes!_

"There was a broken Blackberry," he replies.

"Yes! That's it! Where did you put it?" Thank God, it's still safe.

"I recycled it," he says nervously.

"You what?" I try not to shout, but can't help myself.

"It was broken, the screen was cracked and it didn't turn on," he tells me defensively.

"It just needed a charge!" I can feel the tears pooling, threatening to spill.

"Kate, it was broken," he's trying to calm me down, but it's not working.

"Carter! I know the screen was cracked, I'm the reason it was cracked! That was Benny's phone!" and with that, I fall apart.

I hang up and let my grief settle in for the night. My phone buzzes as Carter tries to reach me again, but I'm crying too hard to talk on the phone. Just another piece of my husband that is lost to me.


	20. Chapter 20

I walk into the production office, over-sized sunglasses on my head and coffee in hand. Carter, as expected, is sitting at his desk nervously waiting for me. I close the door behind me and a nervous dread spreads across his face.

"Carter, about last night," I start.

"Kate, I feel terrible," he sounds absolutely destroyed.

"I really should have called you back. I'm so sorry, that was a shitty thing to do. Please forgive me." _He looks like he spent the whole night worrying about this_. I'm a terrible, terrible boss.

"You don't have to apologize, I should never have thrown away something of...something so important without checking with you first."

"The phone doesn't matter Carter. I promise." I've cried enough for that stupid piece of plastic, there's no point in anyone else feeling badly over it too. "So, onto other matters, yeah?" He nods, obviously I'm not the only one ready to put this behind us. "I promised my mom I would go home..."

"I've taken care of everything. You fly in on a Thursday night and leave the Sunday morning." He hands me a folder with all the travel information neatly printed and organized. "It's been emailed to your parents."

"The thing is, I don't want to stay..."

"Done," he interrupts. "I told your mom you would need a space for teleconferencing and a wi-fi connection. She got confused and I told her it would be easier to just book you a hotel room, she reluctantly agreed."

"I could fucking kiss you right now!" My own space, thank God! "Oh, can you help me figure out what a Petunia Pickle Patch is?"

"Petunia Pickle Bottom, high end diaper bag. Ordered, it'll be here at least a week before you leave." He doesn't even look up from his computer. "Can I speak out of turn?"

"Please do!" Carter quips! My favorite!

"I think your mother is wildly insensitive, asking you to buy something for an expectant mom ," he shakes his head in disgust.

My heart rate speeds up just thinking about it. "I couldn't agree more."

I spend most of the morning on set, which I loathe. I never quite know where to stand, and it's terribly chaotic and I can't help but feel in the way. On the flip side, the other producers have said my presence motivates the crew. I have no idea why, until Carter reminds me that technically I'm the boss. Being on set means no connection to the outside world, which is so welcome right now.

Last night was ugly, and work is exactly what I needed to get my mind off things.

I meet Carter during the lunch break and he fills me in on any important updates. Some actually are important, broadcaster deadlines, schedule updates, other notes are not so important, the costume department has had to vanity size one of the actress' wardrobes to match the size of another actress. Ridiculous, but not totally unexpected.

"Ray phoned to see if you would like to have dinner with him one night this week," he rattles off.

"You spoke to him?"

"I did, it wasn't weird, get over it."

_Fine, geez!_

"What did you tell him?"

"I said I would pass along the message and you would call him back." Carter hands me my phone. "It's ringing."

"Carter!" _No time like the present, I guess_. "Hi, Ray? It's Kate."

"Hey, I just called you. Carter must be pretty efficient," he sounds impressed.

"Yeah, Carter is something," I fire him a dirty look, but he just smiles.

"I'm wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me Friday night? I know you work late, so I thought maybe we could do it at my place. Dinner that is," he adds quickly.

I momentarily cover the phone and stifle a laugh, "That sounds great. What can I bring?"

"Just bring yourself," his enthusiasm is contagious.

"Okay, we should finish around 9:30, is 10:00 too late?" I ask.

"Not at all, I'll text you the address."

"Perfect, I'll see you Friday."

"Can't wait," he says and I can hear the grin on his face.

I hand the phone back to Carter who waves it off. "Not until you've dealt with texts from you mother, who is infuriating beyond words today, and Sid. I don't mind the work stuff, but personal stuff is all yours." He clears his plate and leaves me alone at our table to shuffle through my messages.

My mom's friend is going to L.A. for a wedding and can they stay in my condo. "_I had to sell the condo, remember?_" Does she even listen when I speak to her?

Sid sent me a picture of him and a very tiny woman. _"Look who I saw today!"_ I zoom in and, Oh My God!, it's the woman from the dim sum place! He was having lunch only a few minutes away.

_"Was she friendlier this_ _time?" _I text back.

_"Nope! Not too impressed with me asking for a picture either_." I laugh out loud. I can't believe he had the nerve to ask!

_"Maybe if you clear your plates this time she'll warm up to you."_ I suggest.

_"We're trying!" _He's still there!

_"Want to stop by after lunch?"_

_"Can I bring a buddy?"_

_"Yes! I'll leave your name with security."_

_"See you soon babe." _

Oh, that last text makes me melt a little bit. I have Carter notify security and I rush back to my office to put myself together a little bit. This morning was a little rough, I could definitely freshen up my makeup.

Back on set, I'm pacing nervously and I think some of the crew think I'm dissatisfied with the scene. I keep looking up from the monitor to see if he's arrived, but it's been almost an hour and no sign of him. I don't even have my phone with me, so I can't check if he's texted to cancel.

He wouldn't cancel, _would he?_ No, he wanted to visit the set again. I wonder who his buddy is. _Obviously not one of the other two_. No man is that stupid._ Right?_ I shake the thought away.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up to see Carter, "Stop obsessing, he's here," he whispers.

"I wasn't obsessing," I hiss back_. _

A young production assistant walks up to me with a nervous look on his face. "Miss Davidson," he starts.

"Kate," I smile warmly.

"Ugh, Kate you have visitors," poor thing looks terrified. Sidney has that affect on people. He points toward Sidney and his friend, a tall, well-built man with short brownish-reddish hair and a scruffy beard. The production assistant walks away quickly, obviously relieved he didn't embarrass himself in front of Sid.

"Aww, that was cute," Carter coos, "I love sending PA's over to talk to the boss," he laughs and waves Sidney over toward us.

_He was nervous to talk to me?_ I should really do a better job of introducing myself to the crew, they're just so busy all the time! Sidney walks up, and I'm a little relieved he doesn't move to hug me. The last thing I need are people speculating about my love life, or probably more interestingly, _his_ love life.

"Hey Kate, this is my buddy James," Sidney starts the introductions. I extend my hand and offer James a friendly smile which he returns quickly, "James this is Kate, and her friend Carter." I love that he introduced Carter as my friend, and not my assistant.  
I can see the publicist walking toward me, obviously excited by this latest development.

The crew have definitely noticed the high-profile guest. Before I can open my mouth to say anything, I'm suddenly needed by every department head, simultaneously. They swarm us, speaking to me, but looking at Sidney and James. _James must be a hockey player too_.

"Kate, could you sign these expense reports?" even the accountant is making an appearance.

"Is this urgent?" usually we deal with reporting Friday afternoon.

"I'm sorry, but it is," he ignores me completely and watches Sid closely.

"You know what, why don't I take these to my office, and Rachel?" I look for the publicist, who is quick to move right beside me, "would you mind taking Sidney and James on a little tour? Maybe show them the stages that aren't being used right now and then swing back once the next shot is set up?"

It's not a question as much as an announcement the show is over. "Happy to Kate," she tells me brightly. Rachel is the definition of professional, and as she is married with four kids at home, I know she won't walk around drooling over these two. The crowd disperses and people resume working.

Sid shoots me a little smile and I roll my eyes at all the fuss. He smirks and tells Rachel, "You know, Kate's already shown me around, but I know James is dying to see everything." Funny, James doesn't look like he even wants to be here. "You two go ahead and I'll catch up with you after."

I shake my head a smile. _Smooth Sid_. "Maybe you'd like to see the production office? It was empty when you were here," I offer lamely. He smiles widely and gives James a quick look. Poor James has obviously been roped into this and would rather be anywhere but here.

We walk quietly to my office, and I do my best to look professional as the crew all take the opportunity to check out Sid. I hold the door open for Sid and motion for him to go in first, and then I gently close the door behind us.

He's all lips, tongue and hands. "You look so sexy when you're the boss," he groans quietly, very aware there are dozens of ears just outside the door who would love nothing more than some hot gossip. He turns me away from the door and undoes the top two buttons of my blouse. His hands move up the inside of my shirt and rub lightly against my bra. He pulls the cups down and tucks them under my breasts, pushing me up and giving him access to my skin. "Gorgeous."

I lean back against my desk and pull him flush against me. I run my hands through his hair, so messy and curly today, so adorably Sid. "I love your hair like this," I whisper as I give it a gentle pull.

"What else do you love?" he asks, quietly panting against my neck as he presses my breasts together and pulls them to his lips. His thumbs make tight circles around my nipples while he places firm, wet kisses all around them.

"The way your mouth feels on my skin," I move my hands from his hair to his neck and run my fingers along the inside of his collar. He giggles a little bit and pulls away. "Are you ticklish Sid?" I give him a sly smile.

"Yes, but if you use that against me right now I think you'll have some explaining to do to your office," he replies, suddenly looking very serious. "This is what you do to me Kate," he straightens and takes my hand, presses it against his growing member and uses my hand to rub himself through his jeans.

I sit up on the edge of the desk and spread my legs, pulling him to meet me. He presses his sex against mine, and I can feel every inch of desire hit my core. "That feels so good," I tuck my fingers into his belt loops and hold him against me.

"Let me move a little bit," he begs. I loosen my grip and he starts gently rubbing his erection against me. Even with the multiple layers between us, it's quite impressive. "Someday I hope we can do this with nothing between us," he breathes against my neck.

"Someday," I reply wistfully.

He pulls me tight against him and holds himself there, his eyes blazing, searching mine. "Someday," he tells me, and it's not a question. "We have to stop before..." he pulls back and it's quite obvious why we have to stop.

"Yeah, plus I'm at work. I don't think we should get in the habit of fooling around at work," I laugh, buttoning my blouse, straightening my clothes and smoothing my hair.

"It might not be so easy at my job," he teases.

"I don't know, there's room in the penalty box for two," I flash him a wicked grin.

"You know they call in the 'sin bin', right?" he laughs.

"I didn't know that. Kind of begging us to get naughty in there, isn't it?"

"There's cameras in there," he warns.

"Plus I probably wouldn't make it out of there alive if your fans saw me touching you," I concede.

"You're still coming to the game tomorrow, right?" he sits in the chair directly in front of me and runs his hand up my thigh until he captures my hand in his.

"Absolutely."

For a moment we say nothing. I stare into his eyes and focus on feeling his thumb trace the length of my fingers, watching air move in and out of his lungs, and seeing his tongue dart out to wet his impossibly full lips.

"This isn't helping my situation," he laughs.

"I'm not doing anything," I say defensively.

"You're watching me and I know what you're thinking."

"No you don't," I challenge.

He stands up and pushes my hair behind my ear, leans in so I can feel his breath on my skin, and kisses the space between my neck and collar bone. "I do know, because I'm thinking it too."

"You're right. We have to stop." I walk behind my desk and sit down across from him. "Tell me all about dim sum."

He laughs at my attempt at segue. "Well, she wasn't thrilled to see me again."

"I can't believe you took a picture with her," I stare at him incredulously.

"Just for you babe."

My phone buzzes and it's a text from Carter.

_"Safe?" _Oh geez. Well, not undeserved I guess.

_"Of course!"_ I feign innocence.

"Looks like they're headed back here," I tell Sidney.

"Oh man, James is going to kill me," he laughs. "This wasn't the plan."

"What was the plan Sidney?" I ask coyly.

"Well, I'll admit, I did want to see you, but I didn't plan to ditch him and sneak off to make out."

"We weren't making out, we were signing cost reports, remember?" I hold up one of the oh-so-urgent cost sheets from accounting.

He laughs, and the door opens. Carter and James enter and I can tell both are surprised to see Sid and I sitting far apart and fully-dressed. I motion to Carter to leave the door open, so the rest of the office can see what an innocent meeting we're having. _Well, now it's innocent_.

"Hey guys, how was it?" Sid stands to join his friend.

"Really cool, thanks for bringing me to see it Sid," James says, his voice laced with sarcasm. They exchange a series of looks, eventually ending with Sid flashing James a play-nice glance. "It actually was pretty impressive," he tells me.

"Kate, I hate to cut this short, but the conference call with the bank starts in three," Carter informs me.

"Right, well thanks for coming by you guys. It was nice meeting you James," I say swiftly.

"Yeah, next time maybe we can actually meet," he throws a dirty look Sid's way.

"I'll talk to you later," Sid moves closer to me, but I give him a warning look. The door is open and I'm sure there are prying eyes watching our every move. He gives me a nod and smiles.

"Carter will walk you out," I give them both a bright smile and turn back to my desk. Before I've even sat down, my phone buzzes and there's a text from Sid.

_"Kiss!" _


	21. Chapter 21

For some reason, I'm feeling nervous on the way to the arena. It's not like I'll be able to talk to Sid, but I can't shake this feeling. Inside, Carter and I find our seats quickly, and they are great seats. The section we're in is really fun, a lot of die hard fans. We haven't even missed the whole first period, and this time we can actually make out who is who on the ice.

"There's James," Carter points out, and I see him first then find Sid on the bench.

"Don't tell me you're a Rangers fan," the guy sitting next to us asks Carter. It takes us both by surprise until we realize Carter's sweater matches the blue in their jerseys.

"No, we just came straight from work," Carter assures him. "We're both Penguins fans." Is it my imagination or does Carter sound nervous?

"Yeah?" the man seems surprised. I can't blame him, Carter doesn't exactly fit the stereotype. "Who's impressing you these days?"

"Uh, James Neal for sure," Carter says anxiously. I almost burst out laughing.

The man turns to me and asks, "And you? Who's your favorite player?" He watches me expectantly, and I wonder if I should be honest or just pick a random name from the sea of jerseys in front of us. He smiles warmly and suddenly, I don't feel threatened to prove myself.

"I'm here to see Crosby play," I tell him.

"He's one of the best," he says.

"That's what I hear. I'm kind of new to hockey," I say truthfully.

"Switch spots and I'll talk you through it," he pokes Carter to swap seats with me, and we play along and switch places. "I'm Troy."

"I'm Kate and this is Carter," Carter gives a quick wave and returns his focus to the game.

"So you're just getting into hockey?" Troy asks.

"Sort of, I don't really know that much, but going to games is fun," I probably sound like a complete airhead.

"What sparked your interest?" he questions.

"Um, well Pittsburgh is such a hockey town, I kind of wanted to see what all the fuss was about," it's sort of true, kind of, not really.

"You're not from around here?" Troy presses.

"No, I'm Canadian. Just here for work," I tell them.

"A Canadian girl who doesn't know her hockey," Troy laughs. "I didn't know they existed."

"There's a few of us," I defend myself playfully.

Troy, on the other hand, does know his hockey. In fact, he's practically an expert. He explains what "offside" means, and to my relief, that clears up a lot of the confusion. He laughs when I scream offside, then look at him to make sure I'm right, and thankfully I am. Troy gives Carter a hard time about his "Ranger-blue" sweater, eventually leading Carter to sneak off and buy a Penguins hoodie.

"So how did you two manage to get such good seats?" Troy asks us.

"A friend offered them to us," I say.

"These seats are hard to get, your friend must be pretty well-connected," he eyes me curiously.

_Am I busted? _"I don't know how well-connected he is, but you won't find a bigger hockey fan," I can't bring myself to all-out lie, so this seems like a fair compromise.

"And he's not at the game?" he presses.

"He had to work tonight."

It's the truth. He doesn't need to know who exactly gave us the tickets. Troy watches me and smiles, a genuine, heartfelt smile that for some reason makes me feel like he's proud. _Proud of me?_ I don't quite know what has affected him, but something between us has changed. It's like I've been initiated into a super-exclusive Penguins fan club.

We spend much of the next period in the same way. Me looking confused and him explaining why the play stopped. He cheers loudest for Sidney too and that makes me like him even more. Troy explains the importance of winning this game to keep the streak going. _These are things I should know_!

"A lot of the players have little superstitions to keep a streak going. Some will stop shaving, won't cut their hair, eat the same meal on game days, things like that," he explains.

"Really? I didn't realize hockey players were superstitious!" _Maybe Sid and Benny have something in common._

"Oh they definitely are. Sid's one of the worst," he says quickly, then watches me carefully for my reaction. I smile a little, but do my best to stay neutral.

"Yeah? I hadn't heard that about him," I say carefully.

Excitement on the ice pulls Troy's attention away, and I'm surprised to see Sid in a shoving match with another player. The crowd goes crazy when Sid is escorted into the penalty box.

"Ahh, bullshit!" Troy says angrily.

I look over to Carter and he is booing frantically and waving his arms wildly.

I can't help but laugh. Sid is a big boy, _as proven by our little rendez-vous in my office_, and can take care of himself. Troy looks over at me and smiles when he sees me chuckling. "I thought you were a Sid fan?" he teases.

"I'm just happy they didn't start fighting" I yell over the noise. This makes Troy laugh and he puts his arm around me and pulls me into a half-hug.

The game ends and the streak continues.

"Troy, it was great meeting you!" I tell him brightly. "Thanks for the hockey crash course!"

"It was my pleasure. Maybe we'll see each other again sometime, if your friend has to work again."

"Do you have season tickets?" Carter asks.

"Sort of, I can get tickets in this section pretty easily," he tells us. "You two have a good night, drive safe." He gives me a warm smile and heads out with the rest of the crowd.

It's nearly midnight when I get home, but I'm so exhilarated by the game, I can't imagine going to sleep. There's a package sitting on my front porch, and I'm mentally considering who it could possibly be from when I notice the address. It's not for me at all. The delivery man inverted the house numbers and left the package on the wrong step.

_"Thanks for the great tickets. We had an fantastic time and you were amazing!"_ I send Sid a quick text.

_"Glad you had a good time. Let's talk tomorrow." _He must be exhausted.

I toss my purse inside, and make my way down the street. After three blocks it occurs to me how stupid it was for me to be walking around by myself at night. The house is farther away than I anticipated, but I'm relieved to get the package off my hands. That's just the kind of thing I would forget about and forget about and then it would awkwardly overdue to deliver.

As I'm walking home I see Sid's Range Rover pull into the driveway of the insanely large house at the end of the block. _Of course_. I jog up, hoping to catch him before he goes inside. I'm just about to call out to him when I see he's not alone.

She's thin, brunette, and very, very giggly. I can't make out what they're saying, but she's laughing at every word that leaves his mouth. _He's not that funny!_ I can't bring myself to look away, but it's torture seeing him with her.

He puts his arm around her and she turns into him, kissing him as he fumbles with his keys. He swats her ass and she jumps. My heart sinks. I shouldn't be watching this. She turns to him and says, clear as a bell, "You'll have to catch me first!" and with that he starts chasing her, pinching her ass every chance he gets.

He catches her easily, and she squeals with delight. He pulls her into a deep kiss and then escorts her into his house.

The door closes and all I can think is how badly I want to rip her fucking face off!


	22. Chapter 22

If this is casual dating, I'm not sure I can handle it. I just can't seem to concentrate on anything but last night. It's not like I didn't know he was sleeping with other women, that's the reason we're _not_ sleeping together! I just don't understand why he would insist that I come to the game, but go home with someone else.

I really want to talk to Carter about it, but every time I think about bringing it up, I get embarrassed. _It's embarrassing!_ Thinking about it makes me feel, I don't know, a combination of furious, unattractive, and stupid. How could I be so naive? He's a young, super gorgeous, hockey player. He's not going to shut down his sex life to get to know some bookish writer.

"You've been staring at that same screen all morning. Everything okay?" Carter asks.

"Yeah, just lost in thought."

I wonder if he's sweet with her, the way he is with me? Does he drop in to visit her at work? Does he keep in touch as often as he does with me? _Maybe more_. From what I saw, she was very pretty. Obviously he can have his pick, so it's not like he's going to be with someone completely average when he could be with..._that_. Unfortunately, I'm firmly planted in the average category of the looks department. _A little above average_. Maybe.

My phone is turned off, which has become challenging, but at the same time, I'm too afraid to turn it on. What if he calls or texts? I'm not sure what I would say or how I would react. Even though he was honest about everything, it still hurts. It's not an abstract concept, casual dating, now it's real. I've seen him with another woman, and there was no mistaking what they were doing together.

"Enough," Carter snaps. "Whatever is eating at you, let it go. You have to be in the writers' room in twenty."

He's right, enough agonizing over Sid. It's almost noon and I've accomplished absolutely nothing. He didn't want us to hold each other back with relationship drama, and I guess it's been working for him, I mean _the winning streak continues!_ I'm not sure it's working for me though. Maybe it's time to talk to Sid about it, but what would I even say? He said he wants to get to know me, well this is me. I'm jealous. I'm insecure. I'm scared of being hurt, of ending up alone...again.

"Kate? They're ready for you," the office PA tells me.

"Turn your phone on," Carter reminds me. "Network set visit this afternoon."

I'm grateful for the escape the writers' room gives me. It's loud, energetic, sometimes confrontational, sometimes laugh-out-loud funny. Above all, it's invigorating. This is more than a distraction from Sid, this is the reason I'm in Pittsburgh to begin with, and I feel a surge of confidence doing what I do best in a room of people who respect me.

We take a short break and I decide to check my messages. Much to my relief the first one is from Ray.

_"Looking forward to tomorrow!"_

_"Can't wait!" _I reply quickly. I wonder what I should bring? He said nothing, but it's rude to show up empty handed. I know nothing about wine, and I consider picking up some cookies, but maybe he has plans for dessert. Hmm, this is going to take some thought.

The next message is from my agent. Looks like I'll have to make a trip to New York in the next few weeks. Nothing major.

Finally, there's messages from Sid.

_"Road trip this weekend, any time for me tonight?"_

My first thought is that if I say no, he'll go running to one of his other... That's not a good enough reason to say yes! I have to say yes because I want to see him, not because he wants to see me! And I do want to see him. I want him to get to know me, and I want to get to know him. He's so easy to be around that sometimes I forget this has to work for me too. Instead of worrying about him choosing me, I should be worrying about whether or not _I _choose _him_!

_"You bet." _I type quickly.

_"My place or yours?"_ Ugh, definitely not his. As curious as I am about his house, I don't think I can stomach going there knowing what went down there last night.

_"Let's go out." _Do not play house with Sid. Do not play house with Sid.

_"Where?" _

I remember hearing about a place nearby, and I'm pretty sure we can go undetected.

_"I have an idea, will you pick me up around 9?" _Not sure how this will go over, he doesn't strike me as someone big on surprises.

_"Kate..."_

_"Trust me!"_

_"Okay, I'll see you tonight babe." _

It's just before 9:00pm and I'm racing to finish getting ready before Sidney shows up. I've thrown together a bag full of anything we might need for our little night out. _Night out, we've never had one of those before_. I'm just brushing my teeth when I see his headlights flash into my driveway.

I race downstairs, grab my stuff and beat him to the front door. If he comes inside we might never leave again!

"Hey you," he gives me a crooked smile. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages." He steps toward me and gives a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"I just saw you last night!" I pull away slightly, still not totally comfortable.

"You liked the game?" he questions playfully.

_That's not what I meant_. "Last night was...interesting." I haven't decided if I'll mention his late night extra-curricular activities, but it's definitely on my mind.

He eyes me curiously. "How were your seats?"

"So good. We loved it," that doesn't seem to be the answer he's looking for.

"No one hassled you?" he asks.

I give him a confused look. _Why would anyone hassle us?_ "No, I told you, it was great. The people around us were fun, we had a nice time." Then it hits me. "Do you usually give those seats away to women?"

He laughs, "I haven't given a woman tickets in years." He holds me at arms length and looks me over. "Where did that come from?" No trace of humor in his voice.

"Let's talk about it later, I don't want us to be late!" I try to shrug off my bad mood and flash him a smile. He seems satisfied and leads me to his truck.

"So where are we headed?" he asks cautiously.

"The movies," I tell him coyly.

"Oh Katie, that's not always..." he actually looks panicked. I freeze his lips with a kiss.

"Trust me, we'll be fine," I start punching in the address into his GPS and he lets out a deep sigh.

"Just don't be disappointed, okay?" he rubs my knee, trying to soften the blow of what's to come.

"O ye of little faith!" I tease.

"How far away is this place? We have to go all the way to Moon?" he tries desperately to pry an answer out of me.

"Just drive babe." A smile creeps across his face and he turns his focus to the road. I feel his fingers along the back of my neck and close my eyes enjoying his touch. He traces tiny little circles across my skin, and every once in a while his hand drops to give my shoulder a squeeze. His skin is so warm, it makes me want to wrap him around me.

Sid breaks out into an enormous smile when he sees where I've brought us.

"The drive-in," he nods appreciatively, "I love it. I didn't even know this place existed."

_Good, we can make it our own! _I watch him closely and he looks delighted. He pulls up to the entrance gate and I lean across him to pay. "My treat," I tell him. He takes the opportunity to slide his hand down my back and across my backside. I squeal, "Thank you!" to the cashier when Sid gives me a firm squeeze, which makes me blush and Sid giggle.

It's a weeknight, so it's not terribly busy. Sid parks a distance away from the other customers. He climbs into the back to flatten the seats and I get to work unpacking the bag of goodies I've brought. "What? No hummus?" he teases me and takes inventory of what I've brought. "You have quite the spread here babe."

He sits with his back against the front seat, looking out the rear window. I watch him for a moment, noticing how carefree he seems. He looks at me and motions for me to sit with him. I settle next to him and he wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me tight against him.

"This is perfect, thank you," he kisses the top of my head.

"You're welcome babe," I relax against him.

"I like that," he whispers, taking my hand in his and bringing it to his lips. I look at him curiously, and he explains. "I like hearing you call me babe."

"Babe."

"Again," he commands.

"Babe."

"Louder!" he encourages.

I giggle, and shout "Babe!" He pulls me onto his lap and presses his lips to mine.

"Yeah, just like that," he laughs. The movie starts and I move to sit beside him, but he stops me. "Stay."

"Okay, throw me off when I get too heavy," I tell him.

"Judging by the amount of food you packed, you should enjoy it while it lasts," he starts digging through the bag I've packed. "Oh Kate, you've outdone yourself."

I lay in his arms, half-watching the movie, half-watching Sid. He looks so settled, relaxed, content. He makes a pretty significant dent in the snacks I've packed and tries to feed me the last quarter of everything he eats. It's actually really cute.

"Man, we'd better pace ourselves," he shoves some of the wrappers aside.

"Yeah, _we'd_ better," I tease.

"Are you calling me fat?" he says and I burst out laughing. "You should know, my body is a finely tuned machine."

"Oh, I'm well aware," I giggle.

Sid lays me beside him and rolls on top of me. "Are you sure? Maybe I could remind you?"

"But Sid, what about the movie?" I mock.

"We'll catch it on Netflix," he starts undoing my jacket and pulls it off my shoulders. "Let's do this instead."

As much as I really, really want to, part of me is holding back. _The part of me that can't stop seeing him with the other woman_. I gently push him off me and sit up straight, feigning interest in the movie.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he sits up.

"Nothing's wrong, let's just watch," I avoid looking at him.

He watches me carefully, and runs his hands down my arm. "Earlier, when you asked about the tickets? What was that about?"

He hasn't forgotten, and maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I should tell him and just put it all out there. "I was walking home last night and saw you with your girlfriend," I try to stay as neutral as possible.

"She's not my girlfriend," he replies quickly.

"Well, whoever she is. When you asked if anyone hassled me, I thought it might be common knowledge those seats are for women you're...well, you get it." My heart is racing. I don't want to sound confrontational, he's free to do as he pleases, but it's hard when the truth hurts.

"No, they're not. Listen Kate, I'm really sorry you saw that," he tilts my chin toward him to gauge my reaction.

"You don't have to apologize Sid! It's fine, really," I try to laugh it off. "I mean, we both know what this is, so you don't owe me an explanation."

"What is this Kate?"

"This?" I wave my hands between us. "This is just having fun until you find the person you want to settle down with." It doesn't come out quite as nonchalant as I'd hoped, but it's pretty convincing.

Sidney shakes his head and closes his eyes. "That's not what this is."

"No?" I whisper.

"That's what they are, well one of them anyway, but you're...different," he finishes.

"So one is for fun, and what about the rest of us?" I look up at him, and he's very serious now.

"Okay, let's get it all out there. One is for fun, or _was_ for fun, but I haven't seen her in weeks and really have no intention of seeing her again. The other one, the woman you saw last night, she's been kind of ... lucky for me."

"Lucky?" I hiss.

"Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but she has been. Every time we, well you know, between a home game and a road game, I have a really successful trip."

"Every time?" I scoff.

"Well, almost."

"And it never occurred to you that she might have nothing to do with that? It could be that you're great at what you do regardless of who you're sleeping with?" It's so ridiculous that I'm almost laughing.

"Are you mad?" he eyes me suspiciously.

"Nope, you were honest with me and I respect that." He's not buying it. "Okay, this is hard for me, but I'm trying." He pulls me close and kisses my forehead. "So, I'm different how?" I bat my eyelashes and flash him an innocent smile.

He laughs and seems a little more at ease. "I actually spend time with you, talk to you, go out of my way to see you, call you, text you, think about you...more than I should."

_Wow!_

"I think about you all the time Sid," I confess. "It's kind of a problem."

"Do you think about me when you're with him?" he asks shyly.

"I have. Do you think about me when you're with her?" I throw his question back at him.

"Constantly. To be honest, I almost didn't go through with it and I've been feeling guilty all day." He pauses and looks very serious. "Do you want me to stop?"

"You have to decide what's right for you, I'm not going anywhere. Let's just see where this takes us."

He looks relieved, but then something changes. "What if I said I didn't want you to see that other guy again?"

"I would tell you that until we both decide we're ready to be with each other, and only each other, you can't ask me for something you're not prepared to give back." He nods quietly. "Just tell me I'm important to you," I beg.

"You're important to me, very, very important," he says sincerely. "And me?"

I lean across him and rest my arms on his chest, run my hands through his hair, and pull his face to mine. Holding his face in my hands, "You're important to me babe." He smiles widely, and leans up to kiss me. "And so I'm really sorry for what I'm about to say, but I hope you have the worst fucking road trip of your life."

He laughs loudly and freely, and I join him.

"Are we okay?" he asks.

"Better than okay," I kiss him lightly on the tip of his nose.

He holds his body against mine, resting most of his weight on his arms. He pushes my bangs out of my face and smiles down at me. I can't help but smile back and he takes that as an invitation to kiss me. Our lips meet and I waste no time pulling his body flush to mine.

"Still no sex though?" he asks optimistically.

I laugh, "Sorry babe, it'll be worth it."

"I look forward to it," he nuzzles my neck and pushes his hands up my shirt. "Let's take this off, okay?"

I lean up and he pulls my shirt over my head, leaving me in my bra and jeans. _Exactly where you left off_. Well, now that I know where things really stand between us, I'm not so reserved. I drag Sid's shirt over his head and put it behind us. He has beautiful skin, so pale it almost looks silver in this light, but so warm and inviting. I kiss his shoulder and pull him down to meet me.

"How far is too far?" he asks cautiously.

"What did you have in mind?" I ask slyly.

"Let me see you," he's so sexy when he begs.

"Okay," and that's all he needs to hear. He starts by kissing a line across my stomach while his fingers fumble with the button to my jeans. He lowers the zipper and I lift my hips to help him out. His mouth moves to my left hip and his hands pull off my pants leaving me in just a bra and panties.

"You're so gorgeous," he keeps kissing down my legs and stops when he gets to my scar. "Someday you'll tell me what happened here," and before I can say anything he adds, "but we're done talking for tonight." He hooks his fingers into the top of my panties and looks up to see my reaction. My heart is racing, but I want this so badly. I nod yes, and smile, encouraging him.

He lowers the lace fabric and a smile spreads across his face. My hand instinctively moves to cover myself, but he pins it to my side. "Let me look at you babe," and I practically melt. "Don't get shy on me now." He looks up to see the nervous smile on my lips and draws himself close to me, kissing both my cheeks and finally my mouth. "If this is too much, you'll tell me to stop, yeah?"

I have no idea what he has in mind, but I want to find out. "Yes."

"Promise? I don't want to push you further than you want to go," he looks dead serious.

"I'll tell you if it's too much," I promise breathlessly.

He positions himself between my legs and starts placing kisses up the inside of my thigh. My legs quiver in anticipation and when he notices he flashes me a worried look. "Still okay?"

"I'm just excited," I tell him.

"Mmmm," he groans against my leg and I can barely stand the wait any longer. I feel his hands against my naked hips and he pulls my legs farther apart, licking and kissing the path from my hip to my thigh to..._there_.

He's found his target and I almost fall apart from the first touch. He kisses me, firmly, enough so I feel it, but not enough to really build to anything. Then I feel his fingers press against me.

"You okay babe?" he asks quietly.

"So good," I pant.

He moves one hand away from my sex and runs it up and down my thigh. I surprise us both when I stop him and pull his hand into mine. He laces his fingers between mine and looks up to give me a gorgeous smile.

"Can I ..." he starts.

"Please!" I moan, answering his unspoken question, and he doesn't hesitate. I feel his tongue find the most sensitive part of me and he tortuously starts moving in small circles. I squeeze his hand in mine and he squeezes back. I moan quietly and I feel his grin between my legs.

It's a Thursday night, I'm at a drive-in full of people and Sidney Crosby is between my legs. I could gush on the spot.

He flicks me back and forth quickly, expertly, and I feel myself being pushed closer and closer to the edge. He takes his free hand and slides two fingers inside me and I instantly tighten my grip on his hand. He freezes, fingers in mid-thrust, tongue in mid-magic and has the nerve to look up at me.

"Why are you stopping?" I pant furiously.

"Okay, okay, just checking," he laughs and resumes what is now my favorite position of Sid's. His fingers move in and out of me slowly, and with each thrust it feels like they're going deeper and deeper in side of me. His tongue is the perfect compliment to his capable fingers and I quickly find myself working to stave off the impending orgasm.

A small little moan escapes my lips and I feel his hand squeeze mine. Something about holding hands while he pleasures me has made this so much more erotic and intimate.

"Let go baby," he whispers, and I do. My body tenses and quivers and he doesn't stop his attack until I beg.

"Okay, okay, I'm done!" I cry.

He is very pleased with himself, as well he should be.

"Yeah?" he asks sheepishly.

I throw my arms around him and press my naked body against his. He holds me tight against him and rocks me gently while I come down from my orgasm. "That was amazing," I whisper hoarsely into his ear.

He giggles, "Glad you enjoyed it."

I push him off of me and give him a saucy smile, "Will you let me return the favor?"


	23. Chapter 23

_"Headed to the airport, can't stop smiling. Guys are asking questions!"_ Sid texts me Friday morning.

_"Be safe and have fun. Not too much though." _I reply.

_"Same for you babe."_

_"Who's going to take care of me after pilates?"_ I tease.

_"Kate! You're not seriously going back?"_

_"I am!"_

_"Babe..."_ The smile on my face actually has become painful.

_"I won't overdo it this time."_

_"Don't make me come home early."_

_"Well, now that I know that's an option..."_ It's clearly not an option, but he's so cute when he's playful like this.

_"Time to turn off my phone. I'll call you tonight." _

Tonight. There was a time when I was looking forward to tonight, but a few hours ago everything changed. It's not that Sid and I are suddenly a couple, we're not, but it's definitely more than casual. _I'm important to him_. Ray is a nice guy and deserves someone who is going to be this excited about _him_. I have to be upfront with him about things, but I'm not really sure how to start that conversation.

My nerves about tonight don't dampen my good mood though. If I was thinking about Sidney a lot before, it's nothing compared to this morning.

"Spill it," Carter says.

"Nothing to spill," I reply quickly.

"You're distracted," he comments. "Is this about dinner with Ray?"

I decide this is the perfect opportunity to figure out how to bring up what is surely going to be an awkward topic of conversation. "How do I casually bring up that I'm seeing someone else?"

"Ask about his past - why aren't you married - kind of thing. Then you can ask if he dates often," Carter doesn't even look up from his computer.

"What if he asks about my past?" I ask nervously.

"Then he asks and you tell him as much as you're comfortable sharing," he replies quickly.

Carter has me thinking now. _Why isn't Ray married?_ He's probably close to thirty if not older. When does that become a red-flag? _You're twenty eight and you're not married_. I was married though. Maybe it's a good thing he's still single. He probably dates a lot of women. He's like a serial dater, and he won't think it's a big deal that I'm seeing someone else. He's just casual like that and it won't bother him. He dates and sleeps with a lot of women.

What if he expects sex? Well that's not happening. Especially not after last night. _So why am I going out with a guy I have no intention of getting intimate with?_ Okay, let's not take sex off the table entirely. Same rules apply. I'm not going to have sex with someone I'm not exclusive with.

Last night wasn't sex, but it was as close as you can get. I smile remembering the look on Sid's face when I offered to return the favor.

_Oh, last night..._

"You don't have to Kate, that was for you."

"I want to!" I tell him, but it looks like he needs a little more persuasion. He suddenly seems shy. "We could just cuddle?" I offer and he nods. When I move to put my clothes back on, he stops me.

"Not yet."

"Well then you're going to have to join me," I tease him. His shirt is already laying behind us, but his jeans and shorts definitely need to come off. He gives me a naughty smile and starts undressing.

"If anyone catches us..." he starts nervously.

"Tinted windows babe," I remind him. He inhales sharply when I move between his legs and slowly, purposefully drag his shorts down his legs, leaving him as naked as me. "Mmmmm...that's better."

I kiss my way up his thighs, nipping his hip, caressing his stomach, licking his nipples and finally crawling into his arms. "I dream about these breasts," he whispers as he cups me in his hand.

"Your body is..." I start, but can't find the word. He frowns and pushes hair out of my face.

"Is what?"

"Impressive."

He erupts into a fit of giggles. "That's a new one," he tells me.

"Well it is!"

"So now that you have me, what are you going to do with me?" he looks at me, a sly grin spreading across his face.

"Let me taste you," I groan into his ear. He pulls me close to him and captures my mouth with his. I can feel his hand slowly stroking himself, and it's such a turn on. I sit back on my knees and watch him for a moment. It's beyond erotic to see him pleasuring himself. His hand moves up to massage my breasts and he has a beautiful smirk on his face. "Ready for me?" I ask, pulling away from him.

"I'm all yours," he pants. I run my body down the length of his, and settle between his legs. I move his hand away and replace it with mine. "That's good babe," he groans.

"You'll tell me if this is too much for you?" I tease, mimicking his earlier tone.

"Do your worst," he challenges. I give him a wicked grin and slowly, achingly wrap my lips around him and begin to move up and down. "Aaahhh," comes his moan of appreciation. "That feels so good, don't stop." _Like I would!_

My hand moves in tandem with my mouth and I feel his hips buck involuntarily. I look up and our eyes lock and I can't help but smile. He's so handsome, so vulnerable to me right now, and feels so completely mine. I vary the pace and curl my tongue around the tip of him. He groans loudly and I feel his hand reach for my breast. He tugs gently on my nipple, lightly twisting and kneading it with his fingers.

"You look so amazing right now Katie, so beautiful," he whispers. "I'll tell you when I'm close."

I pull away from him, pucker my lips and blow gently before taking him again. He groans in delight and runs a hand through my hair. I pick up the pace and alternate between short and long strokes. I can feel the anticipation building inside him, his hips grinding softly, his hand tightening in my hair, his other hand furiously playing with my breast. With one quick motion, I release him from my mouth and run my lips down the side of his shaft. A string of random sounds escape his mouth.

"I'm close babe," he tells me as he moves to push me off him. "Kate, I'm going to..."

"Mmmhmmm..." I moan, _I know exactly what you're about to do_.

And he lets go, groaning loudly, bucking wildly, hands moving all over my body. I hold him in my mouth until I feel his body start to relax. With one last stroke, I release him and kiss him gently on the tip. I look up and he is euphoric. "Get up here," he laughs, pulling me toward him. He wraps his arms around me and we stay like that for the better part of an hour.

When the credits start to roll, I look up and Sid has fallen asleep. I kiss him lightly on the neck and run my fingers up and down his arms. "Sid? It's over, time to go babe."

He stirs and watches me dress. "So I didn't dream that?" he laughs.

"You were fantastic Sid," I blush. "It's been a longtime since I've been that close to someone, and you were so sweet. Thank you."

"It was all you," he whispers solemnly, "tonight was perfect, and it was all you."

Cars are starting to flood out of the drive-in, and we race to put our clothes back on to avoid drawing attention to ourselves. The drive home is quiet, but Sid holds my hand in his for most of it, and every so often, we look at each other and grin, and giggle. Lots of giggling.

_No wonder neither of us can stop smiling today!_ Carter drops a stack of binders on my desk and reminds me that I'm no longer at the drive-in, but at work. _I'm at work! Focus Kate!_

"Clearance binders, you need to review and sign off," he gives me an apologetic look.

"What's that look for?" I ask.

"These are the first three of seven binders," he informs me.

"What? I'll be here all night!"

"Sorry Kate, but they need your signature, otherwise you know I would do it," he sighs.

It's after nine when I finally finish. My hand is cramped and sore and by the end my signature looked more like a squiggle than anything. I look up and it's just Carter and I left in the office.

"Hey, it's Friday night, you should get out of here and go do something," I tell him.

"Just leaving. You're going to be late for your date if you don't hurry," he replies.

"Headed out right now."

"You're changing first though, right?" It's not a question, more like a suggestion.

"Uhh, I guess so," I say, but I'm not really sure what's clean and date-worthy.

"Why don't we hit up wardrobe?" he suggests with a grin. I frown and he adds, "Come on Kate, perks of being the boss!"

The wardrobe department is empty, thank God, and I watch as Carter quickly pulls together a few options.

"This is your best bet," he holds up a navy shirt-dress, "but this will get you laid." Carter holds up a sequin shift dress with a plunging neckline.

"As I'm not looking to get laid," I frown at him, "I'll go with navy." Carter hands me the hanger and gives me a disapproving shake.

"Just live a little Kate, just a little bit." I still haven't told him about last night. Something about keeping it to myself makes it feel closer to me, more vivid in my mind. Carter snaps his fingers, pulling me back to the present. "Did you hear me?" he asks. I shake my head no. "This dress isn't going to camera, so you don't need to run it back first thing Monday. Just give it to me and I'll sneak it back in."

"Carter, you are the best!" I kiss his cheek, taking him by surprise, and head out the door.

I spend most of the drive over getting myself sorted. I'm exhausted, but starving, so while part of me would like nothing more than to crawl into bed, another part of me really needs dinner and conversation that doesn't revolve around work. I check my phone and it's just before ten o'clock. I've missed two calls from Sid, but it feels wrong to call him back this close to my date with Ray.

_"Hey you, sorry I missed your calls. Late night at work."_ I send him a quick text.

_"Do you have time now?"_ comes his automatic response.

_"Not really, sorry babe. What time are you going to bed?"_

_"Not for a few hours."_

_"Call me when you're in bed and we can say goodnight?" _I really want to hear his voice today, and the way I'm feeling, I can't imagine this will be a late night.

_"Deal."_

The car service drops me off at home and I don't even bother going inside. Instead I climb into my car and head to Ray's. He doesn't live too far away, but it's definitely not as convenient as Sid's. _It's not a competition!_ I pull up outside and I don't know why, but I'm surprised how ostentatious Ray's house is. _Maybe he's has a few tricks up his sleeve after all._


	24. Chapter 24

I knock twice and before I can even lower my hand the door swings open. "Hey there!" Ray beams as he greets me.

"Hey, I hope I'm not too late," I say brightly.

"Not at all, come on in, come on in!" Ray motions for me to step inside. If the outside of his house suggests pretension, the interior is the complete opposite. The walls are warm, almost like the color of sand, and a large stone-face fireplace anchors the room. Overstuffed furniture, and personal touches make the space feel comfortable and cozy. He leads me through the living room into a chef's dream kitchen. He walks barefoot past the marble island, over to the large stainless steel fridge. "Drink?" he asks.

"I would love a glass of white wine," I reply.

"Long day?" he laughs.

"Is it that obvious?" I blush. I take a seat at the island and take a quick inventory of what Ray is preparing. It looks like we're having Italian tonight. Ray walks toward me and hands me a glass. Ray moves confidently through the kitchen, placing a chilled bottle of wine in front of me and then grabbing a corkscrew. There's something really attractive about a man who knows his way around a kitchen.

"Anyone working until ten on a Friday night deserves a drink," he grins. He uncorks the bottle and pours me a generous glass. "Let me know if that suits you."

I take a healthy sip and smile, "Delicious."

"Tell me, how are you enjoying Pittsburgh so far?" he pours himself a beer and sits in the chair next to mine.

"Honestly, I haven't really seen very much of the city, but what I have seen I've liked," I say. "My hours are pretty crazy these days."

"I know the feeling. By the time the weekend rolls around I just want to hunker down, you know?" he laughs easily.

"Well you have a great place to hunker down in," I wave my hand, motioning to the space around us.

"Thanks, I love this house. It was a real mess when I bought it, but it's been a fun project getting it exactly how I want it."

"It's pretty massive," I blurt out. He grins, embarrassed, and I blush. "Sorry."

"No, it's true. I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you a bit about me," he starts. "My ex-wife and I bought this house together and started the renovations pretty quick. When we split, I couldn't really bear to walk away from the project, so I bought her out and, well, here I am."

"Your ex-wife?" I press.

"Yep, that's my way of telling you I'm divorced," he raises his eyebrows and frowns playfully.

"I was married too," I tell him shyly.

"Yeah?" he's surprised.

"Yep," I say, but he's waiting for more, "didn't quite go as planned."

He chuckles and takes a long drink of his beer. "Yeah, I hear ya. Any kids?"

That question stings, but I try my best to keep a neutral expression, "No, no kids. You?"

"Yeah, I have a son," he beams. "He just turned two." He moves to his fridge and pulls a photo from the side, handing it to me. "That's us a few weeks ago."

"He's adorable!" I say brightly.

"He's pretty awesome."

"So do you date much since your divorce?" I really hope that came out casually.

"A little bit. What about you?" he asks quickly.

"Umm, a little bit I guess. I don't know, for a while I just couldn't even think about seeing anyone else, but that's changing." Hmmm, didn't quite work Sid in there.

"Don't you just hate dating?" he laughs and relief floods over me.

"Yes! It's so confusing!" I laugh.

"And awkward!" he joins me.

"I've been tormenting myself all day trying to figure out how to tell you that I'm seeing another guy," I giggle. He throws his head back and laughs freely.

"Oh Kate, me too!"

"So you're not looking for anything serious?" I ask lightly.

"No, I'm not. You?" he turns my question on me.

"Well, I wasn't, but to be honest..." I start.

"Things have started to get serious with this other guy?" he finishes my thought.

"I think so, but it's hard to tell," I give him a puzzled look.

"Trust me, there's no way it's as confusing as the relationship I'm in," he offers.

"Let's hear it," I challenge.

"I'm dating my ex-wife," he says soberly.

I'm stunned. _Who dates their ex?_ He looks at me expectantly and suddenly we both burst out laughing. I'm so relieved we've gotten this conversation out of the way, and it really isn't what I expected at all. Here I thought Ray would never be able to compete with Sid, but how could I ever compete with a man's ex-wife?

"That's pretty amazing," I say truthfully. "And I thought my relationship was complicated."

"It's weird, for sure. She's kind of dating around, and so..." he fades off.

"I get it, trust me."

"Do you still talk to your ex-husband?" he asks innocently.

"Well, it's a little more complicated than that," I start, but Ray waves me off.

"You don't have to get into it if you don't want to talk about it."

And suddenly, I don't really mind. There's been a definite shift tonight. It feels like we're working on a friendship more than anything. "No, I don't mind. Benny and I were married for a few years when we were in a car accident," I say quietly.

"Oh Kate, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize..." he starts.

"No, no, it's not like that. I was driving and we were hit on the passenger side, some kid running a red light. Benny's airbag didn't deploy and he was pretty badly hurt. When he woke up he didn't remember anything past his fifteenth birthday. So you can imagine how terrifying it was for him to realize he was a married man."

"Whoa, that's..."

"Shitty."

"Yeah," he agrees.

"It was strange. He was supposed to go about his regular day-to-day life, but in his mind he was still fifteen. You know what it's like to be married, you get comfortable with someone, you're not shy about things around them, you know?" I ask and he nods in agreement. "Imagine a fifteen year-old seeing their naked wife for the first time," I laugh.

Ray snorts, "I would have had a heart attack!"

"He nearly did. I mean, in his mind he was a virgin in the tenth grade," I laugh. "So it didn't take long before he decided to go live with his parents, and then shortly after I got the papers telling me he didn't want to be married to a stranger anymore."

"I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine."

"Yeah, it sucked."

"Has he ever remembered...anything?" he asks.

"No, and he has a hard time making new memories, so most days he's not even aware that he was in an accident."

"Wow," he gasps.

"It was pretty painful for a while. I mean, it's hard being forgotten over and over and over again."

Ray stands up and starts making us each a plate. He grabs the bottle of wine and holds it up, "I think we'll definitely be needing more of this tonight," he grins, making me laugh. "So, where is he now?"

"Benny? I'm not really sure. His parents really went after me in court for what they felt was Benny's fair share of everything. Until everything is settled, I'm not supposed to contact him."

"Man!" he scoffs.

"Seriously. I don't think they had any idea how difficult it was for me, I mean, he didn't forget them, you know? So anyway, it's pretty much this ongoing awful thing."

"Kate, that totally sucks."

"Yep, it pretty much does," I agree with a smile. "But, let's not dwell on that tonight. Let's dwell on _your_ divorce!" I tease.

He laughs loudly, "Okay! Admittedly, I was a pretty crappy husband for a while. When we first moved here, Andrea was pregnant and wanted to be closer to her parents, and I felt a lot of pressure. So, I poured myself into my work, trying to provide, you know..." he says solemnly. "I didn't realize how much I was letting her down."

"How did you get her to give you a second chance?" I ask quietly.

"I don't know, we just started spending time together. We still have a long way to go," he looks up at me and gets very serious, "I probably shouldn't be talking about this on a date, huh?"

I laugh, "Well Ray, I hate to break it to you, but I think we're just going to be friends." He laughs and nods his head in agreement.

"Works for me," he says. "And I mean that Kate."

"I do too."

We spend the next hour eating and drinking way too much, laughing about awkward divorce moments, and genuinely have a great time. "The worst is when you run into someone who tells you they never thought you'd make it," he tells me.

"Noooooo!"

"Oh yeah, super awkward. And it happens!" he laughs.

"Who would say something like that?" I'm baffled.

"Let's see, my grandmother, her grandmother, our neighbors - both sides," he chuckles.

"Wow, you really were a jerk," I tease.

We're interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing from my purse. _Sid_.

"Take it," he tells me.

"You sure?" _How rude can I be?_

"Take it," he assures me.

"I'll just step outside for a second," I tell him and make my way to the front door. I step outside and feel the familiar butterfly fluttering in my stomach when I see Sid's name on the caller ID.

"Hey you," I say sweetly.

"Hey babe, please tell me you're not still at work," he sounds sleepy.

"Nope, I'm just over at a friend's for dinner," I say.

"Friend?" he asks, a little tinge of worry in his voice.

"Yep," I grin.

"Girls night?" he suggests.

"Uh, no, not really," I tell him.

"Katie..." he warns.

"Sidney..." I mimic.

"Are you on a date?" he blurts out.

"I was," I start, but before I can tell him anything more, Sid interrupts.

"Don't let me keep you from it."

And the line goes dead.

"Fuck," I whisper as I frantically redial him. The first call goes to voicemail, the second call is disconnected, but he finally picks up on the third try.

"Don't say a thing, just listen," I don't wait for him to say a word, "I _was_ on a date, but we decided we're both too hung up on other people to be interested in anyone else. _You _being the person I'm hung up on. Get it?"

He says nothing.

"Sidney?" it's barely a whisper.

"I'm here," I can hear his grin through the phone.

"So, you're going to make me sweat, huh?" I ask.

"Yep," he tells me.

"For how long?" I ask.

"I'm home Monday night," he's trying so hard to stay neutral, but there's definitely a edge of excitement in his voice.

"Then I guess I'll see you Monday night," I say coyly.

"Maybe you will," he says. "Goodnight babe."

"Goodnight babe," I whisper.

I stow my phone and walk back inside to see Ray clearing our plates.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

"I don't know, I guess I'll find out Monday."

_How the hell am I going to make it to Monday?_


	25. Chapter 25

I wake up Saturday morning feeling exhausted. My very brief conversation with Sid has made me a nervous wreck. I was pretty blunt about my feelings for him and he said, well...nothing. He was jealous though, there's no mistaking that. _He hung up on me!_ I've never smiled so much about being hung up on. I make my way to have a quick shower before pilates. Ugh, pilates. Just as I'm about to step into the water I hear the familiar buzz of my phone.I'd have preferred a call, but I'll take a text.

_"Just a friendly reminder not to overdo it at pilates_." Friendly? He's messing with me. Well, two can play at that game.

_"Thanks buddy."_

_"Buddy?"_

_"Buddy. Unless that's not appropriate for some reason?"_

_"Hmm. Not biting Kate. You going to watch the game today?"_

_"I'll try, I have a birthday party."_

_"Who?" _

_"Some guy, you don't know him."_ Technically true, although he's only two and I don't know him either.

_"Cryptic. Are you trying to rattle me?"_

_"Maybe, not really rooting for you this road trip, remember?"_

_"Ouch!"_

_"Time for me to shower, time for you to...?"_

_"Think of you showering :) "_

_"Too bad you're not my boyfriend, I'd send you a pic."_

_"Kate...you're killing me."_

_"Talk to you Monday?"_

_"Babe...come on. Just send a quick one."_

I smile, set my phone down on the bathroom counter and climb into the shower. _If he's going to torture me, I'm going to torture him right back. _The more I think about it, the more confident I feel in my decision to tell Sid how I feel. Casual dating isn't me. Turns out Carter was right, I'm not built that way. What if Sid wants to keep seeing that other woman? _His lucky charm. _Ugh.

Water pours over me as I consider that question. Can I handle that? Can I handle him seeing me one night and her the next? Probably not. I frown at the thought. Maybe I should set a timeline. If Sid still isn't ready to be exclusive in, say, a month, then I walk away. Yeah, a month. That's enough time. Okay, it's decided.

I step from the shower and see Sid has sent me a picture. _Oh my word!_ He's standing in his hotel bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist. Between his muscular chest and naughty grin, he's looking mighty, mighty fine. "_Trade?"_ he asks.

With the right angle, I'm able to avoid showing anything, but it's still quite indecent. My skin is still wet from the shower and it's obvious I'm not wearing a stitch of clothing. _Perfect_. I send it quickly before I lose my nerve. _"You're very persuasive Crosby." _I dress quickly, glancing over every few seconds to see if he's replied.

Nothing. Hmph. Just when I'm about to give up hope, my phone buzzes.

_"You just made me late for the bus."_

_"Now, how did I manage that?"_ I type while walking toward the pilates studio.

_"Your pic kind of gave me a handful that needed dealing with."_

_Wow._

_"You're making me blush."_ I tell him.

_"You're making me crazy."_

I hope that's true. I walk into the pilates studio and to my relief, I'm greeted by Dana who motions for me to join her. We make small talk while waiting for the others to join us. "Are you going to Andrea's this afternoon?" she asks.

"I think so. I know she said no gifts, but I don't want to be the only one empty handed," I tell her.

"Definitely. What do you get for a kid who has everything?" Dana laughs.

"Oh, is he a little spoiled?" I whisper.

"Just a little. Between Andrea and her ex-husband, that kid wants for nothing," she tells me.

"I didn't realize Andrea was divorced," I say quietly.

"Very on-again, off-again. What about you, are you married?" she asks.

"No," I say as brightly as I can.

"Dating anyone?" she presses, a sly grin spreading across her face. Kristy sits across from me and quickly latches onto Dana's question.

"Is who dating who?" she says, eager to join in on any gossiping.

"Is Kate dating anyone," Dana replies with a giggle. Kristy looks at me curiously and nods for me to tell them.

"Sort of, I think. I don't know," this is embarrassing.

"You don't know?" Kristy presses.

"Well, we definitely are something, but I'm not sure what," I hope that's enough of a reply.

"What are we talking about?" Mel tosses her bag to the side and joins us.

"Kate's love life," Dana tells her.

"Yay, dish, dish," Mel tells me.

"Okay, uh, I'm seeing this guy, and he doesn't want to be exclusive, which is fine, or was fine, but now I think we might be something more than casual, but I'm not sure because..." _because he's Sidney Crosby and could date anyone he wanted_! "because, well men are tough to read," I say with a laugh.

Apparently that's all they need to hear, because the three of them launch into a deep discussion about the mysterious nature of men and how to read their signals.

"He doesn't know what he wants, they never do, you need to tell him," Mel says with a confidence I can only imagine having.

"Unless he's one of those guys who dates a dozen women at a time," Andrea groans. The other women toss Andrea a sympathetic smile, Kristy even reaching out to rub her arm. _Did I miss something?_ Andrea notices my puzzled expression and explains, "I just found out my husband has been seeing another woman."

"I'm so sorry," I tell her, "that's awful." _Wait? Didn't they just say she was divorced?_

"Yeah, I thought we were working things out, and he thought..." she doesn't finish as Marie enters the room, signaling the beginning of class. I definitely take it easier this week. As much as last Sunday was fantastic, waking up unable to function isn't fun, and he's not around to massage me back to health. "Hey, you're still coming this afternoon, right?" Andrea whispers, bringing me back to the present.

"Absolutely," I whisper with a smile.

"Good!" she beams.

I'm so grateful I've met these women. They're not a tight knit clique, so fitting in hasn't been a huge obstacle to overcome. I wonder, if things had been different, would we have met anyway? Would I have met them at the baby-and-me swim class? Is that the kind of mother I would have been? It's a question that haunts me, and one I refuse to dwell on. _You can't go back_.

I'm distracted and barely notice class has ended. _Well, no way I overdid it today!_ I laugh at myself. I walk out of the studio and decide to wander around hoping inspiration will strike and I'll have an idea for a present. _What do you get a two year old?_ Maybe I should buy a hostess gift instead? That way I'm not showing up empty-handed. I spot a set of infused olive oils, which is nice, but not quite what I'm looking for. I could bring wine, but something about that seems inappropriate. _It's a little boy's birthday party! _

There's only a few shops left, and when I look down the block, I see exactly what I've been looking for.

Andrea's house is modest, but she obviously has really great taste. She's done a great job decorating for the party. The backyard has dozens of children running though a sea of blue balloons and streamers. I spot the ladies sitting a table, sipping drinks and snacking. I weave through the maze of tables and people, and I'm taken by surprise when a hand grabs my arm.

"What are you doing here?" I turn and to my surprise Ray is standing behind me.

"Hey," I say confused.

"Hi. Uh, what are you doing here?" he repeats.

"Andrea invited me, what are you doing here?" I ask. _Why is he being so weird?_

"You know Andrea?" he looks surprised.

"We're in the same pilates class," I smile brightly, hoping to change the tone of this conversation. "Everything okay?"

Andrea walks up and joins us, giving me a warm hug and I'm so relieved she's here. "You made it!"

"I'm here!" I return quickly.

"Have you two been introduced?" Andrea asks, and Ray quickly shakes his head no.

"Oh, Kate this is Ray, Ray this is Kate. We're in a class together. Ray is Reese's father," she motions to a little boy wearing a paper crown an tearing around with a pack of toddlers._ Oh shit_.

"Here, I brought these for you," I say nervously, thrusting a paper box toward Andrea.

"You didn't have to do that!" she says sweetly. She opens the box and smiles, "Butterfinger cookies! Reese loves these!"

Ray chokes a little bit then disguises it with a cough. I am desperate to escape this awkward situation. It really shouldn't be uncomfortable though, Ray and I have decided we're friends, but he's acting so strangely. Andrea motions for me to follow her.

"Nice to meet you," Ray says and I give him a puzzled look.

"Yeah," I say lamely.

I spend the next hour visiting with the ladies from pilates, each introducing me to their children, and a familiar feeling comes over me. _I'm jealous_. Watching a swarm of toddlers playing and giggling has my heart aching.

"So, you met Ray," Kristy whispers conspiratorially. "He's gorgeous, am I right?"

I laugh and tell her, "We've met before, but he must have forgotten."

"Really? Where?" she asks, her curiosity piqued_. _If Ray wants to pretend we're strangers that's one thing, but I'm not going to play along.

"I was having a drink at Sharp Edge and he kind of rescued me from a drunken idiot," I say truthfully.

"We're trying to figure out if he's here with anyone," Dana tells me.

"There's no way, if he wants any chance with Andrea, he'd be insane to bring a date," Mel says.

_Well that explains it_. I guess I'm sacrificing my friendship with Ray for a friendship with Andrea. It's so ridiculous, nothing happened between us, but I understand it.

The afternoon passes quickly, and I'm relieved when it comes time for me to take my leave. I find Andrea first and thank her profusely for including me, promising we'll get together outside of class soon. She's gracious and lovely, and part of me doesn't really care if this means I can't be friends with Ray. I can't imagine Sidney being crazy about me hanging out with him anyway. _Sid_. Just thinking about him has my stomach doing back flips.

I check my phone and there's still a few hours before his game starts. I decide to send him a quick text.

_"Have a good-ish game."_

I hope he gets the joke. I wonder if he's even near his phone. How early do they go to the arena?

_"Good-ish?"_ he texts seconds later.

_"Yep."_

_"You going to watch?"_

_"Yep."_

_"But I shouldn't score one for you?"_ There's something sweet about that, and I'm grinning like an idiot as I walk up my driveway.

_"Nope, I'd rather see you break your lucky streak_."

Just as I walk inside my phone rings.

"Hey," I whisper.

"Hey you," he whispers back. "You survived pilates?"

I laugh quietly, "I did. Are you nervous about your game?"

"No. Why are we whispering?" he giggles.

"I don't know," I grin. "I didn't think I'd hear from you before Monday."

"I'm having a hard time staying away," he says quietly. "So listen, about Monday..." just hearing him say it has my heart beating faster.

"Yeah..." I fill the pause in conversation.

"Come to my place after work," it's not a question.

"Okay," I agree quickly.

"I don't care what you say, I'm scoring one for you tonight," I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Just one," I say.

"Just one," he says with conviction. "I have to get going, talk to you soon babe."

"Be safe," I plead.

"I'll try," he giggles. "Monday?"

"I'll be there," I tell him.

"Can't wait," he replies.

I set my phone down and try to decide how I'm going to fill the next few hours. Suddenly I'm looking forward to watching hockey. _Nervous even! _Well, if I'm going to see him Monday after work, maybe I can get a few hours in now and sneak off early. I climb the stairs to my office, motivation at an all time high, hoping my heart won't leap out of my chest between now and game time.

_I have it bad_.


	26. Chapter 26

I've surrounded myself with quite the buffet and the pregame show is just about over. They show the fans trickling into the arena, and even though it is an away game, there's a healthy amount of Crosby jerseys in the stands. _I guess he really is a big deal_. The announcers run through the rosters and spend a great deal of time focusing on Sid, offering suggestions of how the other team might approach keeping him off the scoreboard. Well as long as he gets one. _Just one_.

I'm not an expert, but it seems like the other team is really going after Sid. The announcers call it "taking away space"_. Huh?_ He's getting pushed around a lot, slammed into the boards, and there's some face shoving between whistles. Even though Sid doesn't really react, he's obviously frustrated. At the end of the first period neither team has scored, but much to my delight there's a brief interview with him as he leaves the ice and heads for the locker room.

Sweaty Sidney is pretty damn gorgeous.

"Sid, do you expect the game to become more physical as you go along?"

"Yeah it seems like it's going to be that way. It's a pretty tight game, and both teams are playing well, so yeah, I would expect that," he pants.

"Any adjustment on the power play?" Is it my imagination or is this guy almost giddy talking to Sid?

"No, we got some good chances there, I mean, it's just execution," he says quickly, obviously he's not going to give too much away.

"You seem to have this great chemistry going with Kunitz, is that something the coaches have talked to you about?"

"Um, yeah, I mean, he's going to the net. I know where he's going to be, he's going to be around the net. Strong guy, has a scoring touch. It's just a matter of getting pucks there and he does the rest."

"Thanks for your time," he grins widely at Sid.

"Okay, thank you."

The second period is a lot like the first, very physical, a very frustrated Sid, and no score with only a few minutes left. One of Sid's teammates is hit from behind and a little shoving match ensues. After the dust settles, the other team is given a penalty, and Sid is on the ice for the power play. He moves the puck around a lot, but doesn't shoot. The commentators praise the penalty kill, talking about eliminating lanes and opportunities, and just before the penalty expires, Sid fires a shot that hits the back of the net.

A late hit on Sid sends him flying toward the end boards. He's slow to get up, and a fight breaks out between the two teams. The trainer is on the ice, attending to Sid. _This doesn't look good_. He grimaces in pain as he's helped off the ice and heads down the tunnel toward the dressing room. Tension on the ice has cooled down, a few players are sent to the penalty box, and the period ends without incident.

It's hard to wait. Wait and wonder. The commentators have no information, just a lot of speculation. They show the hit over and over again, and it gets harder to watch each time. They start talking about a career plagued with injuries, and before I know it, I'm watching a montage of Sid getting hurt in all manner of ways - from blocking shots, a hit to the neck, a puck to the face, a push from behind - it's torture.

_Do I call him?_ No, that's out of the question. He clearly has more pressing matters than putting my fears to rest. There's no way he'd have his phone with him anyway. I guess I'm waiting to find out if he's okay along with the rest of the hockey world. The third period starts and they announce that Sid won't be back to finish the game. That can't be good.

I can't bear to watch anymore. They keep replaying the hit and speculating on the extent of the injury. It's too much, and I flip off the television. _Keep moving_. There's nothing worse than standing still feeling worried. I look around, and the house could use a bit of a clean, so that's where I start. Keeping busy, focusing on something else, not watching someone you care about being hurt repeatedly, these are all good things. I frantically dust every surface, _maybe if I spent more time here it would be dirtier_. Windex in hand, I start on the mirrors and windows.

_I should at least send a text_. Then he'll know I'm worried, but not in a stalker-ish way. _You're not a stalker, you're practically his girlfriend_. Am I?

_"Please tell me it looked worse than it was! I'm worried babe."_

There's no immediate reply, not that I expected there would be. I'm busy sorting a load of laundry when I hear my phone ring.

"Hello?" I practically shout into the phone.

"Hey," and disappointment sweeps over me.

"Ray. Hi, listen I can't really talk right now, I'm waiting for an important call," I say truthfully.

"You're pissed, I get it. I just wanted to apologize about this afternoon, I panicked," he says solemnly.

"It's fine, really. I understand," I couldn't care less at this point.

"Can I make it up to you?" he suggests.

"Seriously Ray, I wasn't lying, I need to keep the line free. It's fine, there's nothing to make up for, but I really have to go," I say impatiently.

"If you say so," he chuckles. Well that's just infuriating.

"Talk to you later," I say quickly then hang up.

The house is spotless and I'm folding my third load of laundry. _No word from him_. That can't be good. The game ended hours ago. I flip on the television and scan the channels for anything sports related. I quickly find something showing highlights from a different hockey game. Within a few minutes they're talking about Sid.

"Here's a guy who just can't catch a break," the panelist chuckles. "Two minutes left in the second period, Crosby find the back of the net, then takes a late hit," they roll the horrible clip in slow motion.

"That's gotta hurt," chimes in another analyst.

"Separated shoulder, Crosby out indefinitely."

I click off the television, hearing everything I need to know. _Is he in the hospital?_ Maybe it's the kind of thing the trainers can handle. Either way, I'm sure he's surrounded by a team of people trying to fix him as soon as possible. Somehow I don't think I'll be hearing from him tonight. It's late now, and he's probably asleep, wherever he is, and that thought is a little comforting.

After I've put away all the clean laundry, checked my email, and compulsively googled separated shoulder, I decide to call it a night. Just as I feel sleep start to overtake me, I'm startled awake by my phone. _Sid!_

"Hello?" I say quietly, realizing I should have checked the caller ID. So help me if this is Ray calling again!

"Hey you," I hear his familiar voice and all the tension I didn't even realize I was holding melts away.

"Oh Sid, you okay?"

"I've been better," he laughs.

"You should be resting," I scold.

"I will soon. I just got home," he explains. _Home? Like down the street, home? _"Any chance you'd want to care for an injured hockey player?"

"Well, I guess I kind of owe you one," I say playfully.

"You do," he agrees.

"What do you need babe?" I ask sweetly.

"You, here, in my bed," he says firmly. There's a slight pause, as I don't think either of us know what to say next. "Come cuddle me," he adds with a whine.

I giggle and crawl out of bed. "I'm in my pajamas," I tell him.

"Perfect. Come over," it's not really a question.

I toss a few overnight items into my bag, throw on a jacket and make my way down the street. This middle of the night rendezvous makes me feel like I'm sneaking out of my parents house, and I find myself hoping I won't get caught. _Who is going to catch you?_ I smile and shake the thought away. As I near the end of the block, I see him standing on the edge of his driveway waiting for me.

"We have to be quiet," he motions toward the house. "I don't want to wake anyone up." I look puzzled, but he doesn't elaborate.

"Who's here?" I blurt out. He laughs quietly and puts a finger over my lips, reminding me to be quiet.

"I live in the guest house, but we have to go through the main house to get there," he says, not answering my question at all.

"Sid," I grab his wrist and he turns quickly to face me. "Whose house is this?"

He smiles, presses his finger to my lips again and motions for me to follow him. Now I definitely feel like I'm sneaking around. He leads me through the enormous and ornately decorated house. Whoever lives here is fast asleep and the house is dead quiet. Sid opens French doors that lead to an gigantic patio, and holds my hand tightly in his. He reaches behind me and pulls the door closed.

"There," he points to a wing of the house, the lights on and door open. "That's my place."

"So this place isn't yours?" I ask quietly and he shakes his head. He can see how confused I am and instead of offering me any information, he pulls me flush against him and presses his lips to mine.

Inside, it looks like a typical bachelor pad. There are piles of clothes in he corner, although they are folded so that's something, and very little in the way of decor. His king size bed has been hastily made, and I smile wondering if that was for me. Sid stands in the kitchenette and opens the fridge. Inside I see dozens of bottles of Gatorade and hardly anything else.

"Drink?" he asks.

"I'm good," I reply. He pulls a bottle from the fridge and walks toward me. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore, tired. Happy you're here," he smiles.

"Where can I touch you?" I hold my hands up in surrender.

He laughs, "Anywhere but here," he motions to his left shoulder. That's all I need to hear. I wrap my hand around his waist and pull him close to me for a kiss.

"You scared me," I whisper.

"Professional hazard," he teases. I don't laugh, but look at him with concern. "Hey, I'm going to be fine. Really." He runs his hand along my cheek and gives me a weak smile.

"You look so tired," I frown.

"Exhausted," he confesses. "Can we go to bed?"

I nod, but hold him in place. "First, where are we?" I ask playfully.

He tips his head back and laughs loudly, "This is my boss' house. I'm staying here while my house is being finished." I feel a pang of disappointment. Looks like we won't be neighbors for very long.

"How long have you been staying here?" I ask.

"Um, a while," he says shyly. _Oh, he's embarrassed_.

"Sid," I coax.

"A few years," he says lamely. I burst out laughing and he tries to cover my mouth with his hand. He has a huge grin on his face and I can tell he's trying to be serious. "Kate, you'll wake up the neighborhood!"

"Years?" I recover slowly.

"Okay, enough about that," he pulls me in the direction of his bed. "Now, don't get too excited," he warns, "I need to get some actual sleep, okay?"

"I wouldn't dream of doing anything more than that," I agree solemnly. A look of disappointment spreads across his face, but I maintain my composure.

"We could do a little bit more," he suggests quietly. _How cute is he?_

"Well, let's wait and see what Monday brings," I say firmly.

He smiles widely and shakes his head. "Or we could bump up our talk to right now?"

"We could," I agree. I wrap my arm around his right shoulder, careful not to put any weight near his injury. His hands quickly find my waist and he holds me in place. "Why don't you start?"

"I had a whole thing planned," he says and a hint of red spreads across his cheeks. "Do you want the speech?" I nod yes. "Okay, well it was going to be more romantic than this, I was going to have..."

"Sid, this is romantic," I interrupt.

He smiles and continues, "I like you Katie, a lot. I don't need to see anyone else, I just need you. Can we try this? See where it goes?" He looks so serious. I watch him carefully for a few seconds, admiring the little crease between his eyebrows, the small twist in his mouth. "Now you say something," he snaps, taking us both by surprise. I giggle a little bit and he soon joins me. "Seriously, say something."

"I like you too," I lean in to kiss him, but he stops me.

"And?" he says nervously.

"And...I want to see where this goes," I say quietly and see his face relax. "Just you and me?" I ask.

"Just you and me," he says firmly.

That's all I need to hear. Our lips meet and I feel his hands run the length of my back. There's an urgency to this kiss that hasn't existed between us before. He pushes his tongue inside my mouth and I groan in approval. His right hand presses me close against him and I feel his left hand snake around to my front, feeling for my breast. He cringes a little bit and winces.

"They're not that bad, are they?" I ask with a grin.

He laughs a little bit, "I love these," he runs his hand across my chest. "Help a guy out," he whispers, tugging at the hem of my shirt. I lift the shirt off without hesitation, and toss it to the side. He runs his fingers along the inside of my pajama pants and my breath hitches slightly. "I want to do this, but not tonight." I frown slightly and he flashes me a brilliant smile. "After I'm healed," he tells me.

I smile and nod, "I want to wait too," I agree. "There's a lot you don't know about me, and I'm sure there's things I don't know about you..." I start nervously.

"I like what I know about you, and I trust what I don't," he says. He pulls me into a kiss and holds me tight against him.

"There's something..." I don't want to get into this, but he should know before..._before he makes the mistake of being with me_.

"Kate, it doesn't matter. Not now. Let's take our time getting to know each other," he says, and suddenly I know he's right. It doesn't matter, right now, this is right. "As much as I'm loving this," he runs his hand up and down my chest, "I'm about to crash."

"Okay babe, let's get you into bed." I pull away from him and move toward the bed. I pull the covers back, and turn to face him. He's struggling to get undressed, so I close the space between us and help him. "Slow Sid," I say lifting his shirt over his head. He unbuttons his pants and steps out of them quickly, leaving him only in his shorts. "There you go."

He sits on the edge of the bed and takes his time getting settled. He pats the space next to him and I cuddle in next to him. "I love this," he tells me, wrapping his arm around me.

"Me too," I say softly.

He kisses the top of my head. "My girl," he whispers, and my heart melts a little bit.


	27. Chapter 27

_So hot_. That's my first thought as I slowly open my eyes. The unfamiliar surroundings throw me a bit at first, but when I remember the events of last night, I can feel a huge smile spread across my face. The overpowering heat source is, of course, a slumbering Sid. I turn over to face him, and although he is very much asleep, there's at least one part of him that has woken up.

_We're together now, this is allowed!_ I peel the blankets off him slowly, not wanting to startle him awake. It looks like he has barely moved since falling asleep, which is probably not a bad thing considering his shoulder. I run my hands up and down his thighs, but he still doesn't stir. _How am I going to get his shorts off?_ I tuck my fingers under the waistband and pull gently, but he doesn't budge and inch. I kneel between him and start placing little wet kisses along his stomach. I run my hand over him through his shorts and start moving up and down. Within seconds I feel his hand caressing my back.

I look up and his eyes are still closed, but the grin on his face gives him away. I tug at his shorts again, and this time his hips lift immediately and I'm able to undress him. I kneel back and admire the view that is Sidney. "See anything you like?" he asks sleepily.

I don't answer him. Instead I take him in my hand and start moving, kneeling down to nip at his hip and kiss my way to take him in my mouth. He groans softly, and when I glance up, his grin has become more of a pained expression. Almost as if he sense me watching him, he opens his eyes and locks onto my gaze. "That feels so good babe," he whispers hoarsely. I grin and return my attention to satisfying the most sensitive part of him. "You should know, I'm on painkillers so this might take a while," he says softly.

I slowly pull my mouth away from him, feeling every muscle in his stomach flex, and smile up at him. "I don't mind," I grin and then take him again. Slow and steady is definitely going to win this race, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be. He runs his hands through my hair, and every so often, I peek up to see him watching me. _He likes the view_. The thought is wildly sexy and encourages me to continue. I can't help the grin creeping across my face, and when he moans it quickly becomes an all-out smirk. I quicken my pace and tighten my grip slightly.

"Yeah, just like that," he pants. His hand rubs the back of my neck, sending tingles down my spine. I can feel his muscles getting tighter, and I know he's close. I press my tongue hard against him and start moving my hand and mouth in tandem. "Ah babe, keep going," he moans. I look up and his eyes are closed, his head is tipped back and his teeth are clenched. I swirl my tongue lightly against his tip and suck gently. His hips move slightly, and I can feel how badly he wants to grind into me_. I want that too_.

It's time to let him finish. I move faster, gently pressing his hips down with my arm, taking him deep in my mouth, stroking him firmly, sucking steadily. His hand is heavy on my back now, exposing his desperation and reluctance to let go. "Mmmmmmmm," I moan against him, and the small vibration pushes him over the edge.

He growls loudly, his hand frantically brushes my hair aside, and I watch him look at me. He smiles down at me and chuckles slightly. I gently lift my mouth from him and sit back on my knees. "Good morning," I say with a wicked grin. "Feeling better?"

"Feeling fucking great so far," he huffs. "Did you sleep okay?" He opens his arm, signalling for me to join him. I crawl up next to him and look around the room for my shirt.

"I did, better than okay," I tell him. He runs his fingers up and down my bare arm, and I break out into goosebumps.

"Ticklish?" he grins.

"A little bit," I giggle. He moves his fingers across my ribs and up toward my breasts. "Any sign of my shirt?" I ask.

"House rule babe, no shirt for you," he nuzzles my neck and massages my breast. I laugh at his little joke and pull away to get a better look at him. "Everything okay?" he asks.

"I just like you so much," I confess. He grins widely and taps his lips for a kiss. I can't resist him. "Shower?"

"The bathroom is right over there," he points past a small living area toward an open door. I shake my head and he looks puzzled.

"Shower with me?" I suggest. Apparently that's all he needs to hear. Sid rolls out of bed, grunting loudly as he puts unwanted pressure on his injury. "Careful Sid," I warn, but he doesn't seem to notice. He struts toward the bathroom, in all his naked glory, picking up my discarded shirt in the process.

"You won't be needing this anymore," he says wickedly and balls the shirt up, tossing it in the garbage.

"Sid!" I squeal. "I still have to get home!"

"Not if I have a say," he laughs. "How hot do you like your shower?"

_Is he serious?_ No, the smirk on his face tells me he's not asking about temperature. "Scorching," I pant. _Can I pull this off? _He's like some kind of sexpert and suddenly I'm nervous my lack of experience is going to come shining through. _He hasn't complained yet_, I remind myself.

His bathroom is spotless, which is a mild relief for some reason. He opens the glass door to the over-sized tiled shower and turns on the faucet. He moves toward me and lowers himself, dragging my pajama bottoms down to my ankles. He lifts my left foot first, pulling the clothes off, leaving us both naked. He stands up and lets his hands wander around my backside. "Ladies first," he winks, holding the shower door open.

I step into the warm water and turn to face him. He looks so serious, determined even. He's careful not to use his left side, keeping his hand tucked close to his ribs. He wraps his right arm around my shoulders and turns me toward the bench against the far side of the shower stall. I look at him curiously, and he just smiles. "Trust me," he says.

"You're too good at this, it scares me," I blurt out nervously. His eyes dart up to mine and he quickly takes my hand in his.

"I haven't had as much practice as you think," he says slowly. "Go with it baby," he encourages, softly pressing me to sit down. I comply, and am warmed by the stream of hot water hitting me square in the chest. Sid leans toward me, kneels in front, and starts assaulting my breasts with kisses. He rolls my nipple between his lips and tugs gently with his teeth. I squirm slightly, but it feels so delicious I can't help but surrender to him.

He places his hands on my knees and pushes them apart slowly. When my breath hitches, he rubs my knees and gives me an encouraging smile. He lifts my right foot and pushes it toward my thigh. He then takes my left foot and places my leg over his shoulder. I give him a worried look, but he just shakes me off. I feel so..._exposed_.

He leans toward me and I feel the stubble of his cheeks scrape against the inside of my thighs. His left hand grips my ankle and his right hand curls around my hip, holding me in place. His hair is a wet, curly mess and his beautiful, pale skin has turned pink from the hot water. I push his hair away from his face and with a tender touch, press him into me ever so slightly.

He kisses me, repeatedly. His lips are wet, smooth and perfectly soft against me. He glances up, and his wicked grin tells me he likes that I'm watching him pleasure me. I feel his tongue push me open, giving him better access to my most sensitive part. He groans against me and it feels exquisite. His tongue moves slowly at first, capturing every bit of me. Warm water trickles between us, adding to the complete bliss he is delivering. His hand moves across my hip and his fingers quickly find their way inside me.

"Ahhh," I whimper softly, but he doesn't stop. His fingers move gently, his tongue moves quickly, and I feel ready to fall to pieces.

"Not yet Kate," he looks up at me. I nod, expecting that will satisfy him enough to continue, but he doesn't move. He just watches me.

"Sid," I plead, but he just grins.

"I just want you to come down a bit, not all the way, don't worry," he laughs. I grab the back of his head and press him back toward me, but he resists and laughs even harder. "We'll get there, I promise," he says, kissing the inside of my thigh.

"I'll remember this next time it's me on my knees," I pout, which only adds to his amusement. "I'm serious!" He nips at my thigh and sits back, apparently Sid doesn't give in to petulant demands. "Fine," I say smugly. His lips twist in concern, but when my hand moves to replace his, the look on his face is pure delight. I move in tight circles, and run my free hand across my bare breasts.

"Oh my God," he pants. I watch him carefully, trying to anticipate when he will reach his breaking point and take over, but he gives nothing away. In fact, he looks completely mesmerized. I close my eyes and moan in delight, and when I look at him, I know it has achieved the desired effect.

Sid is sitting back on his knees, mouth agape, eyes wide and has taken himself in hand. I smirk at him, but he just shakes his head incredulously. "You should be doing this," I moan quietly.

"This is so much better," he groans. As much as I'm missing his touch, this does have its advantages. The view is exceptional. His body is perfection, and his arms ripple with every stroke. The determination in his eyes, the focus with which he's watching me, it's all very erotic and pushes me closer and closer to the edge. He leans forward and takes one of my breasts in his mouth. I can feel his arm moving against me, his pace growing faster matching the movements of his tongue. He sucks and nips, his teeth dragging across my tender skin. "You have great tits baby," he pants.

He's frenzied now, and I can hear every stroke. It's more than I can take, and I open my eyes to see him staring up at me. I nod, and he understands. I go first, crying out, shaking, practically convulsing. He bites his bottom lip, his brows furrow and I know he wants to join me. "Sid," I moan, and as if on cue he finds his release.

Freshly showered, we walk hand in hand down the street toward my house. "I couldn't have you make the walk-of-shame alone," Sid teases.

"Please, these barely look like pajamas," I laugh. _Well, maybe they do a bit_. We step inside and I'm suddenly very grateful for my cleaning blitz last night. The place looks good! "Help yourself to anything in the kitchen," I say as I climb the stairs to my room.

"Let's go out," he says simply.

"It's Sunday," I remind him with a coy smile.

"Dim sum?" he says cheekily, and I nod brightly.

"Yay! Give me two minutes to change," I take the steps two at a time and race to my room. I take a quick inventory of my closet and decide that I can go a little bit casual today. He's in jeans and a tee, putting very little pressure on me to dress for dim sum. I slip on a pair of black skinny jeans and a gray baseball tee, grab a pair of Toms and head to the bathroom.

_Sex agrees with me_. Well not quite sex, but close enough. My skin is glowing, and somehow my hair has dried in big, bouncing waves. I put on a little lip gloss, slip on some earrings and make my way downstairs. I step into the kitchen and freeze. There's Sid, eyes closed, grimacing as he stretches out his shoulder, and suddenly, overwhelmingly I realize, _this man in mine_.

He opens his eyes and give me a sweet little smile. "Ready gorgeous?" _My favorite word_.

"Ready babe," I reply, and I really hope it's true. _Am I ready for this?_


	28. Chapter 28

"So, my parents are coming to town tonight," he says casually. I glance over and his expression gives nothing away. He's concentrating on the road, confidently navigating the busy downtown traffic. Every once in a while, he lips tighten into a thin line, but he doesn't curse or reveal any of the frustration I know comes along with big city driving.

"Are they worried about you?" I ask. He kind of half-shrugs, making him wince in pain immediately. "Oh, Sid..." I run my finger along the collar of his tee-shirt and gently massage his neck. "Be careful."

"I keep forgetting not to use my shoulder," he says through gritted teeth. He takes a few deep breaths and his face relaxes.

"What did the doctor say?" In all of the excitement of last night, _and this morning_, we haven't even discussed what's going on with him. "How serious is it?"

"I have to go see them this afternoon, then I guess I'll have a better idea of what I'm up against," he says seriously. "You can come with me if you like."

_Oh, that's unexpected_.

"I don't want to get in your way..." I say lamely. Sid reaches across and squeezes my knee.

"I'd like you to come with me if you can," he says gently. "No pressure."

"Of course I'll come with you," I say confidently. If he wants me there, then where else would I be? It's been a longtime since I've been anyone's girlfriend, and I don't want him to think we need to be attached at the hip for this to work. At the same time, I want him to know he's important to me and I'm willing to make him a priority. I wonder though... "Sid?"

"Kate?" he teases.

"So, are you like, my boyfriend?" the question sounds so juvenile as it leaves my mouth, I can't help but laugh at myself.

"Well, yeah. Isn't that what we decided?" he smiles, but I can tell I've confused him.

"I just wasn't sure if we were using those terms," I explain. "Not that we have to, I'm just wondering." I fail to sound as casual as I'd hoped. There are women who appear so self-assured, confident, capable and indifferent. In this moment, I am none of those things.

He grins at me and chuckles. "I'd like to call you my girlfriend, if that's okay with you," he says sweetly.

"I guess that's okay with me," I say as nonchalantly as possible. He isn't convinced and shakes his head, laughing at me. He runs his hand up between my thighs and gives me a wicked grin.

"There's a lot more I'd like to do to my girlfriend, if she'll have me?" he asks playfully. I love when he's in a mood like this. So carefree, so young and energetic. I feel like I can let my guard down and join him. There's just one thing nagging at me. _It's not a tiny detail_.

"Well, I hope you'll still want me," I start anxiously. He turns to face me and looks a little nervous.

"What's wrong?" he says quickly.

"So..." _how do I say this?_

"Just say it quick, like tearing off a band-aid," he encourages.

"I've been married before," it comes out of my mouth louder than I intended, but it doesn't exactly drop like a lead balloon. The words kind of just hang there between us. I watch him closely and his expression doesn't change.

"I know," he says softly. _He knows?! How? _"I have to be pretty careful about who I let into my life," he says.

"So, it's not a big deal?" I ask quietly, not sure if I really want to know the answer.

"Not to me," he stops at a red light and leans over toward me. He pulls my lips to his and gives me a quick kiss.

"How much do you know?" My confidence is returning, and with it my good mood.

"Enough," he laughs. "I know you were married, I know you're divorced, I know you're smart, sexy, funny. I know you make me feel like I can be myself when I'm with you. I know I like myself best when I'm around you," the last confession comes out slowly and the tips of his ears redden slightly.

"I'm not perfect," I roll my eyes.

"Oh, I know that too," he laughs.

"Hey!"

"Well babe, you're not, but I like you anyway."

"Do you have any questions?" Maybe it's best to lay all our cards on the table.

"Nope, we'll find out about each other as we go," he says brightly. "That's the fun isn't it?"

He's right. I'm always trying to force the situation, or figure out the surprises before they happen. My impatience is one of my worst traits, and he's so much the opposite. He's relaxed, always in the moment, almost like he's figured out the secret to happiness.

"How did you know?" I ask innocently.

"You kind of alluded to it the first time I came over, you said your plans had changed, remember?" he asks me and I nod. "After that it was all Google," he laughs.

I laugh too, but not because it's strange to imagine him being interested enough. I worked so hard to avoid reading anything about him, fearing it would taint my opinion of him. I look over and he's watching me.

"Are you mad?" he asks.

"Not even a little bit. Carter wanted to Google you, but I wouldn't let him," I reply.

"Well, that's probably a good thing. Anything interesting isn't true and the rest is just stats," he tells me. "I did do something you might not be crazy about," he says sneakily.

"What?"

"You'll find out eventually," he teases.

"Tell me!" Suddenly it's the most important thing in the world for me to find out. "Sid, tell me!"

He chuckles and shakes his head. We pull into the tiny parking lot he throws the car into park. Without saying a word he quickly jumps out of the truck and hurries over to my side, opening the door and offering me his hand.

"You're not going to tell me?" I ask defeated.

"Nope, you'll figure it out eventually," he smiles. "Come on, let me take my girlfriend for lunch."

"Well how can I resist that?" I put my hand in his and together we make our way inside.

Our favorite waitress seems pleased with the reduced order we've put in, carefully reviewing our order card and nodding firmly.

"Is it my imagination, or are we growing on her?" I joke.

"Did you see her shake our head when we walked in?" he giggles.

"We come for the food, but we stay for the service," I say in my best infomercial voice. We both giggle and Sid reaches across the table to hold my hand. He's about to say something when a tiny voice interrupts us.

"Mr. Crosby?" a little boy stands at the side of our table, and the poor thing is shaking like a leaf.

"Hey buddy," Sid says warmly.

"Can I have your autograph?" I look over and his parents are just a few feet behind him. I guess our hidden lunch spot isn't so well hidden after all.

"You bet," Sid takes the paper and pen and signs quickly. The little fan clutches the note to his chest and runs away. His parents give a polite wave and leave us alone. "Sorry about that," he offers.

"Nothing to apologize for, that was pretty cute," I tell him.

"Do you ever get that?" he asks innocently, but I burst out laughing.

"Never."

"Hey, it's a decent question. You're kind of up there in your field," he says defensively.

"Maybe, but I'm not famous. Shows make actors famous, not writers," I say sweetly.

"Who's your most famous friend?" he asks playfully. I shake my head, but he insists. "Come on, tell me!"

"I don't know, I know a lot of famous people but they're not all friends of mine," I say bluntly.

"Okay, then who's the most famous person in your phone?" he reaches across the table and picks it up before I can snatch it away. He's fast!

"Hey!" I grab for it, but he holds it just out of reach. He starts scrolling through the names and his eyes widen a little bit. "Seriously?" he turns the screen to face me.

"Yeah, but we're more colleagues than friends," I say shyly.

"He has kind of a reputation," Sid says nervously. "Isn't he pretty famous for sleeping with..."

"Trust me, he's on a steady diet of supermodels," I snatch my phone back. "You're sounding a little jealous there Sid."

"Maybe," he shrugs. "It's just that, well, you're around these guys all the time, and they're..." he trails off.

_Oh my God. Sid is insecure!_

"Sid, you have nothing to worry about. My God, I'm the one who should be snooping through your phone!" I laugh, but his face goes deadpan.

"Why do you say that?" he asks seriously.

"Come on, I've been to a game. It's a sea of women in Crosby jerseys who would kill to get close to you. The city worships you. You could have any woman..." but he doesn't let me finish.

"That's always been the problem. Why would I want to be with someone who is only with me because I'm famous?" he says with a grin.

"How do you know I'm not?" I challenge.

"I have it on good authority," he winks.

Our food arrives and we both look a little disappointed.

"It just looks so small," I say sadly.

"She gets so mad when we order more though," he concludes.

We enjoy our lunch, chatting animatedly and hatching a plan to return on her day off when we can order without prejudice. We consider stopping for ice cream, but there's not too much time before his appointment and I can tell he's anxious to get it over with.

Back in the truck we take the scenic route to the doctor's office. Sid enjoys driving, and I enjoy being driven so we're a good match. He's telling me about the various injuries he's sustained, and then it occurs to me that he kind of glossed over something pretty important earlier.

"What time do your parents get in?" I interrupt.

"Just before six," he tells me.

"Are you picking them up?"

"They usually rent a car. Would you like to join us for dinner?" he offers.

"Uh, I don't know..." I hesitate.

"Kate, my mom isn't going to leave without meeting you. If you don't want to meet them tonight, that's fine, but just know that it's going to happen."

We pull into the parking lot of the medical office and I don't wait for Sidney to open my door.

"She already knows about me?" I ask selfishly.

"She does," he says firmly. "I'm serious, she's not going anywhere until she meets you."

"Well, another night when I'm better prepared?" it comes out more as a question.

Sid smiles and pulls me toward him. I wrap my arm around his waist and we head toward the door.

"Anything you say babe."

It's official. I love going to the doctor's office with Sidney. They are so thorough with their examination that poor Sid has been sitting in only his boxers for the past hour and half. I've been pretending to skim a magazine while enjoying the view. The doctor leaves us alone for a moment and Sid breaks out into a huge grin.

"Must be a fascinating article there Kate. You've been reading it for over an hour," he teases.

"What can I say? The view is a little distracting," I giggle.

Sid laughs. "Oh my God, when he asked if my neck was stiff from the injury or sleep..." he giggles. _I don't get it?_ "Kate, it's stiff from...you know..." and recognition finally sinks in. _His neck is stiff from this morning!_

I can feel my cheeks flush pink, "Sid!"

"Well it's true!" he smirks. "Between watching you on me this morning and then getting up in..." and I'm saved by the sound of the door opening.

"Okay, so I'm comfortable saying ten days for sure, then day-to-day. Light workouts, no contact obviously, no weights on the left side. I'd like to see you again in four days, how's the pain management?" the doctor rattles off information quickly. _I guess we have our sex-timeline too_.

"Good so far," Sid answers immediately.

"You shouldn't be in too much discomfort, but it should be uncomfortable enough that you know you're injured," the doctor warns.

"Yeah, I'm right in that zone," Sid tells him.

It looks like that's satisfied the good doctor for today and we are free to go. Back in the truck, we head for home, singing along to bad top 40 all the way. We pull into my driveway and Sid throws the truck in park.

"So what's the rest of your day look like?" he asks.

"Well, I have a few hours of work to get done before tomorrow. What about you?"

"My parents will be here pretty soon, so dinner with them, catching up, then I don't know. Can I stop by after supper?" he's eyes me curiously.

"Of course, I'd love that," I lean across and give him a sweet kiss. "Thanks for lunch."

"Thanks for coming with me to the doctor," he offers, leaning toward me for another kiss.

"Sounds like you won't be healed for ten days or more," I pout. He gives me a puzzled look. "That means no sex for at least that long."

Sid tips his head back and laughs, "The minute he says the word babe."

"See you later babe," I give him one last peck and exit the car. I turn back to wave goodbye and he is smiling back at me.

_Ten days, that's not even two weeks_. I can handle that. _Meeting his mother?_ I'm not so sure.


	29. Chapter 29

The house is spotless, I have clean laundry for the week, supper is in the oven, and I've even made lemon cupcakes for a late night snack. It's official - I'm out of distractions. Time to get down to work. Work is kind of like exercise sometimes - I dread it, but once I'm going I can't remember why I was trying so hard to avoid it. There's always a million emails to answer, and that eases me into things. I make a quick call to the production manager, apologizing profusely for interrupting his Sunday evening, but he assures me that he's working too.

I skip downstairs to make myself a plate of food, refresh my drink and stretch my muscles. I grab my laptop and decide to get some reading done on the front porch while I eat supper. The weather is getting warmer everyday, and it's not California, but the spring is so much nicer here than Saskatchewan. The daylight stretches further into the evening than usual, and I'm nearly done everything I'd hoped to finish tonight when a familiar face walks up my driveway.

"Hey there!" he calls out, waving and grinning.

"How's it going?" I stand to greet him, carefully stacking my dishes and laptop on the table.

"I hope it's okay that I've stopped by, I wanted to talk to you and you're kind of hard to track down lately," he explains.

"I just saw you yesterday," I laugh. "Drink?"

Ray shakes his head no and sits down. An awkward silence stretches between us.

"So..." he breaks first.

"So...?" I return in question.

"Yesterday was a little...awkward," he chuckles. "I feel badly about how I handled things."

"It was definitely uncomfortable," I agree.

"It's just that I'm not sure if I should tell Andrea about us, and now it seems the two of you are friends, which only complicates things even more..." he rambles.

"Ray," I interrupt. "There's nothing to tell Andrea. You and I are friends, nothing more. I don't think pretending we're strangers is a good idea though. We don't have to lie, there's nothing to even lie about."

"Nothing?" he challenges.

"Don't you think?" I question him. _Why is he making such a big deal about this? _"We had two dates, and we spent most of the second date talking about other people!" I say exasperatedly.

"Maybe," he considers. Ray sweeps his fingers through his hair, something is torturing him, but it can't be me. "It's just, Andrea can't find out about us. It would ruin everything."

Then it hits me. "She didn't know," I say quietly.

"She had her suspicions," he says flatly.

"I thought you were trying to get back together."

"We are!" he cries.

Something doesn't fit. "She wasn't dating around, was she? You were." Ray looks up and nods sheepishly. "And not just with me?" I ask.

"No, but the other women know about my situation and know to stay away from Andrea, but you..." he sounds almost angry.

"But I what?" I hiss.

"You went out and actually became friends with her!" he stands up and runs his hands through his hair again. "I can't mix those worlds Kate, that's what got me into this mess."

"Well, let me put your mind at ease," I look at him and practically laugh in his face. "There won't be any mixing of worlds."

Relief floods over him and I realize he's misunderstood me. Just as I'm about to make myself crystal clear, a notice a pair of figures walking toward us.

"Thank you," Ray moves to rub my arm, but I quickly pull away.

"No, you don't understand. I have zero interest in you Ray, not as a boyfriend, not even as a friend. I can't believe I thought you were a nice guy." I whisper quietly, not wanting to make more of a scene.

"I am a nice guy," he pleads.

"You're a scumbag," I conclude.

Ray grabs my arm and I try to pull away, but he overpowers me. "Listen Kate," he starts threateningly.

"Everything okay here?" comes a familiar voice. Ray drops my arm quickly and turns to find himself face to face with Sid and a woman who can only be his mother. _Oh my God._

"Hey, you're..."

"The boyfriend," Sid interrupts. Ray turns and gives me an incredulous look, but I just nod in agreement. "And you are?"

"Ray," he moves to shake Sid's hand, but Sid doesn't offer it. Instead he moves to within an inch of Ray's face.

"Ray, any part of you that touches Kate again, you're not getting back. Understood?" it's barely a whisper, but Ray has heard every word. I look up at his mother who has pursed her lips into a thin line and looks very disapproving of the whole situation.

Ray chuckles and pats Sid hard on his left shoulder, "Anything you say sport." It must be painful, but Sid doesn't even wince. Ray turns toward me and nods, and makes his way down the driveway. When he is clearly out of earshot and definitely on his way home, I turn to face Sid and his mother.

"I'm so sorry about that, are you okay?" I walk toward him and he gives me a warm smile, immediately calming my nerves.

"Never better. What was that all about?" he pulls my hand in his.

"It's a long story," I sigh.

"I'd like to hear it," he says quietly. "Later though. Kate I want you to meet my mom, Trina."

I try my best to shake off the ugliness that has just taken place and walk confidently toward her, putting on a bright smile and offering my hand. "I'm so sorry you had to see that, it's definitely not how I hoped we'd meet," and that seems to do the trick. Trina's mouth softens and she nods quietly, taking my hand and giving me a warm smile.

"When Sid said he was coming over to see you, I couldn't resist. I hope you don't mind?" she asks.

"I'm really glad you're here," I say. "What can I get you to drink?"

"Oh, I'm not fussy," she tells me.

"Wine?" I offer and she nods politely. "Sid?"

"Whatever, I'm easy," he sits down and stretches his arm across the back of the loveseat.

"Sid, go help," Trina whispers under her breath. He quickly jumps up and makes his way toward me. I can't disguise the smile spreading across my face. He listens to his mother, that's a good sign.

I pull a bottle of white wine out of the fridge and feel Sid's hands on my waist. "Want to talk about it?" he asks quietly.

"I hate that your mom saw that!" I sigh, turning to face him and relieved to find him smiling.

"What was that?" he smirks.

"That? That was the idiot I was trying to be casual with while you made up your mind about me," I rest my head against his chest and he holds me close to him.

"While _we_ made up _our _minds, remember?" he corrects me.

"Fine. Turns out his ex-wife is in my pilates class and we've become sort of friends. They're trying to work things out, and he was worried I'd ruin that for him," I say quickly.

"But you're not seeing him anymore," Sid sounds confused.

"Exactly, but apparently he's seeing other women and Andrea, his ex, she has no idea," I finish. "I can't believe your mom saw that whole thing, that's so humiliating!"

He laughs and kisses the top of my head. "It was nothing, don't think of it. She was very determined to meet you."

"You could have warned me," I pout.

"I texted, you didn't respond and she was out the door before I even had my shoes on," he explains. "Oooh, let's have some of these," Sid looks past me into the fridge and sees a plate of cupcakes. _Thank God I have something to offer her!_

I pour two glasses of wine, while Sidney helps himself to a glass of iced tea. I grab three side plates and some napkins and Sid carries most of it outside for me. Once we're all seated, I take a gulp of wine preparing for the inquisition that is sure to follow.

"So Kate, that man, is he a friend of yours?" Trina doesn't waste any time.

"Umm, not really. Well, we went out a few times, but um, nothing serious!" I stammer, and unfortunately for everyone, I continue. "We decided we were better as friends, but then I found out he was cheating on his wife, who is my friend from pilates, and he didn't want me to tell her about us, not that there's anything to tell. Like, honestly, nothing happened." I wish I were dead. _Stop talking_.

Sid can't disguise his amusement and tries not to laugh out loud, which only fuels my embarrassment.

"You were dating your friend's ex-husband?" Trina looks at me like I'm crazy.

"I was, but I didn't know they had been married. I didn't even know they knew each other and it wasn't until she invited me to a birthday party for their son that the pieces all kind of came together," I finish. _Am I even making sense here? _

"The birthday party," Sid giggles. I shoot him a dirty look, which only makes him laugh harder.

"I'm sorry, this is like my nightmare. Okay, long story short, I met Ray we had drinks and dinner twice, I met his ex-wife separately, not realizing they knew each other. He and I didn't work out, obviously, and here we are," I sigh.

Sid reaches over and rubs my knee. "You done sweetie?" he giggles, and I let out a little nervous laugh and start to relax.

"Kate, these are delicious, did you make them yourself?" Trina generously changes the subject to cupcakes, and relief floods over me.

"I did, fresh today!" I reply brightly.

"Sid wouldn't say a word, but I want to hear all about how you two met," she looks at me expectantly.

"It's not that much of a story," I laugh. "I was doing a little shopping and walked right into him. Then he kind of just followed me home," I start.

"To be fair, we were headed in the same direction," Sid motions to his home down the street, and we're both blushing and giggling a little bit.

"Yeah, so it kind of freaked me out a little bit, but he was so nice about it that I invited him to stop by for a drink sometime, and to my surprise I found him sitting out here the next day," I laugh remembering our klutzy second meeting.

"I scared her half to death," he chimes in.

"Oh Sid, you didn't?" Trina laughs.

"He did," I confirm. "I screamed, dropped a glass and he made me stand perfectly still while he cleaned up the mess."

Trina nods approvingly toward her son and Sidney takes over telling the story. Apparently I force-fed him hummus and looked like a deer in headlights when the cable guy asked for his autograph. I sit back and smile, listening to him recall things about me I wasn't really even aware I was doing. I glance over at Trina and she is beaming.

"And Kate, Sid tells me you're a writer?" she asks.

"That's right, mostly screenwriting," I reply quickly.

"Sounds like a good-paying job with some flexibility," she concludes. Sid shoots her a warning look and she just shrugs it off.

"Yeah, I've been really lucky, and you're right - I can pretty much write from anywhere, so in that sense I'm not too tied down to a location," I agree.

"But you're in Pittsburgh for a while?" she asks concernedly.

"For the next few months for sure. I'm working on a series that's filming in the area, so if it does well, I could be here longer," I say.

"Good, good," and with that Trina seems quite satisfied and resumes sipping her drink. _Did I just pass the mother-test?_

"How long are you and your husband in town?"

"We leave Thursday night," she replies.

"If you're interested, you should come by the set one afternoon. We can go for lunch," I offer.

"That would be lovely," she smiles widely and looks to Sidney.

"I'll set it up," he tells us. I shake my head and smile, but he ignores me.

"More wine?" I offer.

"No, I think I'll head back now, leave you kids to it," Trina stands and I quickly join her. "Kate, it was great meeting you."

"I promise, my life isn't always this dramatic," I laugh.

"You handled it very well," she beams. "I'll see you later, Sid?" and the awkward question hangs in the air.

"If not tonight, tomorrow morning," he replies quickly.

_Oh my God. Awkward!_

"And Kate?" she turns toward me and I nod, "I look forward to our lunch."

"Me too."

Sidney and I clear the plates and glasses while he glances down the street every few seconds to make sure she gets home alright. _Adorable_. Once we're inside, I load everything into the dishwasher while Sid finishes off the last few cupcakes. "Might as well" are his words.

"So, how did I do?" I ask nervously.

"Beautifully," he pulls me into a hug.

"I was a rambling mess," I confess. I feel him laugh, but he stays pretty quiet.

"At first, yes. But you pulled yourself together pretty quick," he tells me.

"Do you think she likes me?"

"She definitely does," he says bluntly.

"How do you know?" I question.

"When she asked about your 'good-paying flexible' job, that was directed at me, not you," he finishes.

"What do you mean?"

"It was her way of saying you have your own life, but it can fit into mine. That's what she wants for me," he explains.

"Well right now, I'd rather see how well you fit into me," I give him a coy look and he blushes instantly.

"Kate!" he feigns shock and horror.

"It's true, come on, let's go upstairs," I whine.

"Alright baby, let's see if we can satisfy your insatiable appetite," he takes my hand and pulls me toward the stairs.

_Definitely insatiable_.


	30. Chapter 30

Sidney and I are locked at the lips, his hands moving up my shirt, my fingers frantically undoing his belt. When we step into my room he practically tosses me on the bed. I squeal with delight and am rewarded with Sidney crawling toward me, a hungry look in his eyes.

"You look so fucking sexy right now," I say, my voice husky and unfamiliar. I move to lift off my shirt, but his hands still me.

"Katie, if you take your clothes off I'm not going to be able to wait," he says breathlessly.

That's all I need to hear. He sits back, closes his eyes and tries to compose himself. He takes a few deep breaths and I take advantage of the situation and quickly pull off the first layer. When he opens his eyes he sees that I'm now only in my bra and jeans.

"Babe," he whines, his lips curling at the corners, his eyes closing heavily, his head moving slowly from side to side.

"More?" I ask, tugging at the straps of my bra. His tongue darts out and wets his lips quickly, and he nods almost imperceptibly. I carefully drag down the left strap first, letting it scrape along every inch of my arm. He doesn't even blink. "More?" I ask, putting on my most innocent expression.

"Yes," he moans. His hand rubs against his jeans, which now reveal the outline of an impressive erection. I let him know that I'm aware of his..._growing needs_, and slowly slip the right bra strap down my arm. I lean forward, over-emphasizing the motion of unhooking my arm from the satin fabric, and my breasts spill slightly out of the bra cup, but my nipples are still completely covered.

His eyes haven't left my chest once. I lean back and press my breasts forward, watching his hand push harder against himself.

"More?" I challenge.

"Yes baby," he growls. I get on all fours and crawl toward him, closing the space between us and give him the view he's looking for. "Oh fuck, Kate. Are we doing this?"

"We are," I tell him. "Unless you want to wait?" I curl my hand around his neck and drag my lips across his, tugging his bottom lip gently with my teeth.

"I thought it might be better if I could..." he trails off when I lift his hands to my chest. He tucks his fingers inside my bra and slowly removes the fabric, revealing my naked flesh. "If I could..." he starts again, running his hand across his shoulder, but I just laugh.

"Kiss them," I pant and he doesn't waste a second. I feel his warm lips encircle my nipple and his tongue wets me instantly. His hand mimics the motion on my other breast and the sensation is overwhelming. My arousal spreads across my body and my hands work his arousal through his jeans.

"Take these off," he begs, tugging at my jeans. I quickly stand up and steady myself on the bed. I look down and he is watching me like his life depends on it. I undo the button and take my sweet time lowering the zipper. His lips part and his breathing quickens. I lower the jeans over my hips, careful not to take my panties with them, and let them fall easily to my ankles. Sid wraps his arm around my backside and pushes me into his face. His warm breath penetrates my panties, sending shivers across my body.

He pulls the small strip of fabric to the side and presses his nose hard against me, kissing me, nipping at me, and finally licking me. "Ahhh," I moan. Sidney doesn't need any more encouragement. He lays back on the bed and runs his hands up and down the back of my legs.

"Get rid of those fucking panties," he growls, making me smile shyly. In seconds I find myself standing over him, completely naked, exposing my most private parts to him, while he lay there fully-dressed. Before I can complain, he grabs my hips and tugs me toward him. He grimaces in pain, forgetting to take it easy on his left side.

"Careful babe," I scold. He ignores me and guides me to my knees until I'm positioned exactly where he wants me. Right on his face. "Oh my God, Sid..." I pant. He doesn't stop. I lean against the headboard, balancing myself, gripping on for dear life. His tongue flicks quickly across me and his hands dig into my hips. His lips massage me expertly and I feel a rush of arousal pass through me. As incredible as this feels, I don't want to come like this. "I want you inside me," I tell him.

He quickly flips me onto my back and hurriedly starts undressing. I've never seen him this...urgent. He practically tears his jeans and shorts off and I hear his erection slap against his stomach. He pulls his shirt over his head, and winces. "Don't say it," he warns me, and I bite my tongue. "You sure about this babe?" he asks quietly.

"I want to. Are you sure?" I reply, running my hand across his face.

"Definitely," he captures my mouth with his and I feel the weight of him across my body. "I don't have..." he starts.

"I do," I finish.

The feeling of his naked skin on mine is exquisite. His erection strains painfully across my hip, digging into me, reminding me of my affect on him. He kisses my neck, and I run my fingers through his hair. He lays on his side and looks up at me, his expression more relaxed, his mouth slightly open. "You're amazing," he kisses me.

"Oh babe, I think you're incredible," I confide. "Sid, it's been a longtime since I've _been_ with a man, and just want you to know I don't take it lightly."

"I don't either," he says, and I can't help but roll my eyes. "What?"

"Sid," I say sarcastically.

"Seriously, I don't take it lightly."

"Babe, you had a woman in your bed less than..." I start, but he silences me with a kiss.

"This is different. There's feelings here, you know that," he leans over me and brushes hair away from my face.

I cup his face in my hands and watch him for a second. He smiles sweetly, and for a moment we just stare at each other. I lean up to meet his mouth, and slip my hand around his backside. I give him an encouraging squeeze and his hands start moving up and down my body again. I massage the sides of his waist, kissing him deeply, our tongues rolling together, catching his breath in mine. He slips a hand between my thighs and feels me deeply.

"Ready?" he asks softly.

"Yes," I pant. He sits up and I roll to the side of the bed and reach into my nightstand. I pull out a foil packet and hand it to him. He tears it open, pulls the condom out and hands it to me. I kneel in front of him and unroll the latex down the length of him. He's breathing so heavily, I can't help but wonder if he's as anxious as I am. "Nervous?" I blurt out and blush immediately.

"A little bit," he admits. "I really want you to enjoy this," he says quietly, running his fingers down my arm, taking my hand in his.

"I'm loving it already," I assure him. I lay back on the bed, open my legs and invite him in between me. He crawls up and settles between my legs, and the anticipation of him is torturous. He leans down to kiss me, and I eagerly press my lips to his. He leans on his right side and when I see his hand move between us, I hold my breath.

"Can I...?" he asks softly.

"Please," I beg, and I feel him press against me. Slowly, achingly, he enters me. My breath hitches as he moves further and further inside, so cautious, so gentle.

"Are you okay?" he asks, holding himself firm inside me, letting me get a feel for him.

"Yeah," I whisper.

"Can I move? Are you ready?" he has such a look of concern, and I can't help but giggle.

"Yes babe, move," I say breathlessly. He starts slowly, and I can feel every inch of him pull out of me. Just when I think he's going to pull out completely, he presses back inside, and the torture is exquisite. "Ahh, you feel so good Sid," I tell him.

"I love how you feel babe," he whispers into my ear. His rhythm speeds up and his mouth goes to work on my neck. I run my hands across his back and feel him flinch when I move across his injury.

"Sorry!" I gasp, but he just smiles.

"Honey, don't ever apologize while we're doing this," he laughs. He moves quicker and I wince slightly. "Too much?" he stops immediately.

"No, it feels good babe. It's just that I feel so..." _what's the word? _He watches me anxiously. "Full," I finish and grin up at him. He smiles and relief floods his face. He starts moving again, in and out, in and out, a steady pace that has every nerve in my body standing at attention. I lift my hips to meet his and we find a beautiful pulse that is all our own. The weight of his body on mine feels overwhelming and comforting all at once. I hold him tight against me, as if we could possibly be any closer. "Mmmm," I moan into his shoulder.

He groans a reply and pushes his tongue into my mouth. We move together, pushing each other closer, neither of us in a hurry for this to end. He slows his pace, and sits up slightly, relieving some of the pressure from my body. "I just need a second," he grimaces.

"Oh Sid, lay back baby," I encourage him. He pulls slowly out of me and rolls onto his back. I sit up on my knees and lean over him to kiss his beautiful face. "Let me go on top," I offer. He smiles and I quickly wrap my legs around him, straddling his waist. I take him in hand and position myself over him. I gently lower myself onto him until he fills me completely.

"So good babe," he pants.

"Mmmm," I concur. I rock back and forth against him, and his hands find my breasts quickly. He looks incredible. His hair is slightly damp, his muscles tense and firm, his skin is so beautiful in this light. "You're gorgeous," I pant. "Did you know that?"

He giggles and shakes his head. "That's my line," he tells me.

"Well it definitely applies," I smirk. He moves his hands from my breasts to find my hips and grips them tightly. I keep rocking back and forth, never slowing, feeling him deep inside me, his body providing a perfect friction that is hitting all the right spots. I close my eyes and relish the sensation. I feel his hips buck slightly and his fingers dig into my skin, and his need pushes me closer and closer to the edge.

"How close are you babe?" he pants desperately.

"Seconds away," I gasp.

I feel his hands lift me from him and pull me back down again, and he repeats this over and over again. It feels like my body is on fire, every muscle tenses and I hold my breath. He pulls me tight around him again and this time I let go. My body quivers and contracts around him.

"That's it babe," he encourages.

"Oh Sid," I shake. He keeps working me over and over, and I fall apart completely.

"Kaaaaaaate," he growls loudly, pulling me tight to his chest and holding me firmly. Only his hips move and they grind hard against my sex as he spills into me. "Oh babe," he pants. I roll off him and lay beside him, grinning wildly while working to catch my breath. He turns toward me and his strained face quickly relaxes and a devilish grin takes over his mouth.

"That was..." I start, but no word seems adequate. I press my lips to his, and take his tongue in my mouth. I run my fingers through his hair and press my breasts against his chest. "Thank you," I whisper.

Sid giggles and pulls me in for another kiss. "Thank _you_, you were amazing." We lay together for I don't know how long, until I feel him shiver slightly and see that his chest has broken out in goosebumps.

"Let's take a bath," I offer. I move toward the bathroom, feeling him close behind me. He disposes of the condom and gives me an embarrassed smile. "What was that for?" I ask him.

"I should have been better prepared, you shouldn't have to be the one..." he says.

"Oh Sid, it's fine. I'm kind of relieved you don't carry them with you all the time," I tease.

"Well look at you, Miss Fully-Stocked-Night-Stand," he fires back at me with a grin.

I burst out laughing, _if only!_ "Hardly! That was part of a swag bag I got at a festival a few months ago. They gave everyone a condom and two mints and called it condiments. It was supposed to be cute, but it actually came in handy!" I place my hand under the running water to check the temperature.

"Are you the kind of gal who takes more than one swag bag?" he grins.

"Lucky for you, I am."

"That's my girl!" he says proudly.

I climb into the bath and move forward, giving him room to sit behind me. When I feel his legs on either side of me, I lean back into his chest and his arms wrap around me. "Are you staying?" I ask, a hint of nerves in my voice.

"I'd like to, is that okay?" he replies.

"That's perfect." And in this moment, it really does feel perfect.


	31. Chapter 31

My internal clock goes off before my alarm does, and reality sets in - the weekend is over, and I have to get back to work. Sid is fast asleep, likely tired from the combination of pain killers and physical exertion. I sit up in bed, turn off the alarm and take a minute to enjoy the moment. He looks so peaceful, so young, his tousled hair is irresistible. This is how I want to think of him today. Safe, happy, relaxed _in my bed_. I grab my phone and take a quick picture, just for me.

I lean over and kiss him lightly on the cheek, but he doesn't stir. As quietly as possible, I step out of bed and grab clothes for the day, my toiletries, and hairdryer. I make my way to the guest bath downstairs, so as not to disturb him. The warm water skims across my skin and wakens my senses. _I feel sore_. It doesn't feel bad though, it's actually a welcome ache. My shoulders are stiff from pressing against the headboard, my hips have light scratches from Sidney digging into me, and well, I'm sore _there _from him.

Freshly showered, I wrap myself in a towel and sit on the edge of the tub, rubbing cream into my legs and arms. This type of exercise agrees with me. I feel kind of pretty. Sid is only the second man I've ever been intimate with, and his touch is fresh in my mind. How his hands press into my skin, guiding me to meet him. The way his lips worked across my neck, warming me with his breath. A shiver runs across my skin just thinking about it.

He was skilled, definitely, but he was also so tender and kind. I wasn't expecting that. I start drying my hair, and smile remembering that we can do it all again. _He's my boyfriend! _I'm like a teenager, giddy and ridiculous over some boy. Although, Sidney isn't just some boy, he's the man in my life.

I dress quickly and walk into the kitchen to see a very sleepy Sidney sitting at the island. "Morning," I startle him.

"Hey, I wasn't sure if you'd left or not," he pouts.

"I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye," I say. "Are you hungry?"

He nods and stands to stretch. He's wearing only his shorts, and they sit low on his hips, revealing a little trail of hair from his navel to his...

"I feel like I could sleep for days," he pulls me into the present. "Why don't you skip work and join me?" he laughs.

"If only I could," I lament. I put some bread in the toaster and start cutting up fruit. Sid digs through the fridge and pours us each a glass of orange juice. He pulls a container of yogurt from the fridge and examines it closely.

"Coconut?" he questions.

"Yeah, it's made from coconut milk, try it. You'll love it," I promise.

"You have the weirdest food babe," he teases. He grabs a spoon and starts working his way through the container. He doesn't stop, so I take that as a sign he likes it. "How did you sleep?" he asks.

"Like a baby," I confess. "You?"

"Out like a light," he laughs. "I was dreaming about you," he adds.

"Really?" I blush. "What were you dreaming?"

"I don't really remember, but I know you were there. Did you know you laugh in your sleep?" he asks.

_Oh my God_. That's so mortifying. Benny would tease me all the time about that. Some nights I would even wake myself up from laughing too hard. That hasn't happened in years though. _I guess I haven't had much to smile about...until now_.

"I did know that," I admit. "It's so creepy, I'm sorry!"

"It's not creepy, it's really cute," he stands and wraps his arms around me. "You look beautiful this morning."

"You have to say that because you're sleeping with me," I tease. He grins widely and pulls me into a kiss.

"No, I'm sleeping with you because I think you're incredibly beautiful," he fires back. "Do we have time for..."

"Nope, I'm afraid we don't," I interrupt. "The car service will be here in a few minutes."

"Later?" he says hopefully.

"Definitely. What are you up to today?" I ask brightly.

"I'm skating this morning, probably spend some time with my parents this afternoon, and then watch the game tonight. Would you want to come watch with us?" he asks.

"At the arena?" I ask and he laughs.

"No babe, it's an away game, remember?" he giggles.

_Oh yeah, he wasn't supposed to get home until late tonight_. So much has happened in such a short period of time, I'm all turned around.

"So, at your place?" I try to recover.

"Yeah, what do you say?" he runs his hand up and down my arm.

"With you and your parents?" what am I getting myself into?

"Yep," he assures me.

"Okay, sure. Do they know I'm not an expert?" I say nervously.

"They know, don't worry babe," he says quietly. "And don't be mad at me," he adds quickly.

"Why would I be mad at you?" I laugh.

"Just promise," he stares at me intently.

"Okay, I promise. What did you do?" I press. He just smiles and holds me at arms length.

"You'll see, and you might be mad, but just remember you promised," he grins. Just as I'm about to torture it out of him, I hear the car service pull into my driveway.

"Ugh, time to go to work," I sigh. He wraps himself tightly around me, and I can barely breathe, but nothing feels this good, not even breathing. He kisses me quickly and slaps my bottom.

"Get out of here, babe."

"Now you're making me want to stay," I pout.

"Call me all day long," he winks.

"I'll do my best," I promise.

He kisses me once more and I quickly slap some peanut butter on my toast and race out the door. I usually start my day the minute I enter the car, answering emails, texting department heads, reviewing call sheets and cost reports. Today, I do none of that. I sip my coffee, munch on my toast, and daydream about last night.

The last time I felt this way was years ago, and I forgot how all-consuming these feelings can be, feelings I wasn't sure I would ever experience again. _Benny_. A wave of guilt sweeps over me. What would Benny think of me right now? _He doesn't think of you._ And I guess that's the problem. I'm completely forgotten to him. I used to think he'd wake up one day, his memory fully-restored somehow, and rush to claim me. I used to wait for that day. That small hope was the only thing keeping me going some days, _most days_. That day never came. I retreated into my work and stayed in California, where I could keep busy with people who were too preoccupied with their own lives to ask me about mine.

I considered staying away over the holidays, but my sister begged me to come home for Christmas, so I did. I avoided everyone, or tried to. Then it happened. I was walking through the 24-hour drugstore in the middle of the night, medicating with magazines and makeup when I saw him. Benny was standing in the next aisle with his brother and they were comparing toothbrushes. Had he not seen me or did he really not remember? My heart was beating out of my chest, and when I turned the corner I was sure I had my answer.

His brother said hello first and Benny gave me a familiar smile. I thought I was going to drop dead on the spot, but somehow I didn't. Somehow I was still standing, mere feet from my husband, and he seemed to know me. I couldn't form words, but I could feel my cheeks sting from smiling as hard as I could. "Back for the holidays?" his brother asked simply.

"Yeah, I'm in town for a week," I said, never taking my eyes from Benny's.

"Where do you live?" Benny asked quietly. Hearing his voice was a gift and even more, he was addressing me.

"California?" it came out more as a question, but he nodded excitedly.

"Wow, you left California to come here?" he asked incredulously.

"I did," I laughed. I was laughing and he was smiling and I was sure the next words out of his mouth would be a declaration of love.

"How do you two know each other?" he asked quickly, and all the hope I'd been carrying around vanished. _He didn't remember me at all_.

His brother looked at me with wild alarm and just shook his head begging me not to say a word, "We went to school together," he told Benny. There was nothing more to say. I was old news, and the truth would only hurt and confuse Benny. No one seemed to care that I was hurt and confused. I had my memories, and I should be grateful.

I shake my head and focus on the present moment. Everything has changed. Sidney is my second chance and I can't let the past weigh me down. Benny isn't coming for me, and honestly, I don't know if I'd want him to. That makes me feel guilty, but there's just some things you can't come back from.

My stomach turns as I remember my upcoming trip home. Ugh. Running into him is always in the back of my mind, and I never feel like a free person when I'm there. It's small and impossible not to bump into someone you know, no matter how careful you are, no matter how late you make your trips to the drugstore, no matter how many parties and events you decline to attend. I always bump into someone.

Things really are different now. I'm not going home the heartbroken divorcee. Work couldn't be going better, I'm healthier than I have been in years, and I'm with someone. Not just someone. I'm with Sidney Crosby. Superstar title aside, I'm with a great guy who really seems into me. I'm not the scared shadow I used to be.

I wonder what my parents will make of all this. My father takes his cues from my mother, and she's hard to read sometimes. Most of the time. I'm sure she'll be full of advice about the challenges of dating someone in the public arena, as if she would even have a clue about how to date, let alone date a celebrity. She's always been very quick to enjoy the perks of my job and very slow to pay attention to the actual work involved. It's like she can't be proud of me until someone else endorses me.

Maybe she doesn't need to know about Sidney, not yet.

I walk into the office and am greeted with stacks of paperwork and Carter, who seems to know something is up with me. I give a quick wave and attempt to retreat into my office, but he's too quick for me.

"How was your date Friday?" he blurts out, a few office assistants glance up, but when I don't respond immediately, they resume their work.

"Coffee?" I suggest, and Carter grabs his mug and joins me in my office.

He sits across from me, enthralled by the details of my weekend, and to be honest, even I had forgotten how eventful things had been. I tell him about Ray and how uncomfortable my first meeting with Sidney's mother had been, but he assured me that I was probably remembering it worse than it really was. He nearly fell out of his chair when I told him about last night, excluding some of the more personal details of course.

"So Ray is like, a proper jerk? Who knew?" Carter says exasperatedly.

"I never would have guessed," I agree.

"And you and Sid are like, together together together?" he asks, and I laugh.

"We are," I beam.

"And you're meeting his dad tonight?" he prods.

"Yep, but I'm not really nervous for some reason. Mothers are usually tougher to win over, right?"

"For sure," Carter agrees.

"Listen, they might be coming to set one day this week, so can I count on you to give them a tour?" I beg.

"Absolutely," he replies quickly. "I'll tell everyone to treat you like a big-shot."

"Don't you dare!" and I realize he's just teasing me.

Carter is called away, leaving me to buckle down and start working, but Sid is never far from my thoughts. I decide to send him a quick text, and then I'll finish replying to emails.

_"So much to do, but you're all I can think of."_

Seconds later comes his reply.

_"Your house is so lonely without you." _

He's still at my place?!

_"Don't you have to sneak back home?" _I tease.

_"All in good time babe. I like being here."_ Aww, that's so sweet.

_"Stay as long as you like. I have to get to work now! Stop distracting me!"_

_"I promise nothing."_

I grin like and idiot, glued to my phone, when I hear Carter clear his throat.

"If you're done sexting, they need you on set," he says matter-of-factly.

"I wasn't..." I start, feeling like a kid caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

"Kate," he grins. "They really do need you on set."

I hand Carter my phone and gather my things. "Don't give it back until after lunch, even if I beg."

The morning goes quickly, and I'm exhausted trying to keep up. Carter and I take our lunch in my office and work through the hour break, completing finance agreements and finalizing closing documentation. It's after two o'clock when my phone buzzes. Carter quickly hands it to me.

"I need ten minutes to stretch my legs," he tells me as he walks out of the office.

I look down and Sidney has sent me a close up of his skates.

_"Working." _is the caption.

I take a picture of my cluttered desk and send it to him.

_"Me too."_

_"Text me when you're home, I'll come pick you up."_ His words make my stomach flip. I forgot how exciting this can be.

_"Can't wait_." I reply.

_"Me neither."_

The late afternoon soon becomes the early evening and the crew is close to wrapping for the day. I work furiously to finish up as much as possible before I head out. I check the time and there's still a good forty-five minutes before the game. If I'm going to make it home in time, I have to leave now.

To my relief Carter is packing up for the day, so I don't feel too guilty sneaking out early.

The ride home seems long, but I'm grateful for the chance to finish some last minute correspondence. I feel myself growing nervous, nervous to meet his parents, nervous to be in his space with his family there, them obviously knowing we spent the night together. He's a grown man, so they must suspect he does _that_, but it's another thing when they know he's doing _that_ with _me_.

We pull into my driveway and I scramble to collect my things. I grab my phone and take a deep breath.

_"Home_." and that one word has sealed my fate. Time to meet the parents.


	32. Chapter 32

I race upstairs to change quickly, and I'm surprised at the state of my room. _He made the bed!_ That was unexpected and so adorable! I run a brush through my hair and touch up my makeup before slipping on a pair of jeans. I pull off my top and start hunting through my closet for a navy button down blouse that I know looks nice, but is still casual enough if I roll up the sleeves.

"Babe?" he calls from downstairs.

"I'm up here!" I yell back.

Just as I find what I'm looking for I hear him take the stairs two at a time and he's in my room in seconds.

"Whoa Kate, as much as I want to do that," he says while closing the space between us, "and I do want to do that," he runs his finger across the top of my bra, "my parents are waiting and the game starts in a few minutes."

"Very funny," I quickly do up the buttons, having to push his hand out of the way. "Is this too casual?" I ask, rolling up the sleeves and turning to check myself in the mirror.

"You look great honey, so gorgeous," he kisses me and pulls me toward the door. "We really have to go."

"I'm ready!" I announce brightly.

We walk down the street hand in hand, and my stomach starts to do little flips. Sidney watches me carefully, and I try to play off my anxiety with a smile.

"You nervous?" he asks.

"A little," I confess.

"Just remember, you promised," he says, pulling me into the front door of the house.

Again, the ornate house looks completely deserted. For the size of the home, you'd guess it would be constantly buzzing with activity, but there doesn't seem to be anyone around.

"Does your boss actually live here?" I ask quietly.

"They're out of town," he laughs.

We make our way around back and Sid gives my hand a tight squeeze before we walk into his place. Well he definitely cleaned up since I've been here. The space looks much larger than I remember. I didn't even notice the sliding doors that separate the bedroom from the rest of the apartment, and much to my relief, they are closed. _The last thing I want is to be staring at his bed while getting to know his parents!_ He leads me into the television area and I'm greeted warmly by Trina.

"Kate, nice to see you again!" she says sweetly.

"It's nice to see you," I return with a smile. I feel Sid's hand on my back and he turns me slightly to face his father, who looks terribly familiar for some reason.

"Kate, this is my dad," Sid says quickly.

"Hi," I stretch out my hand to meet his and then it hits me, _we've met before_. "You're Troy...from the hockey game..." I stammer.

Troy chuckles a bit and shakes my hand, "Guilty as charged." I turn to face Sid, a puzzled look on my face and the tips of his ears are bright red. He gives me a sheepish smile. My mind starts racing, trying to remember if I said anything I might regret at the hockey game. I remember being incredibly ignorant about the game and Troy having to explain ever detail to me. I feel my cheeks start to blush. _How could he put me in this position? _"It's good to see you again, Kate."

"I didn't realize you and Sid were..." I start, but Troy just chuckles.

"It wasn't my idea," he says in mock defense. I smile and give a small laugh, but I'm sure the look on my face tells him I haven't quite put two and two together.

"Drink?" Sid says softly.

"Sure," I reply, giving nothing away. He walks across the room to the small kitchenette, and I follow close behind. He pulls a bottle of white wine from the fridge, and I open a cupboard to find a glass. We're just out of earshot, so I risk it. "So, you had your dad check me out?" I whisper.

"You promised," he reminds me nervously.

"I did," I say coolly. "You just keep springing these parental surprises on me Sid."

He pours the wine and whispers, "Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," I reply.

"You're something," he presses.

"Back at ya Sid," I say taking the glass from the counter and return to the living room. I take a seat on the sofa across from his parents and do my best to act as if everything is peaches and cream.

"Did you just finish work for the day?" Troy asks me.

"Yeah, we're in production so it's long hours right now," I reply with a sigh.

"Sid says it's quite the sight," Troy continues.

"I'm a little biased," I laugh, "but the sets are pretty incredible. Do you think you'll have time to stop by?"

"We're looking forward to it," Trina beams.

"Tomorrow works if you can swing it," Sid calls from across the room.

"That sounds great," I direct my reply to his parents.

Sid sits down beside me and puts his hand on my knee. As much as I would love to brush him off right now, I can't let my emotions get the better of me. "Did you see the doctor again today?" I ask sweetly, maybe a little too sweetly.

Sid squeezes my knee gently and turns to face me. With a twist of his lips and a subtle eye roll he replies, "Not until Wednesday."

I'm saved by the puck drop and Sid is completely focused on the game. He and his parents banter back and forth, pointing out missed opportunities, sloppy turnovers, smart passes, bad calls, basically everything I don't see when watching the game. It's intimidating. When the Penguins score, much to my surprise, it's Trina who cheers the loudest. Sid and Troy use a short hand to recap the play, and it's like another language.

"Just ignore them," Trina tells me. I return her smile and continue watching the game. I don't think I need to ignore Sidney, he's doing a good enough job for both of us. I don't know what I expected tonight would be like, but I didn't think it would be like this. _He's working_. This isn't hanging out for him, he's working. I can appreciate that.

I'm so far outside of my comfort zone, I don't dare open my mouth. Half the words they use are completely foreign to me, and at this moment, I can't imagine ever being able to follow along. At least not with the Crosby family. I watch the seconds tick off the clock and after what feels like an eternity, the first period ends.

Trina stands up and announces she is going to get a sweater and heads inside the main house. Troy flips through his phone and steps outside to return a missed call, leaving Sidney and I alone. "How ya doing?" he asks quietly.

"Good," I reply automatically.

"Kate," he coaxes.

"It's a little overwhelming," I confess.

"I'm sorry about my dad, it's just, well, I wanted to..." he starts.

"You wanted him to check me out," I finish. "Make sure I wasn't some gold-digging monster."

"I'm sorry," he says guiltily.

"I feel like I should go," I move to stand, but he tugs me back to the couch.

"What? Why?" he whispers hurriedly.

"You're so focused on the game, and should be, and I kind of feel like I'm just in the way," I say lamely.

"I'm sorry," he says quickly.

"Sid, stop apologizing. I promised I wouldn't be angry, and I'm trying _really_ hard to keep that promise, but sitting here watching you watch a game isn't helping, it's making things worse," I tell him.

"Oh Kate, stay. I'm sorry," he says and I flash him a look that lets him know I'm tired of hearing apologies. "Stay, I'll talk you through the game, I want you here," he finishes desperately.

"Sid..."

"This is important to me," he says seriously. I can't really argue with that, so instead I sit back and snuggle toward him.

"Put your arm around me," I tell him, and I can actually _hear_ him smile. He wraps me in a warm hug and kisses the top of my head. "So I passed the dad test?"

"With flying colors," he giggles. He points to the television as they replay a big hit from the previous period. "You see how they're guy hit Tanger from behind? That's called crosschecking, and they got away with it there, but when Tanger retaliated he took a penalty, so we'll be starting the next period down a man." Sid patiently sets me up to follow the game, muting the television when his face fills the screen and the panel speculates about his injury. "Any questions?" he asks.

"I don't know enough to even know what to ask," I say lamely.

"You'll get there," he takes my hand in his and gives it and encouraging squeeze.

"What are they saying about you kiddo?" Trina walks back into the room, Troy following closely behind. Sid shrugs, and that seems to satisfy her.

The second period starts, and Sid is true to his word, indulging my ignorance and calmly explaining the nuances of the game. He settles in close to me and speaks quietly, as to not turn our little tutoring session into a public shaming. He holds my hand and squeezes when the game gets tense. I'm not sure he's even aware he's doing it, but it's very endearing. Trina is very jumpy, whooping when the Penguins make a good play, gasping when there's a close call, soon Sid and I are giggling every time she does anything.

"Don't think I haven't noticed you two," she says sternly. I blush immediately, but am relieved when she laughs along with us. "Games make me a little tense," she confesses.

"Do you go to a lot of games?" I ask.

Troy and Sidney both laugh a little and Trina waves them off. Apparently I've hit a nerve.

"I would go to more games, but..." she starts.

"She can't take it," Sid tells me. "Too stressful."

Troy and Sid tease her a little bit, but she clearly knows how to handle them. I start to wonder if I'll ever feel that way. Will watching Sid play ever be too stressful for me? _I'm getting way ahead of myself_. There's still so much we have to learn about each other. I don't even know where he grew up! Does he have brothers and sisters? Does he ever want to get married? Have children? What will he do when the season ends? When his career is over?

_Stop_. I'm obsessing. I'm here to support Sid, focus on him. _This is important to him_. Two players start shoving each other and then one of them drops his gloves. A split-second later they're throwing punches, the crowd roaring their approval, and blood splatters on the ice. The refs eventually pull them apart and escort each of them to the penalty box.

"Do you fight?" I ask meekly.

"Hardly ever," comes his casual reply.

"But you do sometimes?" I press.

"Sid doesn't really fight, it's very rare," Trina assures me.

I squeeze his hand, and he squeezes back, "Sometimes," Sid says.

"I don't like that," I whisper before I can even consider what I'm saying. He lifts my hand to his lips and presses three sweet kisses along my knuckles. Clearly, he's not looking to discuss his fighting habits. Trina gasps loudly and Troy grumbles and I watch the other teams goalie head to the bench.

"There's a delayed penalty, so they're putting out another skater," Sid tells me. _Huh?_ "Next time we touch the puck they'll whistle the penalty, so there's no risk of us scoring."

"Oh, that's really smart," I beam and Sidney giggles. "Well it is!"

The second period comes to an end and I'm really glad I stayed. Troy and Sid discuss the state of the game and I follow Trina into the kitchenette to pull together some snacks.

"How are you holding up?" Trina asks me.

"It's a little confusing," I admit.

"I grew up in a hockey family, so did Troy, and sometimes we just take it for granted that everyone knows the game as well as we do," she says almost apologetically. "I think it's great that you have different interests. Sid needs a little more balance in his life."

"Yeah?" I ask hopefully.

"Absolutely," she reassures me. "Now, let's see if he has a stitch of food in this place." Trina starts rummaging through his cupboards and pulls out a bag of pretzels. _My favorite_. They're handmade pretzels from the deli, the same kind I nearly soaked through with iced tea the first time we had lunch. I glance over and Sid and he's watching me carefully, the tips of his ears bright red, a smile threatening to spill across his face.

_Not a coincidence_.

I grin at him and he winks back. Trina hands me two bowls to carry over and follows behind with a few things she managed to throw together. I settle in next to Sid and his hand quickly finds mine. The Penguins take a commanding lead, and the third period is much more relaxed than the first two. Troy joins Sid in talking me through the plays, and once in a while they disagree about who caused a turnover or who was out of position. Sid gently reminding his father that he actually practices these plays, and Troy begrudgingly conceding.

Trina asks me a bit about where I'm from and how I ended up in Pittsburgh. She tries to remember if her neighbor's son went to school in Saskatchewan or Manitoba, eventually deciding it doesn't matter as I don't know him. She asks what my plans for summer are, and I tell her I'll be filming until mid-July, and then likely will need a holiday.

"Nova Scotia is gorgeous in the summer," she suggests, raising her eyebrows and grinning at her son.

"I'm sure we'll get her out there for part of it," Sid placates her.

Well this is news, very welcomed news, but still news. _He sees us lasting through the summer_. I've gotten used to thinking of everything as temporary until disaster strikes. Sid is obviously more optimistic. I squeeze his hand gently and he squeezes back, then pulls me tight for a kiss. Trina sighs loudly, and I immediately blush and Sid rolls his eyes at her. _No pressure here! _

Sidney focuses in on the last few minutes of the game, leaning forward, but still never dropping my hand. There's a moment when the other team pulls their goalie when I think Sid might actually break my hand he's crushing it so hard. I give him a quick shake and a look of horror spreads across his face. I shake him off and chuckle, but Sidney examines my hand closely and watches me with grave concern. "Sorry," he whispers. "Are you okay?"

"Never better babe," I wink at him.

The period ends seconds later, Troy finally showing some enthusiasm with a win in the bag. "Well, I can breathe again," Trina announces.

"Can you imagine if I was playing?" Sid says to me under his breath.

"Well kids, this old guy is heading inside. Kate, sounds like we'll see you tomorrow for lunch. Sid, ice that shoulder," Troy says with an authority only a father can exude.

"Goodnight you two," Trina chimes in cheerfully.

"Goodnight," I reply.

"Night," Sid says, rewinding the game to re-watch the last few minutes of the game. The door closes and we're alone, but apparently we're still watching the game. "Two minutes babe," he promises. I take the opportunity to clear up the bowls and cups, despite his protests. I hear the buzzer sound and then Sid turns off the tv.

"Hey," I call to him and he looks at me curiously. "Thanks for making me stay. I had a great time." He smiles brightly and hops over the couch to close the space between us.

"Can you stay?" he asks with a wicked grin.

"I don't know Sid, I have to be at work early tomorrow morning."

"We can set an alarm, give you plenty of time to get ready," he presses.

"No funny business?" I ask.

"A little bit, but nothing you can't handle," he says with a smirk. While I consider my options, Sid wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into a kiss. His hands work up the back of my shirt, and I feel him unhook my bra. _Oh geez!_

"Sid..." I start.

"Come on babe, even if you don't stay let's have some fun," he encourages.

"Fun I can do," I tell him. "But first, we have to ice that shoulder." Sidney doesn't miss a beat. He heads to the kitchen and fills a bag of ice, then turns to face me and motions toward his bedroom. I slide the pocket doors open, and take a seat on his perfectly made bed. "Your place looks a lot bigger when it's clean," I tease him.

"Well, I was expecting you here tonight so the housekeeper was scheduled to come this afternoon," he explains sheepishly. Sid hands me the bag of ice and strips off his shirt. He takes a seat next to me and I kneel up to hold the ice against his injury. "Here, let's move up a little bit," Sid moves to the head of the bed and digs through the bag of ice. He sets the bag down and tugs at the hem of my shirt. "Lose this" he pants.

I strip off my shirt, and shed my already undone bra quickly. "No chance we'll be disturbed?" I ask.

"None," he says. He leans toward me and cups my breast with his hand and it stings immediately. I pull away, but his hand stays firmly against my skin. He drags the ice cube across my chest to my other breast and lets it melt against my warm skin. "That looks so hot babe," he pants. He leans into my skin and gently licks the path from the ice.

I tilt my head back and take a deep breath. "We're supposed to be icing you," I whimper.

"We will," he assures me. "This is more fun."

I lay back on the bed and Sid straddles me quickly. He lays the bag of ice to my side and takes a fresh piece to assault my skin with. He giggles and grins as he draws little designs on my chest. Leaning in to kiss my lips every few seconds. I take a piece and trace his stomach muscles, making him squirm a little bit.

"Oooh, ticklish Sid...I like that," I giggle.

"I like you so much," he giggles, leaning in to press his lips to mine. "Here," he hands me the ice. "Can you just hold it against my shoulder?"

"Anything for you babe," I take the ice and press it into his skin. He relaxes slightly and lays onto his right side to face me.

"Stay?" he asks.

"I have an early bedtime during the week," I tell him.

"No funny business, just sleeping," he holds his hands up in surrender.

"Oh babe, I don't have any of my stuff here," I say with disappointment.

"Yeah, you're right," he sounds so crushed. He sits up, holding the ice himself. "I should probably get some sleep," he says dismissively. _Oh, I've hurt his feelings!_

"Okay babe, I'm going to head home now," I tell him as I dress and he doesn't look up, "if you want to join me at my place you're welcome to." His head snaps up and he's on his feet before I can even start to guess at what that look means.

"Let's go," he says grabbing his toiletries and a change of clothes.

In less than a minute, we're walking down the street, hand in hand, headed toward my house. This man is proving to be irresistible, and for some reason he wants to spend his nights with me.


	33. Chapter 33

I've set my alarm to go off forty five minutes earlier than usual and it startles us both awake. I groan and cover my face with my pillow, while Sid leans across me and turns off the offensive sound. The feeling of his body pressed up against mine is delicious, but this early in the morning all I can think of is how much I want to sleep.

Sid tugs the pillow off my face and I slowly open my eyes. "Hey you," he grins, looking equal parts gorgeous and sleepy. "You're mine for the next hour, remember?"

I giggle, thinking back to our bargaining session last night which ended with us reaching this compromise. I was too exhausted to be of any use to him last night, and my mornings are pretty jam packed. He doesn't waste any time, pulling off his shorts and motioning for me to do the same. I lean into my pillow and stretch out my arms and legs, urging my body to wake up. Just as I'm about to close my eyes, I hear Sidney groan.

"Oh no you don't," he scolds playfully as he kneels onto the bed. He tucks his fingers into my panties and in one swift motion they now lay on the bedroom floor.

"How do you have so much energy this early?" I whine.

"A lifetime of morning practices babe," he giggles. He steps across the room and opens the curtains, letting soft light spill into the room. "Now, what should we do first?"

"Whatever you want," I tell him.

"Anything?" he asks coyly.

"Within reason!" I gasp. "What did you have in mind?"

"Honestly?" he looks at me with a hopeful expression. I nod at him to continue and he smiles wickedly. "I just want to fuck you."

His confession stirs something deep inside me and any part of me the was sleeping before is wide awake now. I've never had someone look at me this way before, and it's an instant aphrodisiac. "You don't want to make love?" I bat my eyelashes as I lean over and press my breasts together teasingly.

He shakes his head, "Not right now," he moans. I trace my lips with my fingertip and slowly drag it down my neck, collarbone and eventually find my nipple. He watches me intently and I focus my eyes on his hand, slowly working himself up and down. There's no bigger turn on than watching Sid pleasure himself. My breasts heave as my breathing picks up and the effect on him is immediate. "Babe?" he groans.

"I'm all yours," I pant leaning back into my pillow. He grabs my left ankle tightly and pulls me to the middle of the bed. He wraps his arm around my waist and lifts my hips against his chest, pushing my legs apart and pressing his lips against my core. His tongue quickly finds its target and he groans in approval.

"So wet already," he smiles. For a second I think he's going to continue his glorious assault of my clitoris, but instead he lays me down and steps off the bed. In all his nakedness, Sid walks across the room and digs through his things.

"You're giving the neighbors quite the view there," I giggle, reminding him the curtains aren't drawn.

"No one is up this early," he says confidently. He pulls out a length of gold foil-wrapped condoms and flashes me a wicked grin. "You tortured me last night, and now I'm going to enjoy you this morning." He rips one packet away from the rest and tosses it onto the bed. I quickly pick it up and start opening it, watching every muscle flex as he walks over to my nightstand and places the rest of the condoms inside.

"Aww, babe, you're starting to leave your things here," I gently tease and I'm rewarded with a huge smile. He kneels in front of me and I roll the condom down his shaft, as he leans against my shoulders and plays with my hair. "There you go," I giggle. Sid guides me down onto the bed and climbs between my knees. He pulls my hips tight against his and I feel his erection hard against my skin. He takes my hand in his and wraps it around him, encouraging me to guide him inside, and I waste no time. I gasp as he presses into me completely.

"Babe?" he asks nervously.

"It's good hun, keep going," I tell him.

"I really want to just go for it, is that okay?" he practically begs.

"However you want me," I moan. "I'm yours."

Sid starts moving, really moving, immediately. I can hear his skin slap against mine before the sensation even registers. He holds my thighs tight in his hands, keeping me at an angle that seems to really work for him. He slams into me hard and then pulls out excruciatingly slowly, repeating this over and over again until I feel a familiar sensation build inside me. He keeps his pace, and his hands start moving across my body, sometimes holding me tight, other times lightly caressing my skin. It's unpredictable and overwhelming.

I grip tightly onto his bicep and he tucks his face into my neck. His lips tickle my skin and the feeling of his breath is heavenly. His fingers trace over my neck as I close my eyes and bite down hard on my lip, trying so hard to delay the inevitable. "Open your eyes babe," he whispers, and when I do I'm greeted by his gorgeous smile. "I can feel you getting close," he tells me. "I want to watch you go."

He drops my left thigh, but I hold it tight against him so we don't lose the rhythm we have created. Sid takes his free hand and runs his fingers across my breasts, finding my nipple and rolling it between his thumb and index finger. "Oh babe, that feels so good," I whimper. "Are you close?"

"No," he laughs. "Maybe we can get a few in for you," he winks. He presses deep inside me again and holds himself there, dragging his hand from my breast to my sex and finding the most sensitive part of me. His fingers move in small circles and the feeling of fullness combined with the direct stimulation is overwhelming.

"Oh babe," I cry, desperately holding on, "it's too much."

"Let go then," he encourages.

"I don't want to," I whimper.

"Feels like you do babe," he says continuing to play with me. His hips buck and he starts moving in and out slowly, his fingers never losing their pace. "We can keep going, just come for me."

"Promise?" I beg.

"Yes, babe, there's a lot more I want to do to you," he laughs. He pushes himself deep inside of me, and pulls me tight against him. He holds me there and focuses all this attention on his fingers. Within seconds I feel myself come undone. My body trembles and shakes, and he smiles proudly down at me. "I love how that feels," he groans.

I can't bring myself to speak just yet, and I'm surprised when he pulls out of me. "Sid..." is all I can manage, but he seems to understand my protest.

"Just changing angles," he assures me. Sid flips me onto my stomach and pushes my knees toward my chest. I prop myself up on my elbows and he wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me onto him.

"Oh wow," I gasp. It's so different this way, so much deeper than I expected.

"You feel so fucking good like this," he growls as he trails kisses across my shoulder. His hips buck against me, and my sense are on fire, everything heightened since my orgasm. His hand spreads across my back, pressing me slightly to give him some leverage. He pounds into me quickly, a frantic pace I've never experienced before. "This okay?" he pants.

"Yes," I moan, and I feel his hands grip my hips tighter. If I didn't appreciate what he was capable of before, I do now. His stamina is incredible, his body is a chiseled masterpiece, clearly the product of years of training and discipline, and I am reaping all the rewards. His hands hold me in place and Sid pushes into me and grinds hard against me. He repeats the action again, and the feeling of his body joining mine is absolutely delicious. He pulls out and I lean into him in anticipation, but he doesn't move. His hand comes down across my backside and it takes me by surprise. I squeal and giggle and he joins me, wrapping his arm around my waist he turns me over.

"You on top?" he asks.

"Mmmm, definitely," I reply watching him lay back on the bed. Once he's settled, I climb on top of him, resting my hands against his chest, I lower myself so and start moving. His fingers dig painfully into my hips, but his possession feels so much better, so much stronger than any strain he delivers. I work slowly, gently dragging myself up and down him, and he closes his eyes and moans in appreciation. I quicken my pace and run my fingernails across his chest.

"Ahh," he gasps and his mouth curls into a smile. Sidney hold my hips, silently telling me to stop, and I slowly roll against him, holding him deep inside me. "Stay right there," he tells me. He holds my back as he sits up. His legs wrap around me and he pulls mine over his. We're face to face, my arms over his shoulders, his wrapped around my back and we're still connected at the core. His chest presses into mine with each breath he takes, and the feeling of our skin meeting makes my heart beat fast.

"Is this too much on your shoulder?" I ask quietly.

"I can't even feel it," he tells me. He starts moving his hips, and the feeling is incredible. It's not like when he's moving in and out, he's deep inside me, but pressing against all the right parts. His lips find mine and the combination of feeling him fill me completely, our skin pressed against each other, the sunlight pouring into my room, and the deep kiss we're locked into pushes me over the top. I tuck into Sid's neck and he hugs me tight into his chest. My body is quivering, and his hips don't let up. "I'm going to come," he groans and in seconds he's panting and moaning into my skin, practically suffocating me with his hug.

His breathing slows and he pulls my face to meet his, kissing me and running his hands up and down my back. I rest my hands against his chest and feel his heartbeat. _Wow_. It's the most intimate we've ever been, and it started as fucking. Who could have guessed?

"Shower," he announces and when I turn to check the clock he notices. "I still have eighteen minutes."

I giggle as I lift myself from Sid, doing my best to strut to the bathroom, knowing full well he's watching my every move. I start the shower and grab my toothbrush while waiting for the water to heat up. _Is brushing your teeth naked a good look?_ Sid joins me and we stand side by side at the his and her sinks, both naked as the day we were born, both giggling and eying the other one. I finish first and step into the warm water and Sid follows closely behind.

He runs his hands down the length of my back, gently massaging my shoulders and relieving any tension I might have. "Mmmm," I moan lightly. He kisses my neck and rests his hands on my hips. I turn to face him and pull him closer toward me, letting the warm water cascade over his beautiful skin. He wets his hair and I push it out of his face, which makes him giggle. I pick up a bottle of shampoo and squeeze a small amount in my hand and start working it through his hair, dragging my nails through his scalp and he closes his eyes and smiles, enjoying the attention. Once he's nice and lathered I pull him under the water and he tilts his head back, exposing his neck and it's too irresistible not to kiss. I start washing my hair and Sid picks up my body wash.

He squeezes some into his hand and goes to work washing my chest...and he continues washing my chest...his hands thoroughly cleaning my breasts. "I think you got it there Sid," I laugh, but he doesn't pay me any mind. He drops his head and kisses across my neck and shoulders, his hands massaging my breasts. I lean back and rinse my hair, giving him better access, and he moans in approval. I run some conditioner through my hair, then through his, but I think he mistakes this for encouragement and trails kisses down my chest to my stomach. I tug him up to stand and wrap myself around him. I just want to hold him against me right now, and he responds by curling his arms around me, pressing me tight to his chest. The warm water trickles down our skin, rinsing our hair, and sadly, all trace of our morning romp goes with it.

I turn off the water and step out of the shower, grabbing bath sheets for us both. I toss one to Sid and he quickly wraps it around me, making me blush and I return the favor. He holds my face and gives me a lustful kiss. "Right on time," he murmurs. Well technically he still has four minutes, but I really do need to switch gears and start getting ready for work.

"How am I going to get anything done today?" I think aloud.

"You'd better work hard this morning, I'm taking you for a long lunch, remember?" he laughs.

"A _long_ lunch?" I question.

"Yep," comes his easy reply.

"I can't wait," I pull him flush to me and run my hands through his hair. "So handsome."

"So gorgeous," he smirks, his hand skimming my back.

"I really do have to get ready," I lament.

"Okay, I'll meet you downstairs," he frees me from his grip and kisses my cheek.

As I dry my hair, apply my makeup, dress, reconsider my outfit and dress again, a permanent smile never escapes my face.

Downstairs Sidney has made me toast and is sitting on the counter working his way through a bowl of fruit and yogurt. We both eat in relative silence, watching each other and giggling a little bit. "What was your favorite part?" he asks suddenly, a huge smile on his face.

"You behind me."

"Mmmm, that was good," he replies.

"What about you?" I ask nervously.

"It feels really good for me when you go first," he smiles. "Really good." He leans down and kisses the top of my head. I rest my hands on his arms and give him a shy smile. "What's that about?" he says.

"Nothing," I say, but he narrows his eyes pressing me to continue. "I just hope I'm enough for you." He gives me a puzzled look and I continue. "I know you're used to having a lot of women and I hope you're happy with just me," and before I can say another word he puts his finger to my lips.

"I've never had a lot of women Kate, that's not me. I just haven't been exclusive with one woman for a while, and this is exactly what I want. Don't worry so much, I really like you babe. So much that I worry I won't be enough for you," he says softly.

"Why wouldn't you be enough for me?" I say incredulously.

"It's not always like this, I'm home now because of this," he motions to his shoulder, "but normally I'm on the road a lot, _a lot_," he emphasizes. "It can be tough. We won't see each other as much as we've been able to."

"I hadn't really thought about that," I admit. "But Sid, I'm busy too. I've been kind of burning myself out trying to make time for you, and I want to, but it's not like I'd be sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring." _Although, I have done that once or twice_.

"If it's an issue, tell me okay?" he looks so serious.

"I will, and if I'm not..." I start, but he stills me with a kiss.

"If there's a problem, I'll tell you," he whispers. "Right now, you have to go to work." I glance out the window and he's right, the car service is parked in my driveway. I guess I got a little caught up in the moment.

"I'll see you later?"

"Where do you want to go for lunch?" he asks.

"Whatever works for you," I tell him as I gather my things for the day.

"Have a great morning gorgeous," he smiles and gives me a quick peck.

"You too, handsome," I grin back running out the door.


	34. Chapter 34

My morning has been a blur of script notes and rewrites. Carter walks into my office, a look of delight spread across his face. "Guess what I have?" he squeals holding up a disc.

"Rough cuts?" I ask hopefully.

"You know it!" he drops the materials on my desk along with an armload of mail. "There's some stuff from the lawyer in there." I pick through the envelopes until I find the one he's talking about. I take a deep breath and tear it open.

_Dear Ms. Davidson:_

_Further to your correspondence dated February 22, 2013 representatives for Benjamin Davidson have reviewed the proposed financial restitution and have rejected the offer in its current state. The representatives for Mr. Davidson present the following terms for review:_

_1.0 Ms. Davidson shall provide financial support to Mr. Davidson on an on-going basis in the sum of $15,000.00 (CAD dollars) per month. Payments shall cease only when Mr. Davidson is legally re-married (excluding common-law relationships) or the payment exceeds 70.00% of Mrs. Davidson's monthly income, at which time the amount will be reduced to no less than the noted percentage._

_1.1 Ms. Davidson shall provide financial compensation to Mr. Davidson for ease of financial transition in the amount of $1,800,000.00_

_1.2 Ms. Davidson shall remove herself from the property titles listed in Schedule 'A' and assign the title to Mr. Benjamin Davidson._

_1.3 Ms. Davidson shall not directly contact Mr. Davidson without the prior consent of his conservators._

Ugh. That's the first part of a three page letter. I hold my head in my hands and sigh. _Will this nightmare ever end?_ Carter pulls the letter away from me and I hear him grumble when he sees the first line. "Greedy bastards," he mutters under his breath. "Has your lawyer seen this?" he asks.

"He's copied on the letter, so I assume he'll be getting one today too," I reply.

"I'm going to get him on the phone," Carter quickly flips through his contacts and finds the number. He puts my landline on speaker and starts dialing.

"Wait," I hang up the phone. "What time is it?"

"Quarter to twelve," he answers quickly.

"Fuck," I mutter.

"Oh shit, the Crosbys are on their way," he sighs. "Okay, we'll do the tour, then you guys go for lunch and I'll set up a call for this afternoon with the lawyer."

"Did you see how much they're asking for? I can't afford that!" I'm practically in tears.

"There's no way you'll have to pay that Kate, it's outrageous. You've already given them so much money, any judge can see their just trying to bleed you dry."

_What if they succeed?_ I quickly flip through the letter to the list of properties and see our summer lake house, the New York apartment, and my house outside Pittsburgh. _They want my house!_

"Carter," I whisper pointing at the address listed.

"Well that's fucking ridiculous! You bought that house after the divorce!" he cries, but I shake my head. "Kate, you weren't with Ben when you bought the house, it's safe. Don't worry about it."

"I bought the house two months before the divorce was final. When I thought he might..." my voice trails off and I think of how stupid I've been about this whole thing. I take a deep breath, tears threatening to spill and Carter quickly closes the door. _Keep it together! Keep it together!_

"Oh Kate, it'll be okay. I promise." He pulls me into a hug and I completely fall apart. All the stress I didn't realize I've been carrying escapes me in the form of sloppy, sloppy crying. My eyes sting and my skin burns from the tears streaming down my face. I struggle to catch my breath, almost hyperventilating. "Slow down Kate, deep breaths," and I feel Carter running his hand up and down my back, trying to soothe me back into the moment.

"What am I going to do?" I sob into Carter's chest.

"You'll fight them," he says matter-of-factly. I give him a hesitant look, and Carter continues, "I know you don't want to, but it's unavoidable."

"I can't do that to him," I whisper.

"You're not. This isn't Benny. It's his parents." Carter hands me a box of tissues and I feel myself calming down.

"Do you think it will go to court?" I ask nervously.

"Honestly?" he gives me a lopsided smile, "Probably."

_Ugh_. I blow my nose and blot my tears away, taking my makeup with them. I look up at Carter and he gives me an encouraging smile. I know I look like a train-wreck, but he doesn't say a word. He starts straightening my desk, opening the blinds, and the light spilling into the room makes it much more inviting. He hangs up my jacket, and fluffs the pillows on the small loveseat and dusts the backs of the chairs across from my desk. I watch him intently while trying to recover from my little episode. It doesn't even occur to me why he's furiously cleaning my office until I hear a knock at the door.

"Shit!" I whisper. "Does it look like I've been crying?"

Carter looks up, his arms full of loose papers and nods. "Yep." He tosses the papers into the recycling bin and moves quickly toward the door. Opening it just a crack, I actually see him relax when it's just a production assistant.

"Ms. Davidson has guests waiting for her at the security desk," she says nervously.

"Please show them in," Carter tells her, closing the door quickly behind him. I frantically dig through my desk finding my travel makeup kit and start reapplying and concealing. "You have at least four minutes," he says quickly. I fix my hair, and straighten my clothes while Carter carries an armload of coffee cups out the door. He returns seconds later, carrying some fresh flowers that he places behind my desk. I look around and he's transformed the place. This morning it was a writer's cave, and now it looks like an executive's office.

"You're amazing," I say sincerely. "Thank you."

"It was nothing," he replies.

"Better?" I ask anxiously, putting away my makeup and turning to face him.

"No one would ever know," he assures me, opening the door seconds before Sid turns the corner.

"Hey you," he says brightly, but when he sees me his expression changes slightly. I have no choice but to ignore the look of concern he throws me, as his parents are close behind him.

"Hey, you made it!" I beam, giving Sidney a quick hug. He holds me tight to him and leans into my ear.

"What's wrong?" he whispers. I say nothing, just smiling and shaking my head slightly and he looks disappointed. Trina and Troy join us and Carter takes over, much to my relief. He introduces himself and gives them an overview of the show, and offers to show them the different sets. It's hard to tell if they are genuinely impressed or just playing along for my benefit. Either way, I'm completely grateful when Troy, of all people, suggests Sidney keep me company while they tour the stages.

Carter leads them away and I flop down on the loveseat as Sidney closes the door behind him. "What's going on?" he asks anxiously. "Have you been crying?"

"Oh my God, do you think your parents could tell?" I gasp.

"No, your eyes just look a little red. You okay?" he sits next to me and puts his arm around me. _What do I say?_ I don't really want to get into discussing my divorce with my new boyfriend. That seems a little heavy. "Babe?" he presses.

"It's not a big deal, just feeling a little stressed this morning," I assure him.

"You sure?" he rubs my arm and tilts my chin up to look at him. "You can tell me."

"Just this legal hassle, I don't really want to get into it right now, it's a little overwhelming," and my voice cracks on the last word. Sid quickly pulls me into his chest and rubs my back.

"I'm sorry", he whispers. _This is too much_. I feel tears welling up in my eyes again and I push myself away from Sid.

"I really don't want to talk about it, you're here, your parents are here. Let's just have a nice lunch, okay?" I beg. He gives me a reassuring smile and nods.

"So..." he says awkwardly.

"So..." I laugh.

"How's work going?" he says, rubbing my knee encouragingly.

"Busy, but good." I say quietly. "Oh, I actually have something kind of fun!" I stand up and grab the disc from my desk. "I have the rough cut of the first two episodes!"

"Cool, can I watch them?" he asks enthusiastically.

"Absolutely. I don't know what you're up to tonight..." I start.

"I have a team thing tonight," he says quickly. "This charity dinner."

"Oh," I don't know why, but that stings a little bit. Part of me is waiting for him to invite me, but the invitation doesn't come. _Stop it! _He'll be working, and you've been going out for like, a minute. "Maybe Wednesday night?" I offer hopefully.

"There's a home game Wednesday," he says regretfully. Again, I'm waiting for him to invite me, but he doesn't. "My parents and I are going to the game, and I'd invite you, but honestly, I don't know if we're ready for that." _What does that mean?_ As if hearing my unspoken question, he adds, "There's a lot of media, and if they saw you sitting with my family they'd be all over you."

"That makes sense," I reply automatically.

"Trust me, it really does," he says quietly. I don't say anything, and I can tell he's trying to catch my eye, but with everything that's happened in the past hour, I don't trust myself to face him. "We're not really getting off to a great start this afternoon," he chuckles.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"It's okay," he tells me. "If you want to talk, we can. No pressure."

"Later, I'm just kind of getting myself under control again," I confess.

"Oh babe," he gives me a quick kiss. "So many worries," he brushes hair away from my face.

"That's me," I laugh. "Do you want a drink or anything?"

"I'm good, what about you?"

"I could use some water," I say standing up. He tugs me back down and steps in front of me.

"I'll get it," and before I can protest, Sid is out the door and wandering through the production office. _I'm never going to hear the end of this_. I look out the open door and the office has never looked busier or more professional. Apparently no one needs to be at their desk this minute, and there is a flurry of activity near the kitchen. Sidney handles the attention well, smiling at the staff, and I can hear him trying to convince someone that he is fine with water. _And he was worried about me being a distraction at his work_.

He returns shortly and I notice the tips of his ears have reddened slightly. "Sorry about that," I say sheepishly. He waves me away and hands me the glass of water that apparently required half a dozen people to pour. "It's your own fault for being so damn handsome."

"Oh stop," he says in disbelief. Sometimes I get the feeling Sid doesn't understand how attractive he is.

"You know you're good looking right?" I blurt out. It's not really a question, but I've given him room to answer should he choose.

"Yeah, yeah," he tries to play it off as a joke. I pull his face into my hands and hold him close to me.

"You really are, whether you think so or not," and I plant a wet kiss on his lips. He pulls away and giggles a little bit, shaking his head. "I'm serious," I tell him.

"Well, now we both have things we don't want to talk about," he says sheepishly.

"Sid, after this morning, you're not allowed to be shy with me," I say coyly. Mention of our sexual exploits has improved his mood and he flashes me a mischievous grin. I shake my head, reminding him we're in my office with a dozen people right outside.

"Hey," he says suddenly very serious, "I want you to feel like you can tell me things."

"I'm not really ready to talk about it," I say quietly.

"The suspense is killing me," he confesses. For some reason this makes me laugh, and it's more than a giggle, it's a full-on, head thrown back, belly-laugh. "That's better," he smiles. I lean back against the armrest to face him and pull my knees to my chest, resting my head on my legs.

"Tell me a secret," I ask him quickly.

"A secret?" he laughs, and I nod. "Hmmm, let me think. I don't know if I have any secrets..." he says thoughtfully.

"Everyone has secrets," I coax.

"Okay, you first then."

"Nope, I asked you," I demand.

"Let me think," he pauses and searches for something to tell me. I wait patiently, never breaking eye contact, and the smile spreading across his face is infectious. "I can't think of anything!" he giggles.

"Sidney!" I poke his ribs.

"Okay, but no judging!" he points at me directly. I hold my hands up in surrender. "Sometimes I post on this message board about me, just to kind of mess with people."

I laugh loudly and freely. "What do you write?" I giggle.

"Well it's mostly girls speculating about me, so I'll just say something like, 'I know for a fact Sid isn't single' and they'll jump all over it, give me a long list of reasons why they _know_ I'm single and call me every name in the book," he laughs. We both giggle at his confession and it relieves some of the earlier tension.

"I want to do that," I pout teasingly.

"Be my guest," he chuckles. "Just don't say anything personal."

I give him a sober look, "Sid, I would never do that."

"I know," he smiles down at me. "They'll eat you alive if you post that you're my girlfriend." We both laugh at the thought and he quickly stands and pulls my iPad from the corner of my desk and passes it to me. I open up Safari and give him a conspiratorial grin. "Here," he types in his name in the search engine and scrolls down to find the page he's looking for. The screen loads and it's exactly what he described. Most posts are speculation, some are more hockey related, but my favorite are the photos of Sid.

"You look so gorgeous there babe," I point to a photo of a very tanned Sidney standing next to fans with his hands shoved deep into his pockets.

"Okay, enough of that," he moves to close the screen, but I still his hands.

"Wait! I thought we were going to write something," I wink. He laughs loudly and pulls my hand to his mouth to kiss my knuckles twice. I tap the comment box and consider my options.

"Go with the truth," he smiles.

"You sure?" I ask nervously.

"They'll go crazy, but they'll never believe it," he giggles.

_I'm Sid's girlfriend_.

We both wait patiently and within a few seconds the comments start pouring in.

_Go away troll._

_Ugh, here we go again._

_Ignore the delusional psycho._

_No one who knows Sid would ever post here._

The last one has us both in stitches. Sid grabs the iPad and types quickly.

_No, it's true. She is my girlfriend_.

I look at him wide eyed, but he's not worried in the least.

_Same IP. Nice try little girl._

_Go back to Neal's board._

_Moving on._

Sid and I laugh giggle at the Neal comment, and just as we're about to close the iPad a comment pops up.

_I know for a fact Sid is dating a screenwriter. _

I give Sid a panicked look, but he just smiles. "It's okay Kate, they won't believe it anyway." He's right. The comment is ripped apart as quickly as ours were, but it means somewhere out there does know. Someone who has no problem writing private things about him..._about me_.

"Okay, so that's mine. Your turn," he changes the subject and stares at me expectantly.

"Hmmm, do I have a secret?" I say coyly. He tickles my ribs and I squeal loudly.

"Shhh," he laughs, pointing to the door. "Come on, your deepest, darkest secret!"

"Okay, but you can never repeat it or tease me about it," I say solemnly.

"I won't ever repeat it," he laughs.

"Or tease me about it," I insist, but he shakes his head.

"Can't promise that," he giggles. I pick up my purse and dig through it, pulling out a small compact. I hand it to Sidney and he inspects it carefully. "A mirror?"

"It's a compact," I explain.

"Okay, how is this a secret?" he chuckles.

"Don't think less of me, okay?" I beg and he just smiles and nods. "That used to belong to this horrible, awful woman, well technically it still does belong to her, but anyway..." I trail off.

"Kate!" he snaps.

"Sorry, so she's this huge bitch who I cannot stand and I wanted to get back at her..."

"So you stole her compact?" he asks with a puzzled look.

"It's not just a compact, she bought it at an auction. That used to belong to Grace Kelly." Apparently that name doesn't register with him. "Grace Kelly? Academy Award winning actress? Princess of Monaco?" He just shakes his head. "She's kind of a big deal."

"So you stole Grace Kelly's compact?" he presses.

"I did," I say meekly. "I couldn't stand the thought of her having something so special, I mean, this woman is a real piece of work, and if you ever meet her you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about. So a few years ago there was an exhibition of some of Grace Kelly's gowns and jewels, and you could buy a replica compact. So I did, and I just switched them out. So she has the $75 knock off and I have this." He says nothing for a minute, he just turns the small mirror over in his hand. "Do you think I'm terrible?" I ask quietly.

He looks up at me and a wide smile spreads across his face, "I think you're amazing."

"She really did deserve it," I tell him.

"If you say she did, I believe you," he assures me. "So, I've got myself a little klepto," he teases.

"Actually, I thought the plan was appropriately Hitchcock-esque," I say proudly. Sid looks confused. "Hitchcock and Grace Kelly worked together quite a bit," I explain. "Anyway that's my deep, dark secret. Pretty bad isn't it?"

"No, it's cute."

"Cute?" I ask.

"I think so," he says softly. He runs his hand through my hair and pulls my mouth to meet his. I tuck myself tightly into him and he puts his arm around me.

"How does your shoulder feel?" I ask hopefully.

"Not too bad. I'm skating this afternoon and then I'll see the doctor tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be cleared to make the weekend road trip." A pang of disappointment runs through me until I remember that I'm headed home for the weekend anyway.

"I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but I'm going home this weekend," I say as casually as possible. "It's my niece's birthday," I explain.

"You have a niece?" he asks and I nod enthusiastically. "How many siblings do you have?"

"Just one, my sister Jill."

"I have a sister too," he says brightly. "She's younger though, still in high school. That will be nice for you, a little break at home."

"Hopefully," I say with a trace of anxiety. Sid looks at me suspiciously, but I'm saved by Carter's voice filling the production office. He's clearly speaking overly loud to warn me of their presence. _Does he really think we'd do that here?_ He knocks once and the door flies open.

Trina and Carter look like long lost bosom buddies and Troy seems in good spirits. "How was the tour?" I ask animatedly.

"It's really something," Troy says enthusiastically. "Some of the details are just amazing."

"I'm so happy you were able to see it!" I reply graciously.

"Carter, will you join us for lunch?" Trina asks. Carter defers to me and I nod brightly.

"Well the boss says it's okay," he replies and Trina grins at me.

"There's a table waiting for us at Morton's," Sid announces. _Isn't that a steakhouse?_ "And don't worry, they're making something special for you," he whispers. Sid pulls my arm through his, a small gesture that melts me instantly. "Should we go?"

"Absolutely," I reply.


	35. Chapter 35

I'm surprised to learn the restaurant isn't actually open for service, but Sidney has arranged for a private lunch for us. "We can actually have a conversation this way," he winks at me. I'm feeling more at ease with Sidney's parents all the time and conversation flows easily. I'm grateful Carter has joined us, as I'm finding myself more and more distracted by the letter I received earlier this morning. It's not that I'm uncomfortable supporting Benny financially, I have no problem with that, what bothers me is the expectation that I hand over everything and then live off practically nothing in order to support him.

_$15,000 a month is $180,000 a year, combined with the $1,800,000 ease of transition payment, plus the property loss..._

"Hey, where are you?" Sid whispers in my ear. His hand rests on my thigh and he gives me a gentle squeeze.

"Sorry, I kind of spaced out," I blush, glancing around, but Sid is the only one who seems to have noticed. Troy and Trina are listening to Carter, and Sid is watching me intently.

"Remember this morning?" he whispers. I flash him an incredulous look, but he shakes his head. "Not that, remember when we said we'd tell each other if there was a problem?"

"We'll talk, I just need a little time to figure this out," I say quietly.

"Did I do something?" he asks.

"No!" I say a little too loudly and the table turns to look at me. "Sorry," I say with embarrassment. Carter laughs it off and continues talking to Sid's parents. "It's complicated, but I promise, it has nothing to do with you." He puts his arm across the back of my chair and sighs deeply.

"Just saying, I'm here for you," he says with frustration. I try to catch his eye, but he's focused on the rest of the table. I rest my hand on his thigh, and I can feel him relax. We're sitting close enough to each other and the table cloth is long enough that I'm pretty confident this doesn't look lewd. _You're allowed to touch your boyfriend!_ Sometimes I have to remind myself of this.

"Has everyone decided what they're having?" Trina asks while checking over the menu.

"Crab cake BLT," Carter announces proudly.

"That sounds good," Troy comments, quickly revisiting the menu. "I didn't see that."

"I think Carter's a hit with your parents," I whisper to Sid.

"We could probably sneak out without anyone noticing," he laughs. I raise my eyebrows suggestively, and move my hand further up his thigh but Sid just laughs even harder.

"Did you find anything to suit you?" Trina asks me.

"Oh, I ordered ahead for Kate," Sid interjects. I smile at him and Trina nods approvingly, and if I'm not mistaken, the corners of her lips turn up a little. Sid lifts my hand from his leg and tangles his fingers between mine.

"So what am I having?" I ask sweetly.

"I told them you won't eat anything from an animal and to do their best, so..." he giggles, "bread and water?" I jab him in the ribs and he jerks in his seat a little bit. "I'm sure they'll do a good job."

"Thanks for thinking of me," I say quietly.

"Of course," he smiles and looks at me like I'm from outer space. "You think I'd take you out and not feed you?"

Our meal arrives a short time later and I'm presented with a delicious risotto, which Sid tries without waiting for me to offer. His presumptuousness is endearing. "Like it?" I ask with a grin.

"Mmhmm," he sounds between bites. He motions for me to try it, and I take a bite and nod enthusiastically. "Good right?" he asks, but it's not really a question.

"Very good," I agree.

Lunch seems to be going well, although I don't have much appetite. I'm putting all my energy into staying in the moment and not drifting back into my black abyss of worry. Trina tells me a little bit more about Sidney's sister, and I learn she plays hockey too, not that this is much of a surprise. Somehow I think it would be pretty difficult to avoid hockey with Sidney Crosby as your brother. We talk a little bit about my family, Carter jumping in every once in a while to keep things light. _Do they know I'm divorced?_ I have to remember to ask Sid.

"Are you finished?" Sid asks me looking down at my plate. I've barely eaten half the food in front of me, and as good as it everything tastes, I have no desire keep eating.

"I think so," I say with a smile. He eyes the plate hopefully and I push it toward him. "So I won't see you tonight, but will you call me tomorrow after your doctor's appointment?"

"Sure," he says easily. "Maybe I can stop by after the game tomorrow night?"

"I have a call at 6:00 Thursday morning," I tell him. He furrows his brows and tilts his head, so I explain further. "That means I have to be at the office by 5:30, so I have to be ready to leave the house by 5:00."

"That's early," he concedes. "What does your Thursday night look like?"

"Just laundry and packing," I say hopefully. "You?"

"Hanging with you," he winks and I blush furiously. When this beautiful man says he wants to spend time with me, how can I do anything but melt? The rest of our _long_ lunch goes off without a hitch. Carter has charmed himself into Trina and Troy's good graces, and Sid seems to have recovered some patience with me and my resistance to talk. _I will talk to him, I just need to figure this out first_.

As Carter and I prepare to head back to the office, we say our goodbyes and Trina points out that we probably won't see each other again on this trip. I'm taken by surprise when she pulls me into a hug. "It's been great getting to know you Kate," she tells me. "Be patient with him, anyone can see he's crazy about you," she whispers.

"I think he's pretty great," I reply shyly.

"I can see that too," she smiles.

"Well Kate, maybe I'll run into you at a game sometime," Troy teases and I feel my cheeks redden. "Seriously though, don't be a stranger." Troy gives me a hug and looks around, clearly making sure Sid isn't within earshot. I spot him settling the bill, and my frayed nerves start to spark again. Troy leans in and speaks in measured tones, "His life isn't easy, but it's worth it. He might have trouble fitting you into it at first, but stick it out. I know this is important to him." _That's...troubling_.

"He's important to me too," I say quickly, trying my best to conceal the stunned look on my face. _Now both of his parents have warned me to be especially understanding with Sid._ What does he do to the women he dates?! Before I can consider this too much I feel Sid's hand on the small of my back.

"What's important to you?" he asks.

"You are," I turn and flash him a little grin. His hand moves around to my waist and he pulls me to his side. I shake off my anxiety about his parents, so far Sid has made a lot of time for me, and I understand the pressures of a demanding job. _He hasn't given me any reason to worry_. The thought makes me nauseous. _I'm making him worry_. Troy moves to say goodbye to Carter giving me a tiny window alone with Sid. "Thanks for today," I start slowly.

Sid smiles a little bit and whispers, "Don't you mean this morning?"

I can't help but laugh. "That too. I want to talk to you and tell you what's going on with me," I say as softly as I can, and this admission makes Sid relax. "I just didn't want to ruin this, and maybe I did anyway, but..."

"You didn't ruin anything babe," he interrupts. "Take it easy on yourself." Sid pulls me flush against him and squeezes me tightly.

"Okay," I sigh. He holds me at arms length and gives me an encouraging smile which does wonders for my confidence. "We should really get back to the office. Have fun tonight if I don't talk to you," I add lamely.

"I'll talk to you before then," he assures me. _See, he's fitting me in right now!_

"Thanks again," I beam.

"Anytime," he grins back.

Carter and I drive back to the studio and I'm eager to get his assessment of me with Sid's parents. "Okay, give it to me straight. How did I do?"

"They like you," he says seriously. "But Kate, you were really distracted."

I sigh deeply and close my eyes. "I know," I admit. "I'm a nervous wreck."

"I doubt they could tell," he assures me.

"Ugh, I have to figure this out," I mutter.

"Call your lawyer and let him deal with it, that's why you pay him!" Carter insists. I take a deep breath and consider his words carefully. I can't imagine getting entangled in a legal battle with Benny. "You just need to resolve this, either way."

"You're right," I concede. "Do you think Benny..."

"Benny has nothing to do with this," he snaps. "This has his parents written all over it."

"Maybe I should try to talk to them when I'm home," I suggest.

"Kate, avoid them at all cost. They'll spin anything you say or do against you, trust me."

We pull into the parking lot and I'm relieved to see the crew has broken for lunch. That will give me a few minutes to get in touch with my lawyer before I have to get back into the grind. My newly spiffed up office is a welcome sight. I open my laptop and pull out my phone while it starts up. Sid has sent me a text, and knowing I'm never far from his thoughts makes me smile.

_I didn't get to kiss you, REALLY kiss you goodbye. _

Funny, I had been thinking the same thing.

_You'll just have to collect it when you can!_

If only it were that easy. His schedule is starting to jam up again, and we're both headed out of town this weekend. I dial the legal firm and am promptly put on hold. I flip through my emails and start catching up on my correspondence while I wait, silently cursing whoever picks the muzak streaming through the receiver.

Eventually I get through and am able to talk to my lawyer. He assures me that the demands from Benny's family are way outside the boundaries of the law. This calms me quite a bit, but I'm eager to just get the settlement drawn and signed. In the past I've been quick to give into their demands, usually because of the overwhelming sense of guilt I've been carrying ever since the accident, but my lawyer shares a piece of information that surprises me.

"We requested copies of his medical records, and the neurologist report indicates his condition is improving," he says.

"What do you mean by improving? He's getting his memory back?" my heart races at the thought.

"Not necessarily, but it's possible. It could also mean that his ability to retain memories has gotten better," he suggests.

"How do we find out?" I ask quickly.

"All we have is the information filed in the report, and it doesn't specify," he says lamely. "Kate, I really must insist you let us do our jobs now. If we can nip this thing in the bud now, we can avoid a drawn out legal hearing. Just give us the word and we'll draw up the paperwork."

Of course, this is what I've been avoiding for months. Playing hardball. Suddenly, I think of my new house just down the street from my new man, in my new city, where I'm working on my new show, and I'm angry. I'm angry they feel like they can take everything from me. I'm angry they want to hurt me even more than I've already been hurt. Mostly I'm angry that Benny could be close to remembering me, and instead of helping him by bringing us together they're threatening me to keep us apart.

"Go for it," I tell him.


	36. Chapter 36

I fumble with my keys, desperate to get inside and climb into bed. I'm exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. I toss my jacket and bag on the floor and drag myself to the kitchen. The fridge is pretty bare, but there's some white wine and a bag of baby carrots which will have to do.

I curl up in front of the television and find something mindless I can distract myself with. It's not even six o'clock, but it feels like I've been up for days. I down the glass of wine quickly and consider eating some carrots, but the stress of the day seems to have killed my appetite. There's a Dawson's Creek marathon that's just a few episodes in, so I pour myself another glass of wine and enjoy the familiar diversion of Capeside's most famous residents.

It's been a rough day, peppered with a few bright spots, but overall it's been one I'd like to forget. After an afternoon of phone tag with lawyers, I'm feeling more hopeful they will be able to reach a reasonable final settlement. I've been completely avoiding thinking about my upcoming trip home. The timing couldn't be worse, with everything going on at work and here I am sneaking home early. Not that I was much use today anyway. _Stop obsessing_. I close my eyes and take a deep breath and before I can make out what Dawson and Joey are arguing about, I'm asleep.

The sound of the front door opening startles me awake, and I quickly look around for something to defend myself with, the empty wine bottle being my only weapon. I'm just about to make a grab for it when I hear a familiar voice, "Don't you answer your phone anymore?"

"Sidney. You scared me half to death," I say breathlessly. He walks toward me and I get a good look at him. He's wearing black suit pants, a white linen shirt with the top two buttons undone, and a black jacket. His hair is tousled, but it suits him. He glances around the room, clearly trying to figure out what pressing issue has kept me from answering his call. "Sorry, I must have fallen asleep and my phone is still in my bag," I explain.

"Fallen asleep or passed out?" he asks seriously, picking up the empty wine bottle.

"It was already half-empty Sid, geez."

"Well, it's not like you to ignore your phone. You were acting weird all day and then I can't get a hold of you for hours," he says with grave concern. "I tried phoning you before the dinner, I texted you when I got there, I called you twice from the event, and nothing. I even called Carter and he said you left work hours ago."

"I just came home and crashed," I tell him. He stands in front of me, hands on his hips, looking impossibly sexy and very impatient. "I didn't mean to worry you."

"Kate, you've had me in knots all day. What's going on with you?" he sounds so troubled. He sits beside me and runs his hands through his hair, and he looks exasperated. "I thought we agreed to talk to each other. Do you still want this? Is this too much for you?"

I can't believe the impact my reluctance to talk has had on him. This whole time I've been thinking that talking about my divorce is too heavy this early in our relationship, that he'll think I'm too much drama, but did that ever backfire. I curl my arm in his and kiss his wounded shoulder. "I still want this," I whisper. "So much."

"Good," he breathes heavily, his voice dripping with relief. "So do I, but you have to talk to me babe. You can't just shut down."

"It's a long story," I warn him.

"I want to hear it," he says firmly.

"Okay, just stop me if it's too much, okay?" He nods and I continue. "Remember the scar you asked about?" I start, and his fingers quickly trace the length of it over my jeans. "It's kind of the reason why I'm divorced."

"He divorced you over a scar?" Sid says unbelieving.

"Not exactly. Benny, that's my ex-husband,_" awkward! _"Benny and I were driving, well I was driving, when another car hit us and it was pretty bad. Ben's side took the worst of it, and he was pretty banged up. There was a lot of blood, from him and from me and our...well it was serious." Sid's fingers run lightly up and down my leg, trying to calm me I'm sure, but his eyes are wild with curiosity.

"He lived though, right?" Sid asks quietly.

"He did, but he was badly injured. He was in a coma for six days and when he woke up it was clear he'd lost over a decade of his memory. He had no idea who I was, he actually thought he was fifteen." I smile at the last part, even though it's not funny. Sid gives me a sympathetic smile and pulls my hand into his. "His injury makes it almost impossible for Benny to make new memories, so you can imagine how hard it would be for him to relearn everyday that he was ten years older than he thought and married. It was pretty traumatic."

"So he doesn't know you?"

"No," I shake my head. "Basically his family decided that I had destroyed their son and he shouldn't be married to a stranger anymore. They had Benny file for divorce shortly after he moved back home and they've been kind of chasing me for what they feel they're owed ever since."

"And you? You were okay after the accident?" he looks so concerned.

"Mostly," I nod.

"Mostly?" he presses.

"Well the scar, which isn't a big deal, and..." I trail off.

"And what?"

"I was very newly pregnant, and it didn't take," I whisper. I've never really talked about this to anyone except my family and Carter_. Pretty heavy stuff Kate_. "It might have been from the accident, maybe not, they weren't sure."

"Oh babe," he wipes the tear running down my cheek.

"Wasn't meant to be," I say quietly. "So this morning when I got to work there was a letter from Benny's lawyer and they're basically going after everything I have, and in the past I've been kind of just giving them whatever they ask for out of guilt, but clearly it's never going to be enough, and I was just really...overwhelmed," I finish with a sigh.

"Understandably," he says softly.

"So, have I scared you off yet?" I say with a laugh trying to disguise my nerves.

"Actually, you telling me makes me feel really close to you," he says seriously. I wrap my arms around him and press myself tight against him. Sid's arms quickly find their way around me and I feel his breath on my neck. "Do you think he'll ever remember you?"

"Maybe, I hope so," I say truthfully. When I feel Sid stiffen I pull away to see his reaction.

"Does that mean you want to get back together with..." he sounds almost angry.

"For a long time I did," I interrupt. "That's all I wanted." Sid looks away and takes a deep breath. I've never really had to talk about this with another man before and it's coming out all wrong. "Sid, I don't want that anymore."

"How do you know?" he asks anxiously.

"I know because I'm not the same person I was then. I'm different, in almost every way, and I don't want to go back. I want to move forward," I squeeze his hand tightly and am elated when he squeezes back. "But I want Benny to have a chance to be happy too. I don't want him waking up every morning having to relearn his life, you know?"

"So if he walked through your front door, you wouldn't..." he trails off and I give him a comforting smile.

"That's not going to happen," I assure him.

"But if it did?" he presses. _Oh, Sid!_ This has really brought out his insecurities, and I feel awful.

"If he did, then I would introduce him to the new man in my life," and when I lean in to kiss Sid, I can feel the smile spread across his face.

"Promise?" he whispers.

"I swear."

"When you say they're going after you, what does that mean?" he asks concerned.

"His parents are suing me for a lot of money and property," I sigh.

"How much money?" he blurts out. "Sorry, that's none of my business," he adds quickly.

"It's okay." I tuck into him. "They want $15,000 a month until Benny remarries, and a lump sum of $1.8 million, plus our lakehouse, my apartment in New York, and this house." The last part infuriates Sidney. His brows furrow and his hands round into fists.

"They want your house?" he practically shouts.

"It's in the lawyers hands now," I assure him. "Are you okay?"

"Me?" he asks wild eyed.

"Yeah," I laugh. "I just kind of unloaded on you. It's a lot to take in."

"I'm okay," he says, but I'm not convinced. I frown at him and he continues, "I'd be lying if I said the idea of him coming back for you doesn't scare me."

"Nothing to worry about hun," I say with conviction.

"Have you seen him since all this happened?"

"Once," I reply. "I ran into him and his brother. He had no idea who I was, and we didn't tell him."

"Are you still in love with him?" it's barely a whisper. I've asked myself this question almost everyday since the divorce. The answer remained the same for months, and the more time passed the more confident I became of my conviction that yes, I still was in love with Benny. In my heart I was still very much his wife, he was very much my husband, and one day we would be together again and put all this unpleasantness behind us. When I consider Sid's question I realize my answer has changed.

"I'm not in love with Benny, not anymore." I smile and caress Sid's face.

"How do you know?" His eyes search mine, desperate for some kind of assurance.

"I know because..." how do I say this without _saying it?_ "I know because..." I start again.

"Kate," he pleads.

"I know because I can see myself falling in love with someone else," _someone like you!_ "And I've never felt like that before." I blush every shade of crimson and stare at my fingers. In less than an hour I've completely unloaded on Sid and practically said _the L-word_. Any sane man would go running for the hills, right? I gather my courage and turn to face him, my eyes searching him nervously.

"I can see that too," he whispers, a sheepish smile creeping across his face. This confession takes me by surprise and I launch myself at him, no regard for his injury, and wrap myself around him. Sid winces slightly, but doesn't pull away, in fact, he does the opposite. His hand holds the back of my head tight against his neck, his other arm snakes around my waist and drags me to his lap. It doesn't take long for our mouths to meet and I realize we haven't kissed, _really kissed_, since this morning.

His hands travel up the inside of my shirt, and the feeling of his skin on mine is an instant aphrodisiac. I turn to face him, putting my legs on either side of him, and let my fingers tangle in his hair. I drag my mouth across his jaw and nip at his earlobe. His breath hitches and I know I've found an especially sensitive spot for Sid. I run my tongue lightly around the curve of his ear, gently blowing and tickling. I move in closer, taking his earlobe in my mouth and he groans in approval.

"Oh babe," he moans softly, shifting uncomfortably underneath me.

"Can you stay?" I beg.

"Try and stop me," he smirks. His lips trail featherlight kisses down my neck, his fingers quickly working to pull my shirt over my head. I help him undress me and toss the unwelcome garment to the floor. He holds my ribcage and tucks his face into my chest, kissing, sucking, searching for more skin. I feel his fingers fumble with the clasp of my bra and I can't help but giggle. "I hate these damn things," he says with frustration. I feel him pull hard on the strap, but it still isn't undone. I reach behind my back and quickly open the clasp, freeing my breasts into his waiting hands.

"Upstairs?" I suggest.

"Soon," he pants. He runs his hands over my chest and I feel him growing underneath me. "I love your skin babe," he whispers. _There's that word again_. His tongue flicks across my skin, and I'm reminded of the pleasure that same tongue has given me, using those same motions, just a few precious inches lower on my body. His hands move lower, deftly undoing the button to my dress pants, tugging the fabric down my hips, taking my panties with them. I sit up and steady myself on his arms as he completely undresses me, and I realize this is a familiar scene.

"I'm always naked and you're fully dressed," I whine. He seems unfazed by this, so I am forced to speak up. "Get naked boy!"

Sid laughs loudly, but obliges, pulling off his jacket while I get to work on his dress shirt. We have his top half uncovered quickly and I move aside so he can stand and step out of his suit pants. I run my hand down the length of his naked body, admiring his beautiful pale skin, and impressive muscle tone. "So handsome," I whisper. He smiles and presses me to lay back in the couch and his body quickly covers mine. Our lips start their familiar dance and his tongue invades my mouth. I moan quietly when I feel his erection press against my sex. "Sid," I warn.

"Babe," he coaxes.

"Sid," I warn more severely. "We need a..." and before the word is out of my mouth, Sid is headed to the bedroom.

"Stay put," he calls from the steps. I laugh at his bossiness, and apparently he's heard me. "I'm serious!" he yells from inside my bedroom. Seconds later he's padding down the stairs, a string of condoms in hand, and the most beautiful smile on his face. He climbs on top of me and holding the foil packet to my mouth. "Rip," he instructs. I use my teeth to tear open the package and he grins proudly. He quickly sheathes himself and then positions himself between me. I hold my breath, anticipating a repeat of this morning, but he stills.

"Everything okay?" I say impatiently.

"Let's do this slowly," he insists. He nuzzles into my neck and I press my hips to meet his. He enters me slowly, but deliberately, and holds himself inside me, examining my face closely and leaning into kiss me. His lips ravage mine, and I'm taken aback by the intensity. "Have I told you how beautiful you are?"

I shake my head and grin.

"You are gorgeous, your lips, your skin, I live to see you smile," he whispers, which of course has the desired effect on me, and I flash him a huge smile. "So beautiful, and you're mine." He moves in and out gently, patiently, and for the first time our physical connection feels like_...lovemaking_. I let my hands run across his back and up his neck into his hair. I pull his head into my neck and am rewarded with his pillow-soft lips on m skin. My hips move slowly, matching his deliberate pace.

"You feel so good Sid," I whisper. "Keep going."

"Don't rush me babe," he warns. _As if I would!_ He continues to rock his pelvis slowly, dragging himself out and pressing himself in, and it sparks a slow burn deep inside me. We watch each other carefully, grinning uncontrollably, giggling incessantly, nipping at each other, never missing a chance to kiss. He pushes into me, and slows to watch my reaction. I take a deep breath and push the hair away from his face. I smile up at him and stroke his face. "I like that," he confesses shyly, so I continue running my fingers down his jawline.

"Me too," I whisper against his skin. I close my eyes and concentrate on the feeling of his body against mine. The weight of him on my body is comforting and oh so welcome. My fingers dance across his back and I feel him smile against my skin. We move together, patiently exploring each other, his eyes never leaving mine, my hands holding him tight to me. _This is what love feels like_. That much I do remember.


	37. Chapter 37

Sid pulls a pair of satin panties out of my hand and his face splits into a boyish grin. "I'll take care of these," he giggles. I can't help but return his smile, and I toss a pile of my undergarments toward him. He carefully picks up each article, examining the soft fabric, then neatly folds them and places them in an ordered stack on the corner of my bed.

"I'll never get packed if it takes you that long to fold panties," I tease him.

"Free labor Kate, you shouldn't be complaining," he retorts. "I can't imagine why you would need these on your trip home," Sid smirks, holding up an especially sheer pair of panties that are cut very small. He doesn't wait for my response, instead shoving the offensive item into the back pocket of his jeans.

"Sid!" I squeal, making him giggle. I crawl across the bed toward the corner where he stands sorting clothes for me. "Hand them over," I demand, but he swiftly shakes his head and holds me at a distance.

"No way I'm sending my girl on holiday with a suitcase full of sexy lingerie," he announces.

"I guess I just won't wear any underwear," I sigh. I risk a glance in his direction and his expression has changed from playful to deadpan in nanoseconds.

"Oh you'll wear underwear," he tells me, holding my gaze with his.

"I will?" I ask with a touch of naivete.

"Yes, you will." He isn't playing around here. This is a side of him I haven't been privy to in the past. His voice is steady and very authoritative, and it's sexy as hell. "That's for me, and no one else."

I close the space between us and wrap my arms around his neck. "Of course it is, baby." He softens under my touch and pulls me to his chest.

"Please don't joke about that," he asks quietly, and a wave of guilt falls over me. What I intended as gentle teasing has clearly struck a nerve with him and I hate that I've hurt him, even if it was unintentional.

"You'll be happy to know that I have a strict policy of always wearing panties," I whisper, and his shoulders relax. He buries his face into my neck and I feel his warm breath against my skin. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah," he answers automatically, but I'm not convinced. I place my hands on either side of his face and smile up at him. He slowly grins back, and I lean in to kiss his lips, pouring all my affection for him against his pouting lips. When I pull back I raise my eyebrows slightly, silently posing the same question. "No," he sighs. "I'm not okay."

"What's wrong hun?" I stroke his face lightly.

"Ugh," he sighs, taking a step back and running his hands through his hair. _This can't be good_.

"Sid?"

"It's stupid," he says exasperatedly.

"Tell me," I coax. Sidney stills and his anxious eyes frantically search mine. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not stupid."

"He lives there, right?" It takes me a minute to decipher the question and I realize he's nervous about Benny.

"He does," I nod.

"And there's a chance you might see him, right?" his voice betrays the tough exterior he's trying to maintain.

"Unlikely, but it's possible."

"I don't like it," he finishes. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. I run my fingers through his hair and tug his face gently toward mine.

"What can I do to make this easier for you?" I ask seriously.

"Stay," he snaps, but his face expresses immediate regret. I frown at him and a sheepish smile spreads across his lips. "I don't know."

"You're just going to have to trust me, and I'm going to have to trust you."

"I don't have an ex-wife," he snarls.

"Hey!" I hiss. "That's not fair." I move to pull away from him, but his arms snake around me in apology.

"I just mean..." he starts, but I have no interest in his clarification.

"Listen," I interrupt. "I might have an ex-husband, emphasis on _ex_, but I've seen how women react to you. You can't tell me that if you wanted to fill your hotel room with women that it would be a problem. This isn't easy for me either." I push away from him, fully absorbing the weight of my own words as I do. "I don't know what goes on when you're on the road."

"Eat, sleep, hockey." He looks deadly serious. "I'm not like that, Kate." He's angry now, _but so am I!_ I watch as he neatly places the shoes I've laid out into my suitcase, unable or unwilling to look at me. He's so confusing, one minute he's asking me to stay and the next minute he's helping me pack!

"I'm not going to seek him out, if that's what you think," I say as mildly as possible. The last thing I wanted to do tonight was get into an argument, _over Benny of all things!_

"And I don't cheat," he snaps. "Ever." Something about the conviction of his declaration comforts me. I offer him my hand and he begrudgingly accepts. I can't help but giggle at how stubborn he's being, considering this whole things started because of a veiled accusation on his part. I take his hand and kiss each of his knuckles, risking a peek at his face when I reach the last one. I raise the white flag with a smile and he reciprocates, bringing my hand to his mouth as he repeats the action across my fingertips.

"I'm very glad to hear that Sid," I confess. "Sometimes professional athletes have..."

"Reputations," he interrupts. "I get it, but that's not me." His voice has softened and I think we might just scrape through our first fight intact. I scamper back across the bed and resume folding laundry into my suitcase, very aware that he is watching me closely. "You'll call me?"

"Everyday," I promise. "Will you bring me a present?" I ask with a grin, knowing it's probably impossible for him to go shopping.

"Sure," he laughs.

"Tell me where you're going again?"

"Buffalo, then New Jersey, and then Toronto," he sounds excited, and I know he's missed being on the ice.

"And you're sure you've healed enough to play?" I sound like an overprotective nag.

"Yes, babe," he laughs. "The doctors wouldn't let me if I wasn't healed." He sprawls across the bed, setting a stack of neatly folded bras and panties into my suitcase. _That reminds me!_

"What are your plans for my panties?" I point to his pocket and he shakes his head.

"Your panties?" he says, playing dumb. "Not sure what you're referring to."

"You want to keep them?!" _For what?_

"If I did would you let me?" he asks shyly.

"Of course," I smile.

"I'll take them on my road trip. Seeing your panties next to my shorts..." he trails off momentarily. "If we can't be together at least our underwear can be." His reasoning is somehow very sweet and has me in a fit of giggles. The tips of his ears are reddening, and I know he's slightly embarrassed. _Well, I can fix that_.

"Give me your shorts," I demand, holding out my hand. Sid gives me an incredulous look, and I nod my head. "Come on Sidney, give me your shorts. Fair is fair." His face splits into a megawatt smile as he rolls off the bed and turns to face me. He shakes his head, obviously quite amused with me, and undoes the button to his jeans. He then slowly unzips the fly and lowers them to his ankles. He steps out of his jeans and then tucks his fingers into the waistband of his shorts, quickly shedding them and tossing them across the bed.

I catch his shorts, but my eyes never leave his. He picks up his jeans and stops to consider his options. "Let's get you packed first," he says. I nod twice, _he's right_. If we start that, I'll never get this done. Sid steps back into his jeans, sans underwear, and restores them to their proper place on his hips, slowly raising the zipper, but leaving them unbuttoned.

"Well that's not distracting at all," I tease. He frowns at me and folds a hoodie, carefully tucking it into my bag. When I think about it, my flight isn't that early, and all of the important things are packed. He picks up a freshly washed tank top, and inspiration strikes. "Hang on Sid," he pauses and looks at me. "I'd rather take this one instead," I tell him, unbuttoning my cardigan and shedding the camisole underneath. I stand in front of him in just my bra and skirt and hold out my hands expectantly, but he doesn't pass me the shirt. Sid grins and starts shoving my clothes into the suitcase haphazardly._ Success!_

"They have irons in Saskatchewan," he assures me. He picks up my suitcase and sets it on the bedroom floor. He strips his shirt off and tosses it next to my things. I shimmy out of my skirt, and toss it playfully toward him. He bats it away easily and moves toward me, a hungry look in his eye. "How am I going to go six days without you?"

"You're back Wednesday?" I whine.

"I know, but then I have Saturday and Sunday off," he whispers, dragging his lips across my collarbone.

"I'm in New York next weekend," I sigh, and feel his hands grip my arms and he pulls away from me.

"You're joking," he begs. I shake my head and his face falls in disappointment. "Kate!"

"I can't help it, my agent set it up," I defend myself. "Why don't you join me?"

"I have practice both days," he says, obviously discouraged by this news. He picks up his jeans, and for a second I think he's going to leave, so it's a relief when he pulls out his phone. "Okay, when do you leave?"

"Saturday morning," I answer automatically. He flicks through his calendar, which looks absolutely jam-packed.

"I have practice Saturday morning, early though, what time is your flight?" he asks, but I don't have the answer. I reach into my carry-on and pull out my iPad. I open my calendar and it's not much different than Sid's.

"Eleven thirty," I answer.

"I can do that, what time are you back Sunday?" he looks up, and I flip through the travel itinerary.

"Just after midnight," I say and he frowns. _That sucks_.

"If I can get out of the skate I will," he says automatically. "Enough of this," he tucks his phone away and grabs my iPad from my hands, packing it once again. He stands in front of me, him naked first for a change, and I reach out to grip his hips. He takes my hands and pulls me up, flush against his body and his warm skin feels exquisite against mine.

"I'm going to miss you," I confess quietly.

"We've been spoiled I think," he sighs, and I'm slightly disappointed he didn't return my declaration. _Stop being petty!_

"I definitely feel spoiled," I concur, and Sid smiles down at me.

"Me too," he whispers, his mouth grazing my ear, his breath hot on my skin, and my need for him spreading through my body. His lips travel down my jaw to my neck and his hands slip the straps of my bra down my arms, and I shiver slightly. "Mmmmm, I love that I can do that to you."

"I love..." I pause momentarily and take a deep breath, "that you can do that to me," I smile. Inside I flinch. _I can't believe how close I came to saying that! THAT!_ Way too early, Kate. Way too early.

"I'm going to miss this," he confesses. _Hmm, not quite, but close_. "How am I going to make it through a week without this?" He kisses down my shoulder, his tongue hot on my skin. "How am I going to make it through a week without you?"

_Wow_. I melt on the spot, practically draping myself into his arms. I quickly shed my bra and he hooks his fingers under the fabric of my panties and drags them down my legs, his lips kissing my chest and stomach along the way. With no warning, Sid lifts me and cradles me in his arms. I squeal with delight, making him laugh and giggle along with me.

He tosses me onto the bed and crawls toward me. _Tell him! _And watching him, I _really_ want to, but my head tells me not to. People don't fall in love this fast, it's just lust. Powerful, overwhelming, almost paralyzing, lust. _Right?_

"What's going on in there?" he grins.

"I'm just thinking about how much I like you," I confess.

"Yeah? How much?" he presses playfully, settling between my legs, dragging his hands across my chest.

"A little bit," I giggle, and he gives me an exaggerated frown. "Okay, more than a little bit."

"I'll torture it out of you," he warns me, and I flash him a skeptical look. "I'll do it," he continues, but I just shake my head. Suddenly his fingers are no longer instruments of pleasure, instead his strokes turn to tickles and I'm squealing with delight. I try to pull away from him, but Sid is too strong. He's laughing harder than I've ever heard him laugh before, holding me easily with one hand, an ear-to-ear smile covering his face. "A little bit?" he questions.

"More..." I gasp, trying desperately to recover myself.

"More?" he asks, continuing his hideous torture.

"A lot more!" I squeal and that seems to satisfy him. Before I can catch my breath his tongue is in my mouth, his body is flush against mine and his hands are between my legs.

"I..." he pants, slowing our frantic pace. He doesn't continue immediately and my heart races. _Is he going to say it?_ "I really like you Kate, so much." He kisses the tip of my nose and presses his forehead against mine. "If I'm going to be without my girl for six days I want my fill of her tonight," he groans.

"I'm all yours Sid," and I mean it, _in every way._


	38. Chapter 38

The drive to the airport is far too short, even with Sid taking the scenic route. He grips my hand tightly, only releasing it when absolutely necessary, and always finds it quickly again. My original plan was to take the car service, but Sid insisted on driving me this morning and I'm eager to spend as much time together before our impossible schedules keep us apart. I glance over at him to see his mouth set in a firm line, his eyes focused on the road and his brows furrowed. Very serious Sid today.

"What time is your flight?" I ask brightly, hoping to lighten the mood. I know exactly why he's so severe, and as much as I've tried to assure him that he has nothing to worry about, it seems he can't shake this feeling. We're only a few minutes from the airport and I am desperate not to leave with this little black cloud between us.

"Three," he replies curtly. "Call me when you land, okay?"

"You'll be in the air when I land," I say quietly. I'm not really sure how to navigate this mood of his. The possessive grip of my hand reveals the insecurity bubbling beneath his surface, but he's so clipped with me, almost as if he's angry. My initial response is to be apologetic, but I'm not really sure what I have to be sorry about.

"Then leave me a message," he snaps. I try to pull my hand away from his, wounded by his barking tone, but he tightens his grip and squeezes twice. "I'm sorry," he says softly. He doesn't need to explain, and we don't need to rehash yesterday's conversation. The only thing I can do is return safely into his arms and prove I'm not running back to Benny.

"So no game tonight?" I ask meekly.

"No, it's tomorrow night," he says gently.

"Maybe we can Facetime?" I suggest, and his mouth twitches into a small smile. _Finally!_ "Compare hotel rooms?"

"I'd love to," he lifts my hand and softly kisses my wrist, dragging his lips across my knuckles. "Can I ask you a weird question?"

"Of course," I laugh.

"You tucked your pajamas under your pillow this morning," he states, and I'm not sure where the question is. I shrug and he continues. "I know you well enough to know you refuse to sleep naked..."

"What if there's a fire?" I interject.

"Then you have bigger problems," he laughs, but there's an anxious edge to his voice.

"I can't do it," I finish.

"Yeah I've noticed! Anyway, you don't have pajamas," he sighs.

"Sid, have you been going through a mental packing list for me?" I giggle.

"Force of habit I guess," he smiles, and I'm so relieved his good mood has returned. "I'm kind of an expert when it comes to packing."

"I imagine you are," I smile back at him. He pulls up to a red light, the airport in sight and a wave of disappointment hits me. _I'm not going to see him for almost a week!_ "Here already?" I whine. Sid ignores the passenger loading/unloading lane and moves toward short term parking instead. "Babe, you don't have to come in with me."

"Of course I do," he scoffs.

"You'll be mobbed," I practically shriek. "You're cutting it close as it is."

"Katie, it's not even ten, you can't board for at least half an hour, my flight isn't until three. It's fine." He finds a parking spot quickly and hops out of his truck to grab my luggage. We haven't even made it through the parking lot when people start taking notice of him. Sid's always been careful about not exposing me to the media or fan encounters, and now we're walking hand in hand through the airport? It doesn't make sense. I'm not a terribly shy person, but I feel like we should probably have discussed this before jumping in with both feet. A group of three teenage girls watch him gleefully, all of them pointing their iPhones in our direction, and I realize this is exactly why he wanted to come inside. _He's claiming me!_

"Sid, you should go before this gets out of hand," I say between clenched teeth.

"Just ignore them," he says gruffly. Well that's easy for him to say, I'm not used to having strangers take my photo, and it will no doubt be posted on some site where every female fan will take her turn ripping apart my appearance. My heart sinks at the thought. He's been so up and down the past day, and I _really_ don't want to leave on bad terms, but this has got to be the height of selfishness.

"Sidney," I whisper sharply. He turns to face me, slightly surprised by my tone. "I know why you're doing this, and it's completely unnecessary," I smile for the cameras, but my words are clear. "You're doing this on purpose."

"What?" he feigns innocence, which is so infuriating. I stop walking and he takes only one step before realizing that I'm no longer at his side. He turns to me and I gently wrap my arms around his neck. _If he wants a show, I'll give him one_. He smiles shyly, obviously not accustomed to public displays of affection.

"Don't play dumb with me Crosby," I whisper against his ear. "You're making damn sure there will be photos of us plastered all over the Internet before my plane even takes off." He doesn't object, but tightens his grip around me. "I'm really trying to be patient babe, I know you're having some kind of crisis of confidence here, but I'm with you. A trip home isn't going to change that, and we really should have talked about this before you threw me to the wolves," I finish and glance around to see several people taking our photo, _or worse video!_, with their phones.

"I don't know what's gotten into me lately," he sighs.

"I do," I blurt out, and instantly regret it. The tips of his ears redden and a sheepish smile spreads across his face. _There's no way we're doing this here!_ And with that decision made, I pull away from him, take his hand in mine and move toward the ticket agent.

"It makes you do crazy things," he sighs, acknowledging my comment, but not really elaborating. I can't help but giggle and he squeezes my hand tightly.

"Yes, it does," I flash him a brilliant smile that he returns immediately. I collect my boarding pass from the ticket agent and check my luggage. There's precious few minutes before I should head through security, and things are warming between us. Sid gives me an apologetic smile, and I shake my head and grin. "You're forgiven," I whisper. He grins and pulls me tight to his side.

"I fucked up," he admits quietly. I can't help but laugh, and then I'm suddenly aware that the audience has never left, only changed. It doesn't matter where we go, people are watching him. It doesn't matter what we're doing, people are taking our picture. _His picture_. I briefly wonder if it will always be like this? Watched so carefully wherever we go, strangers taking photos, women giving me the once over, practically drooling over Sidney. "You're right, we should have talked about this before. I should have made sure you were okay with it, and ready for the attention."

"Attention?" I giggle. "I think that's an understatement."

Sid tugs me tight to his side and kisses my forehead. "Just bear with me, okay?" he laughs, and I'm suddenly reminded of my private conversations with his parents. _Maybe Sid is always a bit insecure?_ Or maybe I'm naive about what's about to come next. _When people know me as Sidney Crosby's Girlfriend. _A question that I've been meaning to ask floats through my mind.

"Hey," I look up to face him. "Do your parents know I'm divorced?" Sid's brow furrows and he shakes his head.

"No, they don't," he says evenly. I sigh audibly and he squeezes my shoulder. "I'm not sure it will matter though, you've won them over," he laughs.

"Yeah?" I'm suddenly thrilled and give myself a mental hug. "Did they say anything about me?"

"They did," he smiles coyly. I wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn't. I pinch his hip and he jumps a little bit. "Ayeee," he squeaks, then giggles.

"What did they say?" I press playfully.

"Well, my mom loves that you have your own life. She was really impressed," he beams and I blush from the compliment. "My dad is a little tougher," he starts and I frown. _Maybe I did say something stupid at the game._ Sid watches me closely, and I try to read his expression, but he gives nothing away. If his dad had reservations, do I really want to hear them before hopping on a plane where all I can do is stir? "That said, he thinks we're a good match and warned me not to screw this up."

His confession makes me laugh, and when I look up at Sid he is thoroughly entertained by me. "Glad you find me so amusing!" he teases.

"I do," I giggle. We stand in front of the security gate, our separation imminent. "Well hun, I guess I should get going," I sigh. He pulls me into a tight hug and buries his nose in my hair. The glare of strangers fades away, and in the warmth of his arms, the world feels small, just big enough for the two of us.

"I'm going to miss you, Kate," he speaks so softly, so gently, it's incredibly romantic.

"I'm going to miss you, Sid."

"Be safe," he pauses, holding me at arms length and looking so serious. "I _really_ like you, babe." A sweet smile spreads across his face, and he takes my face in his hands and kisses me. His lips hold mine firmly and I press my tongue inside his mouth. He groans lightly and I pull his hips flush against mine. This one move proves too much for Sid, and he smiles while pulling away from me. "A touch too indecent for public," he explains.

"I _really_ like you too, babe," I smile up at him. I guess that's as close as we're going to get for now. "I'll text you when I land in Toronto," I promise.

"How long is your layover?" he brushes hair away from my face.

"Not long, less than an hour."

"I want a present too," he pouts playfully. I giggle and nod in agreement. Sid hands me my carry-on bag, and kisses my forehead. "I mean it, be safe and call me."

"I will babe, I promise." I lean in and wrap my arms around his neck, kissing his neck and breathing in his scent.

"And don't forget to pick up pajamas," he teases, releasing me.

I laugh and start toward the security gate, turning at the last second to flash him a naughty grin. "What do you think your shorts are for?" and Crosby doesn't disappoint. His eyes widen, his face splits into a shocked smile and the tips of his beautiful ears redden ever so slightly.

_My beautiful, blushing, insecure, over-protective Sid. _I don't even want to think about how difficult the next six days without him are going to be.


	39. Chapter 39

The flight to Toronto is just over an hour, not really long enough to get immersed in a good book, and I'm so sick of looking at screens the thought of watching the in-flight selection is repulsive. Instead, I opt for personal reflection. Work is going well, great actually. If conversation drifts too much into my personal life when I get home I can always deflect and talk about work instead. Sometimes it's a toss up between which is more painful to talk about, work or myself, but right now my career is firmly on track. I remember the first time I was fired from a show. I had sold the script, and just before it went to camera, the director wanted a ton of changes, and they weren't good notes either. Without the confidence of someone with a few shows under their belt, I was basically steamrolled and I knew the script was suffering. The only consolation was that the producers fired both myself and the director. Scriptwriting isn't like writing a novel or a play, once you sell it, you don't get a say. You don't own the copyright. You can get fired from your own show and they can go on without you like nothing happened. It can be very painful.

The first time it happened I was a complete mess. It was embarrassing and discouraging and I thought I'd never work again. My mother didn't understand how I could possibly be fired when they were still using my script. It doesn't make sense, but it's not uncommon. I'd tried to explain it to her, defend myself, but she found the whole situation so ridiculous she would tell anyone who would listen. Thankfully, I was recently married and could deflect the negative attention and focus it on the bright spot in my life. Now it kind of feels like the reverse.

I _really _don't want my mother to find out about Sid. Part of me is worried that she'll rattle my confidence and make me feel like I don't deserve him. This wouldn't be the first time. The other part of me _knows_ that she won't be able to keep it to herself. This is a woman whose vocabulary doesn't include the words 'privacy' or 'secret'. I'm not ready to share our relationship with the world just yet.

_You might not have a choice_. After Sid's little airport stunt, it might already be out there. Of course, no one will immediately know who I am, I'll just be some random woman on Sid's arm. _Maybe that's all you are anyway_. Geez, I sound like my mother already! Sid _really_ likes me, I'm not random to him. He introduced me to his parents for crying out loud! He spends the night more often than not these days, and frankly, my house feels empty when he's not there. I've really enjoyed our little bubble, and it would be crushing if his insecurity has ruined that. Maybe I haven't done enough to make him feel secure. _Maybe I do have unfinished business with Benny_. The thought floats unwelcome through my mind. I shake it away, but a sinking feeling lingers.

I told Sid I wasn't going to seek out Benny, and until this moment the idea seemed completely ridiculous. When I actually consider it though, it doesn't seem so outrageous. The neurologist report said he's improving, and maybe it would be helpful for Benny to see me. And even though it would be gut-wrenching for Sid, maybe me seeing Benny would put some of his fears to rest. Although, then I would actually have to explain to Sid that I saw Benny and I can't imagine that going over very well. How someone so talented, accomplished, and let's face it, absolutely gorgeous can be insecure is beyond me.

Before I know it they're preparing the cabin for landing, and I haven't worked out any of my feelings. Any anger I was feeling at the airport has dissolved away, and a healthy amount of anxiety has set in. Sid's adamant position that he never cheats is reassuring, but if I'm honest with myself, our little bubble hasn't prepared me for the backlash I'm sure will follow. Some of his fans won't care, in fact it might put some rumors to rest, but others will be very invested, and will criticize my every move. How do you prepare for something like that? The urge to visit a certain message board is almost overwhelming, but thankfully my iPad and phone are safely stowed and the seat belt sign is turned on. _Maybe when I text Sid I can just pop in for a quick snoop._

Thankfully customs is a breeze, and I find myself with a few minutes to spare. _Coffee!_ It doesn't take long to locate a Starbucks, but as expected, it takes longer to order a simple beverage than it does to enter a new country! I fire up my phone and send Sid a text.

_Hey handsome, landed in TO safe and sound. Call me tonight, you'll be in the air when I land at home. XOXO_

My phone buzzes almost instantly, and I can't help the face-splitting grin I'm sporting.

_Missing you already babe. XOXO Those hugs and kisses are for you to put anywhere you like, I know where I'm putting mine! :)_

Oh my! Naughty Sid! He's irresistible when he's playful like this.

_Maybe you can send me photographic evidence of exactly where my kisses have landed?_

Wishful thinking Kate, but if I remember correctly Sid did send me a fairly provocative shot once. My phone buzzes and I'm not disappointed. He's sent me a picture of his beautifully sculpted abdomen, the top of his shorts just visible, and he's right - that is one of my favorite places to kiss. Seconds later my phone buzzes again, and it's a close up of his mouth, a naughty smirk on his face, his over-plump pink lips parted just slightly, enough that my lips now twitch to touch his.

_How am I going to make it 6 days without those lips?_

I grab my coffee and head toward the gate, walking on cloud nine the entire way. As I'm waiting for my flight to be called, curiosity gets the better of me and I open the Twitter app on my phone. I feel like a errant child, my fingers shaking, my heart racing as I type his name into the search bar. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, willing myself to calm down, preparing myself for the worst. I slowly take a peek at my phone and there we are, arms tangled around each other in the airport.

_Sydney Crosby and gf at airport!_

I guess I'm "gf" now - and they could at least spelled his name correctly! Geez. I take a close look at the photo, and it kind of warms me a little bit. We look happy, almost adorable. We both have huge smiles on our faces, and I realize this was taken just before I went through security - when we _almost_ confessed our feelings to each other, or at least I almost did. It's strange though, this was taken just a few hours ago and now it's all over the place. I click through more photos, and they're basically all the same. Us hand in hand in the airport, Sid holding my luggage, me smiling and whispering into his ear. _Scolding him!_ But, I guess no one else picked up on that.

The comments make me nervous. _Stay away from my man, bitch!_ Yikes. _He could do better_. Ouch. _They look happy_. Phew.

Enough of that. I close my phone and my nerves settle almost immediately. It would be easy to get sucked into that, and if we're going to be apart for this long, I can't afford to get caught up in what other people think. I quickly check my work emails and there's nothing too pressing. I'm in the middle of answering a few when my flight is called, and suddenly my nerves spike - I'm going to be home in a few short hours. Home is where my number one faultfinder lives (Mom), the place where I said goodbye to my future (Benny and our baby), and it's the town where the bitch trying to take me for everything I have resides (Benny's mother). I just hope I don't have to face all three.

Four hours later I'm waiting patiently for my luggage to appear on the carousel when I hear a familiar voice. "Katiekatiekatiekatiekatie..." she says in quick succession, blurring my name into a single word that sounds like a sputtering engine. My face splits into an ear-to-ear grin as I turn to see my sister holding her arms out expectantly toward me.

"Jill!" I launch myself at her, not realizing how much I've missed her until this very instant.

"What, you didn't bring the boy toy with you?" she laughs, and my eyes widen in terror. _They already know?!_ She gives me a puzzled look and my mouth goes dry. I have no idea how to respond, but thankfully she fills the silence. "Mom will be disappointed," she starts, _great_. "I think she was hoping Carter would help her decorate for the party."

_Thank you! Thank you!_ "Oh, yeah. Well, he's been working really hard, I didn't want to steal his weekend from him," I explain, going for casual and hopefully succeeding. "You didn't have to pick me up, I was going to grab a cab and check into my hotel first."

"Are you kidding? You're never home, the least I can do is pick you up!" she beams, tugging me tight to her side. Luggage is started to trickle out slowly, and I'm really grateful she's here with me. "How did Mom take hearing you're staying in a hotel?"

"I think okay, I mean, it makes sense. I need wi-fi and teleconferencing for work..." I start, but Jill quickly interrupts.

"Kate, it's me. I get it, you didn't want to stay at Mom and Dad's. Trust me, I get it!" she laughs and I join her. "So listen, what do you think about picking up Olivia and grabbing something to eat?"

"Sounds great!" _Olivia!_ "I can't wait to see her, she must be growing like a weed!" Jill doesn't reply, she just groans which makes me laugh.

"I'll fill you in on all the gossip," she winks conspiratorially toward me. "You'll see everyone tonight at dinner," _oh, this is news_, "so you'll want the scoop before then."

"Dinner?" I ask nervously.

"She didn't tell you?" I shake my head and Jill continues. "Mom invited the whole family over tonight to celebrate your big return," she waves her hands dramatically and my stomach sinks.

"Great," I groan.

"It'll be fine," she assures me.

Lunch with a toddler is equal parts adorable and disgusting. Olivia has a lot of ideas about how to eat her food, and apparently they all involve getting as much of it as possible on every surface before finding its way to her mouth. Of course, she doesn't know who I am, so she plays shy at first, but it doesn't take long for her to warm up. "So, how are things in Pittsburgh?" Jill asks, and if I'm not mistaken she seems a little anxious.

"Really good," I say confidently.

"Really?" she presses.

"Yes, really. Work is going great," i beam, and pause for a split-second. _I can trust Jill_. "And between you and me?" she nods a silent oath to keep whatever I say next private. "I've started seeing someone."

"Katie!" she shrieks, and the attention of every other customer is on us momentarily. I can't help but giggle as I try to shush her. "That's wonderful news! Who is he? What does he do? Where did you meet him?" Her rapid-fire questions aren't totally unexpected, but still a tad overwhelming.

"Seriously Jill, you can't tell anyone okay. I do _not_ want to discuss my love life with Mom," I warn.

"I promise," she says seriously.

"His name is Sidney, and we met walking home one day. He lives a few houses down from me," I explain quickly.

"Is it serious?" she grills, and I nod sheepishly. "How serious?"

"I don't know, pretty serious I guess," I don't quite know how to answer that.

"What does he do?" she asks.

"He's a hockey player," I aim for nonchalant, but somehow it comes out more like a question.

"Wait, Sidney as in Sidney Crosby?" her eyes widen and she stares at me in disbelief. I simply nod in agreement and she drops her fork loudly. "Oh my God Katie, Peter is going to shit twice and die when I tell him!"

"I hate when you say that," I scold her for using my most hated term. "And you promised to keep this between us, seriously Jill, I'm not ready to talk to anyone about this." Especially not her husband!

"Fine, fine. So what's he like?" and her invitation is all I need to hear. I can't stop myself, I'm off and running, gushing non-stop about Sidney. She listens intently, and it encourages me to go on and on and on, and before I know it my cheeks hurt from smiling.

"So, what he _like?_" she asks with a wicked grin.

"Jill!" I gasp.

"Come on, professional athlete, he must have certain talents!" she giggles.

"Not going there," I shut her down immediately. Jill has never been shy about over-sharing and frankly, there are things I know about Peter that I wish I didn't. The waitress arrives with the bill and I quickly throw down my credit card.

"Uh uh, no way. Your money isn't good here," Jill says, shoving the card back in my direction and fumbling through her wallet for cash.

"Jill..."

"No, I invited you, my treat." That's Jill, too proud to let her baby sister pay for anything. I know finances have been tight for her and Peter, and I've offered to help more than once, but she always refuses. I hope my gift for Olivia's birthday isn't too over-the-top.

Jill drops me off at the hotel, and I have a few hours before I have to leave for my parent's house. I call Carter to make sure everything is still under control at the office, which he insists is running like a fine-tuned machine. I check the time and do the mental math - it's possible Sidney has landed. I dial quickly and hold my breath, anxious to hear his voice.

"Hey you," his voice is like a warm hug.

"Babe," I sigh.

"What's wrong?" he asks immediately.

"Nothing, hun," I giggle. "I'm just happy to hear your voice. I can't believe we just saw each other a few hours ago, it feels like days."

"Totally," he sighs. "What are you doing?"

"Just settling into my hotel," I reply.

"Me too. Facetime?" he suggests and my heart soars.

"Absolutely!" I dig through my bag and grab my iPad, entering the hotel wi-fi network information furiously and listening carefully to Sid rummaging through his own bag. "I'm ready," I tell him shortly after.

"Just about there," he says distractedly, and a few seconds later he purrs, "hanging up now. See you soon!"

His face fills my screen and I can't control my glee. "Hey handsome!" I beam and he grins and shakes his head.

"Hey gorgeous," he says softly. "I'm happy you're talking to me." I give him a puzzled look and he elaborates. "I was pretty difficult this morning."

"You were," I laugh. "But nothing I can't handle, sweetheart." My endearment makes him grin. "There's pictures of us all over Twitter."

"Oh babe, don't read that shit," he scolds. "Nothing good comes from that."

"I won't," I promise.

"You already did!" he teases.

"I couldn't help myself," I confess. "Show me around your room."

He gives me the grand tour, exaggerating the amenities, going into great detail, and making me giggle the whole time. He tells me it's my turn to entertain him and I repeat the process, although my room is basically identical to his save for the colors and decorative touches. I lay on my "side" of the bed and set my iPad where Sid would normally sleep and turn it to face me. It's not the same, but it's the best I can manage at the moment.

"You're sweet," he smiles at me.

"I wish you were here," I lament.

"Yeah? You want me to meet the parents?" he giggles.

"Trust me, I would spare you that punishment," I groan. We haven't talked a lot about my family, but I think Sid knows things aren't easy there.

"How bad can they be? They made you," he says seriously.

"My mom can be a nightmare," I tell him. "I'm kind of nervous to see her."

"Oh love, you'll be fine," and the word is out of his mouth before he can stop himself. I can judge by his reaction that it was an unintentional slip, so I decide to just roll with it, even though my heart is beating out of my chest with joy!

"I hope so," I grin, and the smile grows on my face and he joins me.

"So..." he says anxiously. _It's out there!_ I know he's waiting for me to acknowledge it, and I don't want to torture him, especially after the morning we've had.

"So...love?" I ask so quietly, it's almost a whisper.

"Are you freaking out?" he whispers.

"No," I grin at him. "Are you?"

Sid giggles, "Maybe a little."

"Why?" I smile at him.

"Well, you've left me hanging here," he teases.

"I want to say it in person," I tell him seriously, "but it doesn't mean I don't feel the same." This seems to satisfy Sid, as a face-splitting smile spreads across his lips.

"How soon can you get to Buffalo?" he says making me laugh out loud.

We laugh and giggle and grin and blush and tease each other for the next half hour, until Sid needs to get ready for dinner with the team. He promises to call me tonight before he goes to sleep and I'm mentally counting down the hours. He seems much more calm compared to this morning, which is such a relief. I decide to get ready myself and head over to my parents house a little early, hopefully relax a little before everyone else arrives.

I consider calling a taxi, but it's a nice day outside and the walk isn't terribly long, maybe half an hour at the most. The city feels exactly the same, and I don't really pay much attention to what's going on around me, zoning out to music instead. Maybe that's why it takes rattles me to the core when I see_ her._ Benny's mother, climbing into the driver's side of what appears to be a brand new Mercedes roadster. I look up at the shop she's just vacated, bags in hand, and I'm not surprised in the least when I see it's a fine jewelry store. At least I know my hard earned money is going to a good cause! I'm not sure why, but I quickly snap a picture of her with my phone, I guess so I can prove to myself that I'm not imagining things. She really is using her son's misfortune to get her hands on my money.

My pace quickens as my blood boils. I knew it, I just knew it! Benny isn't behind any of this, it's all her. She was always so judgmental of our lifestyle, and I suspected it was jealousy. She sure didn't waste any time buying the finer things in life. Dealing with my own mother doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore, and that's a good thing because I'm here.

Home sweet home.


	40. Chapter 40

The front door is unexpectedly locked, and I have no choice but to ring the doorbell. Asking permission to enter your childhood home is so unnatural, and combined with the anger coursing through me and my anxiety, I can't help but stand there fidgeting nervously. The door flies open and my dad stands there with a huge smile on his face.

"Katie!" his arms open wide and I practically dive into them. "How are you doing kiddo?"

"It's so good to see you, Dad."

"You look great, Katie. So healthy," he gushes, reminding me just how long it's been since we've seen each other. "Come in, come in. What can I get you to drink?"

"I'm good," I reply brightly. "Where's Mom?"

"She's just picking up Grandma," he tells me, and I feel myself relax. "She's really excited to see you, Katie. We hardly hear from you anymore." And the guilt trip begins, earlier than I expected, but right about how I thought it would.

"Sorry Dad," I mutter quietly. "I've been swamped with work, but you're right. I'll try harder to keep in touch." I look around the house, and not much has changed except evidence of Olivia is everywhere. The fridge is covered in photos of her with my parents, toys are tucked underneath side tables and behind the couch. "The house looks good," I tell him.

"The house looks like a goddamn playpen," he says grumpily. I can't help but laugh a little, my dad has always hated clutter. "Every time your mother leaves the house she comes back with something for Olivia."

"How can you not want to spoil her?" I ask, amused at the novelty of hearing him complain about my mom.

"Spoiling is an understatement," he sighs. "How are you? Really? I worry about you, all alone in a big city. Is everything okay with your job?"

"Work is great Dad, really."

"So when do we get to see this show of yours?"

"Oh, not for a long time. I don't think they've set an air date." I answer quickly, reminding myself this is good practice for the evening ahead of me.

"And how are you making out in the city?" he presses. Dads worry about their daughters, and it warms me to know he thinks of me often. I move through the kitchen and pour myself a glass of water, and help myself to a few snacks laid out.

"Pretty good. I don't actually live in the city, my house is in a suburb just outside of Pittsburgh, so it's quiet. Carter arranged for a car service for me, so I don't have to drive very much," and as soon as I've admitted this, I regret it.

"Still not driving Kate?" he shakes his head.

"A little bit, but you know I've never really liked driving." I say with as much confidence as I can muster. _Please don't bring up the accident. Please don't bring up the accident._

"Have you talked to Benny lately?" _Ugh_. He's genuinely curious, and I know he was devastated for me when we divorced, so it's hard to be angry at the question.

"No, his parents have asked me to stay away," I reply quietly. He shakes his head and mutters something under his breath that I can't quite make out. "I've heard he's improving though," I say brightly, hoping to change the tone of our conversation.

"Well we ran into his parents a few weeks ago and they were as phoney as a three dollar bill, asking all about your new show, where you were living, she even had the nerve to ask if you were okay for money!" he scoffs and I blanch. "Like Benny is in any shape to help you out there!" _So, she's been sniffing around for information._

"What did you tell her?" I'm hopeful they would have had the good sense not to say a word, but you never know.

"Your mom went into full on brag-mode, you would have been impressed," and my heart sinks. Trust the woman who has given me a handful of compliments in my life to choose that moment to have some maternal pride in her child. "Looks like they've come into some money though, he was driving a huge Escalade."

"Yeah, my money," I mutter quietly.

"What's that?" he thankfully didn't hear me. I don't want them burdened by my on-going, awful property settlement.

"Nothing," I say quickly. "If you see them again, maybe don't discuss me. Not until everything is worked out with the lawyers, okay?" His brow furrows and he gives me a puzzled look. "There's just a few more details to iron out, and until then it's best if we keep our distance from them." I try to explain casually, but I can tell he's not buying it.

"Kate? Are you in some kind of trouble with this?" he asks slowly.

"No Dad, it's fine. The lawyers are handling it. I don't even think about it," bold face lying, that's what I've resorted to, I think he's about to say something when we hear the front door open.

"Helloooo!" she calls out in her trademark fashion. "Is she here yet?"

"I'm here Mom," I call back while I pad over to the front door to greet her and my grandmother. I turn the corner and am immediately gathered into my grandma's waiting arms. "Hi Grandma, you look great."

"You look too thin," she whispers into my ear. "Let's get some food in you." She squeezes me tight and kisses my cheek hard. When she releases me, I turn to face my mother who is already sporting a disappointed look.

"Oh Kate, is that what you're wearing?" She pulls me into a hug that doesn't last long. "Well, I guess we're just having a barbeque so it's fine," she sighs and gives me another once-over.

"How are you Mom?" I say sulkily. _Off to a great start already_.

"Good, good. Come in the kitchen and help me get the food ready. I want to hear all about Philadelphia."

"Pittsburgh," I correct her.

"What did I say?" she says defensively.

"You said Philadelphia," I scowl, but she just laughs it off.

"Anyway," she continues, "same state, right? So, Katie let's hear all about this new job of yours." I take a deep breath and launch into telling them about my life in Pittsburgh, careful to not mention anything that could possibly be related to Sidney, although all I want to do is talk about him, gush about him, just saying his name makes me feel closer to him when we're apart. My mother gives me little tasks to do, interrupting me every so often, which I don't really mind, but it's clear she's not really paying attention.

"You should come for a visit," I suggest, knowing that Pittsburgh isn't exactly on her list of must-sees.

"Well," she looks at my dad to make sure he's paying attention, "we were thinking that maybe we'd come up for the long weekend next month." _Oh fuck._

"Really?" I stammer, trying to disguise the fear bubbling inside me. "That sounds great." Actually, it sounds like my nightmare! Trapped in my house with my mother for a weekend. _A long weekend_. The sound of my mother squealing with delight over Olivia's arrival pulls me back into the present moment. I stand to greet my brother-in-law Peter, and am thrilled when Olivia hugs my leg tight.

"Someone's excited to see their auntie," Peter teases me.

"I just love her, she's so adorable," I gush, bending to pick her up. Olivia and I walk through the house and find a quiet corner, where she begins showing me all her favorite toys and treasures. I pull out my phone and snap a picture of us together, and she immediately decides that my phone is the best toy of the bunch and wants to play with it. I set up Fruit Ninja and hand it over, much to her delight.

"Are you playing with Auntie's phone?" Jill coos as she walks toward us. Olivia looks up at her mother and giggles, then returns her attention to the screen. "How's it going? Did she give you the once-over yet?"

"Oh yeah," I laugh. "I'm dressed too casual and apparently they're coming to stay with me next month." I give Jill a sarcastic thumbs up and she giggles.

"How nice for you," she says in an overly-sweet tone.

It isn't long until my mother calls me to the living room to greet "my guests". She's invited all my aunts, uncles and cousins over and the house is soon filled to capacity. It's nice to see everyone, but it's also a bit overwhelming. I haven't seen most of these people since the accident, so the first look on their faces when they see me is pity, then concern, then disbelief when I tell them I'm doing well. It gets old fast.

My mother sets out the buffet of food and tells everyone to fill their plates, and I spot an opportunity to sneak away for a minute. I pry my phone out of Olivia's reluctant hands and take the stairs two at a time up to my childhood bedroom. The room is completely transformed since I lived here. What was once a cluttered mess is not a chic guest room, and I'm thankful there's a bed to flop down on.

I turn on my phone and see a text from Sid.

_Back at the hotel, hope your night is going ok. _

I quickly dial his number and close my eyes, silently praying that he picks up.

"Hey babe," he answers after two rings.

"Hey babe," I reply.

"Aren't you supposed to be having dinner with your family?" he asks quickly.

"I am, I just snuck away for a minute," I whisper.

"Oh, so we're whispering now?" he teases me.

"Yep," I giggle.

"Everything okay over there?" he asks concernedly.

"Kind of," I sigh.

"Tell me," he presses.

"I saw Benny's mom on my way over, and I found out my parents are coming to stay with me next month," I blurt out quickly.

"His mom? How was that?"

"We didn't talk, she didn't see me and I don't want to speak to her. She's driving a brand new Mercedes though, and my dad said her husband had some rap-star-type SUV. So at least I my money is being spent wisely."

"Fuck," Sid sighs. "That's rough babe."

"It's okay, I'm actually more upset that my parents are coming," I laugh and he joins me.

"Well now you have to tell them about us," Sid says brightly. This is obviously important to him.

"Why is that?"

"If they're coming to stay with you aren't you going to introduce me to them?" he says, sounding a little hurt. _Oh, Sid!_

"Of course," I reply automatically, even though I would have likely avoided that for as long as possible.

"Well, it will be a lot easier if they know about us beforehand, don't you think? Takes some of the pressure off me, anyway."

"You're right," I sigh.

"As usual," he teases.

"As usual," I concede. "I should get downstairs before they've noticed I'm gone."

"Yeah, go enjoy your family. I'm here all night," he says so softly it makes my insides warm, "call me when you get back to your hotel."

"I will, bye babe."

"Bye gorgeous," he says.

I hold the phone close to my chest and enjoy the absolute pleasure of knowing that man is out there in the world, thinking of me, _loving _me even, and he's all mine. I spring from the bed, resolved that, yes, I will tell my parents about Sid. Probably not with the entire extended family hovered around, but at some point I will tell them.

Downstairs, the last of the stragglers are filling their plates, and I sneak into the back of the line, my little upstairs getaway going unnoticed. The evening is fairly pleasant, I tuck myself at a table with a few cousins, and the conversation is pretty casual. No one is terribly interested in me, and I'm grateful for it. Olivia is the center of attention, as she should be, being that she is the most adorable two-year-old I've ever laid eyes on.

After a few hours, most people have left and I'm considering heading back to the hotel myself. Just as I'm about to stand and announce that I'm leaving for the night, Jill walks past and hands me a sleeping Olivia, and really, who can resist that? I watch this precious little girl, and I can't help but think about _my_ baby. They would be cousins, just a few months apart. Her eyelashes splay across her face, her breathing slow and heavy, and when she squirms to get comfortable I'm so overwhelmed with love for her that I could just about burst. Once she settles down, I fish out my phone and snap a picture of us together. I quickly text it to Sid with the caption _Me and Olivia_.

Jill returns twenty-some minutes later and I'm forced to hand over my little cuddle partner. "You'll see her all day tomorrow!" Jill says with a smile. "Gawd, you're worse than Mom!"

"What about Mom?" she asks walking into the room, her ears burning no doubt.

"Jill was just giving me a hard time about not wanting to give up Olivia," I tell her.

"Jill is so stingy with that baby," my mom says seriously.

"Mom!" Jill is horrified.

"Well it's true," she defends herself. "Let me hold her for a few minutes before you leave." Jill reluctantly hands over Olivia and rolls her eyes at Peter and my dad who have just joined us.

"I hear you two are headed to Pittsburgh," Peter says to my mother.

"We are, we are!" she beams back at him.

"You gonna show them the town?" he turns to face me, and I give him a dirty look which makes him laugh.

"You guys should come too," I suggest. That would _definitely_ remove some of the tension. "I have more than enough space, and I'd love for you two to see the set and spend some time with Olivia."

"Oh, that's a great idea," Mom chimes in, of course suggesting Olivia join us has her onside immediately.

Jill rolls her eyes and puts us off, "We'll think about it."

"What is there to do in Pittsburgh?" Peter asks genuinely.

"Ummm, I don't know. Lots of stuff." Wow, I really need to get out more.

"Maybe go to a Penguins game?" Jill suggests with a sly grin. I give her the dirtiest look I can muster, but she just laughs at me. _Sisters!_

"Yeah, we can check out Crybaby Crosby," my dad says, slapping Peter on the back and they both laugh at their little joke. I practically start choking and Jill looks horrified.

"You okay Kate?" my mother asks me with concern.

"Yeah, I just need a drink," I run to the kitchen. I can hear Jill following close behind me, giggling and snorting the whole way. "Great Jill! Now what do I do?"

"Oh Kate, it was a joke!" she can barely get the words out she's laughing so hard.

"Seriously! I can't really go back in there and announce that I'm dating the guy. How awkward will that be?" my head is spinning.

"It's not a big deal," she tries to placate me.

"Jill, you have to come to Pittsburgh. Please! I'm begging. There's no way I can do this without you there!" I beg, holding her hands tight and giving her my very best puppy-eyes.

"Kate," she gives me a warning look.

"Jill, I'm begging! Let me fly you out there, please!" She shakes her head, and I grip even tighter.

"I'll think about it," she says. "Come on," she pulls me back toward the living room.

I see my parents cooing over Olivia, who has woken from her slumber and is grumpy as can be. Peter is trying desperately to pack her things and get out the door, but Olivia isn't making it easy on him.

"Kate was just telling me about her boyfriend," Jill announces, giving me an encouraging look.

"Jill!" I hiss under my breath.

"Kate?" my mother starts. "You're seeing someone? When did this happen?" The inquisition begins.

"Who is he, Katie?" my dad asks quickly.

"Now or never," Jill whispers. _No way she's getting out of Pittsburgh now_.

"Sidney Crosby," I say quietly, and Peter practically drops Olivia, my dad turns ten shades of pink, and my mother looks completely lost.

"Who's Sidney Crosby?" my mom asks loudly. "I don't get it."

"He's a famous hockey player," my dad tells her and a smile creeps across his face.

"So yeah, I can get us tickets to a game when you're in town," I laugh, trying to keep things light, and failing miserably.

"Wait, why is a famous hockey player dating Kate?" my mother scowls.

_Ugh. This is why I don't want to introduce Sid to my parents._ I don't need my mother pointing out to him that I'm not good enough, and really, what man would want to be with someone if their own family thinks they're worthless. Sid can have anyone, _why is he dating me?_


	41. Chapter 41

"Oh come on, Kate knows that's not what I meant, don't you Katie?" my mother turns to me, her eyes demanding that I defend her. Some things never change. "I was just wondering what they could possibly have in common. I mean, really? Think about it."

"Oh god Mom," Jill groans, rolling her eyes and putting her arm around me.

"Don't oh-god me!" my mother snaps.

"It's fine Mom, let's talk about something else," I plead with her to change the subject. I'm not sure if I can handle listening to the laundry list of reasons why I _should_ be single, ways I'll disappoint any man who chooses to be with me, and of course, her favorite - the shortcomings of my physical appearance.

"Always so sensitive," she waves her hands toward me. "If he doesn't know that about Kate, he'll learn!" and she cackles at her own joke. I smile nervously, desperate for this conversation to end.

"Where did you meet?" Dad asks.

"We kind of just ran into each other," I start, but the joy of the story is sucked dry by my mother's disapproving expression. "We live on the same street, so we kept bumping into each other."

"What's he like?" Peter asks with a sly grin.

"He's really nice, just a normal guy," I tell them, but my mother's not convinced.

"We'll see, won't we?" she looks at my father, and the thought of her meeting Sid makes my heart drop to my stomach. I have to get out of here.

"I think I'm going to head out," I announce. "It's been a long day."

"Great, now I'm the bad guy," my mother huffs.

"No, Mom. No one's fighting, I'm just beat," I say gently. She gives me a disapproving look, and mutters something under her breath. I turn to my father and he offers me a sympathetic smile. "Great seeing you Dad," I hug him goodbye and he pulls me into a tight squeeze.

"Sorry about that kiddo," he whispers. He's always apologizing for his wife. "I'm sure he's a great guy." _Oh, he's apologizing for the name-calling_.

"I think you'll really like him Dad," I reply quietly.

"If you like him, I like him," comes his warm reply. At least I have one parent I can count on. Jill gives me a quick hug, and I look for Olivia, but she is fast asleep in her father's arms. Lastly, I'm forced to face my mother. Her lips are pressed into a thin line and her brows are furrowed.

"Thanks for supper Mom, it was great to see everyone," I lean in and give her a half-hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Are we still on for shopping tomorrow?"

"If you have time," she sighs.

"I will," I reply brightly. I really don't want to leave things on a sour note. "I'm excited about it." That seems to lift her spirits, and my mother's lips almost twitch up into a smile. _Almost_.

The walk back to the hotel gives me a chance to decompress and reflect on the evening. An overwhelming feeling of anger sweeps over me. _How dare she suggest that Sid's job somehow puts him out of my league! _My blood is boiling, but then I realize the person I'm most angry with is myself. _Why don't you stick up for yourself?_ She has this ability to make me feel like I should apologize when _she _hurts _me_! How does she do that? I shake my head and skip across the street just before the walk sign changes. It's a Thursday night, so the shops are all open for another twenty minutes or so. I consider ducking inside for some retail therapy, but I'm eager to just have a bath and crawl into bed.

Back inside my hotel room, I quickly strip off my clothes and start running a hot bath. I charge my cell phone, and notice a text from Sid.

_Hang in there babe_.

I've never wanted to be back home more in my life. _Home_. I smile at the thought. Pittsburgh is starting to feel like home, and Saskatoon now feels foreign and unwelcoming. I type a text to Sid, hopefully he's still awake.

_Back at the hotel, just about to take a bath_. My phone rings almost instantly.

"Hello?" I answer slowly.

"Get your iPad and let's Facetime," he says quickly.

"Sid, I'm about to have a bath!" I laugh.

"Exactly," he coos.

"iPads and water aren't the best combination, babe."

"You'll make it work," he says with confidence. I miss this guy, _so much_. What I wouldn't give to feel his arms wrapped around me. Today has been trying, very trying.

"I wish you were here," I whisper, and as the words leave my mouth I feel tears pool, threatening to spill.

"You have no idea," he says with a sigh. There's a long pause and I struggle to regain my composure. "What's going on sweetie?"

I take a deep breath and sigh loudly. "My mother," I hiss. I leave the bath to fill and start rummaging through my bag for my toiletries.

"Talk to me," he says softly. I grab my iPad and travel bag and return to the bathroom.

"Ugh, she's just so..." I take a second to carefully consider exactly what word best describes this woman. "Critical." I prop my iPad up using the drawer to the bathroom vanity and am confident it's a safe distance from the water. "Do you want to Facetime?"

"Yes!" and with that, the line goes dead. I quickly dial Sid and turn off the running water. "I see you!" his voice echos in the small space, and I suddenly feel very naked and very shy. I lower myself into the water and turn to face the screen which is filled with his grinning face.

"Oh, it's good to see you," I sigh, sinking into mound of bubbles.

"So, you were saying about your mom?" he presses.

"She just always knows the exact wrong thing to say," I shake my head in disgust.

"Like?" he encourages me to continue.

"Like...why would a famous hockey player date me?" I say quickly before I lose my nerve. Sid doesn't say anything right away, and for a second I think he's actually considering the question. _Great_. I should have just kept my big mouth shut instead of inserting doubt into our relationship.

"She didn't," he says so quietly I almost miss it.

"She did," I tell him soberly.

"Oh Kate, I'm so sorry, that's awful," and his tone of voice pushes me over the edge. I tuck my knees to my chest and rest my head on my kneecaps, crying quietly. "Katie," he sounds destroyed. "Babe, look at me..." he begs. I slowly lift my head to face the screen, and see the anguish on his face. "I hate that she said that," he says.

"Well, it's pretty typical for her," I whimper.

"Just because she can't see how incredible you are, doesn't mean I haven't noticed."

"Oh Sid," I feel myself tearing up again.

"Listen sweetheart, you're amazing, I'm the lucky one. Don't let her make you feel this way, you're so gorgeous, so smart, so talented."

"She's right though, you could have anyone you wanted," I weep softly.

"And I picked you, remember?" he tells me. "Please don't cry Katie." I sniffle and hide my face, trying to suppress the sobs that are building in my chest. I wrap my arms around my legs, curling into a tight ball and squeeze my eyes closed. _I wish he was here_. "Babe?" his voice warms me and I sniffle and hug myself tighter. "Baby, talk to me."

I lift my head and put on my best everything-is-just-fine smile. "I'm sorry," I say quietly.

"Don't be," he replies.

"I should be used to this by now," I sigh.

"No, you shouldn't be. No one should be used to hearing things like that. I hate that we're so far apart right now," he sulks.

"Me too," I sniffle.

"As for your mother," he starts angrily, "she doesn't know me and she certainly doesn't speak for me." For some reason his resentment toward my mom makes me smile. I peek up and he's still there, he hasn't run off screaming at my meltdown, he's patiently waiting, his eyes shining with love.

"Okay," I smile nervously.

"And I mean it, I'm the lucky one," he smiles brightly and it lifts my spirits.

"Yeah?" I press him gently.

"Are you kidding?" he says incredulously and I shake my head, "Kate, you make me feel so..." and words escape him. He grins nervously, and giggles a little bit.

"What?" I ask eagerly.

"So normal," he finishes, and the admission makes me laugh.

"Normal?" I giggle.

"Yeah, I like it."

"Other girlfriends made you feel abnormal?" I tease and he laughs.

"You make me feel like even if I didn't play hockey, I would be enough for you."

"Of course you would be!" I practically shout.

"It hasn't always been like that for me," he adds quickly. The thought makes my heart ache. I've had "friends" who were interested in me long enough to make connections with a director or an actor and then - poof - it's like I'm invisible. Professional hazard I guess. "I like myself when we're together."

"I like you when we're together too," I giggle. Sid laughs and sits back, relaxed for the first time since we started talking. He adjusts his camera, making sure I can still see his beautiful face.

"There's my girl," he whispers. "Feeling better?"

"Much," I smile at him.

"Don't let her bring you down, babe. Don't let her make you doubt this." Of course he's right, but it's not easy. Most people derive a certain amount of confidence from their families, and mine is a source of insecurity. It's hard to navigate a sea of negativity for most of your life and find things you like about yourself.

"I'll try babe," I whisper.

"Don't try, just do it."

"You sound like a Nike ad," I tease him.

"Shhh...my sponsors will hear you!" he giggles. _Sponsors?_ I'd never really thought about that.

"Sponsors, hey? Can you score us some free stuff?" I laugh and he joins me.

"All the Gatorade you can drink?" he offers and I shake my head no. "Skates and sticks?" I burst out laughing and he shakes his head. "No, not for you." He pauses, as if thinking hard, "Running shoes?" I give him a look that let's him know I'm considering this. "Donuts?" and I grin eagerly.

"Yes please!"

"No!" he gasps. "You don't eat junk food!"

"Sometimes!" I giggle defensively.

"I've never seen it," he says accusingly.

"Sure you have, remember the drive-in?" and a huge smile spreads across his face.

"Ah, that was a good night. I remember you naked in the back of my truck, but I don't remember you eating any junk food," his grin is contagious.

"I wasn't the only one naked," I remind him. He groans loudly and closes his eyes as if reliving the moment. "Remember our first date?"

"Of course," he says quickly, as if I'm testing him. "I took you to feed the deer."

"And I ate your peanut butter cups," I giggle.

"That's right!" he cheers. "I thought that was the cutest thing."

"I was so embarrassed," I confess, and Sidney laughs.

"Why?"

"Well, I thought they were for me," I say shyly.

"Nope, they were for me," he smirks. "I loved it though, you were just adorable." I sink shyly into the tub, trying to hide my blushing cheeks, but the bubbles are mostly gone and the water has started to cool. "Hey, get back here!" he calls after me and I quickly sit up to face him. "That water must be getting cold, babe," he says, noticing me shivering a little bit.

"It is," I concede.

"Warm it up or climb out sweetheart, I don't want you to catch a cold," he sounds genuinely concerned. _I love this man_. The feeling warms me even in the cool water, and the intense emotion is suddenly overwhelming.

"Sid," I start, but then I remember how important it is to feel his touch, his warm skin, kiss his mouth, breathe in his scent when I confess this to him. _Wait_.

"Kate," he replies.

"I'm going to get out now," I say sheepishly. He probably thinks I'm being shy about my body, but really I just needed to say _something_ to fill the space.

"Happy to watch, babe," he smirks, and it makes me grin. _Oh, he makes me feel so beautiful! _I climb out of the water slowly, my skin shivering slightly as I stand. I pull a bath towel from the rack and wrap myself in the fluffy white terrycloth. "Pretty short show there honey," he teases.

"I'm cold!" I squeal defensively.

"So what's your day look like tomorrow?" he yawns and I remember he's two hours ahead of me, although I'm exhausted too.

"Shopping with my mom and Jill," I say lamely.

"Katie..." he sighs. "Are you sure you want to be around her?"

"I don't have a choice babe, she's my mom and I'm here to visit family." He sighs loudly and his expression mirrors my feelings exactly.

"Just, try not to let her get to you," he encourages.

"I'll try," I promise. "What about you?"

"Early morning skate, then lunch, then nap, then game time," he says automatically.

"Busy."

"Will you be watching?" he asks hopefully.

"I hope so, that's the plan anyway," I tell him brightly. I reach across to he top of the vanity and pull down a t-shirt and Sid's shorts. Teasingly, I open my towel and take my time dragging the cotton shirt over my head.

"Aww, you're killing me," he groans.

"It's just a t-shirt Sid," I giggle. I stand, carefully watching his face, knowing the iPad camera is now lining up with my thighs and I slowly pull his shorts up to my waist.

"Kate," he begs. I sit down on the floor opposite the camera, and give him a wicked grin. "I'm bringing you with me next time," he teases.

"You sure that's not against the rules?" I say innocently.

"Worth it," he chimes, stifling a yawn.

"Oh babe, it's bedtime," I announce with reluctance.

"Yeah, game day tomorrow," he sighs.

"Don't pretend like you're not excited," I scold playfully. "First game back, are you nervous?"

"No, I'm excited. Watch, okay?" he pleads.

"I will," and I mean it. Whatever is going on tomorrow, he's my priority.

"Good," he smiles. "Goodnight sweetheart."

"Goodnight babe," I reply softly.

"I don't want to go," he whines.

"Me neither," I giggle. "But it's after midnight there Sid. I want you focused and alert on the ice tomorrow."

"You're right," he concedes.

"Sleep well, honey," he gives me a little wave.

"Sweet dreams Sid," and I blow him a kiss, which he pretends to catch and clutches against his heart.

I stow my iPad and climb into bed, warmed by the knowledge that out there is a man who loves me, _me!_, despite what my mother thinks. Sleep comes quickly, and I slip into dreams of Sid, holding me tightly.


	42. Chapter 42

The sound of my phone buzzing startles me awake, and I tear the bed apart trying to find it before the call goes to voicemail.

"Hello?" I try to sound as awake as possible, but my voice betrays me.

"Did I wake you up?" and relief floods over me when I hear his voice.

"No," I say quickly.

"Yes I did," he laughs.

"Maybe, but I should get up anyway," I glance at the clock and it's early. Too early.

"I just wanted to check in on you, see how you're feeling this morning," Sid whispers into the phone.

"I'm okay," I yawn, stretching to wake up my limbs.

"Yeah?" he asks hopefully.

"Yeah, I felt a lot better after our talk," I confess.

"Good," he whispers softly, but it sounds like there's a frat party going on in the room.

"Where are you?" I ask curiously. It's not like him to be so quiet and he hardly ever whispers.

"Team breakfast, it's hard to find a quiet spot," he giggles.

"Oh Sid, I don't want to disrupt your routine."

"You're not," he assures me. "I wanted to let you sleep, but this might be the only free chance I have to talk to you until after the game, and even then, we fly out right away."

"That sounds grueling," I frown.

"It can be," he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice.

"But you love it," I grin.

"I do," he admits easily. "I have to run now, hun."

"Thanks for calling," I say softly.

"Of course," he replies. "Make it a great day, yeah?"

"I will," I giggle. "Be safe, I want you home in one piece."

"I'll do my best," he says brightly. "Bye love."

"Bye babe," I answer him.

"Still not gonna say it, huh?" he laughs.

"Be patient," I admonish him playfully.

"Okay, okay. I really have to go now, I'll text you when I can."

I consider going back to sleep, but I feel wide awake now. I open my laptop, not looking forward to facing my inbox after missing a day of work, but if I don't do it now, it's only going to get worse. One by one, I click through the emails, and luckily most aren't urgent or can be easily handled from 1700 miles away.

Before I know it, 45 minutes has passed and I'm caught up on most of the urgent correspondence. As I'm typing a quick note to Carter there comes a light knock at my door.

"Room service," says a muffled voice on the other side of the door. What the hell? I quickly pull on the hotel bathrobe and run my fingers through my hair. I swing the door open, and the smell of breakfast overpowers my senses. For a brief second I consider hijacking this cart of food, but I think better of it and decide honesty is the best policy.

"Sorry, you have the wrong room. I didn't order anything," I explain to the server standing before me.

"No mistake, this is for..." he digs into his pocket and produces a folded piece of paper. He smiles nervously, "Kate from her Italian mob boss auto mechanic boyfriend." _Sid_. I laugh loudly, remembering how embarrassed I was when I blurted out my silly misconceptions about his name. The server smiles widely, and nods toward the cart, "May I bring this inside?"

"Absolutely," I recover from my giggle fit and move aside for him to enter the room. He quickly sets the tray of food on the table and I fish through my wallet for a tip. "Thank you so much," I tell him, slipping him the bill and he smiles and nods graciously. Once the door closes, I skip across the room gleefully and my eyes widen at the selection of food in front of me. A handwritten menu sits folded beside a glass of orange juice and I quickly open it.

_Breakfast Burrito: Tofu scrambled with tomatoes, onions, mushroom, zucchini, red peppers, tamari, oregano & a touch of cumin in a whole wheat tortilla. Served with salsa and homefries._

_Pancakes: Delicious non-dairy, eggless pancakes made with soy-milk, bananas and whole wheat flour. Served with real maple syrup and organic blueberry syrup._

_Cashew-Almond Granola: Handmade in small batches, served with coconut milk yogurt._

_Seasonal Fruit: Only the finest organic produce graces our fruit salad._

_Freshly squeezed organic orange juice_

_Herbal tea_

Wow, there's enough food here to last me a week! I snap a picture and send Sid a text.

_Best Italian mob boss auto mechanic boyfriend ever!_

I know he won't get this for hours, but that doesn't matter. When he opens his phone, hopefully he sees how happy he's made me. Everything looks so delicious, but frankly, anything served with homefries has my immediate attention. The warm food is exactly what I need at this moment. A perfect balance of salty and sweet, healthy and junky, comfort food and fresh options. My original intention was to taste a little bit of everything, but that quickly turned into eating quite a bit of everything. I'm officially stuffed, and the once beautiful spread of food now looks like a pack of wild animals attacked it. I scrape the remaining food onto one plate and stack everything in a neat pile, trying to disguise the insane quantity of food I've just consumed.

My sister is picking me up in just over an hour, so I turn on the tv and start primping for the day ahead. Morning television is brutal. Why are there so many small claims court shows? Then I do something I never would have imagined myself doing - I search for Sportsnet. _What is this man doing to me?!_ For some reason I expected them to be talking about Sid, but much to my disappointment they're talking basketball. _Ugh_. I settle on _The View_, which is only slightly less disgusting.

The faint sound of buzzing catches my attention and my heart soars, then sinks when I see that it isn't Sidney, but it's my mother. Reluctantly, I answer.

"Hello?" I feign ignorance, buying me a few more seconds to collect myself.

"Oh, you're up," she sounds surprised.

"Yep, I'm usually two hours ahead."

"Of course," she says stiffly. "Have you spoken to Jill yet?"

"Not yet, she's picking me up in an hour and then we were going to head over to your place," I tell her.

"I wanted to ask you about a gift for Olivia," she starts and I feel a nervous flutter in my stomach. "I know you have a lot of money to splash around now..."

"Mom," I sigh.

"Well it's true and whether you mean to or not, it can make your sister feel uncomfortable. So before you buy her a trip to Disneyland, I have some suggestions."

"I've already bought Olivia's gift," I say quietly. This is going to go over like a lead balloon.

"And?" she snaps.

"I bought her a playhouse," I reply confidently. She doesn't say anything right away, and start to reconsider my choice, the silence wreaking havoc on my nerves.

"Oh," she chirps finally. "That sounds really nice Katie." I sigh audibly, but quickly disguise it by clearing my throat.

"It's being delivered next week," I say slowly, trying to gather my courage for what I'm about to say next. "Mom, I want to talk to you about last night." I feel my hands shake and adrenaline spike through me.

"Wasn't it nice to see everyone?" she asks sweetly. _Diversion tactic_. I'm not letting this go, not until she apologizes.

"Well, you said some things and...it hurt me," I stammer.

"What things?" she snaps. Okay, it's probably a good thing I'm doing this over the phone.

"When you asked why a famous hockey player would date me," I feel my eyes tear up, and my voice cracks on the last word, "that hurt me." I wait for her reaction, but she says nothing. I'm not sure how to continue, so I let the silence grow, and with it the conversation becomes uncomfortable. "Mom?"

"I'm listening. That's what you want, isn't it? You want me to listen to you air your grievances."

"That's not what I want," I say defensively, "but I thought you should know that saying things like that isn't okay with me."

"Well I'm sorry Kate, I didn't realize I needed your permission to speak my mind." Her words rip through me like a knife.

"So..." _keep it together Kate!_ "You really think that? You really wonder why he would want to date me?"

"Oh Kate," she sighs exasperatedly. "You know what your problem is? You worry about the wrong things."

"What are you talking about?" I snap.

"You've spent all this time trying to build yourself a Hollywood-life and where has it gotten you? Nothing here was ever good enough for you, you always wanted to rush off and live a big life somewhere far away from us. Now you've gotten yourself mixed up with some pro-star who will no doubt cheat on you and then where will you be? Sure, you make a lot more money than Jill, but Jill has a family, a marriage, a real life..."

"Jill has nothing to do with this," I interrupt.

"Do you think if Jill and Peter hit a rough patch she would run off at the first sign of trouble?" _So that's what this is about_.

"I didn't run away! He left _me_ Mom, _he _divorced _me_! If you're going to throw that in my face at least get your facts straight."

"It didn't seem like you tried very hard Kate, and after all the money we spent on your wedding, you just threw it all away."

_Wow_. "I tried Mom, I'm still trying. You have no idea. And if you're so upset about the money for my wedding, send me a bill." I hang up the phone and throw myself on the bed. I expect tears to overtake me, but for some reason they don't come. Instead I find myself smiling, then giggling, then laughing. Laughing hysterically. Tears stream down my face and I can't stop laughing. If I would have known that standing up to my mother felt this good, I would have done it years ago. My abdomen starts to hurt from laughing too hard, so I steady my breathing, collecting myself and considering what just happened.

_She's going to be pissed_. Fine, let her be pissed then. She thinks I wanted to run away to live out a Hollywood-fantasy, but the truth is, I wanted to get as far away from her and her criticisms as possible. She doesn't think I'm good enough for Sidney, but she doesn't even know him, and honestly, she doesn't really know me either. We're a good match. He thinks so, I think so, and his parents think so too!

My phone buzzes quietly and I groan, rolling over to answer it. To my surprise it's not my mother, but Jill. "Hello Jill," I answer brightly.

"Hey, what the hell happened between you and Mom?" she sounds vaguely amused.

"Well..." I start, but I'm not quite sure what to say. _What did just happen?_ "I guess I kind of, sort of confronted her about what she said last night."

"Oh my god Kate, did she flip?" Jill laughs.

"Pretty much," I confess.

"Get ready for an awkward day of shopping!" Jill says with giggle.

"Ugh, I'm sorry Jill. This is going to be so uncomfortable."

Jill arrives at the hotel shortly after our phone conversation, and I'm disappointed to see Olivia isn't with her. I was really counting on that kid to be my human shield against my mother!

"Daycare," Jill says nonchalantly, "we're trying to get her into a routine, but it's killing me!"

"Yeah?" I laugh.

"Yes!" she cries. "I took today off work and thought she would spend the day with us, but Peter is so rigid about her schedule. It's ridiculous." We turn onto my childhood street and I feel nervous, but not quite the level of anxiety I had expected. "Look, she's waiting outside!" _Great_.

Jill slows to a stop and I immediately jump out offering my mother the front seat. "Don't be ridiculous, I can certainly ride in the back," she snaps. "I'm not as demanding as you think!"

"No, you're really easy going," I mutter so only Jill can hear. She stifles a laugh and checks her rear-view mirror as my mother climbs into the backseat.

"Everybody in?" Jill asks to no one in particular.

"Here," my mother says, holding out a folded piece of paper. I wait for Jill to take what I assume is an address, but she doesn't make a move for it. "Kate!" my mother snaps, waving the paper in my direction.

"What's this?" I ask, taking it from her hand.

"You asked for it," she says stiffly. I unfold the paper and practically burst out laughing. She's printed her organized spreadsheet from my wedding, the list of every expense and the grand total in bold at the bottom.

"Great, I'll have Carter email you a bank transfer," I roll my eyes and pull out my phone. If she wants to play chicken with our relationship, she's going to have to back down first.

"Don't you dare drag Carter into this!" she cries. Of course she's worried what Carter would think.

"He's my assistant Mom, he handles this kind of thing for me," I say absentmindedly, texting Carter while Jill drives to our first stop.

_Hey Carter, how's everything going there?_

"What did you say?" my mother practically squeals in the backseat.

"I told you, I'm going to have him send you a bank transfer," I respond slowly, emphasizing each word. My phone buzzes and I check his response.

_Okay, small squabble on set, but no major drama. I missed it, of course! :(_

"What did he say?" she's so nervous that I almost feel bad for her. _Almost_.

"He's just asking for clarification Mom, don't worry, you'll get your money," I reply dryly.

"What?" Jill chimes in meekly.

"Mom asked me to pay her.." and before I can get the next word out of my mouth, my mother claps her hands twice to catch our attention.

"Kate, give me back that paper," she says in a measured tone. I hold it up and give her a questioning look. "Of course that paper," she snaps it out of my hands. "For god sake you can be so dramatic." She tears the paper in two and stuff the pieces into her purse. "Can we just get along for two days Kate?"

I can't help but smile, feeling like maybe, just maybe there's a small victory here. "Absolutely. Let's start fresh," I agree.

"Well, text Carter and let him know it was all a misunderstanding," she demands.

_Keep me posted if you need anything!_

"Done," I tell her brightly.

"Good, now where to first?" and with that my mother is relieved and back into super-grandma-party-planning-mode. I tune out Jill and Mom while they decide the best order of events for our shopping excursion, and wonder briefly if this little outburst is a turning point in our relationship. We've never been close, and I was shocked to hear she'd been bragging about me to Benny's parents, and maybe I should do a better job of letting her be part of my life. It's hard though, I never know who I'm going to get when I talk to her.

That said, if she wants to get along while I'm home, I'm willing to try.


	43. Chapter 43

Shopping with my mother and Jill is kind of like running a marathon, at different times it's excruciating and exhausting, but you hit a point where you feel like if you've made it this far you want to see the finish line. The tension between my mother and I hasn't disappeared, but the common goal of throwing Olivia a wonderful birthday bash gives us enough to talk about without having to get personal or rehash this morning's conversation. I'll give her credit though, my mother has great taste and if the details were left in Jill's hands, tomorrow would be bags of potato chips and warm soda. Jill is a great mom, great sister, but a terrible hostess.

I'm desperate for a drink and a chair, but we have one final stop to make before we head back to my parent's house. My sister and I struggle to keep up with our mother while she speed-walks through the department store. When she's focused like this, it's best just to stay out of her way. I spot the furniture section and motion to Jill, hopeful she's as exhausted as I am.

"Hey Mom?" Jill starts, "Kate and I are going to duck into the furniture section for a minute. Meet us there?"

"Good," she replies absentmindedly, "I'll see you in ten."

I sink into an over-stuffed armchair, my feet screaming at me for wearing ridiculous shoes. Jill sits across from me on the matching sofa and leans back and closes her eyes. "I hear ya," I say with a giggle.

"You have no idea, this is what most of my weekends are like," she groans.

"Shopping with Mom?"

"Yep," Jill sighs. "She's always wanting to go look for _something_ for Olivia. I swear, that kid is going to be so spoiled..."

"She's a sweetheart," I tell her.

"Yeah, she is. It's kind of nice to see Mom like that too."

"What do you mean?" I ask skeptically.

"Well, you know how she is, she's not exactly the warmest person in the world. It's nice to see her fuss over Olivia," Jill says brightly. I'd never considered this, I always just thought she was kind of ridiculous about _finally_ being a grandmother. I haven't really been around to see them very much, which reminds me...

"Did you talk to Pete about coming to Pittsburgh?" I ask hopefully.

"Kate," she sighs, "we really can't afford it."

"Then let me pay for it, you'd be doing me a huge favor. Please Jill, I really want you to meet Sid, and I really need you there if Mom and Dad are still coming."

"Still coming? Are they reconsidering?" she asks quickly.

"I don't know, I just thought that after this morning she might change her mind."

"She's crazy, just ignore her. When you're not around, you're all she talks about, and then when you're here she doesn't know how to be around you."

"What?" I say incredulously.

"She's proud of you Kate, she just can't bring herself to say it," Jill continues. I sink deeper into the chair, closing my eyes and considering Jill's words. Our relationship is too complicated to figure out in the ten minutes it will take my mom to pick up Olivia's gift and find us in the store, but Jill saying that our mother is proud of me gives me hope. "Oh fuck!" Jill cries and my eyes spring open and I see exactly what's taken her by surprise.

_I think my heart just stopped_.

"Benny," I call out automatically, his name leaving my mouth before I even know what I'm saying. He turns in our direction, but doesn't spot us immediately.

"Kate," Jill warns me quietly.

I'm standing, and I don't even remember moving my legs, but the space between he and I closes rapidly, and my mind is racing to figure out what to say to him. I feel a hand tug at my arm and I turn to see Jill looking at me like I've lost my marbles. I turn back to Benny and give him my best smile, hoping the words will follow, but I'm saved when he speaks first.

"Hi," he says with a smile.

"Kate!" Jill hisses.

"Hey Jill," he adds quickly, and I hear the small gasp behind me.

"You remember me?" Jill says so softly it's barely a whisper.

"A little bit," he says. "And you're Kate," he adds, looking directly at me.

"I am," I stammer.

"My wife," he laughs nervously, and without thinking I launch myself at him. I pull him tight toward me and wrap my arms around him, holding him for the first time in what feels like an eternity. He freezes on the spot, but I can't seem to let go. Eventually I feel his hands pat me lightly on the back, and the impersonal gesture brings me back to the present.

"Sorry," I croak. I release him quickly and take a step back, trying desperately to compose myself. "How are you?"

"Better, getting better all the time," he says sounding so much like himself it scares me. "What are you doing here?" I give him a puzzled look, and he adds, "I was told you lived in the States?"

"Yeah, that's right. I'm home for my niece's birthday," my voice is shaking almost as badly as my hands.

"Are you okay?" he asks concernedly.

"I'm great!" I say much too loudly, much too cheerfully, much too everything.

"Good," he laughs and it puts me at ease a bit.

"So, you're remembering things?" I ask curiously.

"Somethings, it's hard though because I don't really have anything to help jog my memory about my life around the time of the accident. A few photos I guess, but from what I understand you have most of my stuff."

"Not exactly," I frown.

"It's so weird running into you. I tried getting in touch with you, but my parents said not to."

"You tried getting in touch? When?" I gasp.

"A few months ago, but my mom said your lawyer wanted me to leave you alone. I guess this has been pretty rough on you..."

"No, your parents and your lawyer asked me to stay away from you," I correct him. It takes him a minute for this to sink in and eventually he nods in understanding.

"Oh, I didn't realize," he starts. "Things can get sort of confusing for me." I nod, encouraging him to keep going. _Keep talking to me!_ "Well, if you're open to it, and I completely understand if it's too weird, would you want to go somewhere with me, to talk?" he offers nervously.

"Of course," I reply automatically.

"I'm here with my parents, but maybe tonight?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say breathlessly.

"It's probably best if they don't see you talking to us Ben," Jill adds anxiously. _Shit! She's right_.

"Here," I say quickly, grabbing a pen from my purse and tearing a piece of paper. I scribble my number quickly and hand it to him.

"I don't think they'd mind," he starts.

"Trust me, they would," I interrupt.

"Can I call you tonight?" he asks anxiously, and I'm reminded of the nervous young Benny asking me out on our first date. I can't help the smile that creeps across my face and I give him the same answer.

"You'd better," I tease, and he gives me a little smile.

"Okay, talk to you later then," he puts the paper in his pocket and waves awkwardly before turning and walking away. I watch him make his way through the store, eventually turning off toward the mall entrance.

"Kate?" Jill asks nervously. I turn to face her, and the look of concern on her face pushes me over the edge. Without warning, I burst into tears and before I can steady myself I'm wrapped in her arms and she's rubbing my back and whispering that everything is okay. After a few seconds I pull away and wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"I'm okay," I tell her, and I can tell she doesn't believe me. "Really, that just took me by surprise. I'm good."

"That was..." words escape her.

"Crazy," I finish, and we both let out a nervous laugh. My purse start vibrating and I quickly start to fish around for my cell. _It's possible Benny is making sure he has the right number, or maybe he wants to set a time, or maybe seeing me triggered a memory!_ My heart sinks when I see the screen.

_"You're welcome gorgeous!"_

Sid. My overly complicated relationship with my ex-husband has just become even more problematic. I know Sidney's worst fear is that I come home, run back to Benny, and leave him high and dry. _That's not what's happening!_ Is it? _No!_ I shake the thought away. My feelings for Sid haven't changed. I briefly wonder how he would feel if he knew I'd just made plans to see my ex-husband. My stomach ties itself in knots at the thought. _He wouldn't like it_. In fact, he would hate it.

_The game!_ I can't believe what an airhead I am! I've made tentative plans with Benny when I already promised Sid I'd watch his game. I want to watch his game. I feel so far away from him, I was actually looking forward to watching him do what he does best. I slump back into my seat and cover my face with my hands. _Well Kate, you've made a fine mess of things_.

"What's wrong with Kate?" I hear my mother's voice, and she sounds sincerely concerned.

"She just..." Jill starts.

"Felt a little queasy," I interrupt. "I think I ate too much at breakfast." Jill flashes me a confused look, but eventually her features soften and she understands that I want to keep the Benny situation under wraps for the time being.

"Do you need some water?" my mother asks hesitantly. I take a deep breath and look up and smile weakly.

"No, I think I'm starting to feel better," I reassure her. "I just need a minute."

Jill distracts my mother by peeking into the shopping bags, and it sets my mother off on a long-winded discussion about the plethora of gifts she's bought for Olivia. I take this chance to send Sid a quick text.

_"I need to talk to you, if you have a moment."_

I turn up the volume on my phone in case he calls, and I start thinking about how I'm going to explain this one. "Feeling better?" my mother asks, and I nod, standing to join them. "I was going to say we should grab lunch, but if you're feeling sick from overeating maybe we can fit in a few more errands?"

"Sounds good," I say easily. The sooner we get out of here the better. I have no desire to run into Benny's parents, and I really want to talk to Sid before seeing Benny again. _What if he asks me not to see him?_ He kind of did before I left, didn't he? I think back to our conversation, and I can't remember if it was that explicit or not, but it was certainly implied. _Oh Sid, why are you so far away?_

Back in the car, I press my face against the cool glass of the window and hope a moment of clarity will strike. Jill and my mother chat animatedly about the party, who sent an RSVP, who they're unsure about. I silently pray my phone doesn't ring while I'm trapped in the car, and part of me knows I also have no idea how I'm going to explain this to Sid._ I should have told him that I'm in love with him_. Did I learn nothing from the accident? When you get a chance to be happy - take it! You never know how long it's going to last. When you get a chance to say "I love you" - say it! I'm sure hearing it would have calmed some of his fears and boosted his confidence in us. _I'm so selfish sometimes!_

Jill pulls into a party supply store and just as we're about to enter the store my phone rings. My hands tremble as I check the caller ID - _Sid_.


	44. Chapter 44

The phone nearly slips out of my shaking fingertips, _I still have no idea what I'm going to tell him!_ Jill and my mother are a few steps ahead of me, walking toward the store entrance, "I have to take a call," I say anxiously.

"Meet us inside," Jill calls back.

I swipe to answer the phone and walk toward an empty corner of the parking lot. "Hi," I say softly, hoping to disguise my nerves.

"Hey, what's going on? Everything okay?" his voice laced with anxiety. I take a deep breath and sit down on the sidewalk.

"Sid, I have to tell you something and I don't want you to be upset," I start slowly. "I promise, you have nothing to worry about."

"This doesn't sound good," he replies softly. "What is it?"

"Okay," I pause briefly to gather my thoughts.

"Kate," he sounds anguished.

"I saw Benny today," I blurt out all at once. Maybe it's like ripping a band-aid, it will sting at first, but he'll realize it's not that painful. He says nothing, and I'm not sure if that's an invitation to continue or if he needs a second. "Sid?"

"Wow," he mutters.

"We were shopping and we just ran into each other," I tell him slowly.

"You talked to him?" he asks evenly.

"I did," I reply quickly.

"So what does this mean Kate?" he asks, his voice tense and I wonder if he's worried or angry. Or both?

"There's more," I say nervously.

"Okay, get it all out there," he replies with exasperation.

"Are you okay?" He doesn't sound like himself.

"Not really," he tells me.

"Babe..."

"Kate," he snaps. "Just tell me."

"Well, he's starting to remember things, and he wants to get together," I say anxiously. "Just to talk," I add quickly, "I think he's hoping I can fill in some of the blanks for him."

"And what did you say to that?" he hisses.

"I told him I would do that for him," I say quietly. Again, he says nothing. I hear him take a deep breath, and I hate to do this to him, especially on a game day. "I didn't want you to find out after the fact. I promise you babe, you have nothing to worry about."

"I don't want you to see him," he snaps.

"I know you don't," I answer.

"But you're going to anyway?"

"Sid," I start.

"I have to go," he tells me.

"Just wait a minute," I plead, "We can't leave things like this."

"What?" his voice sounds so venomous, so angry.

"Babe, maybe me seeing him tonight will put your mind at ease," I suggest.

"How?" he snorts.

"I've already seen him, and look - I'm calling you! I'm talking to you! I'm checking in with you! I didn't run back to Benny, I'm still yours Sid," I cry into the phone. "Maybe you'll feel like you can trust me, and you'll believe me when I say that it's really over between us."

"This is exactly what I was worried would happen," he whispers.

"I know."

"Well do what you have to do, you know where to find me," he says, sounding defeated.

"I'm sorry," I say, tears pooling in my eyes.

"You're sorry? I haven't lost you yet, have I?" he says in disbelief.

"No Sid, I'm sorry this is hard for you. I don't want it to be, I'm not trying to hurt you. You're not going to lose me, I love you," and the words escape me so quickly I don't even realize what I've just said. I wait for him to respond, but he's quiet. _Good quiet or bad quiet?_ "Hun?"

"Don't say that to me now," he hisses.

"What?" I say incredulously.

"You can't just throw that out there and hope it will fix this, Kate."

"Nothing's broken Sid, we're still together. Nothing has changed," I cry.

"Feels like it has," he says angrily.

"I won't see him then," I offer. "If it bothers you this much, I'll stay away from him."

"It's a little late for that."

"Sid, I _ran into him_. I didn't go looking. Saskatoon is a small city, you know that."

"I have to go," he says firmly.

"Please," I beg.

"Kate!" he snaps. "I have a game in a few hours, a game you promised to watch I should add, but you know what? Don't. Go see him. Let me know how things work out between you two."

The line goes dead, and I'm stunned. I knew he wouldn't be happy about this, but his reaction was more intense than I could have imagined. I type a text, praying he'll see it before he stows his phone for the day.

_"My feelings for you haven't changed. You're so important to me. Say the word and I'll cancel on him."_

I stare at my phone, willing him to respond and he does.

_"Go see him."_

_"Please don't be angry with me." _I plead with him. I'm trying so hard to navigate these waters, and it's confusing, and it's difficult.

_"I'm trying not to be."_

For a moment I consider texting that I love him, but that didn't go over so well the last time I said it. _The first time I said it_. Ugh.

_"I promised to watch and I will. Whether you like it or not :) "_

He doesn't respond, and my heart sinks. He's hurt and he's angry. I'm not sure what I could have done differently. If I hadn't told him about seeing Benny I would have felt like I was lying. Should I have just ignored Benny? Maybe. If I had, I wouldn't be in this mess. But that wouldn't solve anything. Whether Sid recognizes it or not, I have to face Benny. If I don't, he'll always be the elephant in the room.

A few hours later I'm back in the relative safety of my hotel room. I pull out my laptop and set to work for a few hours, a healthy distraction from my tangled love life. Writing when I'm feeling this emotional is never a good idea, so instead I sift through emails, answering anything urgent, forwarding anything I can't handle immediately to Carter, and start working on the long list of deliverables for the distributor. Time goes faster than I expect, and before I know it it's time for supper. I politely declined an invitation to Jill's, feigning too much work to catch up on, but I suspect she knows I have a lot on my mind. Benny hasn't phoned, and maybe he won't. Maybe his parents found out and have forbid him to call me.

The thought makes me laugh. I can remember a time when Benny's parents couldn't have forbid him from doing anything. Now he's living with them and abiding by their rules. _Almost like a child._

I flip through the room service menu and order up some food. The game will be starting here shortly, a benefit of the time difference I suppose. I find myself feeling nervous for Sid. He'll be warming up now, preparing for his first game back. _God I hope I haven't totally ruined his day_. I pack up my work, content with the amount I've accomplished for the day. Sprawling out on the bed, I flip through the channels and find the pregame show. Of course, conversation is about Sid and his injury.

The panelists discuss how he looked during practice and warm up. They all use the same word. _Distracted_. I sigh deeply and my heart sinks into my stomach. There's nothing I can do about that now, and it's killing me. My cell phone rings loudly, startling me and I don't immediately recognize the number.

"Hello?"

"Kate? It's Ben," he says quietly. So quietly in fact that I wonder if he's had to hide somewhere to make this call.

"Hi," I say brightly. Despite all the drama with Sid, it's really good to hear his voice. I can't help it, I still care for this man.

"So, uh, I was wondering if you're still up for getting together?" he asks anxiously. I have Sid's reluctant blessing, and I'm eager to spend time with Benny. _I've missed him horribly, for so long_.

"Yeah, what did you have in mind?" I say quickly before I can change my mind.

"I don't know, would it be weird if I came to your parents' place?" he asks.

"I'm actually staying at The Bes," I tell him.

"Oh, I just assumed you'd be..." he starts.

"This was easier," I interrupt. "You're welcome to come here though," I add.

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely, I'll grab us a table at Stovin's Lounge downstairs," I say. "What time works for you?"

"I'm free all night, what about you?" he asks. The game is about to start, and if it doesn't head into overtime it will be over around 9:00. I wonder if that's too late?

"Does around 9:30 work for you?" I ask him.

"I'll be there," he promises.

I close my phone and turn the television back on. Sid's beautiful face fills the screen, as he's giving a rare pregame interview. He looks unsettled, nervous, and yes...distracted. The sportscaster shoves a mic in his face and asks if he feels completely recovered from his injury.

"Yeah, I think so," he answers shortly.

"Are you expecting tonight to be a physical battle and if so, are you prepared for that kind of challenge?"

"Some things are out of my hands, but yeah, I would say tonight is a pretty big test." _Is he talking about hockey or us?_

"Thanks for your time Sid," he nods toward Sidney.

"Okay, thank you," comes his polite reply.

The game starts minutes later and Sid plays...not great. 'Terrible' is the word the commentators are using. He's making stupid mistakes, turning over the puck, racing ahead of the play, resulting in numerous offside calls. He takes a stupid penalty, and ends up in the box for two minutes. He shakes his head as he skates toward the box, angry and frustrated. He takes a towel and covers the penalty box camera, a most uncharacteristic move for Sid.

_Come on babe, _I will him to pull it together. Buffalo scores on the power play. Sid leaves the box, again shaking his head. A teammate skates over and they exchange a few words, Sid nodding in agreement to whatever has been said. Play continues, our team now down by two. With less than a minute left, Sid bobbles the puck and the other team takes advantage, streaking down ice on a breakaway. Thankfully, the goalie stops the shot and Sid heads to the bench. The assistant coach is on him immediately, barking in his ear, and it seems to wake him up a bit. The horn sounds and Sid and his teammates head to the locker room, a tough first period behind them.

My supper arrives between periods, but my appetite has vanished. I anxiously wait for the game to start, hopeful Sid has gathered himself enough to compete. He's so shaken up, and I feel terribly. The more I think about it, the more I realize I probably should have waited until after the game to talk to Sid. That said, I want him to feel like he can trust me, and I didn't want to make plans with Benny without telling Sid first. I wish he felt more confident in himself, _in us!_

The second period starts with Sidney on the bench, and no one is surprised. Of course, he hits the ice only a few minutes into the period, and his play seems to have improved._ Sort of_. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer that this will all work out. I pray that I'll be able to help Benny, I pray that Sid will find some understanding in this fucked up situation, and I pray that I'll survive this insane trip home. A few deep breaths, and half a bottle of water later, I'm feeling much less anxious.

The Pens are close to tying things up, but fall just short. There's still one last period of play, but the story of the game has become Sid's undisciplined play. In a moment of weakness, I fire up my laptop and visit the dreaded message board. I scan through the most recent posts and to my shock and amazement, these girls have gotten it right.

_He's playing like shit! I blame the new girlfriend!_

_Sid's got a woman on the brain when he should be thinking about hockey!_

_If he wants to win the cup he'll dump her ass._

Wow, they don't hold back do they? I hate to admit it, but they're completely correct. I'm a distraction - Sid is distracted! My heart sinks when I realize that I've not just ruined his game, but I've actually put him in jeopardy. He's always a target for other teams, and he's not focused out there.

The third period starts and again, Sid is riding the bench. The team battles and actually ties the game, with no help from Sid unfortunately. His line is all over the place. He's still turning the puck over, and anyone can see the frustration mounting. Back on the bench, the camera holds on Sid speaking very animatedly, which is a kind way of saying he's arguing, with one of his line mates. _Please let them win! _If they lose he'll have to answer for the loss, if they win hopefully he can just put this game behind him and move on.

Moments later Sid is back on the ice and fires a shot from the slot that somehow hits the back of the net. _Thank god!_ Seconds later he is swarmed by his line mates in celebration, and for a brief second, he looks like himself. Carefree, confident, capable, handsome as anything, and of course, happy. For the first time all night, he looks happy to be on the ice. I grab my cell phone and send him a text I know he won't see for hours, but hopefully it will show him that I did keep my promise.

_Nice goal babe!_

The horn sounds and the game is over. My nerves settle slightly, but when I catch a glimpse of the clock I realize I only have a short time before Benny will be waiting downstairs. I quickly strip off my clothes and jump in the shower. I don't have time to wash my hair, but I'm eager to rinse some of this awful day from my skin. The cool water jolts me wide awake, and I start to feel really nervous about seeing my ex-husband. We haven't been alone together for almost a year, and the last time I saw him he had no idea who I was.

I towel off and grab some fresh clothes. Glancing at my phone, I'm a tad disappointed I haven't heard from Sid. Not that he'd be able to call, I mean, he just got off the ice. I'm really hopeful he'll at least text before he gets on the plane. A pair of skinny jeans and a button down white shirt later, I'm out the door heading toward the lobby.

The lounge is busier than I expected, then I remember it's Friday night. Luckily I manage to snag us a table, and I order a glass of wine while I wait. I glance over the menu until I hear a familiar voice.

"Kate, you look beautiful," Benny says softly. My heart beats faster and I look up to see him smiling down at me_. _It's like seeing a ghost. He's familiar, but different all at once. He leans down and gives me a quick peck on the cheek, and I feel my skin heat under the touch of his lips.

_What have I gotten myself into?_


	45. Chapter 45

"Drink, sir?" the waiter asks Benny, and I use the time to compose myself. I have to admit, my ex-husband looks handsome in a dress shirt and jacket.

"Water is fine," Benny replies evenly, the waiter leaves and I give Benny a puzzled look. "Alcohol mixes with my prescriptions," he explains with a grin.

"You look really well," I tell him honestly. Seeing him this morning took me by surprise, but now that I have the chance to actually look at him, he looks really good, really healthy.

"I feel pretty good," he replies. "It's been tough, but things are starting to slip back into focus."

"That's wonderful news," I feel tears prick my eyes and I quickly blink them back. _The last thing he wants is for you to feel sorry for him!_ "So, I'm not sure where to start..."

"Yeah, it's a little weird, isn't it?" he laughs, and I feel relief wash over me.

"What do you remember?" I ask him seriously.

"It's hard to say for certain. I remember most things from my childhood, it's around my early 20's when things start to get a little fuzzy," he tells me.

"Oh," I respond in surprise. _So he might remember me a little bit_.

"Older memories are coming back faster than more recent once, funnily enough. I think last time we saw each other I was struggling to remember anything past fifteen or sixteen?"

"Yeah, you were convinced you were fifteen," I tell him with a shy smile, and he laughs easily.

"That sounds about right," he says with a chuckle. "I think it was the first night I was home from the hospital, and I wasn't sure who you were..."

"That was scary," I say softly.

"And you walked in on me changing..." he giggles.

"You practically jumped out of your skin!" I remember.

"I'd never been naked in front of a woman before!" he says defensively.

"Well, you had," I remind him. "You just didn't know it at the time."

"True," he agrees.

"I thought you were going to pass out when you saw me walk out of the shower," I laugh.

"What?!" he says in disbelief. I laugh and nod, but he shakes his head. "I don't remember that!"

"It's true," I giggle. "You were home just a few days, and I was supposed to stick to our routine, but it proved to be a little more than you could handle."

"Well there's a memory I look forward to getting back!" he teases, and I laugh. It's surprisingly comfortable being around each other. Kind of like catching up with an old friend. We order some appetizers, I have another glass of wine and Benny sticks to water. He tells me a little bit about what his life is like these days, how overprotective his parents are, how awkward it can be running into someone who knows him, but he doesn't remember. "I actually had someone tear a strip off me for that exact reason. She called me a psychotic asshole, threw a drink in my face and walked away!"

I laugh hysterically, as he recounts the dramatic run-in. "Who was she?"

"No idea," he laughs, and it makes me laugh even harder. "You know what has been cool though?"

"What?" I take a few deep breaths and recover my composure.

"Watching tv series from start to finish on Netflix, or finding out my favorite bands have put out like, ten new albums that I've never heard of," he says with a grin.

"That would be kind of cool," I agree.

"Did we ever get into Six Feet Under?" he asks curiously.

"Oh yeah, that was one of your favorites," I tell him.

"I just finished it the other night - it's amazing!" he tells me, as if it's new to me too, and I nod in agreement. "Some things have been tough though," he says darkly.

"I'm sure a lot of things have been tough Benny," I say softly.

"Finding out my grandpa died years ago," he says quietly, and memories of him grieving come flooding back.

"You two were as close as could be," I say with a smile.

"That was a hard day," he tells me. "Did I handle it well the first time?"

"No," I answer honestly. "You were a wreck." Tears pool in my eyes and he notices and shakes his head.

"Don't cry, or you'll set me off!" he warns, but I can't help it. "Kate, I'm serious." He quickly dabs away a tear streaming down my cheek and gives me an encouraging smile. "Did you hate me when I told you I wanted a divorce?" he asks seriously, his eyes pained with..._regret? _

"You don't remember?" I ask hesitantly.

"No, I can't seem to figure out how that happened."

"You didn't tell me," I start. "Your mother did." He takes a minute to digest this news and his brows furrow.

"But, we were happy, right?" he asks with a frown.

"We were very happy," I try to say casually, but my voice betrays me.

"I'm sorry," he says sincerely. "This must have been really hard on you too."

"Um, it wasn't easy, but..." just as I'm about to launch into telling him about my new life, my cell phone rings. _Sid_. If I don't answer now, I won't catch him again tonight. "Sorry Benny, I have to take this." He nods understandingly and busies himself looking through the dessert menu. "Hey babe," I say smoothly, my mouth turning up in a reluctant smile. It feels so strange to be talking to Sid in front of Benny!

"Hi," he says curtly. I guess we haven't quite recovered from this afternoon yet. "So, how did it go?" he adds anxiously.

"We're having drinks right now," I tell him truthfully.

"Oh great," he mutters under his breath. Benny looks up at me curiously, aware that I'm speaking about him, but he obviously doesn't know who I'm speaking to.

"Two minutes Benny, it's my boyfriend calling to say goodnight," I tell him, standing from the table and making my way into the hotel lobby. I find a quiet corner and listen briefly to the background noise on the other end of the line. "Sid?"

"I'm here," he says gruffly.

"I miss you," I tell him truthfully. He doesn't answer immediately, so I try to fill the space with light conversation. "Did you get my text?"

"I did. Glad to see you didn't miss the worst fucking game of my career," he hisses.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," I say sweetly, rolling my eyes at his childish attitude.

"Don't," he starts.

"Don't what?" I ask him.

"Don't try to make me feel better. I'm still mad at you," he says.

"I know, but you have no reason to be. I hope you see that," I reply. There's a long pause on the other end of the line and I hear him let out a deep sigh.

"I should let you get back to your date," he growls into the phone.

"Stop it!" I snap.

"What?" he feigns innocence.

"You know this isn't a date."

"I have to go, we're boarding now."

"Fine," I hiss.

"Fine," he snaps back, and I think he's going to hang up but he holds on the line.

"Call me when you get to your hotel, we can finish this then," I say firmly.

"I look forward to it," he adds sarcastically before hanging up. Well that has to be one of the most immature conversations two grown adults have ever had. I'm surprised we didn't resort to name calling and school yard taunts. My phone buzzes and I look down to see a text from Sid.

_"Drinks with a man you used to fuck is a date. Plain and simple."_

_Whoa. _That's offside, even for jealous, insecure boyfriends. I consider responding, but there's nothing I can say. He's flying from Buffalo to New Jersey, so they'll land in just over an hour, meaning he'll probably be in his hotel room in just under two hours. Looking back toward the lounge, I see Benny waiting patiently.

I settle back into my seat across from him and flash him a cheerful smile. _He doesn't need to know about my relationship drama_. "Sorry about that," I apologize. "What were we talking about?"

"I don't remember," Benny answers quickly with a grin. He hasn't lost his sense of humor! "The divorce," he says quietly. "Our divorce."

"Right," I sigh. "What do you want to know?"

Benny taps his fingers nervously on the table, glancing around the room, almost as if he's looking for the right words. "Why did you let me go, Kate?"

"Uhh," I'm stunned. I don't know what to say to that.

"If we were happy, and it seems like we were. I mean, you're not exactly my parents favorite person, but my brother, all my friends, they said we were..." he trails off.

"Made for each other," I finish for him. He looks at me and his eyes light up.

"Yeah," he smiles. "How could you let go of that?"

"Ben, you divorced me," I tell him seriously. "I would have stayed married to you forever." He reaches across the table and captures my hand in his, squeezing it tightly.

"I'm sorry," he says sincerely. I pull my hand away, and fiddle with the hem of the linen table cloth. "Kate?"

"Things are different now," I stammer.

"You're dating someone," he says evenly.

"Yes."

"But Kate, I'm your husband."

"You're my _ex_-husband," I correct him and he frowns.

"Maybe," he smirks, "but I'm willing to bet that when I remember you, I'll be in love with you." Life can be so cruel sometimes. I've imagined this moment hundreds, if not thousands of times. The moment where Benny comes back to me, the moment when my life is un-paused and I can start living again. And now, here it is and all I can think about is how much I don't want to hurt Sid.

"Benny..." I stutter. "I'm not the same person anymore."

"I've changed too," he assures me.

"I'm _with_ someone else now," I tell him directly. "And I love him." I can see the hurt on Benny's face. He wasn't expecting that. Neither of us speak for a few moments. I finish the last of my wine with a healthy gulp, desperate for some liquid courage. Benny looks up at me with a pained expression. I shrug, as if to say, that's just the way it is, and the gesture puts a smile on his face.

"It's okay," he says happily. _What a relief!_ "I'm not going anywhere, I can wait for you."

"Please don't," I beg. "We don't need to over-complicate things."

"Love is complicated," he states matter-of-factly.

"Benny, I love you, of course I love you, you were my husband, but I'm not in love with you anymore. Some things you just can't come back from," I say tearfully. "I'm with another man, and he's, well, he's my guy now."

"You don't think we can come back from this?" he asks seriously.

"Benny! You're suing me for everything I have!" I practically shout. His eyes widen and his mouth drops open. _This is news to him_.

"What?" he stammers.

"Yeah, ask your parents about it. Where did you think all the money for the new cars and jewelry was coming from?"

"I don't know Kate, I guess I didn't realize, things aren't always obvious to me anymore," he says sheepishly. _Oh, I've embarrassed him_. "If that all went away?"

"I'd still be with Sidney," I say firmly. He takes a moment to consider my words. He pulls out his wallet and drops a few bills on the table. _He's leaving?_

"It's going to be hard to fall in love with you and know you're with someone else," he says quietly. "That's gotta be the worst part about getting my memory back." I feel a tear slide down my cheek. This is a pain I know all too well. "You're my wife, and I'm not going to let you go without a fight." Before I can say another word, Benny stands up, leans over me and kisses my forehead. "I'll call you."

I watch him walk out the door, and realize I need to get to my room before I have a complete breakdown in the middle of the hotel lounge. The elevator takes too long to reach the lobby, so I take the stairs instead. Running up them, taking the stairs two at a time, gives my body an escape for the nervous energy that is pulsing through me.

It takes me a few tries to get the keycard to work, but as soon as I'm in my room, I collapse on the bed in a puddle of tears. _Either way, someone is getting hurt_. I grab my cell phone and dial quickly.

"Kate?" Carter answers after the first ring.

"Hi," I blubber into the phone.

"Oh Kate, what's wrong?" he says softly.

"Everything," I stammer. "I just had drinks with Benny, and Sid hates me for it, and I completely fucked up his day..."

"Slow down," he interrupts. "I'm sure Sid doesn't hate you."

"He does a little bit," I whimper.

"You had drinks with Ben?" he asks with a gasp. "How did that go?"

"Oh Carter, it was great and then it was awful," I groan. I dive right in, telling him all the gory details. Carter says nothing, just listens patiently while I tell him how upset Sidney was, and how determined Benny seems to get me back. "I feel like I'm hurting all of us," I whisper.

"Want my opinion?" he asks.

"Always," I answer.

"Stick it out with Sid," he says evenly.

"I wasn't planning on breaking up with him Carter," I say with confusion.

"Oh good," he sighs into the phone and I can hear the relief in his voice. "It's just that I know how long you've been waiting for Benny to come around, but Kate, you're great with Sidney. I don't think you can go back to being the same woman you were when you were married," he finishes.

"I don't think I want to go back to being her anyway."

"Exactly," he agrees quickly.

"So what do I do? Sid will barely speak to me. I thought telling him was the right thing to do, but he's so pissed off Carter. I can't believe what a temper he has!" I say incredulously.

"Where is he?"

"New Jersey," I answer automatically.

"Go see him," he says simply.

"Olivia's party is tomorrow, and honestly, I don't want to start this trend of rushing to his side every time he feels a bit insecure."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"Am I being a terrible girlfriend?"

"No!" he cries into the phone. "Kate, he would have been even more angry if you hadn't told him first. Just keep being honest with him, and he'll come around. You've been through way worse than this, remember?"

"I'll never forget," I say quietly.

"Sid can handle this, he just doesn't know it yet."

I agree with Carter. This is just a little blip in the road, nothing we can't overcome. Hearing Benny say he's going to fight for me makes me nervous though. Sid and I need space to solidify our relationship, we don't need more obstacles. When Sid calls me, I'm going to tell him everything, even if he has trouble hearing it. This is part of me, my past is part of the package, and I'll need his help putting it behind me.

I check the time, and realize Sid should have phoned me a while ago. I try his cell, but it just rings and rings and rings before going to voicemail. Well, he's landed anyway.

_"Please call me - xoxo"_

And now I wait.


	46. Chapter 46

I compulsively check my cell phone, desperately hoping he'll call, but nothing. Not even a text. It's late here, and he's two hours ahead of me, so chances are he's asleep. This is so unlike him, to just freeze me out. It's hard to believe this is the same man who left a charity dinner early because I didn't answer my phone! Now we're a million miles apart and he won't even text me so I know that he's okay. _He's not okay_.

Tomorrow is going to be busy, so like it or not, at some point I'm going to have to call it a night and go to sleep. I take my sweet time getting ready for bed, my skin aching for Sid's touch when I pull on his shorts. Today has been exhausting. Between marathon shopping trips, arguments with my boyfriend, and an ex-husband declaring he wants me back, I'm ready for today to be over. Sleep isn't going to come easy though. I can't seem to relax knowing Sid is out there, angry at me, feeling insecure, wondering how things went tonight. _A simple phone call would have put his mind at ease!_ Well, maybe not.

I crawl into bed and decide against calling him one last time. It's after 2am in New Jersey, and he played tonight. No chance he's awake and I don't want to wake him up. I type a text instead.

_"Going to bed now, I miss you terribly. Please call." _I set my phone on the nightstand and it rattles against the surface almost immediately.

_"Goodnight Kate."_ Okay, so he's not freezing me out completely. Do I respond? If this is the only way he's going to talk to me, what choice do I have?

_"Can we talk?"_

_"No." _Comes his simple reply.

_"How long are you going to stay angry with me?"_

_"Forever."_ Even though he's hurt, his response is obviously a knee-jerk reaction, and I let out a reluctant giggle. _Oh Sid!_

_"That long?"_

_"Yes."_

_"I can handle that, as long as it's forever with you babe. Sweet dreams." _I hope this lifts his spirits, maybe even persuades him to phone? I struggle against sleep, willing him to call from 2,000 miles away. My eyes are heavy, craving sleep, but I know he'll phone. He will. There's no way he'd leave things like this, would he?

He would. I startle myself awake three hours before my alarm is set to sound, my stomach in knots, my sleep full of anxious nightmares, and I check my phone. Nothing. I flop back down on the bed and wonder briefly if the way I'm feeling is how Sid felt all day long. The thought makes me feel even worse. I need to fix this. I'm not sure how to do that, but I have to believe it's possible.

There's no way I'm going to fall asleep for a while, so I fire up my laptop and start typing an email that will hopefully solve at least one of my problems.

**From**: Kate Davidson

**Subject**: Last night

**Date**: March 22, 2014

**To**: Benjamin Davidson

Benny,

It was great seeing you tonight, I'm so proud of your progress and it's wonderful to know that you're going to be okay. It's been agony to worry and wonder about your health, and seeing you laid a lot of my fears to rest. That said, a lot of important things went unsaid, but these are things that you need to hear and understand.

Firstly, I do love you Benny. You were my first _everything_, and nothing can change that. I loved every minute of our marriage, and I wouldn't trade a moment we spent together for anything in this world. Being loved by you gave me confidence at a time in my life when I desperately needed it. Loving you gave me purpose, and set me free in so many ways. Before you, I believed that I was destined to love everyone more than they were willing to love me back. You changed that, and for that I'll always be grateful.

When you remember us, and I hope you do, you'll find a beautiful friendship, thousands of tender moments, and a million laughs. Our marriage was enviable, and we were very proud of it. We worked at it. We put each other first, above everything. We supported each other, and believed in our dreams. We were lucky enough to see some of those dreams come true. Other dreams just weren't meant to be.

The accident changed everything. It stole our family from me. When you decided to move in with your parents, I believed it was temporary, but you didn't come home. In fact, I didn't hear from you for months, and the people in your life made it nearly impossible for me to see you. Still, I held out hope. I hoped and prayed you would come back to me. I hoped and prayed you would wake up and wonder why I wasn't sleeping next to you. God knows I woke up looking for you so many mornings. Sadly, my prayers weren't answered. The next time I heard from you, I was being served with divorce papers. Papers I reluctantly signed after months of carrying them around, thinking a few more days, hours, minutes would make the difference and bring you home.

I had to face the truth - I was the forgotten one. You forgot everything about me. Our families were so focused on you and your health, no one remembered that I went home to an empty house every night, slept in a cold bed, and packed up a nursery for a baby I would never meet. I can't even begin to explain how painful this was for me. There are times I still can't believe I made it through.

But, by some miracle, I did make it through! I put one foot in front of the other and moved forward. At first, I was almost a shadow, barely there, a person without substance. I threw myself into work, and that gave me a reason to wake up every morning, put a reluctant smile on my face, eat more than twice a week. Soon, my life started to fill out. I was writing again, I found myself smiling when no one was looking, laughing when things were funny, and even looking forward to life.

And then I met someone. In the beginning, I thought I had just met a new friend, which was so welcome to me, a stranger in a new city. It was more than a friendship. We fell in love. He reminded me that loving and being loved is a choice, an action, not just a feeling.

I choose to love him, Benny. Please respect that, and don't fight for me. I can't bear to hurt you more than you've already been hurt. I will always love you Benny, but it isn't the love between a husband and wife. Not anymore.

Your friend always,

Kate

I press 'send' quickly, before I lose my nerve. It's after five in the morning, meaning it's after seven in New Jersey. I quickly dial his number and take a deep breath. The phone rings, and rings, and rings and then goes to voicemail. He's still not talking to me. I pull the covers up to my chin and squeeze my eyes shut, desperate to fall back asleep. Sleep doesn't come. I lay awake, agonizing over Sidney, frantically wracking my brain for a way to reach him, a way to make him understand that I choose him.

Both of our careers are travel heavy, his more than mine obviously, and I start to wonder if it will always be this hard to be apart. Is this how he operates? Will he freeze me out whenever we hit a tough spot? I open my laptop and lean back into the perfectly fluffy hotel pillows. The screen turns on and a dim light spreads across the room. I visit the Penguin website and watch video of Sid's post-game interview.

"I wasn't playing good hockey tonight, I know that," he pants. Sweat pours down his face, and he palms a small white towel, running it across his skin. A reporter asks him if he was distracted on the ice and Sid shakes his head. "I wasn't focused, if that's what you mean." His baseball cap hides his face for a moment while he listens to a question about his health. "I felt good out there," he answers curtly. "I wish I could blame it on an injury, but it just wasn't good hockey. That's all I can say." And with that, Sid's interview is over. Well that doesn't sound good.

I knew this trip was going to be hard, but I didn't think it would be this difficult. Hopefully the Benny issue isn't going to be an issue anymore. My letter said everything, and if Benny respects me, he'll keep his distance. I wonder if our meeting will have any impact on the settlement? Benny knows how unreasonable his parents are being now, maybe he'll be able to persuade them to back off a little. My mood lifts at the thought. It would be nice not to have to worry about that anymore. The counter-offer asked me not to have any contact with him though, so if they find out he and I saw each other, they're going to be angry. _Let them be angry_. I haven't agreed to anything yet!

It's nearly six now, and I don't have to be at my parents until eleven. If I could fall asleep, it would be worth it, but I just can't seem to settle my nerves enough to relax. I grab my phone, on the distant chance he'll actually call me, and head into the bathroom to take a bath. The small space quickly fills with steam and the scent of lavender bubble bath. My tense muscles ease as I sink into the warm water, the feeling is heavenly. Suddenly I remember a promise I made - _I told Sid I'd bring him a present!_ What do you get for the guy who has everything? _Well, everything but his own place. _The way things are going, I'm not even sure he'd accept a gift from me.

By some miracle, I manage to fall asleep. Albeit in the bathtub, but I'll take sleep any way I can get it. I check my phone and it's after nine o'clock. The water is room temperature, and I feel a chilly. I drain the tub and run a quick shower, staying under the water just long enough to warm up and wash my hair. I bundle myself a bath sheet and start getting ready for the party. My mother will be going out of her mind already, so the earlier I get over there to help set up the better. She's not expecting me until eleven, but I can probably get there just after ten.

Still no word from Sid. He's really letting me have it. I know he has practice today, but I also know he's in New Jersey, meaning he's probably stuck in his hotel room for most of the trip. He'll be skating now, no doubt. Maybe he'll work out some of his anger and call me this afternoon. Maybe, but I doubt it. Well, he can ignore me, I don't have to ignore him.

_"Missing you."_

I hit send and then set to work drying my hair. Peter fancies himself an amateur photographer these days, and I'd love to get a nice picture of me with Olivia. I check my phone - nothing. I start applying my makeup, trying every trick I know to disguise the rough night sleep etched across my face. If Sid keeps this up I'll be useless at work Monday morning. Then it hits me - I know exactly what to give him.

I open my laptop and pull out my credit card while it starts up. A few quick searches later and it's all arranged. I send Carter a quick email, thanking him for talking me through my crisis and asking for his help with my gift for Sid. No word from Benny, which I take as a good sign. I don't want to start a back and forth dialogue over email, we need a clean break from each other if I'm going to make this work with Sid. Two seconds later Carter sends me his brief response.

_"I'll handle everything_."I know he will, I can always count on Carter. Across the room, I hear my phone rattle against the vanity, and I race to catch it. My heart sinks when I see it's just my mother calling.

"Hi Mom," I say brightly. Let's get off on the right foot today.

"Oh good, you're up. What time are you coming over?" she asks hurriedly.

"Right away," I tell her.

"Perfect, listen I need you to pick up a few things for me on your way over."

"I don't have a car Mom," I say slowly. _And I really, really don't want to drive!_

"You can take mine," she snaps. "Please Kate, your father's back is out again, and I have my hands full here."

_Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck._

"Okay," I say reluctantly. "I'll be right over."

The line goes dead and I know I have no choice. I haven't driven in this city since...well, it's best not to go there at the moment. _Dammit Sid, I need you! _I'm about to face one of my worst fears, but I'm over-tired and completely distracted by the drama between us. _Kind of like his game last night_. I frown at the thought and send him a quick message.

_"Please babe, the silent treatment is torture."_

He loves me, he doesn't mean to hurt me. I tell myself this over and over again. He loves me, he'll call. He loves me. He loves me.


	47. Chapter 47

Saturday morning traffic is brutal - even for Saskatoon. My mother has graciously provided me with an itemized list of all the errands I am to run. _Focus Kate_. I hesitantly pull onto Circle Drive and am greeted with blaring horns and middle fingers. _Drive faster_. I speed up, not wanting to be that person, the one who drives dangerously slow. My pulse is racing and my hands hurt from gripping the steering wheel too tightly. I should have stuck to side streets, but there's only two more stops I have to make, and it doesn't help that my mother insists on calling every fifteen minutes to see if I'm on schedule.

The florist is ready and waiting for me, no doubt my mother has phoned and chewed her ear off. She and an assistant happily load the arrangements into the car, which gives me enough time to check my phone. Still no word from Sid. Panic starts to rise within me - maybe he's figured out what everyone else already knows. _He could have anyone_. I stow my phone and thank the two ladies before heading off to the bakery. Driving isn't my strong suit, and driving distracted is a recipe for disaster.

Even still, I can't seem to keep thoughts from creeping into my brain. Thoughts about Sid, and whether or not he still wants me. He wouldn't be this angry if he didn't have strong feelings. _But is he angry enough to end things?_ That's what I'm uncertain about. I shake my head in an effort to clear my thoughts, I need to focus on driving! The bakery is only a few blocks away, but I have to take a long, convoluted route to avoid a certain intersection. _Not ready to revisit that place, not yet_. The side streets are almost deserted, but the blocks are short in Saskatoon and it feels like I'm either yielding or stopping every ten seconds.

As I suspected, the bakery has been alerted to my arrival, and they don't let me lift a finger as they load boxes of cupcakes and an beautifully sculpted cake into the car. The backseat is filled with flowers, so I receive a quick tutorial on how to drive while holding the cake securely in the front seat with my free hand. _Free hand?_ I really should have just taken a taxi, and I scold myself for not thinking of it sooner.

Now I'm driving back to my parents house, one hand on the cake, one hand on the wheel, part of me focused on the road, part of me wondering if my boyfriend is ever going to speak to me again, and to top it all off, I'm completely exhausted. My cell phone buzzes, and as much as I am dying to check if it' Sid, I don't have a third hand to find out, and every ounce of my attention needs to be directed to the busy intersection I'm trying to cross. There's a break in traffic and I creep out, anxiously checking both ways, I don't even see the bike messenger cut in front of me. I slam on the breaks, my free hand now full of frosting, only one flower arrangement tips over, but isn't completely destroyed, and the messenger carries on his merry way. Accident averted, and he is none the wiser.

My hands are trembling by the time I pull into my parents house. My mom comes flying out the door to make sure I've remembered everything and check that it's all up to her standards. She frowns when she sees the cake.

"What happened there?" she asks pointing to the perfect outline of my hand.

"A bike cut in front of me," I tell her. "Don't worry, there's touch up frosting in a tupperware container behind the cake. We can fix it."

"Oh Katie," she moans, picking up the toppled flowers.

"Sorry," is all I can manage to croak out. I carry the cake inside, desperate to wash my hands and splash some water on my face. My nerves are shot, and now I'm on her turf. _Great_. Once I've freshened up, the real work begins. My mother stands over me while I do my best to fix the blemish on the otherwise adorable birthday cake. I try to recreate the swirled buttercream, and do not a terrible job if I do say so myself. I look up for her approval, and I'm met with a thin smile. _I'll take it!_

My next task is to set out the floral centerpieces onto waiting tables in the backyard. I'm relieved it's mindless and basically fool-proof. I pull out my phone and there's no big shock when the missed call was my mother. At what point does texting someone who refuses to speak to you become embarrassing? I decide against it. He obviously needs some space right now, so I'll give him the day off from my neediness. What will likely be a welcome break for him will be torture for me.

I finish setting up the flowers and then duck inside to see how my dad is feeling. He's laying in bed, his feet raised with a stack of pillows, NASCAR playing quietly in the background. "Hey Dad," I slip into the room quietly, startling him.

"Oh, it's just you," he sighs in relief. "Your mother is hell on wheels today. It's a two-year-old's birthday party for god sakes!" I couldn't agree with him more.

"So, how's the back?" I ask genuinely concerned, and I see a sneaky grin spread across his face. "Dad!" I scold him.

"Kate, I just need a break. In an hour or so, I'll walk around and tell her it must have slipped back into place," he says simply. I can't really blame the guy. "You okay kiddo?" he asks with concern.

"I'm just tired," _and stressed, and worried, and nervous..._

"Late night?" he suggests.

"Sort of," I consider telling him, but I don't want to get into all the gory details, not that he'd ask. I take a deep breath and decide talking about it might not be the worst thing. "Dad? Can I tell you something?"

"Of course!" he sits up with interest.

"But, I don't want you to tell Mom." He runs his fingers across his lips, securing the imaginary zipper. "I had drinks with Benny last night." His eyes widen and I can tell I've got his complete attention now. "It was really strange."

"I can imagine," he offers.

"At first is was really easy, we just visited and laughed, but it ended kind of awkwardly."

"What did he say? Does he remember you?"

"He remembers me, but he doesn't remember us being married, not yet anyway. I mean, he knows, he just can't remember."

"That's good news, isn't it?" he asks seriously.

"Is it? I'm not sure," I answer.

"Kate," he scolds.

"Of course him recovering is good news, I just don't know how he's going to react when he does remember us being married," I say truthfully.

"You don't think he'll want you back?" my dad asks incredulously.

"No!" I sigh.

"Oh honey, he will," he interjects quickly.

"No, Dad. I don't want him to want me back," I stammer.

"What are you talking about? Of course you'll want him to take you back. Katie, Benny's your husband! I know you've had your troubles, but once he's back to his old self, why wouldn't be together?" he looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Things are different, I'm different. I'm with Sidney now," I hope the last part is still true. He takes a deep breath and gathers his thoughts.

"You do what you think is best Kate, but I'd hate to see you throw away a second chance with Benny on someone you haven't known very long," he sighs.

"Kate!" my mother's voice echos through the hallway.

"You'd better get out of here," my dad frantically works to resume his appearance of being an invalid. I roll my eyes and leave him alone to play hookey.

"Right here," I call back to her. Back in the kitchen she has serving platters lined up and dozens of tupperware containers filled with various appetizers set in front of them.

"Could you start arranging some of this food, guests will be here in half an hour or so and I still need to change," she pushes me toward the kitchen island and disappears into her bedroom. Another mindless task that gives me too much space to think. My dad's words ring in my ears - _throw away a second chance on someone I haven't known very long_. Fear spikes through me when I consider the idea of losing Sid. I guess that's the risk in any new relationship. One of us could decide that it's not working, or it's not what we want anymore, or the other person isn't who we want anymore. The thought makes me sick.

If he'd only just call me, even if it's just to say he's still angry. I'm desperate to hear his voice. The idea of throwing away a second chance with Benny doesn't scare me, it doesn't even bother me. Truthfully, I wish he'd move on. I'm so ready to put the past behind me. Coming home has been chaotic, and stressful, and at the same time has given me clarity. This trip has just affirmed that I'm in the right place. Pittsburgh has been good for me, I'm more independent, more confident.

Sidney is my second chance.

I hear the muffled sound of my phone ringing from somewhere, but there's no sign of my purse. I try to find the sound as quickly as possible, noting that practice will have ended and hoping maybe, just maybe he's decided to put me out of my misery and touch base. Under a pile of empty cupcake and cake boxes I dig out my purse and frantically empty it onto the floor in searching for my phone. One missed call - and it was Carter. I slump against the wall and quickly dial him back.

"Hey Kate, I just tried you," he answers.

"Yeah, I saw that. What's up?" I try to sound casual, but the truth is I'm wound so tight and stretched so thin that I could dissolve into a puddle of tears at any second.

"I just sent you an email with all the details, but basically you're in meetings Monday and part of Tuesday, and we don't need you back on set until Wednesday," he says quickly.

"Great, thanks for handling everything while I've been away," I sigh into the phone.

"Anytime. Have you talked to Sid?"

"Not yet, hopefully he'll call," my voice cracks a little.

"He will, I'm sure of it," Carter says reassuringly. "What about Benny?"

I glance up and my mother is standing over me, wondering why I'm sitting in a pile of recycling. "Uh, sort of. I'll fill you in later, right now I just have to help Mom with some stuff for the party."

"She's in the room?" he asks knowingly.

"Yeah, everything looks adorable. I'll text you a picture."

"She's standing right beside you?" he laughs.

"That's right," I say nonchalantly. "Enjoy the rest of your weekend!"

I close my phone and give my mom an innocent smile. She shakes he head and walks away. I quickly put all my junk back in my purse and shove it into the front hall closet. I need some distance from my phone right now, it's become all-consuming! I grab the cardboard and carry it out to the blue bin beside the house, and on my way back inside I see Jill, Peter and of course, the birthday girl pull up.

"Hey!" I wave excitedly. Jill looks frazzled, but Olivia looks absolutely perfect. She runs toward me, and I bend down to meet her. My heart soars when she dives into my arms for a hug. "Happy birthday little lady," I whisper. She suddenly gets very shy and tucks her head into my neck. Olivia is probably the only person who can calm my mother down, so I whisk her inside.

"Hello?" my mother calls from the kitchen.

"Hey Mom, Olivia's here!" I call back.

She's pulling Olivia from my arms in a flash and covering her with kisses. Olivia loves the attention and squeals with delight. My dad has made a miracle recovery, cough cough, and joins us. I watch my parents fuss over this little girl and I understand what Jill was saying when she told me it was nice seeing them this way. They're carefree, almost silly in a way, and so completely focused on her. I've never seen them this way before. Jill stands by my side and rolls her eyes, of course she has to deal with the aftermath of them spoiling her daughter. Peter fiddles with his camera, snapping away, changing lenses, and part of me wonders if he has a clue about any of it.

"I need a drink," Jill whispers conspiratorially.

"The party hasn't even started," I laugh.

"Come on," Jill grabs a bottle of wine and two glasses and we sneak outside to a table tucked in the corner. "Spill it!"

"What?" _Spill the wine?_

"Drinks with Benny, what happened?" she urges me.

"Oh, well it was okay," I feel like I'm telling this story to everyone. _Everyone but the one person who really needs to hear it_. I launch into details, and Jill gasps and snorts at all the appropriate places. I tell her what Dad's assessment was and she nods her head, and I can't tell if it's a sign she's listening or an indication that she agrees with him. I explain that Sidney hasn't spoken to me since and I'm having a nervous breakdown waiting for him to talk to me.

"He'll come around, men just take longer to process things," Jill says confidently.

"I hope so," I sigh. I take a healthy drink from my wine glass at a most inopportune moment.

"Kate, are you drinking already?" my mother hisses.

"I am Mom. I've had a shitty day and I'm having a drink," I pour myself another glass and raise it in mock toast to her. She can't disguise the surprise on her face, so instead she just shakes her head.

"Don't swear in front of Olivia, the last thing we need is for her to pick up your potty-mouth," and I can't help but laugh. "Oh my god she's drunk!"

"I'm not drunk Mom, and I don't have a potty mouth. Come on, let's just be friends for one day, okay?" I stand up and offer her a glass of wine from the half-drunk bottle.

"Fine," she says reluctantly, and I see the corners of her mouth twitch up a little.

The guests start trickling in, most are family or friends of the family. A few of Jill's friends arrive with their kids in tow, most are right around Olivia's age. Jill settles into a table with her guests, Olivia plays with the other children, Peter is the party photographer, and my parents are the proud hosts. Suddenly, I feel like the odd-man out. I return to my quiet corner and watch the party from a distance. I have to give my mom credit, she really pulled it off. It's the most darling birthday party I've ever been to.

I wonder what it would be like if Sid were here. Would the atmosphere change having the superstar hockey player as one of the guests? Would he be mobbed by my parents' friends, everyone looking for a few minutes of his time? Maybe. Maybe he would play with Olivia, chasing her around the yard, swinging her through the air, making her laugh and squeal. Maybe he would sit quietly with me, counting the minutes until we could escape back to our hotel room. Then it hits me, he won't ever be able to come to things like this, unless they're during the off-season. Sid doesn't have the luxury of being spontaneous. His schedule is dictated to him, and he doesn't get a say. If Sid were here that would mean he was injured. I quickly shake the thought of a hurt Sid away, but it sticks. He has a game tomorrow night, and New Jersey is tougher than Buffalo - or so I've heard. He'll need to be focused, not like last night.

The house is completely empty, and I grab my purse and dash upstairs to my childhood bedroom. I pull out my purse and frantically dial him. It rings and rings and rings and then...

"Hello Kate."


	48. Chapter 48

All this time I've been dying to speak to him and now I have him and I don't know what to say. "I wasn't expecting you to answer," I stutter.

"I can hang up if you like," he says quietly.

"Please don't," I beg. We're both quiet for a long time, but I listen to his breathing and I know he's waiting. "Are you still very angry with me?"

"Yes," he says evenly.

"But you're speaking to me?" I say hopefully.

"It would appear so," he hisses. Where do I start? What do I say? "Kate, I have better things to do than listen to you breathe over the phone."

"Sorry," I say quickly, and I have to admit, his tone stings a little. "How are you?"

"Never better," he says exasperatedly. Okay, he's not going to take it easy on me. If I knew what I could say to make him feel better, I would say it. If I knew what I could do to make everything okay again, I would do it.

"I don't know how to fix this," I tell him, my voice cracking and tears threatening to spill. He sighs deeply and for a second I think he's going to give in and meet me halfway on this.

"You could call and text me non-stop while I'm working, maybe that will fix things," he says sarcastically. I'm stunned. He's hurt, he's angry, but he's also being cruel. I have no words. I expected him to be mad. I expected him to have questions, to have hesitations. What I didn't expect was that he'd hurl insults at me.

"Sid," I whisper.

"What do you want me to say Kate?" he snaps.

"Talk to me, tell me what's bothering you!" I beg.

"I hate that you went out with him last night!" he seethes. "You knew it would piss me off and you did it anyway."

"I didn't do it to make you mad, and you have no reason to be angry Sid, nothing happened." If he would just let me explain...

"Did you kiss him?" he asks forcefully.

"Of course not!" I answer immediately.

"Did he kiss you?" he continues. I hesitate for a second, but lying won't do me any good.

"Not on the lips," I say truthfully.

"Oh Jesus," he sighs into the phone.

"It was just a peck on the cheek Sid..."

"Spare me the details," he interrupts. "Jesus Kate!"

"I'm sorry! Sid, this is killing me! Please tell me how to fix this!"

"This is killing _you_?" he snaps. "I haven't slept since you left, I'm getting shit from all sides about how I played last night, I can't even keep food down! But this is killing _you?_ Was it killing you when you were out for drinks last night?" I stay silent, considering what words I can say to bring him comfort. "Answer me!" he hisses.

"No," I say softly. My breath hitches as tears stream down my face, and I struggle desperately not to completely fall apart.

"It was killing me," he says angrily. "What did he say?"

"What do you mean?" I ask nervously.

"Kate," he scolds.

"He said a lot of things, what do you want to know?"

"Does he want you back?" he hisses angrily into the phone.

"Sid," I start, but he won't let me speak.

"Yes or no?"

"Sid..."

"Kate! Yes or no?"

"Yes," I answer reluctantly. "Sid.."

"Just, give me a second," he says quietly. Seconds tick by, but still he says nothing. His breathing is measured, almost meditative. I don't dare interrupt the silence. He's been quiet for over a minute, and every passing moment is torture. "What did you say?" it's barely a whisper and his voice is laced with anxiety.

"I told Benny..."

"Please don't say his name," he groans.

"I said I was with you and I asked him to stay away," I say truthfully. He goes quiet on me again. "Babe?"

"I'm here," he reassures me. "Do you love him?"

"Not in the same way that I love..." and I remember his awful reaction the last time I said it, "not like I used to. I love him like I love a dear friend, but I'm not in love with him Sid. That feeling is gone, it didn't even cross my mind."

"Promise?" he begs.

"I swear," I tell him.

"Were you attracted to him?"

"No babe," I can't believe Sidney, of all people, would feel threatened in the looks department.

"You were at one time though," he presses.

"Honey, you've got him beat there, okay?" and I hear a reluctant chuckle on the other end of the line. "Are we okay?"

"Getting there," he says. "What time is your flight tomorrow?"

"I changed it to Monday," I answer. "I have some meetings I have to take before heading home."

"I miss you Kate, I know I've been an asshole, but I miss you," he moans.

"You haven't been an asshole," I tell him.

"I have," he argues. "I should have called you last night instead of making myself sick worrying about you."

"You didn't sleep?"

"Not a wink," he confesses.

"Me neither."

"I hate that you saw the game," he moans. "It was brutal." I can't help but laugh.

"Babe, you won," I remind him.

"Barely."

"I miss you. Let's not fight when we're apart," I plead with him. "I don't think I can handle another day like yesterday."

"Deal," and I can hear the grin on his face. "I want to see your pretty face."

"I'm at my parents," I groan.

"The party! Katie, get out there, we can talk later," he says quickly.

"I really needed to talk to you," I explain. "I'm barely functioning here!"

Sid laughs loudly and freely and it melts away any remaining tension. "I know the feeling. Okay, you go back to your party, I'm going to take a nap, now that I can finally sleep, and you'll call me when you get back to your hotel room. Okay?"

"Deal," I do my best Sidney impression and it earns me a little giggle from him.

Downstairs, no one seems to have noticed my temporary absence. Jill spots me and waves me over to sit with her and some of her girlfriends. The women are in deep discussion about things their children have ruined. One women tells a story about her son trying to help with laundry and pouring a bottle of fabric softener in the dryer. All the women gasp and I suppress a giggle until she laughs first. Another woman brings up a picture of her daughter and their cat on her phone. Both are covered in pink and purple marker. Jill is so relaxed and at ease with these women, and I feel a pang of jealousy. Her life seems so full and uncomplicated. At least things are improving on the Sid front. We're speaking again, even laughing a little, and he asked me to call him later. My mood lifts at the thought.

"So Kate, you're in movies, right?" a woman in a bright yellow cardigan asks me. I know we were introduced, but I can't seem to remember her name. Patty? Ugh, better not risk it.

"I'm a writer, so I work in film, but I'm not _in_ the movies," I answer cheerfully.

"I remember seeing a picture of you with the cute actor from that tv series, you know the one?" she presses. That could be anyone, but I don't want to seem impolite.

"John Krasinski?" Jill offers politely.

"Yes!" Yellow Cardigan squeals, and suddenly the attention of the entire table is on us. "How do you know him? Did you two date? Is he as nice as he is on tv?"

"He's married actually," I point out quickly. "I don't really know him very well, we're represented by the same agency so we attend some of the same events. He's always been friendly and nice though." I try to give her _something_, but I don't actually know much about him.

"And weren't you at Tori Spellings second wedding?" another woman chimes in.

"Uh, no."

"Yeah, I think I saw something about that," she continues. As if I would forget something like that!

"No, I've never met her. You must be confusing me with someone else," I smile nervously.

"I'm sure it was Tori Spelling," she pulls out her phone and I cringe. "What's your last name again?" she asks not even looking up to meet my gaze. If she did she would see me silently pleading with her not to Google me in front of a group of strangers.

"Seriously, I've never met her," I try to laugh but she's insistent.

"Davidson," one of the other mothers offers quietly. Geez, they're all in on this together now! Jill frowns at me apologetically and I give her a look that begs her to rescue me.

"What do you ladies think? Should we start opening gifts?" Jill tries for a topic change, but they ignore her.

"Just press image search," another helpful Mom chimes in, and they huddle around the tiny iPhone. I look over to Jill and she mouths "sorry", and I just shake my head and smile. It's her daughter's birthday, she doesn't need to be worried about me. "Is that your boyfriend?" the woman huffs and shoves the phone in my face.

There it is, we're out there now. The pictures from the airport surfaced and I've been identified. I wonder how they figured that one out? The terribly rude woman shakes the phone in front of my face, pressing me to answer her. "Yeah," I say meekly.

"Oh my god!" she squeals, and pulls the phone back flipping through photo after photo of us.

"Okay you guys, let's put the phone away," Jill says insistently. The woman stands and walks toward me, crouching beside my chair and snapping a picture of us together. Wow, some people have zero manners. She starts typing rapidly and it makes me really uncomfortable.

"What are you doing?" I ask nervously.

"Tweeting," she answers, again not looking up at me.

"Please don't," I plead with her, Jill looks mortified.

"Too late," she smiles, showing me her phone.

_Partying with Sidney Crosby's girlfriend!_ The caption sits beneath a picture of her smiling widely beside me, and I look stunned. Well, I've had enough of this table. I stand quickly, smiling at the other women, some of whom look sympathetically toward me, obviously keenly aware of how uncomfortable I am. "It was nice meeting all of you," I say softly before turning to leave.

"Kate," my mother is at my side in a second. "Come with me." As if I have a choice. She pulls me toward her prized rose bushes and waves Peter over. "I was hoping you'd take a picture with me," she says, and if I'm not mistaken she sounds a little nervous.

"Yeah," I reply brightly. "I'd like that."

She gives Peter his instructions and pulls me tight to her side. "Smile," she whispers, and I glance over to see her pursed lips stretch into a grin. I can't help but giggle and Peter captures the moment beautifully. My mother pulls me into an awkward embrace and whispers, "I'm happy you're here with us Kate." Her kindness takes me by surprise, and I don't know if it's that I'm over-tired, or if a result of the emotional roller-coaster I've been on, but I find myself fighting back tears.

"I wouldn't miss it," I tell her.

"Maybe next year your boyfriend can join us," she says hopefully. I know that's her way of apologizing for the cheating comment.

"I'm sure he'd love to," there's no point it bursting her bubble by telling her about his insane schedule.

"Well, we can't wait to meet him," she says firmly, and turns back to the party. Peter shrugs and I grin at him. _That was probably the nicest conversation we've had in years_. I'm not going to complain!

A few hours later, I'm so tired I can barely stand. Presents have been opened, cake eaten, and the birthday girl is fast asleep in her grandpa's lap. I help my mother and sister take down the decorations, collect the dirty dishes, and pack the insane amount of presents into their car.

"Jill, this is my gift to Olivia, and it's not really something she can open, so I thought I'd give it to you or Pete," I pull the pastel envelope from my purse. Jill dutifully reads the card, even though everyone knows it's just a delay until you get to open the present! The folded page slips from inside and she catches it before it floats to the floor. She gives me a nervous look before unfolding the piece of paper. "It's not plane tickets to Pittsburgh, although I considered it!" I tell her and her face relaxes into a smile.

She opens the page and her face lights up. "A playhouse?" I nod enthusiastically. "Kate, she'll love it!"

"I thought she might." Before I can say anything further, Jill wraps her arms around me and gives me a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"You should come home more," she says as she wipes a tear from her cheek. "We miss you."

"I'll try," I say truthfully. "And I _really_ want you guys to come to Pittsburgh. Let me fly you out to meet my new boyfriend," I say in my best teenage-drama-queen voice. Jill chuckles and shrugs. "It's the least you can do after your friend tweeted about me and Sid!" I tease her.

"Oh god, are you going to get in trouble for that?" she asks nervously.

"No!" I laugh. "Trouble from who?"

"I don't know how these things work," she giggles. "I wasn't invited to Tori Spelling's wedding, remember?" We both laugh loudly, so loudly in fact that my mother comes inside to see what all the commotion is and to remind us there's still plenty of work to be done.

An hour later I'm finally free to leave. I had originally planned to leave tomorrow morning, but with my flight change I actually have some free time this evening. I'm not sure what overcomes me, but I decide to press my luck with my mom. As I'm about to leave, I turn to my parents and actually suggest spending my Saturday evening with them.

"Maybe I can come by later and show you the first episode of my new show?" I offer.

"Hey! That would be great!" my dad beams, and I turn toward my mom who is still in shock.

"Yes, of course," she stammers.

"Okay, I'm just going to get a few hours of work in and then I'll come by after supper," I tell them. In this case work is catching up with Sid and hopefully taking a nap.

"We'll see you then," she stammers, and I see the smile sneak across her face.

_What a difference a day makes!_


	49. Chapter 49

Back in my hotel room, I quickly slip out of my party dress, practically rip off my bra, let my hair down, and flop on the bed. I am wiped out, completely exhausted, feeling like I could sleep for days. Then I think about calling Sid and somehow my body summons enough energy to give my stomach butterflies.

He answers on the first ring, "Let's Facetime instead," and that's all he says before the line goes dead. His urgency makes me chuckle as I pull out my iPad and quickly give myself a once over in the mirror. He'll like that I'm only in my panties, and my hair and makeup aren't terrible. Seconds later I'm staring at a very sleepy Sid.

"Hey handsome," I say sweetly, it's so good to see him. My skin aches to be touched, but looking at his gorgeous face will have to suffice.

"Oh fuck Kate, you're not wearing any clothes!" he says with surprise. He's awake now!

"Yes I am!" I stand to give him a quick view of my underwear, and I hear him groan. "Still glad you confiscated all my sexy panties?"

"You're torturing me," he moans, leaning back and throwing his arm up to cover his eyes.

"I know," I tease him. I hook my fingers into the waistband of my panties and wait for him to look at me again. "Sid..." I coax his arm away from his face. He grins widely, shaking his head at me, but the look on his face tells me he doesn't want me to stop. I tug lightly at the fabric, but I don't pull my last article of clothing off, not yet.

"Keep going," he encourages with a hopeful raise of his eyebrows. I shake my head, and he nods in response. "Come on, finish what you started," he smiles.

"Only if you'll join me," I tell him with a wicked grin. He quickly pulls his plain white t-shirt over his head and then settles back into his bed, obviously expecting a show. "Your shirt Crosby? Are you serious? You want me to get naked and all you strip off is your t-shirt?"

He giggles softly and bites down on his lip, considering my complaint. Sidney cocks his head to one side and looks down at his jeans. His fingers dance across the stretched denim as he undoes the brass button. "Better?" he asks coyly.

"A little better," I smile at him.

"I promise, it's not that little..." and his confidence makes me laugh.

"Oh, I know!" I assure him.

"I want you," he pants. "Here in my bed, so badly!"

"You have no idea," I groan. He runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath. I wish it were my hands in his hair. "I'm desperate for you Sid," I confess.

"This is the best I can do babe," he frowns. I don't want him to feel guilty about the distance between us. This is the reality of our relationship. We're going to be spending a lot of our time connecting through screens, so instead of feeling bad about it, why not have some fun?

"Just wait until I get my hands on you," I give him a playful warning. If we can't be together tonight I can at least give him something to look forward to.

"Yeah?" he grins at me, his mood instantly lifted by my promise. "What are you going to do with me once you have me?" I raise my eyebrows, as if pondering his question, even though I know _exactly_ what I'm going to do. My expression makes him giggle and I enjoy making him wait. I tilt my head to the right, a curious look on my face, then to my left. "Kate..." he groans.

"First, I'm going to completely divest you of any stitch of clothing on your delicious skin." I lick my lips in anticipation, and he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, hopefully imagining the moment. A moment later his eyes are wide open, blazing with desire, his mouth slightly open and tongue rests gently over his bottom teeth.

"Then what?" he pants, completely consumed with our little game.

"You're going to lay on your back and I'm going to crawl in between your legs," I say evenly, never taking my eyes off his. His breathing is hurried now.

"And?" he presses.

"I'm going to put you in my mouth, and run my hands up your ribs, then down again to your waist, over and over again, while sucking..._hard_," I tell him, not a trace of humor in my voice. I hear his breath hitch and he looks absolutely desperate. "Then I'm going to wrap my legs around yours and lower myself onto you, because I can't wait to feel you inside me, babe."

"Oh fuck," me moans and I notice his arm moving slightly. _Mission accomplished!_ "Keep going," he pleads. Knowing the effect I'm having on Sidney is so arousing. His eyes heavy and his breathing has accelerated. I've never wanted to touch him more than I do at this moment.

"Then we're going to move babe, you're going to wrap your arm around my waist and slide me up and down," I say slowly, emphasizing every syllable. "I'm going to pull your hands to my breasts..."

"I love your breasts," he moans, interrupting my story. I can't help but giggle. He's barely watching me now, his eyes only open every few seconds for the briefest of moments. The smile on his face tells me he's enjoying our make up session - even if we're apart.

"I'm going to let you move into me while I lean down to kiss you, my lips on yours, my tongue in your mouth, your hands on my skin, you...inside me," I whisper.

"I want that _now_," he groans. _Me too!_

"Then I'm going to tell you that I want you on top of me," I grin and his smile widens.

"My favorite," he whispers.

"Mine too," I agree. "You'll flip me over and press into me, never missing a beat," the thought is so torturous, I can barely stand to look at him, knowing I can't touch, watching him pleasure himself. "You'll move slowly at first, and my hands will pull you deeper inside me, you'll lean over me, resting your forehead on mine, just how I like."

"I like that too," he pants.

"And you'll kiss me, and you'll start moving faster, your hips against mine, pushing us both closer and closer..." I trail off watching his face twist with anticipation. "and I'll go first, wrapping my arms around your neck, kissing your shoulder, pulling you tight to me, moaning in your ear, my fingers digging into your skin..."

He's frantic now, his eyes are squeezed shut, his mouth pressed into a tight line, his breathing erratic, and I can hear every stroke.

"You'll feel me tighten around you, and you'll hear me whisper that I love you," and that's all he needs to hear. Sid growls his release, moaning over and over again, his hips buck and his chest muscle ripple. It's a beautiful sight, my Sid at the height of his pleasure. His breathing starts to slow, and a sheepish grin spreads across his lips.

"You're amazing," he whispers. I beam back at him and Sid holds up two fingers. "Two seconds," he promises and jumps off the bed. Our little cyber-date has created a bit of mess I gather, and the thought makes me blush. Looking around my empty room, I start feeling a little self-conscious. This is the only way we can connect at the moment, but it feels..._lonely_. I miss the feeling of his skin on mine, I miss his lips on mine, I especially miss his arms around me. I slip on a t-shirt, and slide into a pair of jeans just in time to hear Sidney express his disappointment. "What?!"

His protest makes me giggle, and I scramble back onto the bed, sitting cross-legged in front of my iPad. I notice a gift bag sitting on Sid's nightstand and I huge smile spreads across my lips.

"What's that smile about?" he giggles.

"Nothing," I feign innocence.

"Kate..." he presses me with a grin.

"What's in the bag Sid?" I say sweetly, nodding toward the bag over his shoulder. Sid dives toward it and quickly moves it out of sight.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he grins. I laugh loudly and toss my head back, he's just too adorable.

"Sid, did you buy me a present?"

"Maybe," he teases. "Wasn't I supposed to?"

"I thought you already did!" I scold playfully. Sid's expression changes to one of confusion. "The breakfast you arranged for me yesterday," I explain.

"Oh babe, that wasn't your present, that was just a meal," he laughs.

"It was more like three meals," I laugh. "So what's in the bag?"

Sid looks around the room, as if searching for the gift bag. "What bag?"

"Come on, give me a hint!"

"Nope," he says quickly.

"I'll give you a hint about your present..." I try to coax it out of him. Sid's head shoots up in surprise.

"You bought me a gift?" he asks softly, obviously not expecting that news.

"Of course, I said I would!"

"What is it?" he presses curiously. I take a moment to memorize the look on his face. He's so eager, full of playful energy, desperate for information, completely focused on me. "Katie - tell me!"

"You'll get it in a few days," I tell him.

"Honey!"

"Sweetheart, you wouldn't give me a hint!" I hold my ground, not giving anything away.

"Okay, let's see, what can I tell you without _telling_ you?" Sidney considers carefully. "It's not jewelry, but it has a ring." Sid looks very satisfied with himself.

"Hmmm..." I watch him closely, hoping he'll give something away. A ring? Like ringing sound? "Something with a bell?"

"Maybe," he grins. "My turn!"

"Well, it's something you've had before and I think you liked it," I say evenly.

"Something I've had before?" he questions. "So, it's food," he says confidently.

"Maybe," I smile at him. "You'll just have to wait."

"I really need to see you," he frowns. "Do you have to go to New York next weekend?"

"Yeah," I frown. "I thought you were going to try and come with me?"

"It's not looking good," he says sadly. "But we'll have a few days at home before you leave, right?"

"Yep!" I say brightly.

There's a knock at Sid's door and it startles us both. "Hang on," he says quietly. I watch him make his way across the room, but I can't see who's at the doorway. To my relief it's a male voice, not that I think he'd bring a woman up to his room, but they might show up uninvited. I shake the unwelcome thought away. He walks back toward me and the other figure follows behind. I think it's a teammate. "Gimme a minute," Sid tells him, but he doesn't fall back.

"Is this the girlfriend?" his teammate squeals teasingly.

"Wait outside," Sid says forcefully, but he is completely ignored and his teammate makes a run toward the screen. He's not quick enough for Sid though, and in a nano-second he's pulling his friend toward the door.

"Hi Kate," he yells at me, but I have no idea who he is, so I just wave politely and mentally hug myself for getting dressed when I did.

"Okay, okay," Sid turns and pushes him out of the room. He's back in front of me in a flash and a trace of red touches his ears. _He's so cute_. "Sorry about that."

"No problem," I laugh.

"Team dinner," he explains. "I've got to run."

I pout a little bit, but truthfully, I really need a nap before heading over to my parents house. "Call me before bed?"

"Absolutely."

"Who was that?" I giggle.

"Marc," he sighs. "Troublemaker." I can't help but laugh at Sid's annoyance.

"Have fun babe," I encourage him.

"Thanks for calling, I needed that," he winks and now it's my turn to blush a little.

I set my iPad over and settle into bed, setting an alarm on my phone to wake me in two hours. I close my eyes and for the first time since I've come home, I feel relaxed. Sid and I are back on track, the party is over, and for some reason, my mother and I are kind of getting along. I wonder what she wants? I try not to dwell on it. My mind flits to considering what Sid could possibly have bought me, but before I can give it too much thought, I'm slipping into a deep and much needed sleep.


	50. Chapter 50

My ringtone startles me awake, and it takes me a second to realize that it's not morning, but early evening and I'm expected at my parents house shortly. I grab my phone to turn off the offending alarm and see a text from Sid.

_"How did I get so lucky?"_ I melt on the spot. He's wrong though, I'm the lucky one.

_"It must be rubbing off on me :)" _I press send and clutch my phone close to my heart. God I miss this guy.

_"I'd like to rub off on you!"_ Oooh! Naughty Sid has reared his head.

_"Get over here then!" _I challenge him, and for a brief moment I entertain the thought that he could do just that. Of course, it's not possible. He doesn't reply immediately and I use that time to get ready to walk over to my parents house. I brush my teeth and change my top. Still nothing from Sid. Well, he's at a team dinner, he probably shouldn't be texting his girlfriend at the moment anyway.

I pull on my shoes, and grab my jacked just as my cell buzzes.

_"Maybe we can Skype again later and you can give some of the guys a little show?"_

What the fuck? He must be joking. _Right?_ I don't reply, instead I wait for him to explain himself and he does so almost immediately.

_"SORRY! THAT WASN'T ME! ONE OF THE GUYS TOOK MY PHONE!"_

Okay, all caps apology, he must be getting a pretty bad ribbing over there. I laugh at the thought. _Poor Sid!_

_"I figured as much! Time for you to lock down your phone until you're safe in your hotel room! I'm off to my parents, call me before you go to sleep?"_

_"Of course."_

The short walk to my parents house gives me too much time to torture myself trying to decipher Sid's clue. Something with a ring, but it's not jewelry. I'm convinced it's something that makes a ringing _sound_, but that could be almost anything really. I wonder if he bought it in Buffalo or New Jersey? It's probably some airport trinket. Maybe one of those snow globes that plays a little song? I hope my gift isn't too selfish.

My parents house doesn't seem like enemy territory at the moment, and it's a foreign feeling. All evidence of the party this afternoon has disappeared, and the house is now restored to it's previous state of order.

"Hello?" I call out, announcing my arrival as I make my way into the kitchen.

"In here," comes my mom's reply. She's standing at the kitchen island, making a pitcher of iced tea and arranging a plate of leftover party food. I set my things on the counter, including the baby shower gift she asked me to bring from Pittsburgh. "You remembered!" she squeals with delight. "Thank you!" My mother quickly inspects the high-end diaper bag and seems quite satisfied with the overpriced satchel.

"Hey kiddo," my dad enters the room and pulls me into a half-hug. "Ready to show us what you've been working on?"

"Yeah," I sigh nervously. This could go one of two ways. Either they will be impressed and respond appropriately, or they'll think it's terrible and pretend to like it. Well, my dad will pretend anyway. My mother thrusts a plate of food and a handful of napkins into my hands and I head into the living room. My dad eagerly takes the dvd while I settle into a corner of the sofa. Oddly, my mother decides to sit right next to me and even squeezes my knee in anticipation.

"Here we go!" she smiles at me, and I'm try desperately to downplay the look of shock that I know is written all over my face. _What's gotten into her?_ The temporary menu fills the screen and I take a deep breath and hit 'play'. I've seen the first episode a half a dozen times now, but it still holds my attention, which I take as a good sign. There's plenty of opportunity for me to sneak glances at my parents, the first audience outside of production to see the finished episode, and it looks like they're enjoying it. Captivated even.

There's a pretty graphic war scene and my mother gasps and covers her face, turning to me and giving me an embarrassed smile. She never could handle violence! "Just during the gory parts," she explains. _Seriously, what is going on with her?_ It's confusing, and distracting. A few days ago she was practically forcing me to repay "debts" and now we're getting along, I might even go as far as saying we're enjoying each others company! There's only a few minutes before the credits roll and I notice neither of them have touched the food or their drinks. They're actually focused on the show! My stomach flips with pride.

"There's your name!" my mom beams as my name rolls by, and I can't help but chuckle, a little embarrassed by her enthusiasm.

"Really something Katie," my dad says with a smile. "When can we see the rest?"

The evening goes well, better than well actually. For a minute I consider spending the night instead of retreating back to the hotel, but I haven't got any of my things, and I don't want to push my luck. My mother gushes about the show, telling me her favorite moments, and I'm surprised by how closely she was paying attention. She offers suggestions of where she thinks the story will head next, and I grin when she actually guesses one or two correctly.

"I'm going to hit the hay," my dad announces, and my mother rolls her eyes.

"It's not even nine o'clock," she tells him, but he just shrugs and motions for me to stand up. He pulls me into a bear hug, "I'm so proud of you Kate," he whispers and the words nearly send me over the edge. "Meet your old man for lunch tomorrow?"

"You bet," I reply quietly.

"I'll pick you up around eleven thirty then," he says. His offer is just so...fatherly, I'm more than happy to accept.

"Sounds good," I smile.

"Kate, come with me," my mother calls and my heart sinks. I follow her into the front room and the thought "too good to be true" comes to mind. We're alone now, and she's probably done playing nice. The small sunroom houses an old roll-top desk that my grandfather built, two wicker chairs, and a bunch of Olivia's toys. In all the years I lived in this house, I can only remember this room being used to store mail and pay bills. My mother rolls the desk cover open and pulls out a small stack of letters.

"Here's some of your mail," she explains. "I guess most of it has been forwarded to Pittsburgh," she finishes quietly.

"Well, not all of it," I reach out to take the letters, but she resists.

"This one came for you Friday, and I accidentally opened it, thinking it was for me," she explains. I shrug, as if it doesn't matter, but it's pretty annoying. It could be personal, and she doesn't exactly hold back when it comes to respecting privacy. "It's from the doctor's office."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that," I tell her. Since the accident I've had regular tests to monitor the internal scarring from the trauma that caused the miscarriage. I guess it's a reminder about an upcoming appointment. "I'll just schedule an appointment with a doctor in Pittsburgh."

"I think you should read it," she coaxes.

I scan the letter quickly, and it is a reminder, but it's also a notification of a test abnormality. _Abnormality?_ That sounds...terrifying. I keep reading, but it the letter gives nothing away. Instead, I'm encouraged to read the enclosed pamphlet and make an appointment with my gynecologist as soon as possible. The folded pamphlet is entitled, "Transport System Abnormality in the Cervix". _What?_ The words blur together, most of them complex medical terms that mean nothing to me anyway, but I do notice the statistics. Most women with this condition will never conceive naturally, and most will never maintain a healthy pregnancy.

My mother must notice the look of confusion on my face, because she gently takes my hand and starts talking. It takes me a minute to hear the words leaving her mouth, but when I do they're not good. "It can mean infertility," she says. "You have to get this looked at Kate," she tells me firmly. I nod frantically, silently agreeing to follow any instruction I am given. At this moment, I'm stunned and scared and I will follow any order given to me.

I don't remember saying goodbye, but I'm sure we did When I finally snap out of my haze, I'm just a block from the hotel, and my head is swimming. Having children isn't something I'd given a lot of thought to since the accident, but now that it's become a shrinking possibility, the idea of not having kids is devastating. The idea of trying to have a baby and losing it, _again_, is overwhelming.

_You don't know anything yet_, I remind myself. There's no need to get worked up about this just yet. The letter goes a long way to explain my mother's shift in behavior. It certainly reminded me that I'm not immortal, maybe she's come to realize we don't have all the time in the world to sort out our differences? Once inside my room, I pull a bottle of water from the fridge and stare out the window, watching the water speed along the river. I guess I'd always taken it for granted that if I wanted to have children I'd be able to. Don't most people think that way? I guess there's always adoption, right? People do that all the time, and I'm lucky enough to have the resources to do it fairly painlessly. _And you don't even know anything yet!_ I scold myself for getting so far ahead of the situation. Life has given me enough to worry about at the moment without piling on a bunch of hypothetical scenarios.

The sound of my phone vibrating against the table startles me back into the present. _Sid!_ My heart soars then takes a spectacular nose-dive. Do I tell him about this? Is it too personal? I mean, there's nothing really to even tell just yet.

"Hey you," I say warmly, trying to disguise any trace of anxiety in my voice. I do such a good job I almost convince myself, _almost_.

"There's my girl," he says quietly and I can hear the smile in his voice. "Where have you been?"

"Did I miss a call?" I guess I was more lost in thought than I realized.

"Try three," he giggles.

"Sorry, I was at my parents place and I didn't hear the phone," I explain quickly.

"How did that go?" he asks nervously.

"Really great," I gush. "Couldn't have gone better!"

"Are you being sarcastic?" he asks with a chuckle.

"No, I'm serious!" I tell him.

"That's great babe, I'm so happy for you," he says cheerfully. "What changed?"

_What do I say? I might not be able to have kids and my mother pities me enough to be kind to me? _

"I'm not sure," I say quietly. No need to burden him with hypochondria too. "I guess it just took her a day to warm up to me. Tell me about your night."

"Team dinner, nothing exciting," he says blandly.

"So you don't want me to fire up the computer and give your teammates a little show?" I ask sarcastically.

"No!" he says sternly, and I'm suddenly reminded of his tone while he was helping me pack. When he was censoring my underwear choices and frankly, acting very jealous of any man seeing an inch of my skin.

"As if I would," I say quickly, hoping to lighten the mood. _Does he really think I'd do that?!_ "So what are you up to now?"

"I don't know, maybe watch some tv," he replies dryly.

"We could watch a movie together," I suggest.

"Yeah?" he perks up a little bit.

"What's on your pay-per-view?" I ask, suddenly kind of excited about our over-the-phone movie date.

"I've got about a million adult movies, some cartoons," he trails off as he skips through his choices. "_Thor: The Dark World_ is on here, do you have it?" he sounds so hopeful, and even though that's not something I would choose in a million years, I don't really care what we watch.

"Got it," I tell him.

Minutes later, we've hung up our phones, fired up FaceTime, rented our movies and I'm snuggled into bed with Sid on screen beside me where he would normally lay. We half-watch the movie, half-visit with each other. It's a pretty convincing simulation, and just the distraction I need tonight.

"Still wearing my shorts to sleep?" he asks with a wicked grin.

"Every night," I confess. "What did you do with my panties?"

"They're in my suitcase," he chuckles. "I'm taking excellent care of them."

"Showing them the world!" I chime in teasingly.

"We should take a holiday," he says suddenly. "During the off-season."

"Yeah? Where do you want to go?" I ask him seriously.

"Anywhere," he says seriously. "Just somewhere we can be alone, no distractions."

"Nova Scotia?" I suggest.

"Way too many distractions," he sighs.

"You kind of promised your mom, Sid."

"Yeah, I want you there too, but I want to take you somewhere, just us."

"Where have you always wanted to go?" I ask brightly.

"New Zealand?" he offers.

"Okay," I agree quickly. "Do they know who you are in New Zealand?"

"Probably not," he laughs.

"Good! I'll get you all to myself then!"

An explosion on screen captures our attention and we both focus on the movie for a few minutes. I gasp and cover my face during one of the more gruesome scenes, although quite tame, and I hear Sid laugh.

"Oh I wish I were there to hold your hand," he chuckles.

"I wish you were here too," I pout at the screen.

We laugh at some of the more outrageous moments, try to sort out some of the plot we missed while talking, discuss the merits of Chris Hemsworth, Sid getting a little jealous when I mention his good looks.

"You can stare at Natalie Portman all night long!" I say defensively.

"She's not my type," he says dryly. "Not even close."

"I didn't know you had a type," I say nervously.

"I didn't know either," he winks at me and I blush instantly.

"What were your other girlfriends like?" I ask, and instantly regret the question. Jealousy isn't easy for me to handle, and I'm not sure I can take a threat of competition.

"I don't know," he says slowly. "I've never had a really serious relationship to be honest." _Until now or ever?_ No, this is serious. We're serious about each other. _Right?_ "Kate?"

"Sorry," I apologize quickly.

"What are you thinking?" he asks.

"Why haven't you?" I blurt out.

"Well, my schedule isn't exactly flexible, and I guess I just never met anyone that I felt I could be serious about."

"Hmmm," I try to fill the quiet space nonchalantly, but fail miserably.

"You were different though," he tells me. "So if I'm making a lot of mistakes, just tell me. I'm new at this," he chuckles.

"You're doing great."

"I'm a little worried my present is over-the-top," he confesses shyly.

"Really? Why don't you just tell me what it is and I'll decide?" Sid laughs and shakes his head. "To be honest, I'm worried my present isn't going to be enough."

"It's enough," he assures me.

"Oh yeah? You think you've got it all figured out?"

"Yep," he smiles.

"Let's hear it," I plead, but again he just shakes his head.

"All in good time," he says.

I suddenly feel very close to him and brave and without a second thought I blurt out my next question.

"Do you want kids?"

"Definitely," he doesn't miss a beat. "What's the point otherwise?"

"Yeah," I agree lamely. _So if my worst fears are confirmed, our relationship is pointless?_

"I mean, I'm not in a rush. Not even close," he laughs and I join him trying to hide my uneasiness. "Has spending time with your niece made you baby-crazy?"

"I guess that's it," I smile brightly.

"Yeah, sometimes I see the guys with their kids and it looks like a lot of fun," he says evenly.

The movie is nearly over, and we refocus our attention on the last few minutes. I see Sid yawn and quickly remember he has a game tomorrow afternoon.

"Babe, it's sleep time for you," I scold gently.

"There's ten minutes left," he pouts childishly.

"Okay, and then straight to bed!" I tease.

"You're going to watch the game tomorrow afternoon?" he asks expectantly.

"Of course," I answer automatically. "And then you fly to Toronto?"

"Yeah, off-day Monday, then game Tuesday night and then home to you!"

"I can't wait that long," I tell him honestly.

"You should take Wednesday off work," he suggests playfully.

"Are you kidding? I'm already taking so much time off!"

"You took one day off Kate," he says firmly. "Wednesday night, you're mine! Got it?"

"Got it," I answer him.

"I really want to show you something," he tells me seriously.

"What is it?"

"A surprise," he answers quickly.

"Good surprise? Or surprise like, what's this rash on my..."

"Kate!" he interrupts. "Good surprise, it's a good surprise!" I burst out laughing and recover just in time to hear him whisper, "I hope."


	51. Chapter 51

My last day in Saskatoon is a blur, my head has been spinning ever since reading the letter from the doctor's office, and I can barely focus on the conversation around the table. Lunch with my father has turned into brunch with my family, and to be honest, seeing my sister with Olivia stings a little bit.

"Hey," Jill pinches my thigh playfully and I squeal loudly in surprise. "I have to tell you something."

"What?" I ask nervously, I don't think I can take any more bad news these days.

"Pete convinced me to take you up on your offer," she says sheepishly. Her words don't immediately register with me, and she looks at me like I'm from outer space. "We're going to come to Pittsburgh," she explains. Relief rushes over me and I throw my arms round my sister.

"That's fantastic!" I screech, drawing unwanted attention to us both. I hold her at arms length and we both laugh at my little outburst. "I'll handle everything, just let me know what dates work for you guys."

"Can you get us tickets to a game?" Peter teases, obviously eavesdropping on our conversation. I roll my eyes at him, and nod.

"I think I can swing that," I answer confidently. _Can I?_ Games are always sold out, but Carter and I have never had trouble finding tickets online. _Do they expect me to ask Sid?_ I'm not comfortable with that. He was shy about talking hockey with me in the beginning, and I know it's important for him to be accepted without the title of superstar hockey player. I'll find tickets online, I can afford it. Everyone wins! Then a sinking feeling rises in my chest. If this _abnormality_ really is a problem, Sid might not be my boyfriend in a few weeks. He wants kids, and I might not be able to give that to him. _What's the point otherwise?_ His words ring in my ears.

Jill, Olivia, my mother and I decide to walk around downtown after brunch. Some shops are open, but most are closed, so we mostly window shop and visit. I'm conscious of the time, as I don't want to miss the start of Sid's game, but I also just want to crawl into bed and sleep. Anything to keep me from thinking too much.

"Kate?" my mother snaps, finally pulling my attention back to the present moment.

"Sorry, what's that?" I ask innocently.

"What time is your flight tomorrow?" she says irritably.

"Early, early," I sigh. "My flight is at five thirty, so I should be there around quarter to five at the latest."

"Why so early?" my mother asks shaking her head.

"Carter booked it," I say simply. "I have an early morning meeting."

"How are you getting there?" Jill asks.

"I'll grab a cab," I say simply.

"We can take you," my mother offers, but it's completely unnecessary.

"No, it's way too early. Thanks though," and I'm relieved when she silently agrees.

The rest of the early afternoon passes easily, and before I know it we've walked me back to my hotel. I ask if they'd like to come upstairs, but Olivia desperately needs a nap so they politely decline.

"So this is goodbye, I guess?" Jill says tearfully.

"Oh Jill, you're coming to see me in a few week!" I say cheerfully. "Come give Auntie Kate a hug," I open my arms toward Olivia and even in her grumpy state, she lets me give her a good squeeze. "Are you excited to come visit me?"

"Mmmhhhh," is the best reply she can give me in the moment. Poor thing is just exhausted.

"You'll call me when you find out?" my mother whispers as she pulls me into a hug.

"I will," I promise while anxiety and fear bloom in my belly.

"Don't let this go too long," she advises seriously.

"I won't," I agree. There's no way I can live with this question mark hanging over my head.

"We'll see you in a few weeks," my mother says brightly and offers me a supportive smile.

"I can't wait," I tell them both.

Back in my hotel room, I flip on the game and am disappointed to see that I've missed the first few minutes. Watching Sid is a welcomed distraction, and it gives me something to focus on outside of my worries. He plays well, really well actually. By the end of the first period he's scored a goal and made an assist. I pull out my laptop, intending to get a few minutes of work done, but morbid curiosity gets the best of me and I wander onto google.

_Transport System Abnormality in Cervix_. The results are sobering. Infertility. That seems to be the consensus. I slam my laptop closed and have a good cry. The stress of the past few days, facing Benny, fighting with Sid, dealing with my mother, finding out I might never have children, it all comes crashing down hard around me. I hear the second period start, but I can't see a thing through blurred tears.

It's hard to believe that all of the stress in my life stems from a car accident. A failed marriage, a tragic pregnancy, strained relationships, facing financial ruin, and now it could close the door on my future. I think I deserve a "poor-me" moment. Just one. My body completely surrenders to the painful feelings and I let tears flow freely. I consider everything the accident has cost me, and everything it continues to take from me and I'm overwhelmed. It's Sid's voice that snaps me out of my pity party.

"There you go, bud." They show Sid dressed in a suit, signing an autograph for a young fan. The boy is wearing a Devils' jersey though, and I can't help but grin. They cut back to Sid sitting on the bench, watching the ice between whistles.

"The kid has fans in every rink he visits, and he doesn't care what jersey they're wearing. Sid will sign for almost anyone," the announcer says, and I can't help but feel proud of Sid in that moment. I wipe my eyes, and take a few deep breaths. _You still don't know anything_. I really have to stop getting worked up over nothing. Well, maybe it's nothing.

Room service, a bottle of wine and a healthy dose of Sid pull me out of my funk. After the game, I get a few hours of work in before it's time for me to pack up. Tomorrow is an important day and I want to look my best, so I consider my options based on the limited number of garments I've packed. My phone buzzes as I try on a variation of an outfit, and I almost trip over my pants trying to grab it before it goes to voicemail.

"Hello?" I pant into the phone.

"Hey babe," his voice is like a warm hug. "I'm in Toronto, just checked into the hotel."

"How's your hotel?" I ask. "Do you have your own room?"

"Yeah, I usually do," he tells me. "It's nothing special."

"Are you staying downtown?"

"Yep, at the Renaissance," he says with a sigh.

"Sleepy?" I ask with a smile.

"Oh yeah," and I can hear the grin on his face. "Long day."

"If a girl wanted to order room service for her boyfriend tomorrow, what room would she send it to?" I ask cheekily.

"626," he laughs. "And I'll eat anything." He sounds completely wiped, I should really let him get some sleep, but talking to him is addictive and I miss him so much.

"You should probably sleep," I suggest, hoping he'll fight me on this.

"Yeah, I'm beat," he agrees, much to my disappointment.

"Okay hun, I'll talk to you tomorrow," I say softly.

"Night babe," and he's practically asleep on the phone.

I take a quick shower and dry my hair, knowing I won't have time in the morning. I finish packing, double check my travel itinerary and call the front desk to arrange a wake up call and taxi. Being the paranoid worrier I am, I set an alarm on my phone, and my heart soars when I see a text from Sid. It's a picture of the empty space in his bed beside him.

_"Wish you were here_."

Early morning comes before I know it, and I scramble out of bed wondering if I even fell asleep. There's not a lot of time before my flight, so I hurry to dress and do my makeup and hair, packing up the last of my things as I go. The taxi speeds to the airport, and I'm grateful for the empty early-morning streets.

As expected, the airport is nearly deserted. I check in without incident and have just enough time to buy a few magazines and snacks before boarding. The flight is very light, mostly people traveling for business by the looks of things. I stick out like a sore thumb in my jeans and tailored blazer. I've never found sleeping on planes easy, so instead I thumb through In Style, and listen to music. The flight is only a few hours and by the time we land I've completely woken up and am ready for some breakfast.

The cab driver weaves through the busy downtown streets and the speed and heavy traffic make me a little nervous. I really need to eat something. Finally he pulls up to my destination, and I quickly pay him and pull my suitcase toward a nearby coffee shop and patisserie. I order food, and a lot of it. The young girl behind the counter looks at me like I'm crazy, but I assure her that I intend to eat every bite. While waiting for my order I take the opportunity to call Sid. The phone only rings once.

"Hey," he says sleepily.

"Were you sleeping?" I say softly.

"Just waking up," he assures me. "So what's for breakfast?"

"Oh Sid!" I feign horror.

"You forgot," he says with a tinge of disappointment.

"Are you mad?" I ask quickly.

"Of course not," he says with a giggle. The girl behind the counter hands me a large paper bag with numerous pink bakery boxes inside. _Maybe I did go a little overboard_. I hand her some cash and make my way out to the street. "Where are you?" Sid asks with a yawn. "Sounds like New York."

"Well it's not," I laugh. "I'm downtown headed to an important meeting."

"Yeah?" he says. "Back at work already?"

"I'm a busy gal!" I walk through the ornate lobby and head directly for the elevators. "What's your day looking like?"

"Off day today," he says.

"So what does an off day in Toronto look like for Sidney Crosby?" I quickly look around and to my relief I'm alone in the elevator. The last thing I need is for people to think I'm talking to Sid.

"I don't know, I guess I'll have to forage for some food," he teases.

The elevator doors open and I make my way down the dimly light hallway. "Hun, I have to go," I tell him. "I have a really important breakfast meeting, and I'm here now."

"Think of me wasting away in Toronto," he moans.

"I will," I giggle.

"Okay, knock 'em dead," he says encouragingly.

"We'll see," I laugh. I stow my phone and quickly smooth my hair before knocking on the door. I hear a shuffle of movement and then the door flies open. "Hey," I say as casually as I can muster, and the look of shock on Sid's face is adorable.


	52. Chapter 52

"Get in here!" he pulls me into his arms and my luggage and our breakfast fall spectacularly to the floor. Sid is wearing only boxers and his skin is deliciously warm. He pulls off my jacket and tugs at the hem of my shirt. "Get naked with me," he says with a wicked grin.

I shake my head and laugh. "Honey, you should undress me. I mean, this is your present so you should at least unwrap it," I say with a blush. For some reason, time apart has made me shy in front of Sid, and the idea of stripping for him is daunting.

"With pleasure," he groans and I feel his hands on me immediately. He doesn't touch my clothes though, he rests his hands on my shoulders and a grin spreads across his face. "I love my present," he says sincerely, pulling me tight to his chest and crashing his lips against mine. He pulls back just as quickly and smiles at me.

"So you didn't guess that I was your present?" I ask with a smirk.

"Well, your clues weren't real clues babe!" he says defensively.

"Yes they were!"

"You said it was something I had before and I enjoyed it," he says, and as the words leave his mouth he understand their double meaning. "Oh," he laughs. "Well then, I'd like to have my present again." Sid's hands move up the inside of my shirt and when his fingertips reach my arms he gently presses me to lift them over my head, and in one graceful motion my shirt soars across the room onto the floor at the end of the bed. "Mmm, I like this bra on you," he says while his lips skim the top of my breasts.

"Let's leave it on then," I suggest playfully.

"Not a chance," he says without even looking up at me. His fingers make short work of the clasp and soon my bra joins my shirt and the only thing covering my naked chest are Sid's eager hands. His lips drop to my neck and I practically melt when I feel his warm breath heat my skin. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean into him while his hands move toward my waist and he fumbles with the button to my jeans.

I giggle, watching him fight with my pants and he looks up and smirks at me, shaking his head. "I can't believe you're here," he says sincerely.

"I missed you," I tell him.

"We need this," he says softly, and I nod in agreement. "After everything that happened over the past few days, I just need to be inside you." His words practically send me over the edge, and I pant rapidly while watching his hands pull the last of my clothes to the floor. He kisses my shoulder and turns me toward the bed, his hands running down the length of my back, coming to rest on my hips. Suddenly his hands still. "Fuck."

"What?" I pant desperately.

"I don't have anything," he says defeated. I'm actually kind of relieved he doesn't carry protection with him on the road, that's a good sign! I scramble toward my purse pull out a string of foil wrappers.

"I came prepared," I grin and Sid practically tosses me onto the bed. "I have more too," I say shyly, and Sid just laughs.

"Good girl," he says proudly. He crawls between my legs and presses himself against me. His shorts, although soft and warm, are very much in the way at the moment. I move to pull them off, but Sid presses me back against the bed.

"Not yet," he scolds, and with a wicked grin he lowers his mouth to meet my sex. Watching him between my legs is probably the most erotic thing I've ever seen. His hands gently coax my legs further apart and he kisses up the inside of my right thigh until he reaches the most sensitive part of me. His hand moves up my body searching for my hand. I quickly close my fingers around his and he gives me a gentle squeeze. I clutch his hand tightly as his tongue starts to move, lightly flicking my clitoris.

"Oh wow," I moan softly.

"You like that?" he looks up at me, eyebrows raised and a naughty grin on his face. I push the back of his head down and laugh.

"Don't stop," I plead, and I can feel him giggle against me. His free hand moves to meet his mouth and I squirm as he presses two fingers deep inside me. "Yeah," I pant heavily, and feel his fingers start moving in and out of me. My sex-starved weekend has made me hypersensitive to his touch and I feel myself climbing closer and closer toward climax. _But I'm supposed to be his present!_ "Sid, this was supposed to be about you," I say breathlessly.

"Trust me, I'm enjoying this as much as you are," he says firmly. Somehow I doubt that. Almost as if reading my thoughts, Sid pulls my hand to the front of his shorts and I feel the very large erection straining to escape. Feeling his arousal is too much, and combined with Sid's tongue on me, fingers in me, and his hand in mine, I fall apart completely. My body quivers uncontrollably and I let out a string of moans that would surely scare away any housekeeping staff. Sid doesn't let up though, my orgasm seems to fuel him further and he only stops when I beg him.

"Please, please! I'm done! I'm done!" I pant furiously. He looks up between my legs with an expression that can only be described as victorious.

"My girl," he says sweetly and places soft kisses up my body, paying special attention to my breasts, finally reaching my lips. "I love you." His words bring me to tears, because that's exactly what I feel at this moment. _Loved_.

"Oh babe," I throw my arms around his neck and pull him close to me. "I'm so in love with you!" I tuck my face into his neck and breathe him in. I've missed his touch, his skin, his smell, his taste, and now here he is. I feel around the bed and find the string of condoms, and pull open a foil. Sid quickly strips his shorts off and sits back on his knees. My fingers slowly unwrap the coiled latex and I delicately unroll it along the length of Sid. He groans quietly when I press into the base of him and I quickly look up and grin at him.

Sid pulls forcefully on my legs, moving me further down the bed, and rests his weight on his right arm while positioning himself between me. I brush a curl away from him forehead and trace his beautiful features. Sid gently presses inside me, moving at an achingly slow pace. I gasp, my eyes glued to his, and he kisses me while pushing to fill me completely. My hands skip down his back to his hips and I hold him tightly, relishing the feeling of our bodies meeting. "I'm going to move now," he whispers and I give him a small nod, my body desperate with anticipation. Sid flexes his hips, dragging the length of himself out of me, then swiftly enters me again.

I run my fingers across Sid's chest, feeling his sculptured muscles and I lean up to kiss his neck. "How's your shoulder?" I ask him gently.

"Almost a hundred percent," he smiles down at me. He leans closer, resting most of his weight on my body, and wraps his arm around my face, encircling us in a little cocoon. I love the feeling of his body on mine, even though it makes it impossible to move, and a little difficult to breathe, it's so comforting, and it's exactly what I've been craving for the past few days. He rests his forehead on mine, bucking his hips to grind hard into me. "Yeah," he groans. "I love that."

"Me too," I smile at him. "Do it again," I plead.

Sid bucks his hips again and I squeal with delight. The effect on Sid is immediate. He repeats the movement over and over again, both of us giggling and groaning and moaning and smiling. "You on top," he says softly and I quickly oblige. Sid lays back on the bed, and his hands quickly find my breasts as I lower myself onto him. "Ah," he moans. "Yeah, just like that," he encourages as I begin moving up and down. His hands drop to my hips and he sets the pace, pushing me tightly down then slowly pulling me up. I rest my hands on his forearms, using him as leverage to grind against him.

"Say it again," Sid pants desperately. I furrow my brow and Sid laughs at my confusion. "Tell me you love me," he begs.

"Oh Sid, I love you! You know that, right?" I plead.

"I do," he confesses with a shy smile.

"I love you, and I love making love with you, and I love telling you I love you," I tell him sincerely. Sid puts his hands on either side of my face and pulls me toward his mouth. He kisses me feverishly, his tongue desperate for entrance and I willingly concede to him. His arm snakes around my backside and our hips find a rhythm that pushes us both closer and closer to the edge.

Without warning, Sid suddenly flips me onto my back and moves on top of me. His pace increases, and I can feel his muscles tighten. "However you want me, Sid," I offer myself to him completely. His eyes light up and his hips slam into me. I gasp in surprise and a worried look crosses Sid's face. "Keep going," I encourage him. "It feels so good." I close my eyes and concentrate on the feeling of his skin on mine. He moves even faster now, and I can feel him getting close. "Let me go first babe," I beg him.

Sid grins and moves a hand down to me, his capable fingers pressing against my clitoris, pushing me over the edge. I clench around him and a handful of thrusts later, Sid joins me. He growls loudly, his hips dig into mine, and every muscle in his gorgeous body tenses. He pulls out of me slowly, and then quickly makes his way to the bathroom to dispose of the condom. I hear Sid start filling the bathtub and I can't imagine mustering enough energy to walk to the bathroom. "Kate," he calls me. "Come join me!" I don't answer him immediately, testing my strength. Nope, I can't get up. He's wrecked me. "Kate!" comes an insistent yell.

"I'm too tired," I moan, and before I can even wrap myself in the warm bedding, Sid is at my side, lifting me into his arms. He carries me into the ensuite and lowers me into the bath, the warm water caressing every inch of my skin. Sid climbs in behind me, and rests his legs on either side of me. I lean back against his chest and his arms tighten around me. "Okay, this was a good idea," I concede.

"See, sometimes I know what I'm doing," he laughs.

"Oh Sid, I think you know what you're doing most of the time," I sigh. I run my hands up to his thighs and hold his large, muscular legs. "I could fall asleep in here," I confess.

"I still can't believe you're here," Sid whispers into my ear, kissing my head and nuzzling my hair. "You're amazing."

"I couldn't stay away," I giggle.

"I'm glad for that," he smiles.

We relax in the warm water until it begins to cool. Wrapped in terrycloth bathrobes, Sid and I sit at the small dining table and dig through the bag of pastries I purchased earlier that morning. Sid holds my hand in his, running his fingertips along my knuckles, caressing my skin. "These ones are the best," he says holding up a berry scone.

"I bought you some chocolate croissants," I tell him, and his eyes light up as he digs through the bag with his free hand. Finding the promised treat, Sid digs in eagerly. "So what do you want to do today?" I ask him.

"More of what we did this morning," he says with a grin.

"And after that?" I giggle.

"I don't know babe, it's tough for me to go out when we're on the road," he says evenly.

"Then we'll stay in," I say quickly. "We should go swimming!" Sid bursts out laughing, but I'm not joking. "Come on, it's a Monday. There's no way the pool is going to be busy," I challenge.

"Do you have a bathing suit?" he asks with a smirk.

"Yes, do you?"

"Nope."

"You have shorts though," I tell him and I can see his resistance melting away. "Come on, it could be fun!"

Twenty minutes later, Sid is spinning me through the water, both of us gleefully enjoying the deserted pool. "So you never do this on the road?" I ask him seriously.

"Never," he admits.

"Good," I grin at him and he flashes me a questioning look. "Now it's our thing."

Sid smiles and pulls me tight to him. "Want to race?" he asks playfully.

"Yeah, that's fair. Me versus an Olympic gold-medalist. Sure, yeah, let's race!" I say sarcastically. Sid quickly swims to the edge of the pool, his makeshift starting line and waves me over.

"Come on girl," he calls to me. Reluctantly, I join him and I'm rewarded with a big smooch on the lips. "I'll go easy on you," he tells me.

"Well, don't go too easy on me," I say cockily. Seconds later, I'm regretting my arrogance. Sid is easily two body lengths a head of me, obviously competitive in everything he does. "Hey!" I call out to him. "You were supposed to go easy on me!"

"You said not to!" he calls back as he touches the far wall first, a huge smile on his face. He pushes off and meets me halfway, picking me up and holding me close. "How long are you staying?"

"I fly home Wednesday morning," I tell him. "You?"

"Tuesday night," he frowns.

"Can you stay an extra night?"

"I don't know. I've never asked before," he admits and we both laugh at the idea of him needing permission. All part of his world I guess.

"When do I get my present?" I ask him playfully.

"Oh man," Sid blushes immediately. "I was hoping you'd forget about that!"

"Never!"

"It might be a little much," he says anxiously.

"I don't mind," I promise him.

"Can you wait until we're home?" he asks hopefully. _Home_. I love the sound of that.

"Absolutely," I kiss him gently on the lips. The sound of two young boys jumping into the deep end snaps us out of our private moment, and we know our brief playdate in the pool has come to an end.

Sid heads back to the room directly, and I stop at the hotel gift shop for a few supplies. Upstairs, I dry my hair giving Sid a chance to look through the loot I've brought. He chooses the Toronto skyline playing cards and gives me a dubious look. "Poker?" he suggests.

"I don't know how to play," I tell him.

"Perfect," he grins.

So, armed with a loose set of rules and a boyfriend who has one goal in mind, I embark on my first game of strip poker. It does not go well for me. Sid has only lost his shirt, while I am desperately clinging to my panties. Before we even play the last hand, we're back in bed, frantically grabbing, touching and sucking each other. Our frenzied pace doesn't make for the longest session we've ever had, but it's memorable in it's own way.

Once we're both satiated and am laying in Sid's arms I decide to bring up a difficult subject. "So," I start slowly and Sid turns to face me, eager to hear what I'm going to say. "Are you feeling okay about...everything?"

"Everything?" he smiles.

"You know, the thing with Benny, er my ex-husband," I add quickly. "Are we okay there?"

"I'm not crazy about it," he admits. "But I guess I come with a lot of baggage too."

"Yeah?" I ask curiously. "Like what?"

"A lot of public scrutiny, a schedule that keeps me out of town for half the year, Flyers fans," he laughs at his joke, but I don't really get it. Sid notices the confused look on my face, "You'll see."

"I can take it," I say confidently.

"I hope so," he hugs me close to him and kisses my forehead. "I don't want to lose you."

"I'm yours as long as you want," I cuddle in tight. "You might decide you don't want to keep me."

"I won't," Sid interrupts. "I can't imagine anything that would change how I feel about you."

_I can think of one thing. _


	53. Chapter 53

The wait inside the doctor's office is excruciating. Wearing only the disposable paper robe, I fidget nervously, picking up and setting back down the various medical instruments left unattended. My stomach is doing flips and my heart is racing, my nerves in overdrive. I take a few deep breaths and try to distract myself with happy thoughts. My mind drifts back to Toronto and my reunion with Sid. I laugh thinking back to the insane amount of room service sent to our room when a teammate realized he had a woman with him, and Sid itching to retaliate, but deciding not to get sucked into team pranks. I smile remembering cheering for Sid while practically drowning in a sea of blue and white jerseys. Making love before falling asleep and again before checking out of the hotel. Sid sleeping on my shoulder for the duration of our flight back home.

The door swings open and my daydream slips away and the sober look on Dr. Patel's face floods me with anxiety and worry once more. She gives me a supportive smile, which I mistakenly take as a good sign before she launches into my exam results.

"I'll start with the good news," she says warmly, and my heart sinks. _That means there's bad news_. "Your overall general health is excellent. Your blood work is great, you're at a healthy weight, and all your vital organs perform in the optimal range." I nod, hoping to hurry her along to the information that I'm desperate to hear. "You must take very good care of yourself," she praises me.

"I try," I say anxiously.

"Okay, now for the not-so-good news," she frowns slightly. "You have what we call a transport abnormality in your cervix. Your ovaries are producing eggs, but there is significant fallopian tube damage preventing the eggs from reaching the uterus. The damage isn't contained to one side, but there is more significant obstruction on your left side."

"So what does this mean? I can never have kids?" I whisper.

"It makes it more difficult to conceive and maintain a pregnancy," she says slowly. "Difficult, but not always impossible."

My eyes dart up to hers at the news. _Not impossible!_ "So there's a chance..." I start.

"Kate, let me be blunt. It's unlikely, but the longer you wait the thicker the scar tissue will become and your chances will continue to diminish," she tells me.

"How much time do you think I have before it's too late?"

"I can't say for certain, but if you really want to attempt a pregnancy I recommend buying some fertility kits, home pregnancy tests and getting started as soon as possible."

"Like, this year?"

"Like this fertile period Kate, which is right now." I consider her words carefully. Sid doesn't want children right away, he said that, but maybe if I explain things, he'll be open to the idea. My heart sinks, what man wants to have babies with his girlfriend of less than six months? "I know it's a lot to absorb Kate, and there's no guarantees when it comes to our bodies. You might conceive, but your body might not be able to carry the baby. Unfortunately you don't have the luxury of waiting to decide. I'm sorry."

"Yeah," I sigh heavily.

"There are some things you can do that may increase odds of conception," she starts and I'm hanging on her every word. "I tell my patients the best positions for conceiving are the ones that are most comfortable for you, the woman. After sex, lie with a small pillow tucked under your hips for about twenty minutes, this will help the sperm reach it's target. After intercourse, don't do anything to raise your core-body temperature. No warm baths or saunas." She furrows her brow and I know an uncomfortable question is coming my way. "Do you have a steady sexual partner?"

"Yeah," I nod quickly.

"When trying to conceive most couples assume the more sex the better, that's not the case," she says firmly.

"Oh, I would have thought we should be doing it all the time," I say naively.

"No, that can hurt the process. When a man is ejaculating often, it lowers his sperm count and can impede fertilization. Instead, sex every other day and no masturbatory emissions for him," she says and I blush at the bluntness of our conversation. "You'll need to be firm on that one. If he's doing it on his own, it won't help you conceive."

"Okay," I nod eagerly, this is all good information. It's not impossible, and I have a bunch of tips and tricks that can help, now I just need to see if Sid is willing to do this with me.

"Why don't we schedule another appointment in eight weeks? That gives you two fertile periods to attempt conception."

The ride back to my office is much too short. My head is swimming with information, and I'm excited to think it could happen, and nervous about talking to Sid. _What if he says no?_ What if he needs time to decide? I don't really have time on my side here. I grab my phone and text him, putting the wheels in motion.

_"Hey babe, call me after practice?"_

Work is a blur of phone calls, emails, on-set crises, script notes, and rough cuts. For a few hours, all my troubles melt away and I'm back in my happy place. I haven't shared my fertility issues with anyone, not even Carter. When I pause to think about that, I take it as a good sign. This feels like information Sidney should be privy to first. My cell rings and I answer it quickly, anticipating Sid got my text.

"Hello?" I say brightly.

"Hey Kate, it's Andrea," she says with infectious enthusiasm. "We missed you at pilates this week!"

"Yeah, I had to go out of town," I explain lamely. "And I'm going to miss this week too!"

"Really?" she sounds disappointed. This is uncomfortable, I haven't given any thought to how I would navigate this situation with Andrea and Ray.

"I have to go to New York for work this weekend," I tell her.

"Well, that just stinks!" she giggles. "I'm having a bunch of ladies over Saturday night and I was hoping you'd join us."

"Oh, thanks for the invitation, normally I'd be there in a second." _Would I?_

"Good to know, we should grab lunch next week," she says cheerfully, and in that moment I realize that I like her, and I want us to be friends.

"Definitely," I agree.

When I'm back at my desk, I take a five minute mental health break from work and consider how to approach the Andrea situation. Do I tell her I went on a date with Ray? Yes, that's not a lie worth keeping up. Nothing happened, and it was more friendly than romantic anyway. Do I tell her that I know Ray sleeps around? I don't know.

My phone buzzes and I can't help but smile when I look down and see a text from Sid.

_"You bet baby!"_ He's attached a picture of the arena, so I know he's just arrived.

Carter bolts into my office and closes the door behind him. This must be serious. Without saying a word he commandeers my computer and types my name in the search engine and to my horror pictures of me in my bathing suit pop up.

"Oh my god!" I say horrified.

"Kate," Carter smiles at me. "You look banging, that's not what we're looking at." Carter scrolls down the page and there's a few pictures of Sid and I together in the pool, _I thought we were alone!_ There's a couple of us at the airport, returning from Toronto, but I expected those would show up, and then there's a pic of Sid walking into a Bvlgari shop somewhere_. _"Kate, there's only one reason a man goes into a high end jewelery shop." The gossip article is headlined in bold - **Has The Captain Found His First** **Mate? **"Yeah, the headline is pretty lame, but you get the picture don't you?"

"Oh god Carter," I roll my eyes. "You're getting way ahead of yourself."

"Just saying," he says with a grin. "It's not totally out of the realm of possibilities."

"No way, he said he bought me a gift, but it's not jewelry," I tell him and the look on Carter's face falls.

"Well the whole city is on ring-watch now, so make sure your ring-less hands are visible at all times."

"Noted," I laugh. "Oh, I grabbed something for you at the airport," I dig through my bag and present him with two large boxes of maple fudge.

"Yes!" he enthuses, tearing into the box immediately, he quickly offers to share but I wave him away.

"I don't know how you can eat that stuff," I groan.

"I didn't grow up in the land of maple, remember?" he reminds me, and I giggle.

The afternoon seems busier than usual, and I barely have a chance to think, which isn't the worst thing at the moment. I close my office door and settle in, hoping to finish some pages when my phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey sweetheart," Sid's voice makes me smile. "How's your day going?"

"Busy," I sigh. "How 'bout you?"

"Not so busy, just practice."

"So..." I start, but lose my nerve.

"So..." he teases me. "Are you fishing for your gift?"

"Well," I embrace the welcome diversion. "Maybe."

"Tonight," he assures me. "Can I pick you up?"

"I'd love that," I reply sweetly.

Just before eight o'clock there's a bustle of activity outside my office and I know Sid must be here. _I wonder if they'll ever get used to him?_ He knocks on my door and pushes it open, flashing me a mega-watt smile that I return instantly. He unzips his jacket and settles into the chair across my desk. "I'll just be a minute," I say quickly.

"No rush," Sid says with a sigh.

"You're nervous!" I announce a little more loudly than intended.

"Maybe a little," he admits, grinning at me and I notice the tips of his ears redden.

"Me too," I confess.

"Why?" he presses.

"No, no, you have to give me your present first," I aim to sound nonchalant, and I think I succeed. I quickly pack up my things, and stand, taking Sid's hand as he leads me out the door. He squeezes my hand gently and I glance up at him and smile. _What will I do without this guy?_ What could he possibly be nervous about? I doubt it's as intense as my news.

Sid opens the door to his truck and guides me inside, and soon we're on the road back home. We're both quiet, nervous in our own ways I guess, but Sid doesn't let go of my hand. The traffic is pretty light and we make good time, but Sid doesn't take the usual way home. "There's something I want to show you," Sid says quietly. We pull up to a large brick house that's under construction, and immediately I realize this must be the house he's been building..._for years!_

"Your house," I grin at him.

"Yeah," he smiles sheepishly. "Almost done."

"That's exciting! Can we look around?" I ask enthusiastically. Sid doesn't seem too excited about this, for some reason. I open my door, but Sid grabs my arm and gives me a nervous look.

"Hang on," he says reaching behind my seat and producing the small gift bag. "Open this first." I lean across and kiss Sid hard on the lips. His hand pulls my face tight to his, and some of my anxiety starts to melt away. The little bag is light, and I slowly pull out the gold and black tissue paper peeking out of the top. I glance up at Sid and he looks...terrified.

"Honey, relax," I giggle. Sid sighs and smiles reluctantly. I reach inside the bag and pull out a tiny gold globe hanging from a keyring. _Ring_. I glance up at Sid and grin widely.

"There's a little diamond there," he points to the small chip on the golden sphere. "It's as close to Pittsburgh as they could get it," he says shyly. _It's my own personal map home!_

"I love it," I tell him launching myself at him. Sid receives me with open arms and kisses the top of my head. "Thank you."

"I was thinking the first key could be to my place," Sid says softly.

"Perfect," I kiss him gently. Sid relaxes immediately and lifts my hand up to his lips, kissing my knuckles and smiling. "Show me around?"

Inside the house looks almost complete with the exception of finishing touches. The rooms are all empty of course, and it makes the already large space seem enormous. "There's still a lot to do," Sid says firmly, and I roll my eyes at him.

"Like what?" I challenge.

"I don't know," he chuckles. "There's still landscaping in the backyard, and some tiling in the downstairs bath..."

"Sid, you can live here while they do those things."

"Yeah, but..." he trails off and I realize he doesn't want to live here. He's built this beautiful house and he doesn't really want to live in it.

"What's wrong with this house Sid?" I ask him gently, running my hands along his arms, encouraging him to talk to me.

"It's pretty big," he starts.

"Yeah, it's big," I laugh.

"I've never really been on my own before," he admits and a blush burns on his cheeks. "I guess, it's just..."

"Overwhelming," I finish for him and he nods. "You'll get used to it, and then you'll wonder why you waited so long!" Sid pulls me into a hug and kisses the top of my head. I sling my arms around him enjoy the feeling of his warm body wrapped around mine.

"You'll stay here with me sometimes, right?" he asks, sounding so desperate for reassurance. I take a deep breath and mentally prepare myself for telling Sid everything. "Kate?"

"Well, that kind of leads into what I was going to tell you," I say nervously.

"What is it?" he asks.

"I went to see my doctor today and she didn't have the best news," I start.

"Oh my god, what is it?" Sid's face is full of shock and terror.

"Nothing life threatening," I say quickly, watching relief sweep across his face. "Nothing like that."

"Thank God," Sid kisses my forehead, and the longer I wait the more nervous I become.

"Basically she said if I want to have kids I have to get started like, right now, and I know you don't really want that at the moment, but it's something I want in my life, and if you can't try this with me then I have to find someone who will, even though I want it to be you, but I understand if it's too much too soon, and I don't want you to feel trapped or like I'm forcing you into anything..." I ramble, the words flowing out of me faster than I can even process.

"Slow down," Sid says firmly. "Start over, slower this time."

"Sorry," I pant. "I have an abnormality that makes it difficult to get pregnant, and the longer I wait the less likely it will be that I can have children. So, I know you said you didn't want that at the moment, but I really can't afford to wait on this, and it is something I want. Very badly."

Sid runs his hands through his hair, trying to absorb the mountain of information I've thrown at him. "How soon are we talking here? Months, years?" he asks.

"Right away," I say shyly.

"Wow," he huffs.

"I know."

"That soon," he says, obviously stalling for time. _I don't have time_.

"Listen babe, think it over. It's a huge decision, the most important decision you'll ever make really. So don't answer right away."

"Kate, I love you, I just don't know if I'm ready to..."

"I understand completely," I assure him.

"I don't want to lose you," he says worriedly.

"I don't want you to trap you," I tell him. "Decide what you want. No pressure." He laughs at the last part, and it's a nervous giggle. "Okay, a little bit of pressure."

"Let me sleep on it," he looks at me and his eyes are wild with confusion, frustration, nerves. It's a lot to take in. The short drive back to my house goes by too quickly, and we haven't said much since I thrust parenthood on him. He pulls into the driveway and puts the car in park.

"I think I'll sleep at home tonight," he says quietly. _Ouch. That stings_.

"Okay babe," I smile up at him, but his expression doesn't change. He's concentrating and I'm distracting him.

"I'll call you," he tells me, but his words don't have his usual conviction.

"Take your time."

"Goodnight Kate," he leans in and kisses me quickly.

"Bye love," I whisper and climb out of his truck. I grip my gift tightly in one hand and wave goodbye with the other. Part of me wonders if we've just said our last goodbye.


	54. Chapter 54

I wake easily the next morning, quickly checking my phone to see if Sid called or texted. He did neither. I guess it's been less than twelve hours, he's going to need more time than that to decide. _If he decides to do it_. If he decides he doesn't want this now, with me, then I'll probably hear from him much sooner. Suddenly my phone is the enemy and I clamber out of bed, anxious to get as far from it as possible.

The warm shower wakes me up completely, and I do my best to focus on the day ahead instead of obsessing about Sidney and what his decision will be. It's an impossible task, but what choice do I have? It's Friday, which thankfully means a shorter work day, and I have to pack for my trip to New York. I quickly toss a load of laundry into the machine before drying my hair. The past week has been hectic and I haven't been home enough to kind of get anything domestic done.

Back at the office, the day drags. I can't focus on anything, and every time my phone rings my heart leaps out of my chest. I don't hear from Sid though. He has a game tonight, so his day will be very regimented, every moment accounted for, and I don't want to interrupt his routine. Every hour that ticks by, I remind myself that it's probably a good thing I haven't heard from him. Just after lunch, Carter walks up to me on set, holding my phone and I feel my legs weaken. _Sid!_

"Hello?" I whisper as I hurriedly leave the set.

"Kate?" _Mom_.

"Hey Mom, how's it going?" I ask.

"I haven't heard from you, I just wanted to make sure you made an appointment," she says anxiously.

"I have," I tell her, immediately deciding it's not the time to get into specifics. "I went in yesterday for some tests and I'm going back in a few weeks to talk with the doctor." There, it's a half-truth, so nothing to feel guilty about.

"Keep me posted Kate, I'm worried about you," she says sincerely.

"I will, thanks for calling."

A few hours later, I'm at my desk completely focused on writing when I look up and notice the office has basically cleared out for the night. Carter sits at his desk, obviously waiting for me to give him the green light to head home, and I feel guilty for having kept him here longer than everyone else.

"Hey Carter, let's pack up. It's late," I tell him.

"You seemed to be making good progress, I didn't want to interrupt you," he explains.

"Well, it's Friday night. Let's get out of here."

"Isn't there a game tonight?" Carter asks suspiciously. Leave it to Carter to know the Pens schedule by heart.

"There is, but I'm heading to New York tomorrow, and I haven't been home all week," I answer quickly, fooling no one. Carter frowns at me, and I relent. "I'm not ready to talk about it."

"If you are ready, you know where to find me," he says simply.

Carter walks me out to the waiting car service and gives me a quick hug. "Have a good trip, be safe, enjoy yourself."

"I'll try," I sigh.

"Call me anytime."

The ride home gives me too much time to think. I frantically check the score on my phone, and am relieved to see his team is winning and he scored a goal. _Not distracted like last time_. The thought is somehow comforting and terrifying at the same time. Maybe it's an easy decision for him. Yeah, he's clearly decided against it. He wouldn't leave me hanging if it was good news. What did I expect? We've been together for such a short time, and he's never been in a serious relationship before. My nerves are completely frayed agonizing over this and the stress can't be helping my fertility woes.

At home, I pull out my suitcase and toss it on the bed, flipping on the game and starting to pack for my weekend away. Obviously Sid isn't joining me, that much is clear, but not to have heard a peep from him all day? I don't think we've ever gone a whole day without at least a text. On the ice he looks very much like the captain of his team. He's calm, confident, making smart plays, handling the puck well. After a spectacular breakaway, Sid nearly scores, but the shot rings off the post. He looks disappointed, but even manages a smile. _Well, I guess one of us is a little more anxious about this than the other_.

Between whistles the camera shows a tight shot of the owner's box and I'm surprised to see Troy sitting there. _Sid didn't say his dad was in town_. Then it hits me - Troy is here to advise his son. Part of me thinks I'd have a better shot if he's flown in Trina, but I'm relieved to know he's taking this seriously. I know Sid doesn't want to lose me, and I certainly don't want to lose him, but I have to be realistic about this. I want to have a baby, and maybe that's not in the cards, but I owe it to myself to find out. Sid wants to have a family too, and if we wait too long I'm not going to be able to give that to him, and he would leave me. _He would have to, wouldn't he?_

They win the game easily, and normally I would send him a text, but what he really needs now is space. Space from me. Space to think. Space to make a decision about his life, about us. My phone buzzes and I race to grab it.

_"Be safe in NYC."_ Unfortunately it's not from Sid.

_"Thanks Carter."_

New York is busy, and honestly it's probably a good thing Sid didn't join me. My Saturday afternoon is completely packed, and I'm whisked from one meeting to another. I'm having dinner with an actor and his agent, which is kind of unusual, but he's eager to develop a project and is looking for a writer to collaborate with. As the cab crawls through midtown, I glance over the materials Carter has packed to prepare me for the meeting. His name is Josh and he's had a few small parts in a fairly big films, and a large supporting role in a recently-cancelled sitcom. Inside the quiet restaurant, I'm surprised to learn that I'm the first one to arrive. The waitress takes me to our reserved table and I glance over the wine list. I know nothing about wine, and quickly select the a glass of the first white listed.

Day two and no word from Sid. I'm trying my best to be patient, but it's torture. I let my mind wander and start to consider the position I've put him in. I know it's not fair, to either of us really. It's not like I'm super ready to have babies with a guy I haven't known very long, but I trust Sid. Ready or not, I don't have a lot of choices. I know myself, and if I don't give this everything I have, if I don't at least try, I'll regret it. That's not a regret I want to live with. If it's not Sid, then I don't really know what options I have left. I guess there are places you can go to get sperm...which is too disgusting to think about.

"Kate?" I look up and the one of the most handsome men I've ever seen in my life is standing over me. This must be the actor, beautiful, but dumb as a stump no doubt.

"Hello, you must be Josh," I take his hand and smile.

"Sorry I'm late," he apologizes unnecessarily. "My agent was supposed to join us, but he's called and is running behind schedule. I hope you won't hold it against me."

"It's absolutely fine," I laugh. "Please, sit down."

"Thanks for taking this meeting, I've been following your work closely and I know how busy you are."

"Oh, happy to do it," I tell him sincerely. "Are you based in New York?"

"Between New York and Los Angeles," he says with a grin. "Typical actor. You're in Pittsburgh now, is that right?"

"Yeah," I nod.

"That's kind of unusual," he says, motioning for the waitress. I notice how confident he is with his body, his movements casual, but assertive. A very good quality for an actor.

"It is," I laugh. "I'm working on a new show that's filming in the area."

"Of course," he says mildly. "The series for HBO, right?" _Wow, he's really done his homework_.

"That's right," I agree politely. He casually places his drink order, and asks the waiter to fill my glass.

"I'm not fishing for a role," he winks at me. "Although, I wouldn't turn down the opportunity to work with you."

"Well, that said, why don't you tell me about the project you're developing?" I try to change directions instead of taking the compliment. He notices.

"You can't take a compliment," he says smoothly. "Typical writer," he grins at me. I can't help but laugh, he's right of course. Josh starts telling me about the project he's working on, and it's quite ambitious. A spy thriller set in cold war Russia.

"I've got to be honest with you Josh, I know next to nothing about the cold war and even less about Russia."

"Good, then you won't be biased by history," he says cheekily. Josh's phone rings twice, and he reluctantly ignores it.

"Take it," I tell him, and he looks surprised. "Please." He gracefully stands and moves to a quiet corner of the restaurant. I use the opportunity to check my phone. Nothing. Disappointment washes over me, and I quickly finish off my first glass of wine. Josh returns quickly, and gently sets his phone on the table, making sure I notice he turns it off.

"Sorry about that interruption," he says coolly. "Won't happen again."

He's much brighter than I expected, shrewd even. Josh navigates the line between flattery and outright sucking up, expertly. He's familiar with my work and confident that we would be compatible collaborators. "There's just one problem Josh," I say evenly.

"What's that?" he asks with a grin.

"I'm busy, too busy to take on new work at the moment."

"I expected you'd say that," he laughs. Josh takes a healthy sip of his drink and then looks at me soberly. "What about this summer? Can you spare a week to work with me?" I consider his words carefully, Sid and I were supposed to travel this summer. There's a big question mark there. Josh tilts his head, examining me closely. "Think about it."

His words sting, reminding me of my conversation with Sidney. "I will," I tell him honestly.

Josh and I say our goodbyes and he gives me a quick peck on the cheek before opening my cab door for me. _Charming_. Dangerously so. He would probably have any other woman throwing themselves at his feet, but my thoughts are with a man back home. My darling Sid, considering my most desperate proposal, in a room on loan in his boss' house just outside Pittsburgh. My heart aches to be with him.

Day three, no word from Sid. I fly home this evening, but I have a busy day in the city. I have two print interviews to give, and thankfully my agent has made it clear we will only be discussing work, not a word about my personal life. As if an article is enough space to delve into the disaster that is my private life. The first interview is painless. The journalist has interviewed me before, and we exchange pleasantries and then he throws me softball questions about the show and my role as showrunner. The second interviewer is a little less kind. He asks me about my absence from the industry, not accepting my answer about taking time off to spend with family.

"How has your divorce impacted your work?" he presses with a smug grin.

"Really?" I ask incredulously.

"Fair question," he says. "It's about work, isn't it?" I hate this guy already. He's young, arrogant, and has no idea that he's not getting a "scoop", he's writing a puff-piece about a tv series.

"My work started after my divorce, so I would say the impact has been minimal."

"What about your relationship with Sidney Crosby?"

"I'm not discussing Sidney," I say bluntly.

"I'll take that as a sign..."

"Take that however you like, but know this, I'm not discussing Sidney," I interrupt. "Next question."

The interview continues in this uncomfortable fashion for another hour. My reluctance to discuss anything outside of the show has frustrated my coffee-companion, and he's become irritable and conversation is clipped.

"You haven't given me anything to write about," he snaps, packing up his recorder and notes.

"You didn't ask the right questions," I bite back, and quickly leave the coffee shop. Back in the cab, my nerves are shot. I'm tired, hungry, and more than anything, I'm eager for an answer. At this moment, I can only do something about one of those things. I phone in an order to my favorite take out place, and press my face on the cool glass of the car window. A meeting with the broadcaster, and then home. One more meeting, then home. I repeat this, over and over again, willing myself through the day.

The flight to Pittsburgh is short, but having to turn off my phone makes me antsy. I fantasize that Sid will be waiting for me at the airport. Flowers in hand, a smile on his face, and he'll whisper "yes" into my ear. When I deplane, he's not waiting for me and my heart sinks. Then, while sitting in the cab, I realize that Sid is too recognizable to pick me up from the airport. Of course! He'll be waiting for me at home. My bedroom covered in rose petals, light by candlelight, and Sid will be anxious to start our efforts tonight. Yes, he loves me. He wants this too.

The cab pulls into my driveway and my house is obviously deserted. I climb the stairs to my bedroom, and even though I know I'm alone, it aches when I flip on the light and see my empty bed. I toss my luggage onto the floor and flop onto the bed, completely exhausted. He still needs more time, and I'm running out of it. Suddenly I realize that in all my fantasizing I've forgotten to turn on my phone.

My eager fingers greedily search for the small gadget hidden in my over-sized purse. I find it quickly and race to turn it on. Watching the screen wake seems to take years, waiting for it to connect to the network takes months, and finally I see my messages load.

_"Call me when you're home."_

I guess Sid has made up his mind.


	55. Chapter 55

Sid is on his way over, and I've never felt more nervous in my entire life. His voice gave nothing away on the phone, just a clipped "Can I come over?" I've flip-flopped back and forth a hundred times about whether or not he'll say yes. I race impatiently from my bedroom to the front porch and I quickly spot him walking toward my house. He's staring at his feet, _what does that mean?_ He reaches the driveway, and I intend to call out to him, but I can't manage to voice a sound.

"Hi," he says softly.

"Hey," I croak. Sid walks toward me and pulls me into a warm hug. He squeezes me tightly, breathing me in, his nose in my hair, his hands pressing hard into my back.

"Let's sit down," he says calmly. He takes my hand in his and pulls me toward the loveseat on the front porch. "How was New York?"

"Fine," I say anxiously. The wait is killing me, I don't want to talk about New York.

"I missed you," he says with a smile, but it doesn't quite feel genuine.

"Please, Sid." He nods, understanding my plea. He takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his hair.

"Kate, I love you," he starts and tears stream down my face. "Please don't cry," he begs and I see his eyes well up with tears.

"You're saying no, aren't you?" I whimper, looking at him hopefully. _Please say yes! Please say yes!_

"I'm sorry," he says softly. A tear escapes his hazel eyes and I try desperately not to fall apart completely. "I'm not ready."

I sit back and tuck my knees into my chest, curling myself into a tight ball. I close my eyes, and pray that by some miracle I've imagined this, and he's still walking down our street toward me. I feel his arm curl around me and know there's no escaping it. He's said no.

"Please don't hate me," he begs, his voice cracking on the last word.

"Oh Sid, I don't hate you," I tell him between sobs. "I love you." He pulls me toward him and we stay like that for I don't know how long, seconds? Minutes? Hours? Sid tucks his face into my neck and I feel his tears on my skin.

"So what now?" he asks gently. I lift my face to meet his and heartbreak is written all over it. Neither of us wants to say it I guess, but it needs to be said.

"I have to try Sid," I whisper.

"With Benny?" he sighs deeply, wiping his eyes and looking anywhere but at me.

"No," I say softly. "I don't know what my next step is, but if I don't try I'll regret it."

"But you won't regret this?" he challenges, a sudden flash of anger in his voice.

"Sid, you want a family, just not right now. I have to respect that, but babe," I cry and he winces at the endearment. "I won't be able to give that to you later. This is my one shot. I need to try, and maybe it's better if you're free to find the right woman." The thought makes me physically sick, but it's true.

"Kate you _are_ the right..."

"No," I interrupt. "I mean the woman who will be the mother of your children one day." I look up at Sid and I can't help the sob that escapes when I see the look on his face. He's devastated, but so am I. I wrap my arms around his neck and Sid quickly responds, holding me tight to him. I can feel his lungs struggle for breath and his chest constrict with emotion.

"Is this goodbye?" he asks between sobs.

"I think so," the words barely escape my mouth.

"Please don't hate me," he begs.

"Never," I promise. "Please don't start dating someone else right away."

"Oh Kate, of course not," he kisses my forehead.

"If you change your mind..." I trail off, and he nods slightly.

"I really love you," he says sincerely. "I know I'm your second chance, but you're my first love." My heart breaks at his confession. I stay in his arms until our breathing steadies. My eyes sting from tears, and Sid is no better off. After an eternity of holding each other, desperately clinging to the illusion that nothing has changed, Sid moves to stand. "Here," he says, reaching into his pocket. He produces a brass key and places it in my hand. "For your keyring," he explains.

"But..." I start, not knowing what to say.

"Just in case," he says. "Someday, you never know." He pulls me to my feet and kisses me hard on the lips. I cling to his arms, trying to memorize this feeling, this last kiss.

"I love you," I croak.

"Always," he tells me, wiping tears from his eyes and somehow mustering a smile for me. "If you ever need me, I'm just down the street."

I watch him walk the short distance home, his hands running through his hair, his fingers wiping away tears, and I fall apart completely. Just like that my love, my Sid is now just my neighbor.

The End of Part I

Part II continues under Memories Don't Mean That Much to Me


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